I was trembling the entire time.

I was trembling, but I refused to let it show. This moment, I thought. Just give yourself this one moment of peace.

I looked down on Tobirama, radiating competence and comfort, a calmness looming over him at all times. I could also feel his shame, and all I wanted to do was tell him he'd done nothing wrong, that I didn't blame him.

"You may make your oath", I said to him. "You may make your oath to me."

He had avoided my eyes for so long. Since Madara's death, he no longer nodded to me during dinners, no matter how long I searched for his eyes, as a thirsty animal desperate for water. I didn't know if he'd watched me search, but I thought not; he was too good to ignore me if he had noticed my desperation, which he certainly would have had he allowed himself to look for it. He'd been what had anchored me to sanity, and when I lost that anchor, I withered. But now, I had gained that back.

He didn't let my eyes go for his entire oath, which he had been required to write himself as all new crown prince guards did.

"I, Tobirama Senju", he said with his dark, smooth voice. Like dark honey, I remembered I thought when I first heard it. "Vow myself to you, Crown Prince Izuna Uchiha, of the Uchiha family, for as long as both of us live or it's decided I step down from the honour. I promise to put your life above all else's at all times, including my own, and protect you until the day you become king, which I hope will come late so we may have the current king's health for much longer. My life is now yours to use as you please for your own safety, and any other desires. I will never back down on my vow for as long as you and me are both alive."

He had clearly practiced the lines because he delivered them with simplicity and ease from where he stood on one knee, his elbow leaning on his other knee, his voice steady and never wavering, giving me the promise of a strong and sturdy comrade I could lean on. The whole oath was so intimate, I wished my parents hadn't been there. I felt something in my heart then. Hope, I think, but I wasn't sure.

"You may rise", I said to him.

He rose.

I had given myself this one moment, and it was time to go back to my grief.

Since Madara's death, I had starting sorting my food according to numbers.

I had asked for a separate, smaller plate that I had next to my main plate, removing and adding foods until I had exactly the right number of everything. It became a problem when there was rice or mashed potatoes or something else that couldn't easily be counted; I simply wouldn't eat it, then. It was just too difficult. And the number of peas I would have, I knew, looked ridiculous; seven, to match the seven potatoes and seven meatballs.

My mother didn't even say anything, because my mother had stopped speaking to me altogether. The night of Madara's death, when the body had been transported for obduction and we were going to bed, I met her in the corridor. She had screamed at me then.

"I hate you! It should have been you! It should have been you! They did it because you're weak!"

My father, usually so strong, so quick to defend me, was silent, lost in the mountains of his own grief, all of them placed on his shoulders, weighing him down. I just took each blow, believing I deserved it. But after that, she just ignored me, treating me as if I were air, even if I started behaving even more strangely with my food.

Her silence was almost worse than her screaming.

The night of Tobirama's induction, the dinner was a feast. For the first time since Madara's death, the dining hall was filled with murmurs that, even if they weren't as joyous as they once had been, were tentatively happy. Everyone in the castle had loved Madara so they grieved with us, but it warmed my heart to see them happy. 

But me and my father weren't eating with the court. It was tradition that the king and the crown prince took their meal with the guards in the king's room after an induction of a new private guard, so we went together, me and my father in front, the guards behind us, to my father's rooms. Tobirama was right behind me, still in his armour which he had donned to guard the dinner, and I was incredibly aware of his presence behind me. 

It was bittersweet, really. So long had I longed to be allowed to partake in the dinner of the guards as Madara had, but I wished so that the circumstances had been different. I also realised that now I would have to join my father for the guard's dinner each evening as the crown prince. It all felt so strange, so unfamiliar, and I hated new routines. Additionally, I would lose several hours each night when I could be alone in my room, experimenting. The thought was agony.

As soon as we came into the main room of the king, the fireplaces already alit, the guards shook off their armours. I stared at them as they revealed muscular bodies, so much bigger than mine, and their handsome, young faces. Good gracious me. They could kill me by just looking at me.

Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder. I turned round.

It was Tobirama. He was also free of his armour, and was wearing the clothes from the induction but without the cape.

"My prince. I mean, Izuna. My apologies." He looked to the side, blushing. I just stared. I didn't think he had the ability to blush. "I am required to sup next to you." I kept staring. He seemed confused as what he should do next, so he just sat down on the floor, legs crossed. He was so large, I felt crushable next to him. I didn't hate it, for some reason. I sat down, too, kept looking at him. 

The food was delivered, an extra, smaller plate for me next to my main one, and I started my routine of counting. I had decided on six this evening; six potatoes, six chickpea balls, six peas, six cherry tomatoes...

To my great disdain, there were only five tomatoes. Not tonight... I felt panic rising in my throat. Calm down, I told myself, which was unusual; I was usually completely untouched by how embarrassing my behaviour was. This is not the time. I was looking all around me for a solution, but I couldn't find one.

Suddenly, a cherry tomato landed on my plate.

I looked up. Tobirama was looking at me, a crooked smile on his face as he was happily munching a piece of salmon. He had understood what I was doing, and given me one of his tomatoes. I looked down on my plate, tears in my eyes.

"Thank you", I whispered.

"You're so very welcome", he said cheerily, as if he didn't find me strange at all.

The rest of the dinner passed in amicable chatter, my father not as radiant as he once had been, but smiling a bit nonetheless, and eating better than he had. I couldn't help but smile a little.

I felt something on my leg then. I looked down.

It was a green pea.

I felt Tobirama's gaze then. I looked up at him, and saw he was staring at me with intent, his eerie, uncoloured eyes boring into my soul, one eyebrow raised, his lips slightly parted. He was incredibly handsome in his purple shirt. 

And he had dropped a pea. 

The entire room disappeared around me, and there was only him and me. I picked the pea up with my fingers and, without realising what I was doing, raised it to his lips. He took it in between them, his soft lips touching my fingers. I didn't let go. The room came back, but the guards were too involved in a story the king was telling, screaming and shouting amongst them, allowing themselves to celebrate the life of the former crown prince instead of mourning his death, that they hadn't noticed us.

"You dropped your pea", I whispered.

I finished all of my food that evening.