Banner Made By Me

  "I want you. All of you. Your Flaws. Your Mistakes. Your imperfections. I want you, and only you." - Unknown  

Music blasted from my discounted twenty-dollar speakers as I danced through the room like an idiot, drink in hand

With the numbers finalized and the shop reorganized, Hell Week, was officially over and it was time to celebrate.

I paused my dancing momentarily to check the timer on the stove. Clara was coming over to help celebrate and I was making vegetarian stir-fry to go with our movie night. Still good. She'd be here in fifteen minutes and the food would be ready by then. I tangoed back into my sparsely decorated living room, dancing around the plain jane couch and the coffee table covered in bridal magazines.

Turning on the TV, I quickly scroll through the channels to see if there was anything half decent. There wasn't. Muting the TV, I turned up the stereo as it switched songs and pulled my hair into a messy bun before heading into the kitchen to add a few more ingredients to the stir-fry. But before I could enter the kitchen there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I shouted. A vibrant Clara came bouncing through the door, her hair in a fit of brown waves as always. I laughed as she dumped two tubs of Talenti gelato on the table. Grabbing at the containers I checked out what flavors she bought. "Caribbean Coconut and Mediterranean Mint, hmm?" I hated coconut. I snatched the tubs and slipped them into the freezer before I reached over and turned the stove off. Once our dinner was prepared, I grabbed both plates and led the way into the living room. Clara followed me, her excitement easily noticeable. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited, too.

"Are you excited we are all done with Hell Week?" Clara asked as she propped her feet on the glass coffee table. She lounged back on the couch, eating her stir-fry. I smiled and made myself comfortable beside her, resting my plate on my chest.

"That's a silly question, don't you think?" I teased, taking my first bite.

"That's true that is kind of a dumb question, " Clara replied. We ate in silence for a while before I set my plate down to get up and turn off the stereo.

"What do you think we should watch tonight?" I asked as I plopped back onto the couched and grabbed the remote before getting all cozy again. She shrugged, taking another bite. "We can continue watching Mr. Robot. We haven't seen any episodes of that in a while."

Clara nodded in general agreement before sitting upright and staring at me. "Hey, I forgot to ask you!" She paused, apparently losing her train of thought. I leaned back on the couch placing the plate on my chest once again, praying I didn't have to get up again. "Oh, right! Who was that girl who came in asking for you?" Without waiting for my reply, she twirled a forkful of noodles and held them into the air. The strands dangled above her face as she tilted her head, opened her mouth wide and dropped the contents in. I shook my head, momentarily forgetting her question.

"You are so weird!" I laughed, watching as she repeated this process a couple of times.

"Maybe a little bit." She grinned and returned to eating her food normally, as I flipped the TV to Amazon Prime and search for Mr. Robot.

"That girl was the one who delivered my to-go on Sunday while we were doing inventory." I paused, looking down at my food. Clara's question reminded me of the conversation I had with Allison earlier today. It brought back the feelings of missing Carter. "Her name was Allison and she was marrying her high school sweetheart." I finished my thought and went back to eating my food.

"Oh, honestly I never dated any guy worth marrying in high school. I don't understand how these people find the perfect someone for them at such a young age." Clara's ramble made no sense to me. I had found somebody like that in high school and we both messed up. Neither of us had been willing to show our feelings for each other—I think we had both been too scared to be something other than best friends—and we had left as just friends. Now we are strangers with memories.

"Well, actually I don't know how it happens either." I chuckled for a moment. "Sometimes you just find somebody who fits and you want to grow with them and it works out."

Clara obviously found this an unusual concept, "I just don't know how people keep the same boyfriend throughout all of high school. I think when you are that age everybody is just too young and immature to really know what love is. I mean I'm twenty-five and I still have no clue what love is or how I'm even supposed to go about finding it." I shrugged. Her words made a lot of sense, except I had stayed with the same guy throughout high school. Sure we'd been best friends only, and I'd had dates with other guys but I always returned to hanging out with Carter. No other guy had been worthy of my time. I just wanted him.

"Well, you remember Carter, don't you?" I asked. Clara and I had hung out starting in high school. She had known him. The three of us used to hang out at the shop together before Carter left for college and Clara and I really started hanging out.

"Yeah, I remember Carter. He was a sweet boy, but he left. You two never dated, right? You were always just best friends. Do you know where he is now?" she asked as I set my now empty plate on the table, too interested in the conversation to start the show.

"Yeah, we never dated, but now I think we should have. If we did, we would have lasted." I picked at my dark blue nail polish, slowly chipping it off one finger at a time and making a mental note to repaint them when I got a chance.

"I believe everybody has a path. If you and Carter would have dated things would have happened differently, but he still would have left. I feel it's about the destination, not the journey in life. If it is meant to happen it is going to happen." With that declaration, Clara put her hands on her hips, leaning up on the couch for a moment to bask in the glory of her profound philosophical spew. I laughed.

"Whatever you say," I teased. "So what happened with you and Richard on lunch? I never got the details."

Clara rolled her eyes and threw her hands up. "Oh my gosh," she huffed. "Well, he blew me off, so I guess that's the end of that." Despite her indignant act, I could tell she really wasn't too bothered by it.

"He blew you off?" I repeated, feeling indignant for her. She laughed. It seemed like I was more frustrated about it than she was.

"Yeah, we were supposed to meet at this restaurant, and I was like, five minutes late but I feel I was justified because he literally just didn't show up." I wanted to punch the man. Clara had been so excited about hanging out with him and he just dropped her like that?

I tried to match Clara's whatever attitude, hoping it would make her feel better and lighten the mood. "I told you he was a hoe-hopper." I teased. I didn't want to be mad about it and I didn't want her mad about it either.

"Yeah, yeah." She stared at the TV and I felt like maybe Richard's no-show bugged her a little more than she was letting on.

"Hey Clara, what's wrong?" I asked, placing my hand on her shoulder. She shrugged, lips twisting as she gave me side--eye, her act vanishing.

"Honestly, I'm getting tired of the dating game I kind of want what you and Carter had, only an actual relationship, you know? I've never really had that. I'm just kind of tired of dating all these guys and not going anywhere." I rolled my eyes. Maybe she was the one who needed the bet, not me.

"Well, you know so much about all these dating websites, so why don't you just make an account?" I teased, as I started the first episode of Mr. Robot, although I kept the volume down so I can still hear.

Clara rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I am the queen of the dating scene but I want something more than that." She showed me the screen. There were a few Tinder notifications, which was ironic.

"Look, there's your next chance right there," I said, pointing at one in an effort to sound positive. I felt her vibe fluttering to a negative level. That wasn't the normal Clara.

"Well, how have you liked the app?" she asked, opening her app to look through images of guys in various dating profile poses.

"I thought it was somewhat all right. I mean I haven't really looked into it at all so in all honesty, I can't answer that question because I have no clue," I mumbled, trying to hide that I hadn't found anyone because I hadn't logged on since creating my account.

Clara just stared at me, seeing through my bullshit, so I pulled out my own phone and stared at the empty screen. I didn't even have emails, which was weird. I felt a little boring. I really had nothing going on.

Following Clara's not-so-subtle cough to get on with it already, I opened up my Tinder app. I really hadn't spent any time on my profile. It didn't have anything that would tell a potential date who I was, what I liked and what I was looking for--but I didn't know who I was and what I was looking for or even how to answer all of those crazy questions. Dating apps were a way to advertise yourself but I didn't know if that's what I wanted. I wasn't desperate for a date. I just wanted to be loved. Everybody desires that.

Clara peeked over my shoulder and groaned at my empty profile. "Oh my goodness, do I need to teach you how to use it?" she teased, her lips curling into a smile. It was her first smile for what felt like forever, even though it had only been a couple minutes since she dropped the Richard bomb.

I nodded, not really sure how to answer that question. Even if she taught me how to use Tinder I wasn't sure if I would be able to. "I guess so."

Clara scooted closer to me and held up her phone. She rushed through her bio showing me what she put and basic stuff like that. She showed me how to add info and update it. Then she started scrolling through the guys that she was matched with and explained to me why she was matched with each person. I tried to take in all the information. I didn't know anybody could go so in-depth on a dating app. It was overwhelming.

After Clara explained every little detail about how to use the app, we finally began paying attention to the show, realizing that we were now in the second episode while meant she'd taken an episode and a half to show me the wonders of Tinder. I rolled my eyes. At least she sounded like she was feeling better.

Finally, I sighed. "I don't think I will ever use this," I moaned, tossing my phone on the table.

"Why don't we use it tonight?" she suggested, fiddling with her hair. I paused. Her suggestion wasn't bad. I couldn't say it didn't interest me because it did. I just wasn't really prepared to go out tonight—I had been so excited about staying in.

"Elaborate, please?" I pestered, hoping she would. She placed her phone on the table before turning to look at me. Obviously, neither of us were paying attention to the TV so I just shut it off.

"Why don't we get dressed up and go out tonight?" she suggested. " We can find us some hot dates on Tinder and see what happens." I thought about it, glancing around my apartment. Despite my previous desire to have a relaxing night in, my loft felt bare and dull. It was so boring and I felt the urge for excitement a little adventure.

"Sure, why not?" I replied, jumping from the couch and grabbing her arm and dragging her towards my bedroom. I looked her over. Like me, she wasn't dressed for a night out, and she wore gray sweats and an oversized black sweater. I pulled a white dress out of my closet and shoved it towards her. "Here, this will look amazing on you!"

We got ready quickly, sharing makeup and hair products. Butterflies of excitement fluttered in my stomach as I pulled on a long-sleeved dark blue dress and we headed outside to catch a cab.

"Where do you want to go?" Clara asked as we took our seats in the back of a taxi.

"We can just go to our spot, we can sit down enjoy some drinks and see if we can get any guys to come to us." I glanced out the windows at the busy streets. People were walking in every direction in large herds, all heading to different locations. It was interesting to me how anti-social New Yorkers were.

"Do you think we will actually be able to find anybody tonight?" I asked, a little unsure of how she expected this to work out. My nerves were beginning to overwhelm me. We were apparently just going to go to a bar, sit in a booth and wait? I wondered what she had up her sleeve.

"Of course, have you seen us?" She paused, raising an eyebrow. "We are two hot young ladies in New York, alone on a Monday night. Sure we won't have the pickings of a weekend, but we will definitely get a nibble."

Her confidence boosted me a little, although I was beginning to realize that she did this way too often. She had this dating game down to a science.

All too quickly, we were seated at a table, sipping Manhattans as we perused a menu for appetizers and taking in the mellow atmosphere. Clara's phone buzzed and she snatched it. "Get your phone out, Erin," she said, hair falling over her face like a shield I obeyed, not wanting the wrath of Clara to appear, although I stared at the screen blankly, not sure what to do next.

"Aren't you going to get on Tinder and find yourself a date?" she asked, looking from her phone to me and back. I shrugged, trying to remember her lesson on the powers of social media gods or whatever she had taught me earlier, and unlocked my phone. How was I going to find a date in here? I took a deep swallow of my drink.

I finally got around to opening the Tinder app after checking my email for anything work-related, which of course earned me a glare from Clara. I blinked, staring at my notifications. Man, this app worked fast. There were over twenty matches and Clara and I had only updated my profile less than an hour ago.

I guess this meant I needed to start swiping.

I pulled up the first profile. This guy wasn't quite my type, or what I thought my type was. He worked in a vet's office and said he enjoying just sitting and reading books together. I winced. That would be nice, but I needed someone who liked something a bit more exciting. I swiped no. The next profile was a man whose sole interest was lounging by the side of a pool wearing a speedo. I swiped no again. What happened to old fashion dating, why do I need to judge these guys based on words they put on a screen?

"Clara these guys are all duds so far." I felt slightly frustrated, it was matching me up with guys I had no interest in meeting. Suddenly my phone was ripped from my hands. Clara began scrolling through the profiles, ruthlessly rejecting match after match. With a soft crown of victory, she swiped yes and held up the screen with a fierce smile.

It was a message screen, and she turned the phone back to herself, typing out a quick message and hitting send before I could protest.

"Now you keep searching for guys and wait for him to respond." I gaped at her. I was so far out of my comfort zone. Clara just continued to scroll through her own phone as I waited for a message to come in.

"Clara, this is ridiculous," I moaned. My phone dinged, the sound echoing through our tiny booth, followed by a similar sound from her phone.

Clara grabbed both phones, grinning triumphantly as she finalized meeting times and locations. I don't know what it was, but when she was on a mission she never failed.

"Better prepare yourself, Erin. Tonight we are going to mingle," Clara winked, as she set the phones on the table so I could see the messages from our dates. She stretched her fingers forward, cracking each knuckle one by one as our food arrived. I stared down at my chips, breathing heavily in an effort to calm myself down and unsee the messages from Tinder.

Our dates were going to be here in less than thirty minutes.

Less than thirty minutes.

Oh god.