De'Mario's POV:

I woke up abruptly in the middle of the night due to a nightmare. Those shits are common nowadays. All I see is fire, screaming, yelling, gun shots, everything. It's like the house fire but it turns into something I can't quite comprehend yet. It always ends with a gun in my face and I wake up in a cold sweat before it goes off.

Checking my phone, I realize it 3:05am. I can't keep doing this, I'm not getting any sleep. That shit is nerve wrecking, it's hard to keep my cool being tired all the damn time. I know I'm not the only one who thinks so.

I need to find something to do with my life. Doing shows and interviews for cut short since I had the twins. I'm losing interest in my career slowly, I barely write anymore. The music in me just isn't playing anymore. A nigga worn out and tired. It's like my music used to solve all of my problems. Now, it just brings back memories. Memories that I mean to forget.

I climbed out of bed and slipped on some black sweats before sliding on my slides. I can't stop the urge to change my situation in life right now but I don't know how to. I'm about to do something about that, right now. Nicole told me if I ever need to talk, she would listen. I don't know if she wanna talk to me now, especially since it's 3am, but I need this right now. I'm not gonna sleep on it no more. I grabbed my phone and keys, then I headed out to my Audi.

You would think that at this time of night that the rode would be quiet. Back in Detroit and Indiana, there were nothing but addicts, dealers and girls who "work" out at this time. Luckily for me, I don't have to ride pass that since I don't live in the hood anymore. I hate seeing that shit, it's sad. But I ain't no better, if I rode pass the hood right now, I got niggas out there dealing right now. I control they whole life, if I cut them off of my supply, they're kids may not eat tonight. I don't like to have that power, it's almost heartbreaking. I control whether or not half the hood eats tonight. Ain't that crazy? Good thing it ain't cold like up in the East Coast. These niggas would be freezing out here.

I've been doing this for a long time now. I'm becoming who I was set out to be. A monster. Isn't that what they call it? I'm not someone you want around you, I don't play fair. My priority is my money and my kids. Right now, my money is all I got. If I wanna keep that, I gotta be on my shit. But believe it or not, my kids mean more to me than money. I'm just so used to being spoiled for all these years, I'm not trynna go back to struggling.

After the thoughtful ride to Ray and Nicole's house, I knocked on the door. I didn't have to wait too long, surprisingly, before Nicole opened the door. She looked concerns and confused but then again she looked upset. She obviously just woke up because her robe was wrapped tight around her.

Nicole: "You know what time it is? What are you doing up at this time of night?" She asked.

Me: "I just need to talk to you, please." I pleaded. She nodded in understanding and stepped aside for me to walk in. Ray was in the kitchen drinking. This man was drinking Hennessy straight from the bottle. I looked at Nicole and she sighed before pulling me to the table.

Nicole: "No one knows, so don't say anything." She rubbed her temples.

Me: "How long has this been going on?" I asked.

Nicole: "Every since the house fire..." She looked at him staring into space. "He blames himself for everything. The fire was just his breaking point. You weren't the only one. I see you in him. Your father too, God rest his soul."

Me: "This lifestyle we live is crazy, I don't blame him. I just don't know how to control it when it gets to me." I admitted.

Nicole: "I know, but your so damn stubborn, you don't know when to ask for help." She looked at me.

Me: "Too late for that now." I shook my head.

Nicole: "You here now, ain't cha?" She replied. She rubbed my arm and looked me in the eyes. "It's never too late to show you care. It's never too late to tell the truth and change for the better."

Me: "But I don't know who I am anymore. " I looked down at my hands.

Nicole: "You know who you are, you just don't like the person you have become. How you seemed some help? Like a doctor or something?" She suggested.

Me: "Yeah, had a therapist for three years. Turns out she was holding my wife hostage and I ended up screwing her. Tell me that's not fucked up." I sighed.

Nicole: "Wow, umm.. You know what. Talk to me. Tell me everything that's on your mind right now." She grabbed my hand.

Me: "I want my family back. I want to be happy. I want to love again-"

Nicole: "Don't we all? Son.. What do you need? You need it so badly that you will fight for it right now if you knew how?" She pushed.

Me: "I need Shawny, I need Maria. I need to be taking care of my son thats growing inside of her right now. That's my first priority." I admitted. She smiled a little and nodded.

Nicole: "I know son, I'm glad you do too. But that will be very hard, it will take a lot of work for you to get-"

Me: "I know, I fucked up really bad this time. I just- I need-"

Nicole: "Apologize first. That's step one. After you convince her that you're sorry, try to gain her trust by being there. Try taking Maria to school sometimes, take Maria out to eat to spend time with her. Buy some stuff for the baby, go to a doctors appointment. Be a man about this, be a father and then be a husband. If she thinks that you just want to be with her again then she won't be convinced that your committed to having a family again." She explained.

Me: "What if that doesn't work? How will this empty feeling inside of go away?" I worried.

Nicole: "Then you know you didn't try hard enough." She encouraged. "When you were a kid, people always told you that you can be anything you want if you set your mind to it. Even if you weren't listening, people said it. If you want to be famous, you can. Even you know that because it happened to you. But how did you get there? Huh?" She asked.

Me: "I got my money up and went to the studio every night until I was satisfied with where I was going." I explained.

Nicole: "Did you stop because you were broke? Did you stop because you had a daughter to take care of? Did you stop because it was just too much work?" She asked. I shook my head and looked down. "No, and why not?"

Me: "Because I love music, music is my life." I admitted and had a moment to myself. I thought I was done with music.

Nicole: "Exactly, so why would you give up on your wife? On your family? On your unborn child? If you feel the same way about them how you do your music, you should never find yourself unhappy again. It's going to take time, that's life. But if you're family is your life, just like your music, this should be another mission that you're determined to complete. If you don't do this, I can guarantee you, no one else will."

De'Shawn's POV:

It's 5 in the morning, I haven't went to sleep yet. After singing to Trinity, I stepped out to the balcony. I was stargazing for a bit but now I'm watching the sun rise. My baby boy has been calm during these hours. I rubbed my stomach and smile to myself. I'm happy to even have gotten this far. My tears of sadness are hidden when my children come into the picture. I done forgot about what I'm going home to. This is where my peace comes from, sitting here alone.

Eventually, I began to feel a presence behind me. I turned around to see D standing in the door way. My stomach turned and heart began to race. I held my belly and looked away before turning back around and acting like he wasn't there. I don't know what to say or if I should say anything at all. I wonder if this is a dream or if I'm just seeing things. I'll just wait for him to disappear. It's too damn late, well early for that.

D: "How's the pregnancy?" He asked. I sighed and shook my head. There's still mixed emotions here. This isn't healthy for us, well me, right now.

Me: "What do you want De'Mario?" I stared at the horizon to avoid eye contact.

D: "I want to apologize for ev-" Before he could finish his sentence, I attempted to leave but her grabbed my arm. The way he always grabbed it whenever he was drunk or really upset. I froze and glared at him.

Me: "Let me the fuck go." I said calmly. His grip loosened and I snatched my arm away.

D: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." He said sincerely and it caught me by surprise. I was hoping he'd tell me to shut up and listen to him. Well, at least that's what I expected.

Me: "Why are you doing this to me?" I looked at him. He's confusing me and it's hard to read him.

D: "Please, just hear me out. All I need is five minutes." He pleaded. I couldn't help but surrender.

Me: "Fine, five minutes. Don't make me regret it." I lean against the wall as I listened to him.

D: "I fucked up. There's no other way to put it and I've hurt you in every way possible so badly that there is a great chance that I can't redeem myself from that." He started.

Me: "Four minutes."

D: "I want you to know that I'm truly sorry. I will do anything to make up for that, I can promise you that much." He continued.

Me: "You can't just apologize and expect me to fall back into your arms D. It's not that simple anymore. I stopped believing your promises a long time ago." I replied.

D: "I'm not asking you to jump on my lap and call me daddy again. I know what I have to do, I know it's going to take time. But, I'm not going to give up on this." He put his hands in his pockets and and stared at me.

Me: "Why not? You already have. My son is not yours, you moved onto Raquel, we're not even married anymore. You stopped wearing that ring I see. What's the point of coming back?" I asked.

D: "I love you." He began to tear up and I seen the truth in his eyes. As if it was the first time he had ever said it to me. I believed him, but for the life of me I can't accept it this time. I need him to show me how much. I need to know that this isn't just because he's desperate.

Usually, this will be the moment that I smile or blush a little maybe. I'll grab him by the hands and kiss him or maybe even tell him that I love him back and no matter what I'll never stop loving him. But no, it's not that easy this time. He will never know the meaning of love. He will never know how much he really hurt me. This scar on my face is because of him. I was depressed because of him. I was in the hospital and almost committed suicide because of him. I love this man and he hurt me more than I could take.

It took everything in me to to hold back my tears and walk away from him. With a shrug of my shoulders and a runaway tear, I waddled away. I left him on the balcony by the sunrise. If his word is his bond, this will encourage him to try harder. If not, this will be the last time I listen to what he has to say.