After Alice left me alone I spent a little bit of time snooping around the room, there wasn't much in here. A double bed with a small bedside table on each side and just a large chest of draws opposite the end of the bed.

It was a small room, but I didn't need anything else in here and to be honest it was cosy and was at least 50 times bigger then where I had previously been living. I rummaged through the chest of draws there wasn't really anything in them a rug or two in the bottom draws that looked like moths had gotten to them. I think that if I pulled them out they would crumble away to just tatters of fabric. The draws in the middle were empty holding nothing in them and the top two just held the necessary items, a jumper, another dress and a few cotton t-shirts, some pyjamas and underwear and some tracksuit pants.

I know that I am meant to go up to the house for some lunch but I am not really feeling like it right now. So instead I think it is time to take a very long and well-deserved shower. I walked through the door in the bedroom straight into the bathroom, which had another door on the side of it leading into the other bedroom.

I was thankful that Alice had brought the necessities for in here as well. There was some body wash and hair products and clean fluffy towels along with a bathrobe.

That wolf, she really thought of everything for us. She is too kind for her own good. The bathroom was small only holding what was necessary a toilet, a small shower and a sink with a mirror cupboard above it. It was smile in here, wooden walls and white tiles on the floor the toilet and sink were both basic and white, what you would see in any normal home.

I slipped out of my dress and threw it over the sink so that it wouldn't get wet or crinkled on the ground, it wasn't my dress and I had to look after it. My brothers always taught me to take good care of what wasn't mine.

I peeled back the curtain of the shower and turned the taps one at a time, first the hot water and then the cold, adjusting it to a setting that was neither to hot nor to cold. I stepped in and for the first time in forever I had a real shower.

I let the water pour all over me as though it was a waterfall it felt weird to be in a shower again so for a while I just stood still letting the water wash everything away from me. I stood there watching as black water ran down the drain. I stood there mesmerised by it, and I didn't even know why. I had had a shower before, many showers before what was different about this one?

I grabbed the washcloth and lathered it up with body wash and started to scrub everything off of me. I watched as the water changed colours from black to various shades of brown until it was almost clear. Almost being the key word, my body was scrubbed raw, red marks covering my body from how hard I tried to scrub myself clean. All that was left was my hair. The water was starting to get cold, I had to be quick with my hair I wasn't really in the mood for a cold shower.

I grabbed the bottle of shampoo and dumped almost half of it on my rat's nest of hair, I would need a lot of product to clean my hair. I massaged it all into my hair with a few hisses of pain every now and then when I would get caught on a knot in my hair. Alice told me they tried to brush my hair while I was out of it but they didn't have much luck and I don't blame them, it is more knots then it is hair at the moment.

I rinsed out the shampoo and then piled conditioner into my hair and tried to work the knots out of my hair as I massaged it through. The water was now finally tarting to become clear all of the nastiness was being washed away. I just wish that I could wash away everything that has happened since I was kidnapped, wash away the sins like I washed away the dirt.

The water was now starting to chill my bones to the core but I wasn't ready to get out yet. I just stood there motionless, not moving not even crying. I just couldn't bring my body to do anything I was standing here under ice-cold water like a statue caught out in the rain. My mind was numb just like my body was becoming and I liked that feeling, I could get used to this feeling. This feeling of feeling nothing at all, I am not ready to face everything. The pain and death that I am forced to carry around everyday for the rest of my life.

Eventually I was able to pull myself out of the water, I turned the taps off one at time, even though it wouldn't have mattered there was no hot water left anyway. I pulled the curtain open and reached for the towel that was on the hook near the shower and wrapped it around my body, it was nice and fluffy so soft against my skin that hasn't known softness in a long, long time.

I walked over to the sink, there was a small heater underneath it that I plugged in to bring some warmth back into the room I looked into the mirror. This would be the first time since I was kidnapped that I actually saw my reflection.

I wiped away some of the leftover steam from the mirror and looked at the girl who was reflecting back at me. A girl who was just skin and bones with sickly looking skin that was almost greenish although colour was starting to return to it. I knew that I would look pale and sick for a while though. My face was hallow my cheekbones jutting out while my eyes looked faded, my eyes that my brothers had exact same copies of. An icy blue with a dash of sliver, my hair was disgusting some parts were long while the others short, I would have to cut most of it off to be at the same length. My hair was not like either of my brothers I was not blonde like Jordan, nor was it dark like Conner's.

It was like the colours of mixed together it was a golden brown. Neither light nor dark but somewhere in the middle. I did not recognise the girl staring back at me, she was a ghost of who I once was.

I sighed as I stepped away from the mirror, I didn't like looking at myself and what has become of me. I didn't like seeing a girl who was close to death, a girl who should have died with her family, or even for her family.

I started to dry myself off before I hung the towel up to dry itself, I turned the heater off as I wrapped myself up in my bathrobe and walked back into my room to find something to change into. I opened the door, but turned back as I forgot the dress that I had placed by the sink.

I was too busy folding it up when I walked into the room that I didn't notice the guest sitting on my bed.

"Took you long enough in there." Lucas gave me a sad smile. As I jumped backwards with a slight scream.

"Goddess, warn someone before you just show up in their bedroom and scare them to death will you." I was trying to regain a normal heartbeat while I walked over to the chest of draws to find some something to put on. I didn't exactly want to stay in a bathrobe all day. "What are you doing here?" I asked him as I was trying to decide between pyjamas or a t-shirt and tracksuit pants.

"Well you never came to the house, I wanted to check on you, see if you were okay." He looked at me with worried eyes.

"Sorry." I sighed looking over my shoulder towards him. "I just wasn't feeling like going over and I thought a shower would be better for me at the moment."

"I get it, you needed a moment to break down and deal with everything. We all need this moment." I do need a moment to break down, but that wasn't the moment, I didn't want to break down any time soon. "I put a plate of food in the fridge for you." He smiled. "Make sure you eat it and I hope that you come to dinner tonight, Alan and Wanda are spending the rest of the day over with me and my uncle, just come when you are ready."

He wasn't pushing me and for that I was grateful, I needed some time to myself and I think he knew that we have both lost a lot, more then Alan and Wanda. And Lucas knows that we all grieve in our own ways.

Lucas gave me a quick hug before he left. I was grateful to still have him in my life he was a good friend. I settled on a black t-shirt and some grey tracksuit pants to wear they were warm and comfortable. The t-shirt hung loosely off my body, a little too big for me with one of my shoulders slipping out of it. I had to tie up the pants as they just slid down off of my hips, I needed to put on some weight to be healthy again.

I decided against eating and just hopped into bed, I pulled back the doona and the quilt that was on top of it. I just wanted to get some sleep. I crawled over to a spot in the centre, I always liked sleeping in the middle of the bed.

I moved the pillows around me, I was thankful that someone had given me plenty of pillows, I moved them around my body so that my head was on some and the others were on either side of me. It was a comfort so that I felt like I was safe and secure. Like someone was on either side of me, protecting me.

I tossed and turned until I found the most comfortable spot to rest my head and curled up into a small ball and slipped off into the sweet darkness of sleep.

It was not a peaceful sleep, I kept having bad dreams, nightmares. Seeing my family in pain, watching them all die over and over again. When I finally woke up it was dark outside, I knew that I was late for dinner and I felt bad that I didn't go. But I just couldn't go I didn't feel up to it.

I did however feel the need to eat, and have some water my throat was dry, but I have dealt with thirst worse then this before. I groaned as I got out of bed, my body protesting stating that it wanted nothing more then to just stay in the same position it had been in previously.

I walked to the fridge in the darkness, not bothering to turn on any of the lights. I was too used to the dark. I heard the hum of the fridge and followed the sound to it. I had to squint when I opened the fridge, I forgot that fridges light up when you open them.

It took a small moment for my eyes to adjust as I searched for the food that Lucas brought over for me. I almost salivated over the smell of the chicken sandwich that was in the fridge. It smelt so good I devoured it in moments. I was hungrier than what I gave myself credit for.

I went looking for more food but the fridge was empty, I guess that is why all of today we were meant to be going to the house for meals. I placed the plate on the island bench and started pacing back and forth trying to decide if I go over to the house or not.

I was getting frustrated with myself over the ability to not make the decision for myself. I could feel the wolf in me starching in the back of my mind wanting to be let out. Needing to be let out. But I am not ready for the pain of that shift yet.

I am not sure what happened, but somehow I snapped. I grabbed the plate and threw it across the room smashing it into a billion pieces as it hit the stovetop. "AHHH!" I cried out, pulling my hair in frustration.

My mind was going over everything that has happened in the past few days. I knew that this was going to be the moment that I broke down into a million tiny pieces.

I slid down the side of the fridge crying my eyes out, letting all of the pain come forth. I can't believe I broke down over something so simple as looking for something to eat. I thought that I would be stronger than that.

Tears streamed down my checks as I clutched my heart through my chest. I didn't want to feel this pain. I just want my family back.

I curled up into a ball on the ground and just cried, cried everything out of me. I was hysterical when Lucas came in looking for me. I hiccupped as he came over to be picking myself up off of the floor. I sat with my back against the fridge.

Lucas came and sat right by my side, giving me a worried look. I could see his mind thinking as he tried to find the words to say to me so I spoke first.

"I'm fine, really." I laughed as I tried to stop crying as I wiped the tears away by the back of my hand, but who was I kidding I was not fine. I was a world away from fine. I had lost everything and I had no idea how to even begin to deal with it all.

"I know that is a lie. None of us a fine!" He shouted out a little frustrated. "I am not fine, Alan isn't fine. Goddess Wanda isn't even fine. And that is okay." He knocked his shoulder with my own. Trying to comfort me.

We both just sat on the floor together for a while, while I cried all of the pain out. I wanted to get it all now so I wouldn't have to go through this again.

My brothers would not want me to be sad, they would want me to be strong and fight. But then again at the same time they are not here, I don't have to do anything that they would want for me.

I was a contradiction within myself. I didn't want to me sad, but at the same time I do want to be sad. I want the sadness to eat me up and sallow me whole so that I can escape from this cruel world.

But if I do that second option my family would never forgive me. I just don't know what to do.

After a while Lucas stood up dusting off his pants. He held his hand out for me to grab so that he could pull me up. I took his hand with a sigh. "Come, help me pack." Lucas spoke.

"Pack? Why? Where are you going?" I was starting to panic I didn't want him to leave me, I needed him.

"I'm moving in here." He gave me a smile. "I spoke to my uncle, I think you need me here more then I need to be with my uncle right now."

"Oh... Okay." I looked to the ground a little confused with everything. But I will say, I am happy to have him even closer to me, if I want to really be fine I will need his help. Just like I know he will need mine.

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So here we are, another chapter. I know it was a little bland and boring again and for that I am sorry but I hope that you enjoyed it and continue to keep reading and following this story!

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