I wake up before Harry does so. Maybe because my mind couldn't get rid of the scaring thoughts and possibilities around why he was crying out loud last night. Maybe because I shouldn't sleep in a separate room now that he's my boyfriend and needs me like this. Maybe because there's something haunting him and I can't help because it's the kind of thing you face by yourself.

I almost cried with him, but I had to be strong for him. At least, until he fell asleep and I knew tears were streaming down my face right after I heard his soft snores. It was 2AM when I gave up of my silent tears and turned around in bed to come back to sleep.

It's 7AM now. He has a meeting with his label once again at 10, and although it's not my task, I feel like I should help him get ready for it. Thinking about this, I get up from bed and go straight to my kitchen, willing to cook something good for his breakfast and take it to the bed, just to tease him a bit and maybe make him smile too. 

While I'm cooking bacon and eggs, the same tears from last night insist on appear again in my eyes. I don't wanna cry - it's not my fault, I didn't do anything to Harry and I know it. But, at the same time, it hurts me as hell to see him crying like that. It makes me feel like I did something even though I didn't. It makes me feel like I can't help him at all. It makes me feel weak.

And it's the worst feeling on Earth. Trust me.

Once I finish Harold's breakfast, I put it all on a portable wooden board and take it to his bedroom. He's still half asleep, his legs spread in the mattress, but a slight gaze on him and I know he's awake.

"Morning, babe", I say in a soft tone, putting the plates by his side of the bed.

Harry smirks a bit.

"There he is. The smirking Harold I know and appreciate."

"Breakfast in bed?" These are his first words to me today.

"Greedy", I joke, sitting next to him and gently kissing his right cheek. "How you feelin?"

"I've been better. Sorry, I'm not killing it today", his gaze looks terrible, but he pretends to smile just to make me believe he's okay.

Dumb. I know him too much to see when something's not okay.

"You can yell at my face if you want to, Niall."

"Why would I do that?" I look at him with a confused face.

"Because I got you woke up at dawn when you were probably sleeping in peace and--"

"Eat it", I point out at the bacon and eggs. "We can discuss it later. I'm serious, you have a meeting with Columbia in less than three hours and you must be at least good looking for this 'cause I know it's the time of your life and... God, I don't even know why I'm so nervous for your album. Shit. I never even heard a song from this!"

Harry eats his breakfast in silence, at the same time he seems to pay attention to the various topics I bring up on the half conversation just to not make him feel sad again. Once he finishes eating the food, he wraps his arms around my neck, kissing me there. I feel a bit shocked by his action, but I don't complain - it's a pleasure to hold him in my arms.

"Thank you, cookie jar", he mutters in my ears, making me shiver. Like always. "I feel so much better when I'm with you."

"It's okay, Haz." I hug him back. "It's okay."

"I had a nightmare of the day I broke up with Louis", he suddenly blurts out these words, and I'm shocked again. "It was terrible. I know I never told you exactly how our relationship used to be, but I just wanted to bury everything as soon as possible. I couldn't. The memories still live in my head and it's fucking terrible. I can't even write about it, Niall, I have to make up fictional stories to write about them 'cause I'm afraid of being honest..."

I hear his deep breath against my skin, and I know he's even afraid of telling me this. I don't blame him. It's a complicated thing.

"I'm not here to judge you, babe, you know", I find myself saying this, "there are some scars that we just cannot easily erase. We try to take it to the grave, we try to leave it in the past, the kind of attitudes that work out for a while. But they always come back. You can't change the past stories, but you can change yourself so you can be stronger once they come back to haunt you. And, obviously... you don't have to face it alone. I'm here."

"I love you, Niall."

That's the part when I feel like I don't know what to do.