De'Shawn's POV

The party is over. Mia and the twins went home. D called a cab back to his house because he started acting weird after the fight. Terrence has been talking to Maria in the back hallway for a while now. I don't know what they could possibly be talking about now. Trinity and Shario are in the room with the other kids. Everyone else are either talking about what just happened or trying to act like it never happened. Then, there's me. Still standing here, in shock, just stuck.

Dev: "Aye, Nilla. You aight?" He asked. I nodded and walked towards me to give me a hug. He hugged me so tight, I thought I pissed my pants. Until my cramps came back and they were worse this time.

Me: "Uh oh.." I grabbed my belly.

Dev: "Uh oh, what? What's wrong?" He asked. I can't even talk, I just want this baby out. NOW!

Me: "H-hospital, t-take me to t-the hospital." I replied as I tried to make it to the front door. Maria peeped that I could catch my breath and rushed by my side.

Maria: "Mom? Mom? What's wrong? Do you want some water?" She asked and I shook my head. I began to cry and make her feel my leg. "Oh my god, she's wet. Her water broke!" She shouted and ran to get my parents. I couldn't stop crying and I don't even know why. My body was trembling and I just felt so scared that something was wrong. What a great way to remember going in labor with your first child birth. This is the worst moment to have a panic attack.

Me: "I'm leaking!" I cried, screeching in pain.

Maria: "Mom, what do you mean you're- Oh my god, she's bleeding!" She began to panic, causing me to get nauseous. This is over whelming, I think I'm getting light headed. The more I trembled, the more I feel liquid flow through my thighs. I'm in such excruciating pain that I'm surprised the baby hasn't fell out of me already. I can't feel my legs, I feel like someone just ripped my insides out.

De'Mario's POV

Out of all the dumb shit I had done in my life, I regret only a few. One of the biggest regrets is letting my cousin E become one of my rivals. I never could understand why he turned on me so quick. My Day 1 became an old friend within a matter of weeks and just wish we would've fixed before it was his time to go.

When he died in that fire, along with the others, I never mourned for them. I was too busy being selfish about Shawny that I surpassed the fact that others loss someone too. I loss other people that I cared about. Kacey gave me the greatest accomplishment of my lifetime. Cassie turned out to be a good friend despite our past. Jaee wasn't anyone important to me but Evyn will always be my niece no matter what terms any of us were on. Eric used to be my bestfriend, not only was he blood. I've always wanted to fix shit between us but it seem like things only got worse. My pride got the best of me and I never got that chance to tell him that no matter what, I'm still gone be there for him. Nothing changed between us and he made it seem like it did. And now I regret never telling him that I didn't forget where we started. It was us in it together and we just grew apart.

For everyone I've lost. For everyone I've hurt. For all the wrong I continue to do, day by day. I wash down with strong, acidic medicine. Straight from the bottle without any care in the world. It's my fault a lot of shit happened in my life. I'm guilty to that fact alone. But I will never take full responsibility for something that I feel could've been fix before it became my issue to fuck up.

As I drink my life away, I sit and reminisce. I'm staring at that wall Maria mentioned and I think it's time that I knocked it down. I let all of my tears of pain unleash as I drown in them. Mixing liquor with pain usually gives me violence but this time it's different. After a half an hour of crying, I became mute. Staring at that wall with my eyes closed. Imagining life if I hadn't moved to California in the first. If I hadn't dropped out of high school. If I would've graduated and went to Wayne State like I initially planned.

Silence turned into laughter. I couldn't get the thought of Shawny out my head and how much she made me laugh. I couldn't help but look back at the times Maria and I would play for hours. There was no resisting the thought back to the time Shawny and I set this house up together. We even made plans for a tree and a guest house in the backyard. Our whole life together was a living fairytale. I can't help but smile as I doze off, or maybe I'm already sleeping.

De'Shawn's POV

When I entered the hospital last night, I was rushed into surgery. I assume that my hemorrhaging wasn't normal. I remember begging them to let me give a natural birth but they told me it's could cause more complications. I didn't understand what could be so complicated by me pushing out my baby opposed to them cutting it out , but I just let them do it anyway.

After surgery, I was sedated to keep me from panicking like I was doing earlier. I can barely move or talk, I'm just looking around the hospital room for my baby. I want to see him, but I don't see him.

Me: "Where is he?" I said weakly. My hoarseness was beginning to make me upset, but I don't have the energy to get upset.

Mom: "Where's who, sweetheart?" She held my hand in hers.

Me: "My baby..boy. Where's my son?" I panicked. I don't know what is going on and tears are pouring onto my cheeks. I gasp for air as I attempt to sit up and climb out of bed.

Mom: "N-n-no, Dee dee mamas. Calm down, lay back down." She said as her and my dad grabbed ahold of me.

Me: "No, I want to see him. Why can't I see him momma!?" I cried. They took my baby. Just like they took my twins. I tried to fight their restraints but a few nurses came in and upped the dose of my sedative. They stabbed me right in my ass, I've never felt so violated before in my like. Yet, I've never been so tired, so quick.

By the time I woke up and the sedative was out of my system, I had regained my composure. My kids, plus Terrence, and my parents are the only ones who remain by my side. I was grateful to see most of my family earlier. I just rather see my son, or at least De'Mario. Speaking of the devil himself, where is he? I remember yelling that I didn't want to give birth unless D was there. Or I'm sure that I wanted to say it because that's exactly how I feel. Only thing that stopped that thought is the fact that I ended up getting a C section.

Nurse: "De'Shawn?" A nurse said walking in. "The doctor will be in soon. Until she has finished talking to you, I would have to ask the guests to exit the room please."

Me: "Why do they have to leave?" I asked in confusion.

Nurse: "They don't, they just have to step out for a second. When the doctor is finished, they are free to come back in." He explained. Before I could protest, my parents were already grabbing the kids and stepping out.

Maria: "I'm staying." She demanded.

Terrence: "Ria, you-"

Maria: "Can I stay? Just me? Please." She pleaded.

Nurse: "Yes, you may. As long as it's okay with De'Shawn." He replied.

Maria: "Can I momma?" She asked.

Me: "Of course, mamas." I smiled, grabbing her hand and holding it in mine. Terrence kissed her cheek and walked out of the room. I see a lot more than what they show under the surface. It's funny, Maria is 15 and he's still 16 for now. They remind me of an old love that I had. I wish I still was able to feel like that again.

Nurse: "Okay, the doctor should be in here shortly," He started. "Is there anything you would like for dinner?"

Me: "No, thank you. I'm fine." I remember and he walked out as the Doctor was coming in.

Doctor: "Okay Mrs. Smith." He started. "How are you feeling tonight?"

Me: "Anxious times ten." I said truthfully.

Doctor: "Do you take medication for Anxiety?" He asked and I shook my head.

Me: "Nope, and I never will." I replied. He nodded and wrote something down on his clipboard.

Doctor: "Are you aware of any of the episodes you've had in the past 24 hours?" He asked suspiciously.

Me: "I'm not here for you to find out that I'm crazy. I was hoping you'd tell me where the hell is my son and why am I still here?" I snapped. He frowned and looked at his paperwork.

Doctor: "So, you're unaware of the conversation I had with you this more?" He asked.

Me: "This is a joke, right?" I stared at him clueless. Maria rubbed my arm.

Maria: "It's okay momma, calm down." She said.

Me: "Were you in here when he came earlier?" I asked. She nodded.

Maria: "Yes, but he asked if I could leave the room." She admitted.

Doctor: "So, I take it you don't remember." He said writing down notes.

Me: "What the fuck is this? Some kind of sick experiment? Where's my son!?" I shouted. The doctor was startled and sighed before speaking.

Doctor: "I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith. But you gave birth to a stillborn." He replied. Maria squeezed my hand tightly.

Me: "I didn't give birth. You cut it out of me. You killed my baby!" I cried.

Doctor: "The child was atleast deceased for twenty four hours before you arrived to the hospital. Your Cesarean section was mandatory before your hysterectomy." He explained. My mind froze and sat there staring at him for about 10 seconds. Maria stood up and walked out of the hospital room in tears.

Me: "My what?" I asked as tears slowly streamed down my cheeks.

Doctor: "We had to do what we had to do to save your life-"

Me: "I'd rather die than for you to rob me of my ability to bear children." My eyes fluttered to keep me calm. "You ruined my life!"

Doctor: "I'm terribly sor-"

Me: "Fuck your sorrys, I want my kids!" I broke down crying.

D: "W-what's going on? Shawny, what's wrong?" He walked in frantically. The moment I looked him in the eyes I felt like shit. I could never give him what he wanted. I was never good enough. And now I will never be enough for any man.

Me: "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." I cried. He rubbed my back looked at the doctor in confusion.

D: "Sorry for what? What did you do, Shawny?" I asked.

Me: "I couldn't give you the family that you wanted. I'm no good. I'm no good." I cried and rocked.

D: "What happened?" He said to the doctor. "Tell me, Now!" He demanded.

Doctor: "She had a stillborn birth. And, due to her hemorrhaging we resulted in giving her a hysterectomy." He repeated.

D: "What's that, what does that mean?" He asked.

Doctor: "It means she can no longer have children and she gave birth to a baby that was already dead." He replied.

D: "What the fuck, how is that even possible?" He said holding back his while rubbing my back.

Doctor: "It's very possible. In fact, stillborns can occur for many reasons. However, you can't have children without a uterus." He explained. D looked down at me in shock and pulled me into a close hug where I cried my heart out. He held me tightly throughout the ready of the night. I knew this day would come. I just didn't know how much pain it would cause me. I didn't know I wouldn't be able to breathe. I didn't know I'd love a child so much that I forgot I jinxed myself. This is my fault. I caused this and now this is my karma.