42

Daehye was running, like a crazy man who had just remembered he had left his gas stove on. But this wasn't just a gas stove, this fine day, in fact meters away. The excitement was overflooding her veins, happiness hanging above like a merry cloud, it was raining outside so much that a thunderstorm warning had been issued, hence her flight delay but it didn't matter right now. That vexation and the wrath because of the unexpected faded away.

"Kim Ara." She slid across the floor for a full meter, coming to halt at the edge of the table, the receptionist didn't pay much attention to her actions though. 

"Room number 512, maam." Daehye yelled a thank you in haste and continued on her way. It was only five in the evening, the sunset still due for an hour or so yet it seemed that it was dead of the night. It made Daehye happier, as if adding another layer of elation. 

Days passed by and she would tell her niece of the day she was born, the clouds roared and the water seemed to have an endless flow from the sky which occasionally got illuminated by the lightning. Not in her wildest dreams Daehye would've thought that she would be this excited for a baby; life really was unpredictable. She pressed the number five button impatiently, the elevator thankfully didn't take much time or halts in between the floors. 

"Oh my fucking god." Daehye burst through the door to find Ara in pain, most likely due to the labor, a very tensed Taehyung holding her hand as if his life depended on it, brisk walking from one end to the other which was Ara's father. "Hey no cursing in front of the child." Ara muttered, half in pain but smiling regardless at the sight of Daehye, her hair practically dripping with water and her plain T-shirt sticking to her skin, the loose jeans a shade darker. 

"Wait- Dae you will catch a cold." Ara's father looked at the couch for a jacket or an extra blanket but to no avail none could be found. "Samchon, that's fine." Daehye gave him a light side hug, "Mama, papa are parking the car, they'll be here any moment now." Daehye informed him and headed to sit next to Ara. 

It seemed that he didn't care, there were too many people showing up and a person who was fretting didn't give enough fucks to who was coming in and out. That's what it looked like for Taehyung. 

He was blatantly as a matter of fact ignoring Daehye existence, "Hi baby." Daehye wrapped her cold arms around Ara, "Im glad you greeted me first and not the baby." Right, the anger was like the pain climbing up Ara's spine. "And you." Ara slapped lightly on Taehyung's cheek, "what? Oh right." Taehyung snapped out from his brief blacking out session, Daehye could almost confirm that he reached a different world when he stared and stared at something continuously. 

"Aunt to be, how are you? No jet lag?" Taehyung shook Daehye's hand, his eyes kept going on Ara and then her bump, "No,I slept for almost six hours before landing." The AC was directly blowing air on Daehye's face so she moved a bit away from the spot, dragged the stool next to Ara's feet. 

"Father to be, how are you feeling?" Daehye kept her hand under her chin, "Nervous, I don't- dont ask anything." A gleam in his eyes, the grip with which he held on Ara's hand. Daehye couldn't help but smile, feel the little ball of sun in her chest, glowing and giving her the warmth that was ever so absent in California. 

The life over there wasn't bad, in fact that plan of masters in biochemistry with a Juris Doctor first lead to a month of regret and then three of relentless taunts from her parents. 

She's wasting the money. 

You should learn from us, you are twenty three and irresponsible. 

They were selfish. She stopped giving a fuck altogether at one point. And she was enjoying her studies, they were proving their worth. She felt happy, found herself not asking that question of am I doing the right thing? 

The absence of a few people was always persistent, in the cafe at the corner of the street. She would sip her coffee and remember that Jimin would've loved it. She remembered him all the time, in the music she heard, when she bought a cup of ramen from the seven eleven store all across the town.

"Is-" she stopped herself from asking that question. Is Jimin coming? Taehyung and Ara for now shouldn't even be bid by an unnecessary greeting. Daehye excused herself after pressing a kiss on Ara's forehead. He would come eventually, if not today then maybe tomorrow, Daehye knew this for certain that whenever he came she would see him. One way or the other. 

--

Just a glance, first she caught of him and then felt his eyes at her back, she didn't turn around, her nervousness didn't let her but when Ara's mother called Daehye she did, met his gaze, his ever so soft gaze and a hint of smile playing on his lips.

On the day Daehye and him parted ways, it felt like the world had ended. He didn't know about the actual one but his had ended for sure. He had faint recollections of Daehye telling him one night to never hurt her, and he knew it, had it written across his heart, could've written it on stone that he wouldn't. 

How could he really? Hurt the woman he loved? The chances weren't near to zero, they were absolute zero. But he also remembered her telling him that love would hurt inevitably, that she would hurt him, and he would hurt her, one way or the other. 

It hurted so much he just knew that the peace of death would've been better than this agonizing pain, this pain which had its throne embedded in his mind, which reminded him of her absence, which reminded him of the fact that he did hurt her. Inevitably so. 

But right now? It didn't pain him, he would've taken all the pain if it lead to this moment, with her hand interlocked with his, in his denim jacket, maybe he would take it back by the time it started smelling like her. Maybe he would let her keep it till she smelled like him, embraced in the warmth of the jacket, her cold hand becoming snug every passing second. she would've, could've gotten cast as an actress for phenomenal acting. 

"So like the army booth........" Jungkook's army talks were genuinely very interesting to her, and Daehye was the one who had brought up the question of "How's the south korean army treating you?" but now with Jimin beside her, who himself was trying very hard to focus on unread texts from friends but was failing to do so. 

"I mean, they were deciding whether to deliver the baby in Korea or singapore." She told him, Jungkook inquired further, 

"So what?" 

"So what Jungkook ssi- singapore if it's a boy because tell me honestly, do you like this military shit?" She was desperately trying to play cool, trying her best to distract herself from the warmth of his leg against hers, of his cologne mixed with his scent. "Oh." Jungkook's eyes somehow grew bigger than they already were, 

"Ohhhhhhhhh." Daehye had not so unintentionally spoiled the whole gender to the two men sitting beside her, "So a girl." Jimin murmured, unable to control his smile, his whisper seemed to echo through the walls. Ara's father looked up at them but didn't ask the question they were expecting, rather his eyes still wandered aimlessly as Ara's mother held onto his hand. 

"You know what we're naming her right?" Jimin leaned closer to Daehye, his eyes filled with mischief, "Tara yes?" And at that moment itself she was pulled in for a hug, "God I love you." She didn't know the intention behind these words, didn't know if they were told in the heat of excitement, if she had got the answer right, or if he really just was waiting to say these words as much as she was craving to listen to them. But whatever the intention was, she was glad she was told this. "I love you too."

What are we? What will we be?

--

Tara it was, or she was. The very first star in their universe, her cries though were relentless and shrill but she had made some people so many things. A mother, father, grandmother and grandfather. Ara's side fringes were still sticking to her skin but her smile was incandescent, her very own creation looked so gentle and small, even smaller in Taehyung's arms. Ara's father was crying in sobs now, her mother consoling him and Daehye meanwhile took a moment to observe, to let this moment imprint in her memory. There were times when she felt like she was the narrator, or just a side character of her own life, this very moment proved that to her.

"You think we can pull that off?" Yeah no- she was no side character. Not for Jimin at least, only the universe knew how he even summed up the courage to say those words. Because he did, he did want, felt the need, the desire to pull this off. 

"I- I don't know?" Daehye was caught a bit too off guard, in the midst of heart thumping like crazy and cluelessness of his question surrounding her like a haze. "You don't have to, I'm sorry for asking that." He had put her in a difficult situation, "I'm genuinely sorry Lavya." 

He was turned towards her now, his hand so close to hers. "I think we can pull this off, it's just that we need to be ready for it." She hooked her little finger with his and he shook it off only to grab her entire hand in his. A smile of relief and then he was pulling her out of the room, "Wait- where are you going?" But she was following him despite the question. "Listen I just need some time, okay? Please just give me some more time." They had stopped walking midway, in the middle of the corridor. 

"Jimin- what are you saying?" His thumb lightly stroked her jawline. "Some more time before I run back to you." Such a roller coaster of emotion, all because of a man. All because she was in love with him, 

"How long?" She asked back, a date, some specific time, hours and days she could cross out before she reached the time where she would have who she lost. "Very little." And now he couldn't control himself longer, not when her palm was pressed against his heart, not when she stood so close and before she knew he was kissing her. 

Slow, just so very slow that he wanted to pause time, wanted the clock to lose its sense. It was sickening how long she had waited for him to kiss her again and when he was she couldn't do anything, not fathom any words or a coherent thought, just mindlessly kiss him back.

As if it couldn't be helped. He leaned his weight to get closer, and she stepped back until her back hit the wall. His arm around her waist as her fingers curled around his sleeve, running out of breath but he didn't stop kissing her, his mouth softly traced her jaw, her neck and his hand was so close to the hem of her T-shirt, she just wanted him to slip it inside it- A flinch, from both of them because someone very intentionally, loudly even cleared their throat. 

"We appreciate baby making but we also appreciate if the baby making business is done in private." It was- thankfully it wasn't one of the parents- a nurse, might've been in her early thirties but ma'am looked done with life. Daehye wouldn't blame her, she often found cringe stuff cute with Jimin. 

"We are so sorry ma'am," Daehye said, there wasn't as much red on her ears because of his kiss as much as there was because of embarrassment. "I better not catch you like this again." She won't, Jimin would be leaving in a few hours and Daehye would be flying back after four mere days. 

"Yes we're extremely sorry." Jimin bowed out of respect, nothing more. He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed, he was just making out with a woman he loved and they weren't high schoolers who were romancing their life away despite studying for an extra higher mark. 

"Who are you waiting for? Why don't you leave?" The nurse pestered further, right she surely had a problem with them. Or with couples in general. "Maybe she's just feeling too single." Jimin whispered and pulled Daehye by her wrist when her eyebrows raised in annoyance at the tone the nurse was using with them. 

"You can be a little more polite." She said while getting dragged, her voice almost mimicking the nurse's intentionally. "That's it, chill out." 

Jimin tried to calm her down again but it wasn't needed by the time they entered the room back, now Tara was free and her very first Samchon and gomo were ready to take a closer look at her.

__

A few months later

Daehye had two marriages. Yes, marriages- not hers but she had to attend them, it was a frenzy, the whole bedroom was all over the place, the suitcases thrown open askew, the lehenga and the saree and then dresses not folded on her bed. The good thing was that they were only four of them, so yes she accepted that it required an effort to fold them and she was on her third youtube video on how to 'economically pack your clothes', at least they weren't so many in number that she would come out of the room exhausted and scathed, longing for one drop of water. 

She had to first go to India then to Korea all in a matter of a single week, she was scared that she wouldn't look mildly nice in the wedding pictures but look like some exhausted woman who had been an insomniac and a drug addict all her life because of the relentless travelling. 

She was thankful to the four day gap between Vidhi's reception and Ara's wedding commencement. The first marriage of her cousin Vidhi Malhotra, they talked less but when they did it would be for hours on end, she was two years elder to Daehye and thus never once was an instance where Daehye didn't feel that sisterly bond with her. 

Thinking about Vidhi's wedding made Daehye screeche with excitement, it made her look forward to it. Indian weddings aren't anything to be missed out on. Whereas, Ara's wedding. Goosebumps. All. Over. What were his words again? I'll see you at the wedding, Lavya.

"See me at the wedding huh?" She quietly whispered to herself. She didn't know Jimin's plans, he had been military free from now. She didn't have a clue about what he was planning. If he was even planning. Maybe he had moved on from her. Maybe he would propose after making love to her. Maybe their conversation would end at how are you? The weather is nice isn't it?

 Obviously that small resort island in Jeju would have lovely weather. How could it not? It was a resort in the fucking Jeju (its giving money literally). Not that Vidhi wasn't getting married in a five star hotel on the outskirts of Jaipur, but on her wedding Daehye didn't have to put any effort or not get nervous of the fact whether some man's pining eyes were on her back. 

"I'm so fucked."

Author

Life keeps fucking me over and over again.