thirty-one - homebound

- - - ➳

i'm asleep when we approach the train station in district twelve. a furious poking on my shoulder wakes me up, causing me to blink in confusion until haymitch's face appears in front of me. 

"get up, sweetheart," he says blankly. "we've arrived."

the faint sounds of muffled chatter enter my ears as i remove my hand from my cheek, where my arm had been holding my head up from the table. i rotate my cramping wrist as my eyes drift to the windows. hundreds of people are lined up outside of the station, some capitol people with cameras lining a passageway that's surely meant for us to walk down. peacekeepers stand on opposite sides of the path, trying to contain the excitement of the people. i feel my stomach churn.

"get ready for the most important performance you will ever have," peeta says as he finishes buttoning his blue dress shirt. katniss tucks a few loose strands of hair from her braid behind her ear and smoothes down her black pants.

"where's matthias?" i question, yawning as i stretch my arms over my head and hear my joints crack.

"he'll come soon enough," katniss assures. "for now, come here. i have something to give you."

she waves her hand toward herself as if beckoning me toward her. i stand unsurely, slightly nervous for what it is she's going to give me. but as i walk up to her, i notice a silver circle enclosed in her palm and release a breath of relief. my phoenix pin.

"you keep forgetting this everywhere," katniss says with a neutral expression on her face. she fastens the pin onto my shirt and straightens it out before smoothing out my clothes. it's almost like she's trying to keep her shaking hands busy with anything possible. "good luck out there. keep your head high, and try to smile."

"hold matthias' hand," peeta adds with a teasing smile. "i'm sure he'll like that."

at first i think he means matthias will like it, and a grin forms on my face. but then it clicks. he doesn't mean matthias at all. he's talking about president snow.

my blood turns cold in my veins as if i had drunk from a glass of iced water. the smile fades from my face. suddenly, now i feel much more compelled to act defiantly than i ever have before.

"ready to go?" matthias asks as he steps into the compartment, running his fingers through the ends of his hair. he looks handsome in his silk black button-down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows and black pants. the darkness of his outfit causes the blue of his eyes to pop. somehow they look different to me. then i realize why.

matthias' eyes, which had formerly been a bright, blinding blue, are now dull and bleak. only i - and maybe katniss, peeta, and haymitch - can understand what made them change like that.

i nod firmly. "ready."

he comes toward me and places a hand on the small of my back. i can feel the warmth of his skin through the lace backing of my shirt; a shiver runs down my spine. i wipe my palms on my pleated white skirt and try hard to moisten my dry mouth.

the train comes to a stop in front of the platform. the voices are louder; the cameras turn toward us as the doors of the train slide open. i force a smile to light up my face as soon as they do. matthias' hand is already in mine, grasping tightly onto my fingers like i am the only thing keeping him from running back into that train.

i'm wearing flats this time, which makes it a lot easier to walk down the pathway than if i were in heels. katniss had advised me to dress as light and airily as possible – hence the skirt – and the consequences of obeying her are that goosebumps cover every inch of my bare legs. my loose lavender shirt moves with the chilly breeze.

i feel like a doll. with the light purple button-down tucked into the white skirt, white flats, a white bow in my curled hair, and lipstick, it's almost not me at all. though the outfit makes me cringe inwardly, i know katniss had been right. it's reversed rolls from her and peeta. matthias is the one who killed out of revenge for me. i am the one who died in his arms.

with every peacekeeper we pass, i can feel the fist of the capital closing in on us. i've been anticipating the hovering hand for a while now. i know how president snow manipulates victors, their heirs, and every aspect of their lives from the moment they emerge from the arena. it doesn't the sick feeling in my churning stomach.

my knuckles are completely white when matthias and i reach the end of the path. i look down at our entwined hands. matthias winces and loosens his grip, causing color to flush back into my fingers. i give his hand a swift squeeze.

effie returns to our side, clicking along in her impossibly high heels and still managing not to trip as she walks on the uneven cement. "now it's time to return to your families. i bet you're delighted about that, aren't you?"

my heart picks up its speed at the mention of family, but one glance at matthias is all it takes for me to know that he's been dreading this. he doesn't try to hide the expression of sadness on his face now that the cameras are gone. a needle pricks at my heart.

"you don't have to see your mom if you don't want to," i tell him gently. "if she doesn't even show up, then screw her. you can meet my family."

matthias gives me a shaking smile. "thank you."

i nod in response. effie gives a sigh as if she's in love with our relationship – like she does with katniss and peeta all the time – and waves our mentors over. haymitch, hands shoved in his pockets, strolls over leisurely. katniss and peeta are still holding hands, their smiles strained.

"you three are free to go back to your homes," she tells them, "but you are also welcome to stay if you wish. thalia and matthias will be reuniting with their families."

haymitch winces as if he's swallowed a lemon. then, to my surprise, he pulls me into a hug. i'm almost the same height as him and he smells like tequila. it's a little awkward since i'm convinced he doesn't like me all that much, but i'm touched that he even made the effort. "i'll see you around," he says.

haymitch pulls away and gives matthias a firm handshake. i'm embraced next by peeta, who literally has the scent like that of a cinnamon roll and something that reminds me of the woods. he's much more genuine in his action than haymitch had been, even planting a caring kiss on my cheek as if i'm his younger sister.

i have a similar encounter with katniss. this hug is more strong, and there's something there that hadn't been there with haymitch or peeta. i think it's understanding. we both had to do what we did to get the boys and ourselves out of the arena with us. i know that the feeling will never fade, even when we're seventy and all our hair has turned grey.

effie wipes at a few tears with a hot pink handkerchief from her purse, gently blotting her eyes so she doesn't ruin her makeup. this time her outfit is entirely gold and impossible to explain. all i can say is that there are a lot of jewels, and i bet that they're real.

"i will miss you five so much," she sobs, pulling matthias and i into an embrace at the same time. she's incredibly tall in the stilettos she has on her feet; her height almost comes to about six feet. she steps back and dabs at her eyes some more. "of course, i'll be seeing you all at the victory tour in six months, won't i? it's not that long of a wait. we'll survive." her blue eyes shift between us and her lips tremble as if she's about to cry again. a pale hand covers her mouth and she turns away, walking back to the train. she calls over her shoulder, "goodbye!" and disappears from view.

haymitch whistles lowly and rolls his eyes, imitating effie's farewell with a high-pitched voice and the capital accent to match. "goodbye!" he shakes his head. "i never could stand that accent." we all glare at him. haymitch raises his hands in defense. "alright, i'll cut the crap. your families are probably already in the victor's village in your new houses. they'll be expecting you."

the walk to the village seems to take forever. the cold air wraps me in a chilly blanket of shivers and chattering teeth. matthias offers a coat; once again, i hadn't even noticed he was wearing one.

i shoot him a questioning look. he smirks. "effie snuck them off the train for me." i'm handed the coat that's meant for roy, the tan one that'll surely be great for hunting. i slide my arms through it and wrap it around my shoulders, welcoming its warmth as it seeps into my skin. the inside is as soft as down and several layers thick.

the five of us walk through the iron archway that says 'victor's village' in the metal. it's a whole gate that surrounds the giant area, fit with houses that would cost a fortune if we hadn't already won the games. no amount of work in district twelve could get someone a home like these. it just isn't possible.

the concrete turns to cobblestone the second we step through the arch. it leads to a fountain that's shut off for the upcoming cold months, and i notice an orange cat basking on the ledge. it hisses at katniss as we pass.

she rolls her eyes. "that's buttercup, my sister's cat. ignore him."

buttercup gives her another hiss in response.

a door to our right flies open and a small girl about the age of thirteen comes running out of the house as fast as the wind. her long, blonde hair tangles behind her in a streak as she bounds down the steps and cuts across the lawn, screaming, "katniss!"

i don't have to guess to know who it is- primrose everdeen, katniss' younger sister and the girl she volunteered for.

"prim!" katniss shouts in reply as she opens up her arms in just enough time for her sister to land in them. they embrace each other tightly as if they never want to let go. peeta just stands there and smiles at them, though there is sadness in his eyes. i wonder if he has any siblings that will run outside to greet him.

in a house across the street and one lot down, another door opens and three people pile out. they stand in the walkway for a moment, staring as their eyes scan our group. i notice my brother, wearing his tattered brown jacket zipped up to his chest. then there's my father with his dark hair windswept. my mother stands out like a sore thumb with her fiery curls.

i'm already running. i feel like prim as i do so, moving so quickly that everything is a blur except for them. my family, my parents. my brother. roy is running as well, meeting me halfway and picking me off of the ground. he spins me several times as my arms lock around the back of his neck in a hug. roy sets me back on the ground, my head spinning from dizziness, and buries his face into my neck.

"i thought i would never see you again," he whispers shakily. "i missed you so much. my baby sister–"

he doesn't finish, and it astounds me when i realize why. roy is crying. tears are pouring from his dark eyes in the forms of waterfalls without shame. his hands are shaking as they release me. i feel my heart clench as i take in my brother, whom i love so much, with sobs escaping his mouth out of happiness to see me.

i hand him the coat, exposing my bare arms to the cold once more. his face lights up as he takes it from my hands. "matthias gave it to me," i explain. "he got it for you."

roy smiles. "i'll have to thank him for that."

i turn and see matthias walking toward us slowly, unsurely, with his shoulders stiffened as he glances around at the other houses. i realize why almost immediately. he's looking for his mom.

"come here, son," my dad beckons him forward. matthias' head snaps toward him and his eyes widen in surprise. nevertheless, he comes forward more quickly with an apprehensive expression on his face.

and, completely to my surprise, my dad pulls matthias into a hug.

i can tell he's shocked as well just by his reaction. matthias' arms are still out, yet to return the embrace, but something eventually clicks and he hugs my dad back. i can hear my father mumbling, "thank you, thank you," over and over again.

the next few minutes are full of tears and hugs and smiles. my parents meet katniss and peeta for the first time, but not haymitch since he seems to have gone back inside his own house. prim even hugs me and then picks up buttercup, who has wandered over to us to see what all the commotion has been about. his green eyes flicker from person to person as if he can calculate whether or not we're katniss 2.0.

"are you hungry?" my mother asks. her curly red hair is pulled back into a knotted bun at the base of her neck, and a few ringlets spring free and frame her petite face. "we have plenty of food inside, as crazy as that sounds–"

"no, mom," i tell her with a thankful smile. "we're alright, thank you."

she nods and pecks my cheek before turning and going back into the house, which i still can't believe is mine now. it's two stories high and has three rows of windows with all of the curtains open. i take in the building with widened eyes.

my dad claps a hand on my shoulder. "pretty big, isn't it, kiddo?" he laughs, a large smile covering his face. i notice that he hasn't shaved in a while, and the result is a scratchy stubble that peppers his cheeks. "i still haven't gotten used to not having to fix everything all the time."

i chuckle as he pats my shoulder again and heads inside after my mom. roy is talking to peeta a little ways away, katniss is nowhere to be seen, and matthias is standing in the middle of the street with his eyes closed.

i approach him tentatively and stand at his side. he exhales slowly, a cloud forming from his breath. his shoulders seem to sag. "she didn't come."

i'm not sure what to say. all my life, i've had a loving family and no problems in that department. matthias lost his dad and brother in the same mining accident that killed mr. everdeen, and now his mother doesn't even give him the time of day.

"but you know what?" matthias asks. his eyes are open now, staring ahead at the house across the street from mine. "i don't really care. yeah, it hurts, but i just won the hunger games, and i have a lot more friends than i did before." he turns his head toward me. "and i have you."

a certain feeling wells up in my chest, sending a wave of warmth over me that completely overpowers the cold. i raise an eyebrow. "screw her?"

matthias nods firmly. "screw her."

he takes my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles. my ears tune into the sound of prim's musical laughter, katniss chasing after her, and roy still talking with peeta. all of these things will be routine for the rest of my life. what used to be a cold, distant neighborhood will be a lively and warm one, filled with nightmares but also hope. hope that people can get out of the toughest moments of their lives with battle scars shown proudly to the world.

matthias is beside me. his pulse is still beating the same, and so is mine, but we are not the same people who shook hands at the reaping. there is something i'm sure of, without a doubt.

we will never be the same again.

gif is a lil something i made of roy and thalia. i know it sucks but i tried

-------

guys what the heck. what the heck. this is the last chapter. the last chapter of caged. guys. what.

there will be a three-part epilogue coming your way soon, so stay tuned for that! i'm really excited about it and i think it will be extremely satisfying for all of the questions you may have about how i'm choosing to end this book.

i can't wait to post it!

xoxo,
kristyn