New Jersey 2002
For some reason that Gerard could not understand, Eyeball Records insisted on throwing a record release party for I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. They were inviting everyone who had worked on the album, everyone who worked for Eyeball, everyone that the higher-ups at the record label had ever met, and probably a few more people besides. It was all going to happen in some lavish mansion with an open bar, and the Eyeball owners guaranteed that everyone would have a great time. It would be the party of the century.
Gerard wasn't convinced. He was sure that he would have a better time if he just stayed home and read some comics. If the party wasn't specifically for his band's album release, he probably wouldn't have gone at all. As it was, he was planning to show up, maybe have a drink or two, and then duck out at the earliest possible opportunity.
He never intended things to go the way they did.
Gerard and Mikey drove to the party together, and on the way, they chatted about I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. "I still can't believe this is happening," Mikey said. "We're releasing our debut album today."
"Yeah, it is pretty exciting," Gerard said half-heartedly.
"Is everything okay?" Mikey asked.
"Yeah," Gerard said. "I just don't get why Eyeball needs to throw us this big party."
"Because we're done with the album?"
"If we're going to celebrate, I'd rather do it with just my friends."
"Quit being such a killjoy. This is going to be a lot of fun. You'll see."
Gerard still wasn't so sure, but he didn't have much of a choice. They were almost at the party, and there was no turning back now.
He parked the car, and he'd barely stepped onto the driveway when some person he didn't recognize shouted his name. "Gerard! Congrats on the album release!"
"Uhh...thanks?" Gerard said.
Gerard and Mikey went inside, but it was even worse there. There were probably hundreds of people packed on the first floor, and they all wanted to tell Gerard about how My Chemical Romance was going to be the next big thing. He was tossed from conversation to conversation, only occasionally getting the chance to breathe. He lost track of Mikey within minutes, and he hadn't seen Matt, Ray, or Frank yet.
Gerard walked past an Eyeball employee handing out copies of I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love and headed straight for the bar. He ordered a drink, and while he waited for the bartender to finish pouring it, he wondered where his bandmates were. They had all said they'd come, but in this crowd, he had no idea where any of them could possibly be.
The bartender handed Gerard his drink, and he downed it in a single gulp. "Can I get another one?" he asked. The bartender nodded, and Gerard looked back out into the crowd, searching for anyone he knew.
That was when he spotted Ray, wearing the coolest jacket he'd ever seen. He'd never seen anything like it, especially with that spider design over the American flag, and he wondered where he'd gotten it. "Hey Ray!" Gerard shouted. "Nice jacket!"
Ray didn't respond, so he turned back to the bartender, who was done pouring him another drink. He downed it instantly, hoping to drown his sorrows yet again. He must have done something wrong if Ray wouldn't even acknowledge his existence, but he couldn't figure out what.
Gerard had a couple more drinks, and he probably wouldn't have left the bar at all that night if Eyeball hadn't decided to play some of My Chemical Romance's new music videos for everyone at the party. He watched the screen along with everyone else, tapping his foot to the beat of the music. When everyone cheered at the end, he smiled. The videos had turned out better than he'd expected, but even they couldn't hold his attention for too long, so he went back to trying to figure out where all of his bandmates were.
All of a sudden, a stranger came up to him and said, "I can't wait to listen to your album!"
"Thanks, but make sure you don't make any copies of it," he said. "Otherwise, I'm going to have to come to your house and suck your blood, and I'm sure you don't want that." He laughed, but he was really just asking to leave.
As the stranger walked away, he stumbled toward the staircase. Maybe the second floor was less crowded. He climbed upstairs, and when he saw that there wasn't anybody there, he wandered around for a while. Eventually, he got bored of walking in circles and wishing that he was somewhere else, so he opened the door that led to the balcony.
Frank was there, furtively lighting a cigarette in the moonlight. He looked beautiful as always, and Gerard stood in the doorway for a while, wondering when he'd notice him. He thought about all of the moments they'd shared since they'd first met, how lucky he was to have Frank in his life, even if they weren't together. He would do it all again if he could.
"Oh, hey Gerard," Frank said suddenly. "What are you doing up here?"
"I just needed to get away from the party," Gerard answered as he stepped onto the balcony and stood next to Frank.
"So did I," Frank said, his tattooed hands resting on the railing as he stared into the distance. "It's just a mess down there."
"No kidding," Gerard said.
Frank passed him a cigarette, and Gerard took a long drag, blowing rings of smoke into the air as he admired the view from the balcony. The neighborhood looked strangely beautiful at night. The lights were on, and there was a gentle breeze rustling through the trees. Best of all, he had Frank by his side. Gerard was starting to get the feeling that this night wouldn't be so bad after all.
"What do you think's going to happen after this?" Frank asked.
"I don't know," Gerard said. "Maybe we'll go on tour or something. If we're lucky, people will come to our shows, and the album will sell okay, and we'll get to make another one someday. You could help us write the songs for it. I bet you'd be good at that."
Frank smiled. "I'd like that a lot, but you're not thinking big enough."
"I don't know, Frank," Gerard said. "Maybe we'll get a local following, like Pencey Prep did..."
"My Chemical Romance is way better than Pencey Prep ever was." Frank sighed and then said, "I don't think you get how special being in this band is for me. I've been playing in bands for a long time, but playing with you...it's something really magical."
"I like playing with you too, Frankie, but we're not gonna make it," Gerard said. "I mean, I'm the frontman, and I like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria..."
"And lots of people love you anyways," Frank interrupted.
"How do you know that?" Gerard asked. As he said that, he became aware of how close he and Frank were to each other, close enough that they could kiss.
Frank leaned even closer and said, "It might be easier if I just show you, if you're okay with that."
Gerard nodded and shut his eyes, and all of a sudden, Frank closed the distance between them. He tasted fiery and sweet all at once, and Gerard couldn't get enough. He felt as if he'd been struck by lightning. As he ran his hands through Frank's hair, he deepened the kiss, wishing that this moment could last forever. For a little while, he could forget about Ray and Matt and Mikey and the band and the chaos that was erupting below them. They were in their own little universe, where all that mattered was the present.
They could have gone on like that all night. They had the whole second floor of the house to themselves, after all. This was more than either of them had bargained for, but they had spent the better part of a year bottling up their feelings for each other. They let their emotions take over as they passionately kissed one more time.
All of a sudden, Gerard pulled away. "What's the matter?" Frank asked. "Did...did I do something wrong?"
"No, it's not that, not at all," Gerard stuttered. "It has nothing to do with you. I liked that a lot. I like you a lot, and I have for a long time. It's just...I think I need some time to think."
Gerard went back inside, and as he headed downstairs, he tried to think about all of this rationally. It wasn't something he was normally good at, and it was even harder when there was alcohol buzzing through his veins and he had just kissed the most beautiful man he knew.
What had he done? A part of him wanted to turn around and go back to the balcony, see if Frank was still there, but he couldn't do that. He liked Frank a lot, and the feeling he'd gotten from kissing him was pure magic, but they could never be together.
He wished that he could have it all. He wished that he could be Frank's bandmate and his boyfriend too. If Frank hadn't joined My Chemical Romance, maybe they could have made it work, but letting Frank into the band had fundamentally changed them for the better. Even Matt couldn't disagree with that. The guitars sounded different, but more than that, there was a new sort of energy and enthusiasm at every one of their shows. They couldn't go back to the way it was before.
Gerard knew how relationships ended. He'd already been through his fair share of messy breakups. No matter how much he liked Frank now, there was always a chance of things going sour, and he didn't want to think about what that would do to the band. The last thing he wanted was for My Chemical Romance to turn into Fleetwood Mac. He couldn't jeopardize their future just because he had a hopeless schoolboy crush on his rhythm guitarist. It was better to let it all go, to forget that any of this had ever happened.
It was the collision of Frank's kiss that made it so hard.
As Gerard approached the bottom of the staircase, he spotted someone standing there, casually drinking a cup of coffee. He suddenly stopped, not quite knowing what to do. The two of them hadn't seen each other in ten years, but somehow, the man at the bottom of the staircase hadn't aged a day. Everything was the same: the hair, the mustache, the clothes. Gerard swore he was even wearing the exact same plaid jacket he was wearing the last time they'd met. It was the face that tipped him off though. It was like looking into a mirror.
The mysterious man was back.
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