De'Shawn's POV

Someone once told me, Everything happens for a reason. Well, that is true. Therefore, that means I shouldn't doubt or complain about anything that has happened to me in my life. So, now that I look back at what I was told, that was all bullshit. Because, there was no reason for me coming back to my old life when I wasn't needed or wanted anymore.

For 5 damn years, I've been held against my will for nothing. Everything I've ever dreamed of or ever missed has been nothing but memories. Memories I won't get back. Tears I've shed for my life back, turned out to be two tears in a bucket. But I should be happy now that I'm free. I should be grateful to my secretive husband and his wannabe side bitch for rescuing me.

It hurts worse when you know shit that people don't think you can see. It's funny how a man you've loved since you've became a woman, had a family with, and married thinks that he can hide his feelings for someone else from you. He thinks I'm upset with him about the drinking, I mean I am but I've gotten over that. He needs to make up his mind before I snap. I'm keeping my mouth shut until I feel it's necessary to speak.

Every since I cried myself to sleep that first day, I've been quiet. Really quiet. I mean, what is there to say? My entire family shows me pity and a couple actually hate me. Yes, I said hate me. Why? Well, let's just say I was the only surviving victim of that house fire. They don't know how much I wish I was one of them.

Maria, my babygirl, she's been the only one who's really spoke to me without pity. It's like, She understands how I'm feeling on the inside. Regardless if she does or not, I love how she treats me. I can see her maturity and is proud that De'Mario raised my baby right.

The twins, now the twins. I can't even finish talking about them because it hurts. I don't wanna say- well, I'll just change the subject... I'm getting too deep into my feelings. So that's the gist of my life so far. I'm being replaced and I just got here...

When people think you're dead, especially for five years, They expect you to be dead whether they deny the fact or not. I can go to prison for "Faking" my own death if I wasn't kidnapped. I have no identification that I am De'Shawn Smith anymore. I'm no longer an undergraduate in college. Im no longer the rapper who featured in that song years ago. I'm no longer that person, so my memories go along with that. I can't expect the same life because everyone has changed. The clothes I have in my closet is long gone out of style but that's all I have.

The part that kills me the most is that I'm not even married anymore. Him and I can wear our rings all we want but if I'm not who I used to be before I "died" then I'm not the woman he's married to anymore. She's dead now. But knowing De'Mario and everyone else. They don't know that. If D decides to continue doing whatever he's doing, I have some ugly truth for his ass.

I apologize for all the blabbering, I just needed a time to vent. Lets get back to the story...