Hotel suite. Wednesday morning. March 3, 2004.

By 6am Wednesday, Neal gave up the pretense of sleep. His mind simply wouldn't shut down. He'd heard Noelle return to the suite late Tuesday night. They were supposed to have had another session that evening, but with her flight running late, she was probably tired. And of course she'd seen the closed door of his room and would have assumed he was actually resting.

The important thing now was getting to work. Neal couldn't explain why, but he knew it was important that he return to the Federal Building. He also knew that Henry would probably try to stop him. Since Neal couldn't explain, even to himself, what was so urgent about going to work, he needed to avoid Henry. He got dressed quietly, then waited for the sounds that told him his cousin was taking a shower. Neal slipped out of the suite and caught a cab.

###

Pleased that Neal was catching up on rest – he'd looked too tired yesterday – Henry didn't open the door of Neal's room until a couple of minutes before 8am. He didn't intend to wake Neal. He'd just confirm his cousin was sleeping comfortably and then call Peter to say Neal would be out for the morning, if not for the entire day.

But instead of Neal, Henry saw a note on the bed. It indicated that Neal had decided to go to the Federal Building on his own. Immediately Henry reached for his cell phone and dialed Peter's number. It went to voicemail. He tried Jones.

"Henry, you got anything for us about Mr. Hyde's Flashback source?" Jones asked.

"No. I'm checking on Neal. He slipped out this morning instead of waiting for me to give him a ride. I want to make sure no one took advantage of his being unprotected. Is he there?"

"Yeah, I saw him a couple a minutes ago. Hold on." Jones' voice became less distinct. "Caffrey, you having too much fun with those files to join us for the morning briefing? Time to head upstairs." Then Jones spoke to Henry again. "He's here. Not very lively, though."

"Thanks. Let me know if I need to bring him back here."

"Sure thing," Jones said, and then ended the call to attend the morning briefing.

Returning to the suite's dining room, Henry looked at his mother and shrugged. "Neal slipped out already. He's at the Federal Building."

"Why would he avoid us?" Noelle asked.

"If I had to guess I'd say he had a rough night, and knew we'd stop him from going back to work."

"He equates..." Noelle stopped. "And I shouldn't share what he said in therapy."

"Not too hard to guess," said Henry, filling a glass with orange juice and then sitting across from his mother. "Neal thinks he derives most of his worth from his work. And I'm starting to get his reluctance to meet the family. Once he was awake and aware of everyone, he was out of his element. His work for Peter is something familiar, where he knows what he's doing. Not surprising that he wants to return to something that makes him confident."

"Has he mentioned if he's having nightmares?"

Henry leaned forward, elbows on the table. "He hasn't said anything, but I have to think he is. I don't think he's getting much sleep."

"Now I wish I'd checked on him last night. I saw the closed door and assumed he was sleeping. But it sounds like he was just shutting us out." She stood and refilled her coffee mug. "I wonder if he'll ever admit that he needs help."

"He hates asking for help," Henry said. "He's used to being on his own without many people he felt he could rely on. And when he was nine... He told you about the abduction, right?"

"What little he knows of it," Noelle said as she returned to her seat at the table.

"When he asked a convenience store clerk to help him, the man was shot a few minutes later. Now Neal's wary of involving anyone in his problems. He'd rather deal on his own than drag someone else into trouble with him. I think he'll have to be really desperate before he'll admit he needs us." He ran his hands through his hair. "And I haven't gotten anywhere on tracking down where Mr. Hyde got his supply of Flashback. I keep hitting dead ends. I've got two more leads to run down today, and they're both long shots."

"Give me one."

Henry blinked in surprise. "Huh?"

"I used to work for Win-Win, and I'm as frustrated as you are. Let me follow up on one of those leads. I want to feel like I'm doing something to help Neal."

###

Peter couldn't help noticing that Neal looked exhausted. He was physically present in the morning briefing, but Peter doubted that he followed even half of the updates, and he'd looked surprised when everyone stood to leave. Before Peter could decide how to handle it, Tricia stopped by his office.

"Peter, you have to do something about Neal," she said. "I thought yesterday was bad, but there's no way he can work today. He's practically sleepwalking."

"I noticed. Any idea what's wrong? He seemed in better shape than this when he left the hospital on Saturday."

Tricia shrugged. "He hasn't said anything."

Jones knocked on the open door. "Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to mention that Neal isn't looking too good. I wasn't sure he'd make it back to his desk, so I told him I wanted to collaborate on something and had him sit at my place."

"This has gone far enough," Peter said. "I'll talk to him." He walked downstairs to Jones' desk. "Neal, you have to tell me what's wrong."

Neal shuddered. "I'm sorry."

Peter pulled over an extra chair and sat down to be at Neal's level. "Sorry about what?"

"I can't handle it. The nightmares. I couldn't sleep. I can work without sleep. But they don't wait for me to sleep now. They keep slipping through the door. I didn't close it tightly enough and they're getting out." He looked at Peter, but his eyes weren't focused. "The memories. They keep surrounding me and I can't ignore them anymore. I want to get away from them and I don't know how. They won't let me escape. Sometimes I think I'm in St. Louis and I'm afraid the next time I won't be able to find my way back here. I think... I think I need help."

Peter remembered Noelle saying that Neal asking for help would be a positive thing, but it shook him to see the kid so vulnerable. "Will you talk to Noelle? Will that help?"

Neal nodded. "Please, Peter, can you find her? I don't think... I think I'll get lost if I try."

Peter stood and waved Jones over. "Keep an eye on him. I'm going to track down Noelle and Henry." He patted Neal on the shoulder. "Hold on, kid. I'm going to get you what you need. Remember that story you told me about Henry getting in trouble in Las Vegas? You're going to tell Jones about it. Just keep talking and stay focused on Jones, okay?"

"Okay."

Jones sat down. He looked concerned, but kept his voice jovial. "Let's hear about Vegas, Neal."

Neal's breathing was a little uneven but he said, "There was a display of guitars Jimi Hendrix had played, and Henry wanted to see it. But he was disappointed that they were all in glass cases. He studied the layout of the display and said he had a plan that would let him play one of the guitars."

Trusting Jones to keep Neal going for a few minutes, Peter ran back up to his office for privacy and placed a call to Noelle. He explained the situation and offered to take Neal back to the hotel to meet with her.

"Do you know of someplace else we could take him for a few days?" Noelle asked. "Maybe out of town? A new environment to distract him, and far enough that he can't slip away from us to return to work or his apartment. After he got away from Henry this morning, I'm concerned about him trying to run away again. We could always lock him in a hospital pysch ward, but that will upset him even more. They'd have to sedate him, which would be rough on him after overdosing on the sedative in Flashback so recently."

Horrified at the idea of locking Neal up in a hospital, Peter broke in with, "My family has a place, a cabin in the Catskills. No one's using it this week. It's a few hours' drive and it sleeps ten. We can go there."

"That sounds perfect. Let's see. Neal, Henry, myself, you and Elizabeth. And you have a Labrador? A friendly dog could be very comforting to Neal. Then there's luggage, Henry's guitar and Neal's art supplies. We'll need to take two cars."

"I'll handle the transportation," Peter said. "Let me call El. We'll get packed and meet you at the hotel. I'll have Jones take Neal back there now."

"Can he wait with Neal? Henry and I are each out chasing different leads on Flashback. I think Henry's closest to the hotel. He should get there shortly after Neal arrives, but I don't want Neal to be left alone."

"He won't be alone," Peter promised.

He asked Jones to take Neal to the hotel and to wait for Henry. After a quick call to El, he pulled together Hughes and Tricia to let them know he and Neal would be taking some personal days, and temporarily turned over the White Collar team to Tricia.