De'Shawn's POV

Me: "Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, King and Trinity! Happy Birthday to you!" I sang along with the family. Today is the twins 6th birthday, but my first birthday with them. I'm crying tears of joy just to be here at this moment. No one understands how good it feels to actually have my children in my life. Their smiles, their laughs, and their personalities. They have no care in the world but to be around the people who love them. I will forever regret the years I missed with them. Nothing can make up for 5 years.

That's what really got to me the other day. De'Mario knows what it feels like to regret something and try your hardest to make up for it but the damage has already been done. I think him and I have been very selfish about our issue and completely disregarded the fact that we're both responsible for everything that has happened between us. We never got to chance to finish our conversation, but I'm sure our time will come.

Maria: "Mom?" She approached me in the kitchen.

Me: "Yes, sweetheart?" I welcomed her with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

Maria: "Besides the nausea and exhaustion, I'm alright." She shrugged.

Me: "Do you wanna talk about anything?" I asked. She dropped her head into her shoulders as she hesitated to speak. I could tell she couldn't find the words she wanted to say so I waited for her to speak.

Maria: "If you had the opportunity to have a baby right now, would you?" She questioned.

Me: "Listen Maria, having your fathers children is an honor to me. Now, being able to have a child period is like a dream to me." I admit. "But why'd you ask?"

Maria: "Would you like to have mine? I know how much it means to and-"

Me: "Woah, wait a minute." I laughed a little. "You can't give me your child. This is your responsibility and your going to take it."

Maria: "I was going to let you adopt to heal your pain, mom. Taking responsibility wasn't the problem. I'm sorry I asked." She rolled her eyes and walked out the kitchen.

D: "What's up with her?" He asked as he walked into the kitchen, passing Maria.

Me: "I'm not sure yet." I replied.

D: "C'mere, I gotta talk to you." He said, leading me upstairs to his bedroom.

Me: "What is it that we have to talk about?" I asked. I walked inside of the room and shut the door behind me.

D: "Everything, if that's alright with you." He answered as he put his hands in his pocket.

Me: "I mean, now? The party is still going and-"

D: "I just couldn't wait to talk, this is important to me." He admitted. I could see in his eyes that he's genuine. The tension only grew between us. I sighed and nodded before I replied.

Me: "When are we going to get past this threshold? There's so much pain and sadness that is holding us back." I looked up at him.

D: "First of all, in order for us to get past anything, you have to forgive me first." He stated.

Me: "De'Mario I have forgiven you a long time ago." I admitted.

D: "Have you forgiven yourself? Better yet, have you forgiven yourself for forgiving me?" He asked, the questions brought tears to my eyes. I shook my head slowly and looked in another direction while I let my tears fall. He reached out and wiped my tears. I couldn't even find the words to answer him, but he and I both know what I was going to say.

Me: "I just can't!" I cried. "I can't forgive myself for allowing myself to go through this. Over and over and over again. I allowed myself to hurt and I even hurt myself for allowing you to hurt me. I allowed myself to get so damn low that I thought I was useless. How can I forgive myself for that? Why do I deserve forgiveness?"

D: "I'll take responsibility for all of that because I caused it. Blame me, not yourself." He caresses my cheek and gazed into my eyes.

Me: "I can't." I sniffled.

D: "Why not?" He asked.

Me: "Because I love you and could never bring myself to hate you." I replied. A shocked look stretched across his face but he continued to look into my eyes.

D: "And I love you, so I could handle that as long as you love yourself." He rubbed my cheek with his thumb.

Me: "You know, if feels really good to hear you say that." I smiled a little.

D: "Felt even better to hear you say it in person." He smiled back.

Me: "I think we should start over." I suggested.

D: "Start over from where?" He asked.

Me: "Clean slate. I don't want anymore bad memories to come between us." I explain.

D: "Fair, 'nough." He agreed.

Me: "How about a hug?" I offered.

D: "I was getting one anyway." He smirked and bit his bottom lip. He didn't waste no time wrapping his arms around my waste and pulling me in closely. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me in tighter.

Me: "You still feel the same." I mumbled as I relaxed in his arms.

D: "You still smell the same." He smiled. Pulling away with my arms still wrapped tight around his neck, our faces sit just an inch apart. Damn, it's hot. Fuck, I can't breathe.

Me: "I- um.." I attempted to speak. I'm lost in his eyes and I'm falling slowly into a trance I can't fight. Suddenly, the bedroom swung open and there stood Maria's dance coach, Naomi. What in the actual fuck?

Naomi: "D, Are you- Oh Hey, De'Shawn." She greeted me nervously. Confused as I am, I laugh and remove my arms from around D's neck. I should choke him but I'm not.

Me: "Wow, you two are dating-"

D: "Woahhh, Nah we're not." He said in his defense.

Naomi: "Well damn, I guess not." She scoffed.

Me: "You know what, I should be going." I shook my head and walked out the door.

D: "Every fucking time, man!" He shouted and pushed Naomi out the door. "Just.. get the fuck out."

De'Mario's POV

For hours I stared at the ceiling as I rested on my bed. With my hands tucked behind my head, I'm forced to think about what I'm doing in life. The same shit seems to happen to me regardless if I change or not. I don't know what's wrong. All I'm caring about right now is what Shawny thinks of me right now.

Shario: "Daaaaaadddd!" He shouted as he banged on the door.

Me: "Come in!" I invited him. "Wassup lil man?"

Shario: "Momma told me to check on you and tell you to come downstairs so we could open presents." He said as he climbed on the bed. He put his ear to my chest and lifted up to grab my face, squeezing my cheeks.

Me: "King, what are you doing?" I chuckled.

Shario: "I'm checking on you like momma said." He said determined. "Say ahhh"

Me: "Ahhhh!" I stuck my tongue out and he looked in my mouth.

Shario: "All done." He smiled. "Can we open presents now?!"

Me: "Yeah son, come on." I replied as I got up from the bed. "Last one-"

Shario: "- downstairs is a rotten eggggggg!" He finished as he shot out the room and down the stairs, leaving me behind. I decided that I'll just walk downstairs cause he knows my game now. I gotta switch it up.

Trinity: "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Look what Mommy got me!" She celebrated. She twirled around in her princess dress that made her look like a new Disney Princess.

Me: "That's wassup, Babygirl. You look beautiful. Did you say thank you to your mom?" I replied.

Trinity: "Yes, sir." She nodded and hugged Shawny's waist. "Thank you again, mommy."

Shawny: "You're more than welcome, baby. But that's not your present." She laughed and picked her up. I couldn't help but smile, This brings we back to the times when Maria was younger.

Me: "Where's Maria?" I asked.

Shario: "Her upstairs sleeping." He answer.

Trinity: "Sheeeee, Shario. Daddy said don't say her all the time." She corrected him.

Shario: "Shut up, Trintitties!" She teased.

Me: "Aye!" I popped him in the mouth. "Watch yo damn mouth! Who taught you that shit, boy?! Don't let me hear say that shit again, especially not to ya sister. You hear me? Pick ya lip up and say sorry to her."

Shario: "Sorry.." he mumbled.

Me: "I can't hear you, speak up." I demanded.

Shario: "Sorry, sister." He said in tears.

Me: "Suck that shit up, you's a boy. Stop all that damn crying and come over here and open these presents."

Shawny: "D.." She commented and I gave her a look that meant to not interfere. I don't want nobody else telling what to do or say to my son. He's going to carry my bloodline on and I need him to have that Smith mentality. Give no fucks, especially in the typa business he'll be handling one day.

Trinity: "Its okay, Shario." She hugged him tight. "Come on, let's open our presents."

Shawny: "Ya'll go ahead and open the presents. I'm gonna talk to Daddy for a sec." she said walking over to me. The kids didn't even hesitate to ransack all the presents. She pushed towards the kitchen and crossed her arms. "What's up with you talking to my son like that."

Me: "Listen here, Don't tell me how to speak to my son. You may be his moms but ion need that boy to be soft." I argued.

Shawny: "He's only six!" She exclaimed.

Me: "Six more years closer to becoming a man. I can't do that with having him crying all the damn time." I replied.

Shawny: "Oh, so what you want him heartless like you?" She battered.

Me: "If I was heartless, he wouldn't even be here. I'm trying to make him flawless. Keep our bloodline going strong so he can pass it down to his son. No weak links, or our chain will be broken and this kingdom OUR pops built will fall into pieces." I explained to her.

Shawny: "Wait, wait, wait, wait.." She rebutted. "You're grooming our son to be a King Pin?!" She panicked.

Me: "Who did you think you were dealing with when you married me?" I questioned with a chuckle.

Shawny: "No, NO!" She slammed her hands against the countertop. "You're not going ruin his life with this bullshit ass lifestyle of yours. My son is going to be somebody and it's not some psycho drunk who don't know how to show love and can't keep his hands to himself!"

Me: "You said that like I chose this life. You act like I got a choice. The only reason that you do is because you got a fucking brother that's doing it for you. Ain't shit new. We have kids to keep the line going. Why the fuck do you think I wanted a son? Since I don't have a choice, I want my son doing it. I don't even like Maria setting foot in that warehouse! But you think that this shit is easy. That I'm doing this because I like it. You know what I love more than anything in this world and it was there way before I even met you or this lifestyle I'm stuck in. You played with fire fucking with me and got burned. But your not the one who had to jump in it." I said before walking passed her and back upstairs into my room. Going to sleep would be my best choice right now.

De'Shawn's POV

Dealing with D is a whole nother level of stress. In one conversation, I realized that I bound myself to his lifestyle just by having his son. What kind of fucking set up is that? My son gotta risk his life everyday just because of who his Daddy is. This shit is like poison and now I'm allowing my son to become exactly like his Daddy. Ain't this some shit?

Trinity & Shario: "Grandmaaaaa!!!" She greeted my mom as she walked in with my dad and the twins.

Momma: "Hey babies!" She smiled and hugged them.

Dad: "Hey Babygirl," He walked into the kitchen and set down the kids gifts. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before noticing something's wrong. "Okay, where is he?"

Me: "He's upstairs in his room. I think he's mad at me." I replied as I played with my nails.

Dad: "What happened this time?" He asked.

Me: "We had an argument about the future plans for Shario and I kind of insulted him because of this lifestyle.." I admitted.

Dad: "You've known this man for how long? And you telling me that you wasn't aware of the consequences?" He teased me.

Me: "Dad, I didn't think it was that deep. My son's life is ruin before it even starts. This isn't fair." I complained.

Dad: "I'm sorry that this is your life-"

Me: "This isn't my life-"

Dad: "Then where the fuck do you think you come from?" He scolded me.

Me: "I come from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Living in a house with 8 kids-"

Dad: "That is not where the fuck you come from. That's where you were placed. You come from me and this lifestyle is yours. It's not about what you like and what you don't like. All you can do is make things just a little bit easier. All the women who are involved, we need you. Not just to keep the bloodline going but to show us how to love. Show us what family is. How do you think we'll be without our women? Do you think D would be any better if he never met you? Do you think your son would even be here if it wasn't for him?"

Me: "My son wouldn't have to go through this if D wasn't his father!" I exclaimed.

Dad: "And who do you think your father is? It wouldn't matter who ya baby daddy is. My grandson is my blood and so are you. Everybody in the game knew who you were before you became Misses D. Smith. You don't even know who you are." He replied.

Me: "What are you saying?" I asked.

Dad: "You're cursed with my blood. Don't blame that on him. You married into his life, you should've known what was up." He replied.

Me: "But I don't like This, I can't do this lifestyle." I shook my head.

Dad: "If you can't accept the fact that this is who you are, you'll go insane quicker than we did." He sighed.