Silence.

Utter silence transpires around the room as I come into view. I look over and find that Colton is frozen in his place, he was talking to Zane and who I assume to be Alpha Cooper but he cannot seem to be able to draw his eyes away from me. I can sense his eyes as they travel up my body. I want to turn and run from his gaze as everyone in this room is watching us. Following his gaze to me, I want to turn the deepest shade of red but I also don't want them to see my embarrassment

Thankfully Collins pulls me along towards Alice and Andrew, as I start to move away conversations begin again but I know Colton still has his eyes on me. I can feel it. "You look amazing!" Alice gushes, pulling me in for a quick hug. She examines me after she pulls away. "Damn girl just amazing, I wish I had that dress."

I give her a nervous laugh unsure of how to answer her. 'Yeah it looks amazing on her, I could never pull it off." She laughs taking the conversation away from me, I mouth a thank you to her. I glance around the room and notice someone is missing.

"Where is Lena?" I ask looking over my shoulders again just in case I missed her or she just slipped into the room. Andrew laughs. "Oh you'll love this, she met her mate today and she is thrilled." I can taste the sarcasm in his voice. I know she wanted more time before she met her mate, she wanted to make a name for herself before she became a mated wolf.

I, however, am hopeful that I'll have a true friend here with me. "Really? Who is he? Is he a good wolf?"I look over to Collins, she'll know all the wolves her, although I know Lena should be answering these questions but Collins will just have all of the dirt on them from when they were pups.

Collins meets my eyes. "Why are you asking me?" She asks while taking a sip of wine, when did she even get the wine and where can I get some? She sees me eying her glass and turns around to a small table a few paces behind her and pours me a glass. "You should be asking Alice." She responds by handing me the glass. "Can she even have this?" Collins asks and Alice just nods, I don't see why I wouldn't be able to have some wine ,I have been discharged from the hospital after all.

I raise my eyebrow towards Alice. "Her mate is Coop."

"Oh." is all I can say, I completely understand why she would completely not be thrilled with this turn of events, Lena never wanted responsibilities, and now she has an entire pack to be responsible after.

She is in the same place I am, although I knew from day one I would be mated to either an alpha or a beta blooded wolf just plainly because I was born from Alpha blood.

"Yep." Alice laughs. "I think she freaked out worse than you, and you had just come out of a coma."

"Hey!" I slapped her on the arm, I'm not really sure how to take that comment.

Before I have a chance to ask Lena walks in, she glares over at the alpha males before storming over to us, I watch Colton laugh at the look on Alpha Coopers face along with Zane before Cooper says something that shuts Colton up immediately.

"Not a word." Lena points at every single one of us before taking my glass of wine and downing it in one drink.

"Hey." I pause looking at her, her eyes look wild. "I guess you need it more than I do all things considered." She knocks my shoulder but she does crack a smile.

"Where can I get another one?" Lena asks no one in particular. "There will be plenty on the table, the small feast is about to begin."

"Feast?"

"Yeah, feast." Collins replies. "Everyone is so excited about tonight that we will be eating these leftovers for a week, mating ceremonies get the pack in a frenzy and the elder female wolves cook up a storm and deliver a feast to every member."

"That's really nice." I say without thinking. "Yeah it is." Alice replies, looping her arm through mine, leading me to the table now that the Alphas have taken their seats.

It is an interesting dynamic with three Alphas' present normally the hosting Alpha will sit at the head of the table with the visiting alpha opposite him, I don't think I have ever been at a meal with more then two Alphas' before.

Colton has taken his position at the head of the table, with Cooper taking the seat opposite him, and Zane, he went dead center on the right side of the table. Andrew went and sat on Zane's right and Alice his left, Collins takes A seat one down From Colton's left and the man I assume to be Alpha Coopers beta takes the seat to Coopers right.

A few seats are left remaining as the table is quite large but Lena and I just stand here at the edge of the table, do we take the seats meant for us? If we take them are we accepting our fates?

No one talks as we contemplate our decisions, the future of our relationships may hang on this decision we make right now.

I look towards Colton and Collins, would it really be that bad to take my place beside him once I get my shit together?

My feet make the decision before my mind can, I find myself smiling at him as I take my spot to his left. I see Collins smile from the corner of my eye, I am glad she is on my side.

Lena hesitated a moment longer than I did, taking her respective seat although she puts more distance between herself and Alpha Cooper and grabbing one of the bottles of wine for herself and drinking straight from it.

"We may be wolves, but we do have manners Lena." I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth, the words slipped out without meaning again. My brain clearly is not working tonight. The rest of the table including Alpha Cooper just laugh while Lena sticks her tongue out at me to which I return.

I expected Alpha Cooper to growl and yell at me for not showing respect to his mate, formality must not be too important to him I assume.

Some wolves of the pack start bringing in trays of meals, Collins wasn't wrong when she said this was a feast, I count 11 trays on the table, I also notice all of the wolves glancing up at me.

I wonder what they think of me? What they even know of me. Colton told me he wouldn't force me into my position of the pack but do they even know I exist? Besides the Doctor and Collins these are the first wolves I have seen from the pack.

They look curious and without thinking I offer them a smile, hoping that they don't see that I am freaking out inside.

Colton makes a plate for me and then himself and once he is done the others follow his lead. The hosting Alpha always eats first, he eats first always the only exception is his mate, him making my plate first sends a message that he has accepted me and I am his, he will always provide for me before he provides for himself.

That alone makes my wolf swoon, to her he is the perfect mate, and if I knew him better I would agree.

Dinner passes quickly, so many dishes with a variety of meats and vegetables, my favorite being the garlic green beans covered in cheese which pared very well with a piece of venison that Colton picked out for me.

There is chatter from everyone, as if everyone here are really old friends which I guess Colton, Collins and the wolves of Alpha Coopers pack are being neighbours and all. It's nice, I just sit back and observe only answering if someone asks a direct question, just as I see Lena doing, although she seems to be purposely ignoring her mate. I'll have to talk to her later, maybe we can help each other out.

The amount of food on the table made me so full I feel as though I may burst. I push my plate away from me as I notice the others doing the same, it was all delicious but honestly way too much. I wonder how much of it gets wasted.

Colton glances at his watch and moves to excuse himself. "I know we had some important things to discuss tonight." He clears his throat glancing towards me, I can tell he wants to protect and keep me from this conversation and if I was him, I would do the same.

"I do have some duties to take care of with Collins and I do believe that the conversation we need to have isn't suited for dinner." He looks around the room before continuing. "Feel free to mingle here, or you are more than welcome to enjoy the festivities with my pack."

Colton finishes his drink before turning to me. "Like I said earlier, you can just stay here, or you can come and watch. Whatever makes you most comfortable." With that, Colton leaves with Collins, Alpha Cooper and his pack following his lead, I feel as though they have been here before for the ceremony.

I churn his words over in my head, there is no pressure on me at all, everything is my decision. It feels odd to be given so much freedom with no time limit, no pushing for others to be what I should be. As I sit and mull over my thoughts in my mind I notice Alice, Zane and Andrew leave, I think they want to involve themselves in the fun, and I don't blame them, there may not be any fun again in our lives ever again.

I catch Alice's eye and she looks over to Lena, signalling me to talk to her. I look over to her and watch her as she twiddles her thumbs. I pull myself up and take the seat next to her. Startling her, she must be completely lost in her thoughts.

"How are you doing?" I ask her

"I don't know honestly." She looks at me, her eyes convey fear, I think I have the same fear in mine. I don't even know what to say to make her feel better.

"I'm not meant for this." she sighs. "I'm not a leader of a pack, I'm a fighter, I'm rash and not responsible at all." I see the slight shake in her hands, she wants to be strong, she never wants anyone to see that she has a weakness, but I see it.

She fears that she will never be enough.

I grab her hand, squeezing it. "If you weren't meant for this, you wouldn't be here."

Lena is quiet for a second. "Neither would you." Silence follows her words, I know they are true as she knows mine are. We just need to believe them. Lena pulls her hand away as she stands looking at the exit outside before going the opposite way to where I assume she is staying.

"Lena?"

She pauses at the door. "I just need to be alone, I'm not ready to face him yet."

"Just let me know if you need anything." Lena just nods in return as she makes an escape to be alone with her thoughts.

I sit at the table for a few minutes trying to decide what to do when I am startled by some of the wolves from earlier. "Oh we didn't mean to disturb you." one of the wolves apologizes. "Oh no, you didn't, it's fine." I smile as they start to gather the trays and move out, two of the wolves stay to clear the table of plates, glasses and the various bottles of wine, beer, other spirits and water.

I stand and begin to help. "You don't need to do that." the same wolf speaks up. "I want to." I smile back at her, cleaning up will make me feel normal.

I hope.

She makes a hmpt noise but doesn't stop me. I start with the plates piling them. I look to the the elder wolf as she has a pile of her own. "Sorry." I interrupt her. "But where do I take these?" She smiles at me and stops gathering her plates. I pick up the few remaining she looks at me as  if she is judging the move I made. "Follow me." She smiles.

I follow her out of the room and down a hallway until we take a sharp left which leads to a large kitchen. I honestly think this kitchen is bigger than Devin's cabin. "Wow." the word slips out. It's impressive, sleek and modern. I feel like I could live in here.

"Just place them on the sink." She directs me. I place them next to a mountain of other dishes. The rest of the pack must have eaten together. "Would you like me to start on these?" I ask her.

"No dear, it's not your job to do that."

"I would like to help." I replied praying that she will let me do them, I need to keep myself busy.

She takes a moment looking me over. As I do the same. She is an elder wolf, but she still looks like she could take someone down in a fight, long blonde hair with the first hints of grey and of course taller than me although that isn't a hard thing to accomplish.

"Alright dear, fill the sink with some water and rinse any of the plates that need them and then over at that wall." She points to the wall next to the one the sink is on. "You'll find all the bottom cabinetry is dishwashers, they have already been set up and have the detergent in them you'll just have to press the start button."

"Thank you." I say as she leaves and I get to walk.

I get into a good rhythm of rinsing a pile at a time before loading a pile, all I can say I am happy that the pack has a full wall of dishes otherwise this would never get done, it would take forever. I can get half of the plates and cutlery in all of the dishwashers. I continue to rinse the rest of the plates as the others bring in the glasses and bottles.

"You can go and enjoy the night, we'll do the rest tomorrow, this is more than we would have done tonight." The same elder wolf tells me, dragging me away from the sink.

"Oh no, I don't mind, I am really happy to do it."

"No, no, dear go and enjoy yourself I sure will." She laughs at herself.

"Thank you." I pause, I don't even know her name.

"Camila." She answers my unspoken question.

"Lucinda, but please just call me Luce." She offers me her cheek after I tell her my name, a wolfs' welcome. It makes me feel comfortable, I haven't had this kind of comfort from another wolf in a long time. And I think she may sense that, as she squeezes my arm.

"Umm.." I pause already forgetting the way I came to get to the kitchen.

"Where do I go?"

"Follow me." She takes my hand leading me back to the dining room we were in. I thought she was going to leave me here but she just continues walking outside. I don't want to be rude and tell her I'm not sure if I want to be here so I just follow silently.

She leads me over to a clearing where they have set up a stage, she stops at the back of the pack. I'll leave you here, I have to go find some friends, she presses her cheek against mine once more. "Thank you, it was nice to meet you." I say as she pulls away.

"Likewise." She grins at me, full of mischief. "Enjoy tonight. I am going to." She winks before disappearing into the crowd.

I stay back in the treeline, comfortable just observing the space, sometimes you can learn everything you need to know just by staying back and seeing how the pack interacts.

My eyes draw me straight to Colton I watch as he weaves through the crowd, talking and interacting with members, I see him chatting with the older wolves, and running around with some of the younger ones, ensuring everyone feels included, no wolf is left out.

It brings a smile to my face, it makes me feel as if this could really be my home, not just with him but in this place, it just feels so happy, so genuine just like what a home should be.

Colton calls everyone to attention as he makes his presence known across the stage and silence descends over the clearing, not a silence of dread but a silence of anticipation. His eyes catch mine somehow across the clearing and it is like he is looking into my soul.

Like he is seeing me completely. He makes a speech that my mind doesn't listen to, the whole time his eyes stay glued to mine before he breaks the connection leading Collins and who must be the newly mated couple onto the stage.

At this point I take my leave, my feelings are starting to overwhelm me and I don't want Colton to catch me in this state.

But at least I know, even if I am not ready to take my position up beside him, this is where I want to be, this is where I feel comfortable.

This is home.

So I wanted to publish this last weekend but unfortunately life got in the way. I know that this drags on a bit and I'm sorry but I just needed to get Lucinda's feelings out of the way so that she can move forward.

This story isn't about her finding a mate and everything is better, this is her story of going through something horrible and terrible and trying to heal even when she thinks she can't no mate is going to magically heal her, she has to find her own way, and continue to fight because what she went through isn't over.

But anyway I'm rambling, thank you guys so much for reading it means the world to me, I wouldn't be here without you guys.