De'Shawn's POV:

*Pills 'N Potions by Nicki Minaj REMIX*

(Crazed Emotions by Janee Doee)

"Crazed Emotions, Im so heart broken, Dont like you, but I still love you.
Crazed Emotions, my thoughts are frozen.. Don't want you but I still love you.

I still love x10
I can't love x10

Uhemm, You know I could never hate you.
Even though what you were doing was disrespectful.
All my friends and family were just so hateful.
But I still stuck around and tried to protect you.
I told you all the rules to the game, but you ain't learn that yet.
All the boundaries you crossed over, you needa get that check.
I don't mean to disrespect, but you ain't earn shit yet.
So conceited & senile, boy you needa read that Bible.
You said you love me and you need me but you wanna change my title?
But I, don't wish hell on you, I'll Just let Karma get you.

Crazed Emotions, Im so unfocused .. Im angry, but I still love you.
Crazed Emotions, We're over flowing, can't stand you but I still love you.

I want love x10
I need love x10

No, You won't support me in my life unless it benefits you, I've been forgave but you forgot how really bad that makes you.
I see the look inside your eyes I see how bad you feel too
Turn it away my eyes need healing from you.
You gone be sick when you remember how much I really loved you.
So don't be mad cause when Im gone, Just know I'll never miss you.
But Im setting off a trend, ya see.
I had it In me, to make you really miss me.
So I played my cards on ya.
But I failed and caught feelings for ya.

Crazed Emotions, more words unspoken, I love you but I still refuse.
Crazed Emotions, Our love is choking, Can't hate you cause I still love you.

I still love x10
What is love x10

I despise all your memory, Cause I can't hide your memory, But I don't wanna forget all your memory.

When it's time, I'll survive, when it's time.

I will love x10
I can't love x10
I can't love YOU."

I sit back in my studio and recorded the song Ive been writing since D left last month. I couldn't find the right lyrics but my chorus is where most of my feelings are. I don't know what to feel. Im going crazy over him being gone and Im sure everyone else can see it. I've been going to school and all but I haven't once did I shed a tear since I cried the day I found out I was pregnant. Im 7 weeks and my baby bump is showing a little so I can't be dancing for a min. Im pissed about that but shit, I will never be ashamed of my child. Children come for a reason so there is a reason why Im pregnant even though we both didnt plan on it.

I talked to Mia and she told me that I need to tell D No matter how much I don't want to, he has the right to know. She doesn't know that Im pregnant but she does know that he still thinks I was cheating on him. I can care less about what he thinks but I guess I can come clean about the baby to everyone. I decided that I will conduct a dinner tonight and everyone will be there including D. I hope we don't get to arguing.

De'Mario's POV:

Cassie: "Good morning, Baby"

I opened my eyes to see this bitch in my bed. I don't know how she got here but she finna leave. I turn over to find that it's not even the morning. It's 2 in the afternoon. I got outta bed and went into the bathroom to take a shower.

Cassie: "You want me to make you something to eat-"

Me: "No, get the Fuck outta my house!"

Her columbian ass tried to get smart and I just slammed the bathroom door in her face. She better be gone when Im done with this shower. I don't even know why I was messing with her ass to begin with. I cheated on Shawny once when I Was drunk at the party that one night. I won't up the next day guilty adding. But when I left her, Cassie was the only bitch that was DTF on speeddial. Shit, every since then, I can't get rid of her crazy ass. She keep coming back every time I tell her to leave me alone. She gone Fuck my life up If she don't chill.

I look in the mirror and all I see is pain. I wasted 2 years of my life with something that wasn't even real. But something inside of me is telling me to hold on. The feelings I had for her was real and there has to be a reason why she would do something like that. No one knows who that nigga was and when I find out, I just want to let him know that he has been taking advantage of something precious. This last month has been killing me to know that she won't be cooking my food, doing my laundry, cleaning my house, or presence of her period is now completely gone. Sometimes, I think about going to talk to her but shit, I just can't do it. All I know is that I will never love again and definitely will never find another like my Babygirl. I get to tearing up every time I think about her smile... her laugh... those goofy faces she make... her pouty face... the way she dances... her voice when she sings... the way she baby's me when Im not feeling good... she always wanted me happy. I would hold her all night If she let me. It was like, I was already losing her. She started with the attitudes and then she never wanted to have sex, she was always tired. I tried satisfying her every chance I got and she still seemed unhappy. I don't know man, But the lord knows I miss everything about that girl. Shit, She's still mine No matter what.

I turn on the water and began testing it until it's hot enough for me. Stepping into the steaming water, I let the shower run down my face and through the veins of my tattoos. I grab my dark fantasy Axe body wash lather it on my body with a cloth. I let the suds take me to a perfect world of paradise. My mind slipped an image of Shawny in my mind and I nearly went crazy. Thinking of all the times we've had in the shower. I love watching the water run down her beautiful frame. Her light brown eyes glow every time she smiles in the shower.

Knock, knock, knock!

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. It bet not be this Cassie thot ass.

Me: "What!?"

Eric: "Yo, we gotta be somewhere. But I need to talk to you before we go."

Me: "Nigga, you couldn't wait til I got out?!"

He laughed and walked away. Man, I swear he play too much. I finished my shower and turned off the water.

When I got out the shower I brushed my teeth and shit and decided to look not to flashy. I put on my Lebron 11s with that were black and red. I out on my black joggers and a red T-shirt. I decided to pull my dreads back in a ponytail. I put in my red and black jewelry and grabbed my phone heading downstairs.

Eric: "Its about time"

Me: "Shut that shit up, what do you want nigga?"

Eric: "Okay, well we gotta go to a dinner tonight."

Me: "Where at?"

Eric: "Shawny's..."

I raised my eyebrow at him .

Me: "Now, why the fuck would I do that?"

Eric: "She invited us all, she wants everyone to be there. Mia made her let you come."

Me: "If she was forced to invite me then she doesn't want me there so why should I go?"

Eric: "Look, D. We both know you want to go and she wants you there. Yah two need to have a talk, that's why she having everyone there cause she needs support."

I looked at him like he had 4 heads.

Me: "Support for what?"

Eric: "Just wait until we get there."

I sighed and nodded.

This gone be some crazy shit...

7:32pm

De'Shawn's POV:

Everyone should be here any minute now. I cooked, I cleaned, I even decorated a little. All Im waiting on is Eric to be here and we can start. I have No doubt that he's having trouble getting D to come and I don't blame him. It took a lot for me to agree to this too. I sip on some cherry sparkling water and everyone has alcoholic beverages. I myself don't Fuck with alcohol because I see what it does to people. Plus I am with child so you know I don't have a choice. I drink wine when I have to but it's not very appealing to me. I join everyone in the living room and sit next to Mia. All the kids are with they're grandmother's for tonight.

Mia: "You nervous?"

I take a deep breath and nodd.

Me: "Just a little.. But Thank you for doing this for me. This wouldn't have gotten done without your push "

Mia: "I can tell, you're glowing girl. Unless you're seeing someone else and not telling me something. But You're welcome boo, Im always your helping hand If you need me."

I gave her a hug and we continued to chat. I heard a knock at the door and Mia offered to get it.

Eric: "Hey, baby. Wassup yah."

I went to give him a hug and right behind him was D. Once we made eye contact it was like the first time we met, only this time he walked away from me.

Me: "Everyone, find a seat at the table and dinner will be served."

Everyone got up and sure enough couldn't wait for my food.

Eric: "Damn, Shawny you can cook. That macaroni got a nigga eating the fork n shit. Ion see how you holding up D."

My smile dropped and Mia rubbed my arm.

D: "Sometimes, things aren't meant to be. No matter how good it tastes."

Eric knew right then what he had started.

Me: "Maybe, some things are better left unsaid."

He dropped his fork and looked at me with hurt in his eyes.

D: "Some things are better left undone."

Me: "Exactly. Just like agreeing to this shit but you know what..."

I dropped my fork and stood up.

"Everyone..."

I look at every last of of them and take deep breath.

"Im pregnant."

Mia looked shocked most of all because she thought she knew the whole story. D got up and walked out of the house, slamming the door.

Mia: "How long?"

Me: "7 weeks"

Eric: "Wait, so that means you did cheat on D?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A tear fell from my eyes just thinking about it.

Me: "I never cheated on him."

Mia: "Then what happened? Cause I thought he was just hitting on-"

I looked down at her with the angriest face I could have. Why the fuck would you repeat something I told you to keep to yourself infront of everyone?!

"Oops"

Jr: "He hit you?"

Jr was getting out of control and Ari couldn't help cause she was mad I didn't tell her. Dev and Jaee were on the same page as them.

Me: "WILL EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALM THE FUCK DOWN!?"

Everyone sat down and looked at me. Jr and Dev still had an attitude and Ari and Jaee were mugging me down.

Me: "We both were at fault in the situation."

Jr: "How the fuck do-"

I raised my eyebrow at him and he Shut up.

Me: "Me & D wasn't having sex because he always came home late and I was tired. On regular nights when he'll come home late, there wouldn't be a problem. Ladies we all know once he got signed, the guys would go out and party late night and then come back at like 3 in the morning."

They all nodded.

"Well, we all know that De'Mario can not hold his liquor. Now, the first night he came home at 3 and he smelled like liquor, he wasn't himself. And it was strong. You guys know my history with drunkies right?"

They all nodded because they do.

"Alright, so I didn't want to do or say anything that would piss him off. He wanted to have sex and I was tired and wasn't in the mood. This wasn't my D. His eyes turned black and the whites were bloodshot red. Once he clenched his jaw, I got up off the bed. I didn't know what to do. This was the first time so I tried to calm him down. He seen that I had on a sports bra and shorts, at that moment, it was No stopping him. Long story short, I didn't give it up. So, he took it."

I was fighting back tears so I had to take a few breaths.

"The next day, he didn't remember anything. Like it was all good."

Devin: "Nah, ion trust that."

Me: "Dev, If he remembered he would have know where the marks came from. He doesn't know this is his baby. Im not a whore. I have never cheated. When he raped me that night he didn't use a condom. The second time I didn't fight it at all, but the third time be faught like niggas. I left and slept at the graveyard that night before the wedding. That's where the mark's came from, well most of them. I was going to tell him the night of the wedding but he left and he never came back. I found out I was pregnant the next day.."

RJ: "Damn, you always going through some fucked you shit."

Everyone agreed and I laughed but they turned into tears.

Mia: "See, RJ why you make her cry! Asshole"

She threw a roll at him and I hugged her. I decided that I should talk to D. I went outside to find No sight of him. Right before I gave up and walked inside, I spotted him walking along the road.

Catching up with him was wasn't easy but I managed to do it. He wouldn't let me get close to him but we were at speaking distance. I just walked with him so I could have this talk.

D: "So, who's the daddy?"

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.

Me: "You are."

He shook his head in disbelief and smirked.

D: "It can't be, thats impossible. We havent been together in a month and we sure didn't have sex for a while. So, who's baby is that?! I just want to know why this nigga is such a secret! I think I have the right to atleast know the name of the nigga that took the first and last love of my life. I will fucking kill for you, Shit, fucking kill MYSELF for you but I can't even get a hint of where's your heart now?"

A tear escaped his eye and he tried to catch his breath.

"I love you, been loved you, and still do. That's why its killing me to know."

He looked me in the eyes for an answer and I braced myself for this.

Me: "D, I am 7 weeks pregnant. I found out I was pregnant after you left-"

D: "Shawny, we never had sex!"

Me: "All this time, I've been keeping it from you. Mia & Eric told me to tell you the night that you left me or they would tell you theirselves."

D: "Keeping what?"

I sighed and stopped walking.

Me: "You came home a few times overly drunk on liquor. You raped me the first time and didn't use a condom. The next morning, you didn't remember anything. The second time, I let you have your way. The third time, we fought until I got you on the ground and I left."

D: "I WHAT!?"

Pain filled his eyes and Shame took over his body. I held back the tears that were overpowering me and grabbed for his hand but he kept trying to get away.

Me: "D, I knew you were going to act like this once I told you. It's ok-"

D: "No! It's not fucking okay!"

He stormed off towards the house. His jaw was clenched, fists were balled up. His tears were falling like waterfalls and he was breathing aggressively. Before walking into the house I hugged him from behind, causing him to stop dead in his tracks. I felt the chills in his spine.

Me: "Calm down, let's go upstairs."

We walked in the house, heading towards the staircase. D doesn't even look at everyone because he's too ashamed to. I let D lead the way as I trail behind.

Mia: "Shawny, is everything okay?"

Eric: "Yeah, cause when D get to crying, it's something serious."

Me: "It's alright, yah. I'll be back downstairs inna min."

With that, I continue to hold on D sides as I walk behind him up the stairs. Once we get into the room, I lock the door behind us. I didn't expect tonight to be this damn emotional but I gotta deal with it. The right way.

I sat on the edge of the bed as I signal D to come sit next to me.

Me: "Come here"

Something inside of him ticked and he broke down crying. He dropped to his knees, crying in my lap, holding on to my thighs. I placed my hand on his head caressing the side of his face. It was heartbreaking seeing him like this. I didn't know I could brake a man like him but I did.

Me: "Shh... It's okay, it's okay..."

I felt a tear hit my cheek but I wiped it off. My eyes are watering and I don't even have the urge to cry.

D: "Baby, Im soo fucking sorry... *Sniffs* Im supposed to be the one who protects you. Im supposed to make sure these niggas never lay a fucking hand on you. *sniffs* Im supposed to do that."

Me: "You've done those things for me, D. You just can't hold your liquor, that's all. You didn't know what you were doing. "

D: "I hurt you... Baby, I hurt you. I ain't No better than any other nigga that did that to you. I can't live with myself for this shit. I will never forgive myself for taking advantage of you."

Tears were streaming down my face by this time. He loves me so much and I can feel his pain. It's hurting to be in this position, right now. I lifted his head and made him look at me. Lord knows I miss this man, I can still feel our connection in his eyes. It's like he never let go of our love. I wiped a falling tear from his eye and he closed them both. I bit my bottom lip as a tear fell and a smile managed to grow on my face.

Me: "De'Mario, I love you. You know, I would never cheat on you & I can't wait to start this family with you. What happened, happened. We can't erase that. But you gotta promise me you won't come home drunk again or I will make sure you feel it in the morning and leave you for good."

D: "I promise, babygirl"

Me: "Good. Now, give momma a kiss"

I grabbed his face and pressed my lips against his. He kneeled between my legs while his hands massaged my thighs. Although, I kinda brightened the mood, D still wasn't feeling good about himself. He was in deep thought and I know he wasn't ready to face everyone downstairs.

I slipped his shirt over his head, massaging his shoulders and back. I took his shoes off, massaging his feet too. I gave him a pair of my basketball shorts to change in and laid him in my bed.

Me: "You sure you don't wanna chill down stairs with everyone else?"

D: "Nah, Im straight."

Me: "Alright, If you need me, let me know. Okay?"

I stood by the door, staring at him while he stare at the ceiling. He nodded and I left the room heading downstairs. Everyone were done with their food and just was sitting at the table waiting for me.

Jr: "So, what happened?"

Me: "Well, he knows now... But he's not taking too well."

Eric: "What he doing upstairs?"

Me: "Umm... He won't be coming downstairs."

Mia: "Why not?"

Me: "He's completely out of it right now and definitely not ready to face you guys. I mean, who can blame him. You know?"

Everyone nodded and I took a deep breath.

"Who wants dessert?"

Of course everyone was ready to eat my desserts. When I finally looked at what I had made for dessert I laughed to myself. I cook the desserts that D always wanted me to make when we were together. I had a chocolate fudge cake, a caramel cheesecake, and apple pie.

Devin: "Damn, I've been waiting on this cake since high-school, girl. Now, you finally wanna cook for a nigga."

We all laughed and playfully punched him in the arm. That nigga is something else.

Me: "You a trip. I told you that the only way Imma cook for you is If you do something for me."

Jaee: "And that is?"

I can feel the tension that she had between us and that girl is crazy over Dev. I can really care less cause whatever she got going on with him don't need to mess up me and his friendship so she can stay out her feelings.

Me: "He came to support me tonight and so have all of you. Thank Yah, and I love you all very much. I've been through Hell through my life and you guys are the only ones who've been here. Through the good times and the bad. You've seen me happy and beautiful. As well as ugly and sad. Having you guys helped me survive. It really has. I wasn't the religious type as you all know so the only hope I got was to have a conversation with my family. You are my family and I will never forget about you guys. No matter how mad we get at each other. I'll rife for my nigga. Just like Yah was riding with me."

I gave everyone a hug and we made a toast.

Me: "To family."

Everyone: "To family"

We finishes our desserts and I had everyone rinse their plates so I can wash them later. We chilled in the living room catching up with each other and telling funny stories. Eric and Mia were cuddled up at the end. Next to them, Ari laid her head on Jr's shoulder. Next to them RJ and Matt sat all comfortable. Next to them, Jaee sits in-between Devins legs. Next to them, Rico and then me.

Eric: "Wassup, D"

Everyone turned around to see him walking towards the couch. You can tell that he'd been crying and he still don't look to happy.

D: "Wassup, Yah"

He sat the floor in-between my legs while I run my fingers through his dreads. He still didn't look at everyone, he stared straight ahead.

Mia: "How you feeling?"

D: "Like shit." He said nonchalantly without making eye contact.

It's was quiet for a second when D probably thought everyone was staring at him so he broke the silence.

"Who all knew?"

Me: "About what?"

D: "What happened."

Me: "I only told Mia because she seen a mark at the wedding. She told Eric cause I didn't tell you but he wanted me to tell you myself and here we are a month later dealing with something that could have been dealt with."

He put his head down and into his knees and Although sound wasn't coming out, I could hear his tears running. Once he sniffed, I rubbed his back. Everyone looked like they wanted to cry and I was on the verge of it. I don't you understand, this man don't cry. If he do, it's when something is seriously wrong and that's only for like the moment. Cause once he stopped, he never started again. That's how I know this really hurt him more than it hurt me. He can't stop crying.

Mia: "Awww, D. Don't cry. You're gonna make me cry."

He let out a little laugh to lighten his mood. And wiped his eyes.

D: "Im sorry, Yah."

Jr: "You good, Man."

He began staring into space for a while and the back at everyone else.

D: "Yah, know I love her, right?"

Everyone: "Yeah" "Oh, Hell yeah" "Of course."

He chuckled.

D: "Just checking"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

Me: "I love you, too"

I felt a smile grow on his face and hugged me back.

D: "You don't mind me spending the night, do you?"

Me: "Nah, you can stay. You already undressed and in my clothes"

We all laugh and chill with D for a Lil longer before everyone decided to go home. I hug everyone and we say our goodbyes.

Me: "You still hungry? I made you another plate and put it up for you."

D: "Nah, Im good."

Me: "Come on, I know you hungry."

He shook his head.

D: "I'll eat it tomorrow, I don't feel like eating, right now."

Me: "You want some dessert?"

D: "Nah, what you got though?"

I pulled everything from the fridge and the pointed to the chocolate cake in the tray. He looked surprised to see them.

Me: "Im sorry, it took me so long to make it. I know you've been craving them."

I slight smile and put the stuff away.

D: "How'd you know those were my favorites?"

He looked happy and confused at the same time. I blushed cause the way he looked into my eyes.

Me: "You always asked me to make it whenever you went to the studio, you just never ate it. Im assuming you forgot..."

I fake smiled and started on the dishes.

D: " I... I didn't mean for it to be like that."

I was fighting back tears at this point because we never sat down and had a talk about this. We both just acted like everything was fine.

Me: "No, no. It's fine. That was my fault anyway. Im so caught up with school, dance, and hair I just forgot that I had a man to satisfy. I seen how you started leaving more once I started doing it. It came down to the point that I just got used to not seeing you."

He sighed before speaking.

D: "I think it was bound to happen."

Me: "Yeah, we both have different plans in life and our worlds will clash If we're not careful. I think that the break was needed. Although, I was going crazy for not having you in my life anymore. The stress was gone you know?"

D: "Yeah, I agree. But not a day went by that I missed the presence of you being with me. The clean house, the clean laundry, the cooked food, your smell, you laying next to me, and everything about you. The little things you do, were the biggest changes I had to deal with."

He got quiet and then I felt his hands wrap around my waist and his rested face in the crook of my neck. I slightly jumped to his touch and shivers ran down my spine. When I felt a kiss place on my neck, I melted.

"I need you..."

I rinsed the last dish and turned around. He stared so deeply into my eyes without blinking or looking away and No expression besides serious, that I couldn't help but blush and look away but he would grab my chin and make me look at him.

"This is what we get for being Young and dumb. We may have fell in love too hard too early and probably is too blind to see. But the thing is, Im fine with that. Because No matter how hard I try, I cannot live without you. Minus that year and a half that I was gone. This relationship has only been about 9 months. That might not be long enough to fall in love or wanting to marry each other but the shit we've been through together and this baby shows that this ,right here, between us ain't going nowhere No time soon. So, I will give us some time to do ourselves and our kids. One day, hopefully soon, I'll marry a wonderful girl like you."

A tear streamed down my face as he spoke. He spoke every word with confidence and all seriousness. He was speaking the truth and for that I love him. I completely agree with him and happy we took that break for him to realize that. I smiled and hugged him.

Me: "So, what do we do now?"

D: "We take care of our responsibilities first. Get our priorities straight."

Me: "We can do that together, right?"

He chuckled and bit his bottom lip.

D: "Yes, we can do that together. Im not leaving you again. All Im saying is, I won't put you through this pain again."

Me: "I love you."

D: "I love you too, Babygirl"

He kissed me passionately with his arms tight around my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my fingers into his blonde dreads deepening the kiss. When he pulled away, we went upstairs to get some sleep.

3:14am

De'Mario's POV:

" I dont want no thot
Thot is a bitch that can't get no love from me YEET
Hanging around with them other little hoes
In her bestfriends clothes
Trynna fuck the team YEET(2x)"

I woke up to my phone going off at 3 in the fucking morning. The only one who would be calling me at this point would be Cassie and I know it's her cause that's her ringtone. Im glad Shawny didn't hear it cause she would've answered it for me. I don't want to talk to this bitch but I don't want her to keep calling. So, I'll just put it on silent and send her to voicemail. I slowly move from under Shawny's warm body. Reaching for my pants, trying to grab my phone. I sent her ass straight to voicemail and put it on silent. She had sent like 10 text messages and called over 35 times.

What the Fuck is going on?

I was going to open the messages but she called again. I declined it. This bitch called right back.

Should I answer this?

-------------------------------------------

Should he answer the phone or Nah?

That's it for Part 1.

Shit finna get real, soon.

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