I stretched, the sun tickling my eyes through the window. I looked to my side. He was still lying in my bed, so large he took up half of it, snoring softly.

I could sit for hours just watching him without getting bored, and I did. Sometimes, I couldn't help myself, but put my face to his chest, still dressed in the purple shirt. He would sigh happily then, put a protective arm around me in his sleep, causing my heart to flutter. I had never felt so safe. And he smelled so good, of something natural and masculine but hazed over by something sweet, probably a perfumed oil he had behind his ears. I hid my nose in his neck and breathed it in, closed my eyes.

It was close to breakfast, and I was ravenous. I didn't want to wake him up, so I got up and tip-toed out, walking through the corridors. I thought about what my father had said about eating dinner without sorting my food first. "If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again. Well, I had liked it, so I guess I could do it again this morning. 

I had to pass my parents' room to get to the great hall for breakfast. Usually, they came a bit later to breakfast than me, preferring to sleep in, but this morning, I could hear their voices from behind their closed doors.

"You will do no such thing", my father said sternly.

"You cannot make all of these decisions by yourself!" my mother retorted dryly, and it suddenly struck me how bitter my father must be regarding his marriage. "He needs to be wed, and that's that." My heart froze to ice.

"He's not ready for a marriage!"

"Nobody cares!" my mother retorted. "Were you ready when they forced you upon me when I was eighteen and you were twenty-five? No! We're royalty! We have to deal with it!"

"Maybe, we ought to change things, just like we changed the lonely dinners to dinners with the court", my father said diplomatically. "Why turn the clock backwards?" I was pressing my ear to the door.

My mother was silent for a while. Then, she hissed: "I hate him. If he weren't so weak, they wouldn't have seen the point in killing my son." It was as a blow to the head. My son. As if she had only one. "I never wanted him. It was you who desired another child. I want rid of the responsibility. Give him to another woman. I don't care if he's unloved by her. Who could love him?"

"I know", my father said, and I felt my soul die. "I know."

I slowly backed away from the door. My brain had shut down, and I started mindlessly walking through the corridors. Suddenly, I bumped into someone.

"My boy."

I looked up. It was my father. He was smiling warmly at me. I must have walked in circles.

"Are you lost?"

I cast my eyes down.

"No. I thought I'd go out and take a walk before breakfast."

"See you, then."

But I had already turned and was walking away, desperate for air, desperate for release from this indescribable suffocation. 

The outside air was cold and crisp. I closed my eyes and tilted my head up, taking it all in. I felt the air on every part of my skin that was exposed to it, and on the skin that was covered by clothes I felt the touch of the fabric so clearly, it was as if my skin had been given microscopic glasses.

I hated it. I hated all of it.

My mind wandered to forbidden places of blame. It was my fault Madara had died. Had I only learned to behave, my reputation wouldn't speed across the country like a disease, and people wouldn't wish to kill him to make me first in line to the throne. If it wasn't for Tobirama, his personal guard would've killed my father too, making me king immediately. I provided nothing to hold together my world, or my family. Madara was dead, my mother hated me, and my father could no longer defend me. I was a burden. It would be better if I wasn't anymore. Abdication wasn't part of our traditions in the country, so I would be forced to be king. It would be better if I wasn't, so that one of my relatives could take over.

My feet had taken me to the high cliff protruding over the ocean, the view even more beautiful, according to me, when the skies were grey than when it was sunny. I looked out on the water, walked closer to the edge. The ocean looked so calm when it was far away, but beneath the cliff, it was raging, unforgiving. The waves frothed against the pointed rocks protruding through the surface, the water deep already despite being right next to the shore. If you didn't hit the protruding stones, hitting the water would kill you, it was so far down. I closed my eyes, felt the relief, not of the absence of existence but of the presence of not existing. The tears dried on my face, soaked into my skin. I thought about my breaths, my final ones, and they caused me to smile.

I thought about the afterlife then. I didn't believe in it, but never told anyone as religion was an important part of being a member of the royal family. But I hoped. I hoped so much to see Madara again, so I could apologise for causing his death.

This is my final breath.

I put my toes on the cliff side, refusing to look down, leaned forwards.

Let myself fall into oblivion.

My feet were free in the air.

Total freedom.

I saw the colours of the ocean; unforgiving dark blue and frothy white.

This is freedom.

There was a scream.

No, a roar.

A roar so primitive, my brain registered it as an animal.

I felt a strong arm around my waist, another at my chest, pulling me back.

I fell in a spiralling motion to the side, landed on my stomach, a heavy weight over me.

Another human being was hugging me tightly from behind, holding me to the ground.

Warm...

I closed my eyes, pushed my fingers into the dirt where the grass was growing.

Is this heaven?

It felt like it.

The human on top of me was crying softly. A hand was put on my shoulder, turned me around. I came face to face with a devastated Tobirama, clad in a black autumn coat, his red face paint smeared after a long night in my bed. His tears fell from his face to mine like little pearls.

"Why would you do that without telling me first?!" he screamed.

I braided my hands behind his neck, pulled him in.

He put his entire weight on me, cupped my face with his hand, connected our nose tips.

"Why didn't you let me help you?" he whispered, and his whispers was like music to my ears, stimulating my brain cells. "I'm to protect you at all costs! Please, please, Izuna, let me! Please!"

He slumped over me then, crying so his shoulders shook. I buried my nose in his shoulder, smelled him.

He looked at me again, planted kisses all over my face.

His breathing was slowing down, his panic subsiding.

"Why would I need to die when I'm in already in heaven?" I whispered.

He put a hand to my cheek.

"You are so completely unaware of your own beauty", he said.