[EX CLAIMER THIS POEM IS A BIT OF A CHAOTIC RANT- IT'S ALSO VERY INTENSE AND VERY WORRYING BUT PLEASE NO CAUSE FOR ALARM]

I have no idea what the hell I should do

people are always giving me advice that I should do this or that

but I still don't know

I don't know what to say to you

or what to feel

I feel as if I'm being held under water until my bubbles stop

I feel like everything I do is useless

and that everything I do

and feel

is just unimportant

I know you barely know me

I know I'm just some daily annoyance

or fleeting thought to you

and I know you're already with someone

but I feel like I'll fucking explode

like a truck with a burning match in it's gas tank

all I want is to be with you

but reality isn't like that

and I'm stupid for wanting it to be like that

it was a long shot from the beginning

I know now all I have is myself

I look at myself in the mirror everyday

and think to myself "what the hell are you?"

"what do you even mean? what is your purposes?'

"who would want to care about you since you're nothing"

"you're just an empty corpse whose soul is living on borrowed time"

"you're slowly decaying with your flesh rotting and peeling away without you knowing"

sometimes I'll hold a knife in my hand and think well...

I'm not going to say that......

screw it!

I think about just going at it until I see the floor through my wrist

I know you're probably thinking I'm fucking crazy

I know I'm fucking crazy

hell look at me now spilling out random crap on the internet

and praying to whatever's out there that you'd see it

and say something to me

that's all I want is for you to say something

anything I don't care

you can rip my heart to pieces if you wanted

I wouldn't care

because at least you acknowledged me

I'm not saying you act like I don't exist

or that you're ignoring me

but you just seem like you don't want to say anything

I'm falling apart at the seems from the deafening silence

but then again I'm just some idiot that happens to be in a German class with you

I'm not saying those are your words

they're my words

and let them echo hollowly through the empty darkness that is my life

I feel like people think that there's nothing up here in my mind

when there is

there's always stuff in my mind

and it's constantly fighting a war against me and itself

it's uses, guns, knives, cannons, rockets and poison gas

it even uses you as a weapon

it even uses my own words as weapons

every time I enter my thought process

I feel like I'm crawling through the bloody mud filled trenches

on the battle fields of a bygone era

just waiting for the final moment

the final letter

the final word

the final goodbye

as I drown in my own tears

until my bubbles stop