"OH, BABE. I am sorry he had that. He is an idiot, okay?" Julie brushed her hand through her hair while Laavanya laid her head on her lap. "Do you want to burn his photo down? Spray paint on his door? Curse him out loud?" Laavanya snorted in between her faint sobs. She deeply regretted showing up at Julie's place unannounced—especially since Neel and Laavanya had their first interaction, which was extremely awkward and if Laavanya could, she would gladly go back in time and undo the booger under her nose and the tears on her cheeks. "C'mon," Julie said. "Do you want ramen?"

"No..." Laavanya murmured but her stomach made a loud noise. "Okay, maybe. Can you make it very spicy?"

She laughed softly. "All right." She got up and went towards the kitchen which was one corner of the living room itself. Julie picked up the utensils and turned the stove on after putting some water in it.

Laavanya watched her cook and a sudden pang of guilt washed over her. "I'm sorry I interrupted Neel and your hook-up. I hope you weren't in the middle of—" She scrunched up her nose. "You get what I mean."

"Uh, no..." Her best friend smiled a little. "We weren't hooking up. We were in the middle of a movie."

Laavanya sat up and narrowed her eyes at her. "I thought you two had sex-only partnership."

"It was just a movie." Julie's voice jumped an octave. "I was watching Rapunzel when he came, so he decided to finish it since, well, what's the harm in watching a movie?"

"Jules, you're so oblivious. You both like each other, admit it already." When Julie didn't say anything, she added, "Okay, well. Now you have to invite him to dinner for Sydney. We had such a horrible first interaction. I need an opportunity to redo it when I don't look like a wreck. C'mon. I am sad. How can you say no to me?" She made a puppy face.

"Oh, my God. Fine!" Julie raised her hand in surrender. "But only because you played the sad card and not because I am interested in dating him, okay?"

"Keep telling yourself that," Laavanya mumbled to herself with a slight grin. Her phone buzzed with a call from an unknown number. She picked up the call.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Hi, is this Ms. Lavanya Shaw, next of kin of Mr. Henry Shaw?" The man from the other line said.

"Y-yes. Is he okay? Did he relapse? Is he in the hospital?"

"No, ma'am. We just called to inform you that he was checked out for a couple of days by Ms. Sara Kaur under the approval of Mr. Shaw. We were obliged to inform you since you are the immediate relative. Thank you. Do you have any questions?"

Laavanya's heart dropped. She did, what?

"Hold up, you just let him go? Without asking me? They're not even married. What proof did you even have and on what basis did you let her take him?" Sweat began to accumulate on the top of her head. She had been spending half of her salary for her father to live in a decent government funded rehab centre, how could they just let him go?

"Ma'am," the man let out an exasperated breath. "You are required to give two next of kins when you admit a patient in the rehab and one of those name included Ms. Kaur. She had her documents to prove her identity and our admins reviewed Mr. Shaw's case. He is in the last few weeks of his tenure here. He is not an at-risk patient anymore which gives him the right to leave the premises as long as he is with a next of kin."

"Oh, God—" She frantically pulled her hair in frustration. "I can't believe this is happening. Well, at least can you tell me when she checked him out?"

"Mhmm, let me see." There were a few keyboard tapping on the other line. "This morning at around 10. She signed the paperwork and will drop him off in two days. Anything else I can help you with?"

"Um, no. Thank you."

She put her phone down and stood up. "Jules, I have to go back to my hometown." She started pinching the skin on the back of her hand. All the blood in her system began to burn. Her body was on fire by the mere thought of what must dad and ma be talking about.

"What? Why?"

"It's my mom. And dad. She was in Underhill and I don't know, I asked her not to track him down but she did it anyway. She, uh, I don't know. I have to go. He relapses every time she visits him. I have no clue what the fuck is wrong with her. I have to go." Laavanya paced in the living room, her eyes were searching for something on the floor.

Julie turned the stove off and walked out of the kitchen. "Hey, hey. Do you want me to come too?"

"No, it's okay. I can handle it. And you have to submit your manuscript too. I don't have enough money for a flight. And the bus will take around five hours. Ugh, I have to email Ryker about my leave!" She picked up her bag and rushed out of the apartment after kissing Julie's cheek.

***

It had been months since she had returned to Underhill. She had said goodbye to this town for good. She has so many memories attached to every street of this town–both good and bad but her life here was something she never wanted to return to. She had moved on from the years of trauma and yet this town wasn't ready to let her go. Her father made her have to come back constantly. She wasn't in touch with him much anymore. She called him once in a while to check up on him but he didn't seem much interested in talking to her either. Henry Shaw was the most funny and talkative person she knew but after her mother left because she was ashamed of having a daughter at twenty one, her father was just...gone too. He was so madly in love with her that Sara's disappearance drove him to the verge of drinking so much that he forgot he even had a daughter.

He tried his best to be a present father when he was sober. He tried to make her breakfast but had sips of whiskey instead of tea. He showed up half-drunk at one of the exhibitions that showcased her graphics. He never hit her but he also forgot to take care of her.

He tried. He tried so much.

But he failed.

It took Laavanya years of self reflection to understand that it wasn't her fault he failed.

But when her mother returned out of nowhere–it was somehow worse. He was angry and upset and he started drinking even more. Laavanya had to spend her savings from her part time jobs to admit him to a rehabilitation centre—which made him even more angry.

Why was she back? Why did she have to ruin everything?

Laavanya got down the bus with a frantically packed handbag and dashed towards her father's house. Her neighbour, Mrs. Santiago, took care of the lawn out of pure love for gardening but she didn't have to think twice that her house must've been falling apart. No one had been there in months.

The light of the living room was on. She huffed and pulled out the key of the door. She twisted the handle and barged inside to find her father sitting on the couch with her mother sitting on the adjacent arm chair. They both turned to her with shocked expressions.

Her father's hair had turned a little grey from the edges and he didn't seem to have shaved in weeks. He had faint eye bags under his eyes but he looked better than the last time she had Facetimed him. He didn't have the alcoholic symptoms on his attire—just the withdrawal ones.

As for her mother, she hated that they looked more like each other than she would like to admit. With similar black hair and brown eyes, her mother looks alive more than ever. Her skin complexion was darker than Laavanya's but the way she was dressed and the heavy make-up–anyone could mistake her mother as her sister.

"Laavanya."A soft sound left Sara's lips–as if she hadn't said the words in years. She stood up with a faint smile on her cherry lips. Pure happiness took a form on her face."It's so good to see you, darling. Can–"

"Rehab called." Laavanya dropped her bag on the floor and turned her head towards her father who looked at her with an unreadable expression. "I can't believe you let her discharge you from there. After all this time? You still let her take you like that?"

"I needed a word with her," he said—his voice rougher than she remembered. "Don't question my decision."

"Honey, I don't want to be a villain here." Sara stepped forward—her face had no sign of happiness anywhere. It was masked with self-pity or shame. Laavanya couldn't tell the difference when the anger was blurring the image of the loving mother she used to have when she was a baby. "I didn't want to abandon both of you. It was not the best decision and I am here to make amends."

"Now? Eighteen years after you left?"

Her mother pressed her lips together, wordless. She lowered her gaze and kept staring at her feet. The entire house went silent with the intensity that penetrated through her bones. Her father stretched his hand and pressed Sara's arm in assurance. They shared a look of longing, hope and desperation. Henry turned to Laavanya and in a low voice, he said, "We tried to be good parents, Laav. Neither of us wanted to hurt you or make you go through the life you did. We really are sorry for..." he paused, searching for words.

Her mother sighed. "...for conditioning you to be an adult when you were just a child."

Laavanya took a step back—a heavy weight pressing down on her chest. She closed her eyes and a tear rolled on her cheek silently. Her lips quivered with the pain she had been through all these years. Eighteen years later, they finally admitted what they did to her. She never expected to hear those words but it pained her. Her parents acknowledging what she had to go through made it a lot more real. It wasn't just the ruin they left but also what they created.

"I..." She met their eyes and sniffed. "Why now? Why visit this when it's all gone and buried?"

"All of us carry it with us everyday. Even if we don't address it, we are family. And as a family, we take care of each other," Sara said softly. She placed her hand on Henry's and squeezed it back.

"Family?" Laavanya snorted in contempt. "You have no right to call us a family. To begin with, you both are not even married. Second, you ran away without a word. And he started drinking because he couldn't deal with you leaving us. He was so upset that he forgot to look after me! His seven year old daughter! Do you want to know what it was like after you were gone?"

"Laavanya..." she said, pleading for her to not continue.

"I cried in his arms for months. He told me you'd come back one day but I caught him drinking and crying alone with your picture. He started to stay at work and then go to bars. I grew older and I accepted that it was my fault and you are never coming back and he...he fucking hoped so much. But you never did. Never called, never dropped by. He drank more and lost his job. So I started working part time jobs without slipping any A grade. I earned the scholarships, I became older because I had no choice. I fucking paved my path to a better life and the only two people who make me re-visit my past is the two of you! You two fucking failed. You tore me apart. I don't trust people. I have a guy who likes me more than anyone but I have this constant nagging fear eating me alive that he too will leave me or I will. I hurt people or they hurt me. That's what you made me into!" She panted. Her strength dissipated into thin air.

Her mother sat back on the couch, putting her head in her hands. Their sobs were the only sound in the atmosphere. "We're sorry. We didn—" Sara cried, her body was shaking like she was having an uncontrollable seizure. "We were only twenty one when we had you. Younger than you are right now. We didn't know what to do with our lives. Hell, we weren't even employed. I know we failed, I know, I know."

"Then why have me at all?"

"I asked Sara to," Henry said, lowering his gaze. "I told her that we would handle it. I wanted to be a good father but I loved her too much."

"More than you loved me?"

"That's not it. You don't understand—"

"Did you ever love me, dad?"

Henry stepped towards her. He held her arms and shook her to make her look at him. "Of course I do."

"Then where is it?"

"What?"

"Where was this love? You love me only because I came out of her. She might have been the one to leave us but I lost you too. I was a piece she left behind but that wasn't enough. You wanted just her. Not me. I was just an inconvenience. I am the reason she left after all. Don't try to convince me that you don't resent me for it."

"I—"

"Don't." She picked up her bag and dropped the keys on the floor. "I can't deal with this. I have to go before you destroy me more than you already have." Her parents tried to stop her. They chased her as she stepped out of the house but she fled. Tears running down her cheeks. She fled to the nearest motel. She could think of just one thing:

How much more pain was left in the world for her?

doubles update for anisha<3

crying in the bathroom, bye