I felt Zane stiffen as soon as the words left my mouth. "What... What do you mean leave?" he asks with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"I need to leave..." I repeat, not wanting to say the words out loud knowing that they hurt him. As much as we keep our distance from each other this bond pulls us to be together especially because we both feel so broken and lonely.

"You-" He stops himself from continuing, looking away from me trying to gain the composer to talk to me. To face me and the fear he must be feeling at the current second.

The fear of losing someone again, of repeating his past.

I hear him gulp before he faces me. "I understand." His voice is so soft when he says this I almost miss it.

What he says takes me by surprise. Zane understands? That is the last thing I expected to hear come out of his mouth, but it is a comfort to hear him say it, a weight off of my shoulders.

Someone I don't have to explain all of this too.

"What happened?" He asks again, prying to know what is causing me to run again, to leave a life I had grown to love. Even if deep down I know that this isn't where I am meant to be, I don't want to leave.

"What always happens." I sigh. "He just, he just doesn't get it. He has her and she is pushing me away, but Lucas is oblivious when it comes to her." I look down and start to twirl my fingers avoiding all eye contact while I try to think of the right words to explain my feelings.

"It's like you don't matter to him." Zane speaks up moving to hug me as I rest my head on his chest. "I mean that is how it feels."

"Yes..." I try my hardest not to sob. I am sick and tired of feeling this way. Of feeling useless and weak, that isn't who I am, it is not who I want to be.

I want to be strong, I need to be stronger then this for my actual brothers. They would not want to see me this way after everything, they would want to see me happy and enjoying my life.

"Where would you go?" Zane asked of me.

"I don't know." I admit, all I do know is that I can't stay here and I can't and will not go back to my family.

"You can sleep on it." Zane suggests. "Take a night to think about everything and decide in the morning, nothing good comes from a rash decision."

"You are going to make a great alpha you know that." I mean these words, he is wise, thoughtful and caring. He will make his mate extremely happy when her meets her, which I hope is soon. He deserves all of the happiness in the world.

Zane just mumbles something under his breathe as he lets go of me, sliding off the bed. "You can stay here tonight." He smiles, but it is his fake smile only the left side of his mouth smiles the other side stays down, it quivers has he tries not to frown.

"You take the bed, I'll sleep on the floor." He always does this, never pushing my boundaries or his restraint. Always the gentleman.

"You know sleeping on the floor won't kill me." I laugh trying to lighten the mood.

"I know, it just wouldn't be right to make a shelf sleep on the ground." He shrugs as he pulls out his spare donna and pillows as I make myself comfortable on the bed.

*

*

*

I didn't go back home for five days, and I avoiding Lucas and Natalie as if they were the plague. Never stepping foot into the same room as them, scenting them out and making sure that I wasn't even 100 metres near them.

It was frustrating however because Lucas kept searching me out, always trying to follow me, but no one would let him. Zane told Lena and Andrew and they came back, I spent my nights staying with one or the other as we try to figure out where I will go. Everyone has suggestions as we look over the map each night but none of them feel right.

I just can't find the one that feels right. I have no direction, and the wolf in me doesn't know where to go either. The only way that feels right is putting more distance between me and Devin's pack, as much as I love that wolf I still get bad vibes from that place.

Alice, however did suggest I spend some time with her, in her pack. That a change of scenery with a friend could do some good, she even said that I could bring Lena with me. Even Andrew got an invite, but he won't be able to leave for long considering how at the moment he is training with Zane and completing with Lucas for the beta position.

It didn't feel right to go there, but it didn't feel wrong either.

And honestly what do I have to loose?

I have sadness here, going there I could have a chance of happiness and fun.

It could lead me to the place where I begin to really live again.

I am just dreading going back to what I once thought could be a home for me and packing up everything that I own. I don't want to leave anything behind, it all came from either Alice, Devin or Lo and I don't ever want them to think that I am ungrateful for there help.

"You have to face him before you leave." Zane looks at me, he has been trying to coax me into at least saying goodbye to Lucas.

"I know." I sigh as I stretch out my arms, we are about to begin our sparing training. Just Zane, Lena, Andrew and I.

We are doing two on two, Lena and I against the boys. Lena is quietly confident that we will win, they won't make us loose on our last day here. All of us we just about ready to get started when the door to the training facilities gym flew open. Almost off of it hinges as a very angry wolf stormed his way over to me.

"Lucinda." Lucas growled as his eyes held a wild fury to them. "You cannot and will not continue to keep ignoring me.

Andrew moved to step in and interfere until Zane stopped him. "They need to figure this out themselves." He whispers in order to settle down his fur. Andrew feels like he is a big brother to all of us, always wanting to protect us and take away anything that tries to hurt us.

Lena squeezes my arm, giving me a warm smile as I make my way out, following Lucas.

I can see his skin ripple as fir begins to poke through the barrier of skin. He is real mad at the second.

"Lucas."

"Luce."

We both speak at the same time although refusing to look each other in the eye.

"I'm Sorry." Lucas shrugs as he turns away from me taking in a great lungful of air. "I have acted like a dick, and I am sorry." He turns back to me.

"I'm sor-" Lucas cuts me off.

"No let me continue before you say anything else." He walks off waving for me to follow him, going somewhere where prying ears can't hear us.

I don't know what will conversation will hold, I just know that somehow this will end in tears.

A great flood of tears and repressed feelings.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

FINALLY, Finally I have a new chapter for you all and I apologise from the bottom of my heart for the wait and that it is a fair bit shorter then all the others.

I am going to finish this story, please never doubt that I have just been stuck in a rut and my life is always busy leaving me with little time to prefect this and it weighs on me but I don't want to leave you hanging with a story that isn't moving.

But, good news for all of you hanging out for her mate. You'll meet him next chapter!

hope you enjoyed this.