Apparently, I was feeling empowered, because by the time I got back to my apartment I had a whole plan ready to go. "Emilia!" I called out as I came through the front door.

Emilia, who had been just coming out of the kitchen so I basically yelled right in her ear, jumped about a foot back, her hand pressed to her chest. "Jesus, what?" she asked.

"Oh, sorry," I said. "I'm just a little...anxious? Excited? Pumped up?"

"Okay, you're talking at about a million miles an hour," Emilia said, the two of us heading to the living room. "What's going on?"

"I'm going to tell him."

"Tell what who?" Emilia asked, although the look on her face told me she already had a guess.

"I'm going to tell Alex I like him."

We were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, and as I looked at Emilia, desperate for any sign that it was a good or bad idea, her face split into a grin. "Hell yeah you are!" she exclaimed. "What happened though? Wait, do I even want to know what happened?"

"I'll spare you the gory details," I assured her. "There was this whole thing with a shower. But I don't know." I shrugged and looked down at the faded green of the couch. Fuck, I felt like a damn high schooler all over again. "I mean we spend so much time together, we're physically affectionate outside of sex, and then, I mean, there's obviously the sex. But he hasn't given me any sign that he's not into me. Like, it's not like he's asked for all the details of my past sex life or anything."

Emilia raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked defensively. "I'm not asking about his and that's because it would hurt like a motherfucker to hear about other people he's been with." I hadn't even admitted that to myself until just now, but yeah. The thought of Alex with someone else, past or present, made me nauseous.

"Fair point," Emilia conceded. "And, I mean, I'm not one to argue. I've been saying you two are inevitable since day one."

"Yeah, yeah," I waved her off. As we kept talking, my stomach knotted into tighter and tighter coils. "But is this a good idea?" I asked, suddenly second-guessing myself.

"Don't do that," Emilia advised. "Don't psych yourself out. At the very least, you like him and you deserve to be able to be truthful with him. When are you going to see him next?"

"Uh, now," I admitted, ignoring Emilia's smug smile. "We're going to the beach together."

"Of course you are," she said, shaking her head. "Whose idea was that?"

"His."

"And you're over here all worried," Emilia said. "Go. Go!"

I found myself back at Alex's house almost exactly half an hour after I left, dressed in shots and an open, button-down shirt that sat over my bikini.

Alex opened the door in nothing but board shorts and a towel thrown over his shoulder. God bless. "Hey," he said.

"Ready?"

He just nodded and stepped out onto the porch, shutting the door behind him. We walked along the beach for a while, dodging a few tourists but far fewer than normal.

"Here okay?" I eventually asked. We were in a quiet part of the beach, away from the town.

Alex replied by throwing down his beach towel.

I put my towel down next to his and stripped off my shorts and over shirt. I laid down next to him and closed my eyes, feeling the heat of the sun beat down on my sunscreened face.

"I needed this," Alex murmured.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. He had his sunglasses on but I guessed he also had his eyes closed. His arms were behind his head and his chest rose and fell slowly with his breath. I loved seeing him so at peace.

I stared in silence like a creeper for a few moments, although I was actually taking the time to try and work up the nerve to do what I told Emilia I was planning to do.

"Can I ask—"

"Hey, Alex—"

Of course, when I finally did, he spoke at exactly the same time. Alex looked over and grinned at me. "You first," he said.

I shook my head and then turned on my side, propping my head up on my hand. "No, go ahead." My nerve was slowly slipping.

He stared at me for a moment, but then shrugged. "You're the boss."

I definitely did not feel like a boss, at the moment.

"I would have asked you about this on Sunday," he told me. "But you were, well..."

"Dying, yes, I remember," I supplemented for him.

"I've just been dying to know," he continued. "What's the story with the pool table?"

"The pool table?" I repeated. I knew exactly what he wanted to know, and I felt a pit sinking deep into my stomach, feeling as though I jinxed myself with my earlier words to Emilia.

"Yeah, the pool table," Alex said. "After we first kissed you told me that you had lost your virginity there. And well," the side of his mouth bent up, "that's not exactly something I would forget. Especially since—"

"Especially since I sucked you off in the same spot?" I finished for him. "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't." I sighed and looked him over, shaking my head.

"I mean, you don't have to tell me," he said quickly. "But I was just wondering."

"No, no I don't mind," I told him. And I didn't. I was just thankful that I had made him go first. Apparently, my plan was shot to hell. "It was the night of my high school graduation," I told him. "I know, cliché, right?"

As I started the story, Alex moved his hand to my thigh, sliding it up my hip and to my waist.

"My dad let us use the bar for the party," I continued, my skin tingling at his touch, my already warm skin somehow heating even more. "It was shut down for the night and, you know, we had food, music, dancing, mocktails, all of that. Emilia was there, of course, but I officially was there with my high school boyfriend, Evan."

Alex's hand had made it up to the middle of my back, and he toyed with the string that held my bikini top in place. I reached over him with the hand not propping my head up and rested it on his skin, just above his hipbone.

"The party died down around midnight. My mom and dad had left after the first hour or so, so it was just us seniors. But after everyone left, Evan and I hung back. I had to leave last, anyway, to lock up, and so once we were alone," I shrugged, "things got a little heated."

"It seems more than a little heated," Alex teased.

"We had wanted to have sex for a while," I admitted. "But it was almost impossible to find the time and space. So there we were, completely alone, flat surface nearby, so I ended up with my back flat against the table, Evan on top of me, and, well, it isn't exactly an ecstasy-filled memory, but it could have been worse."

Alex snorted. "Could have been worse?" he repeated. "Not exactly a riveting review for Evan's skill level."

"Oh, shut up," I told him. "It didn't last long, it kinda hurt but not too bad, and I definitely did not get off. But he got better at it, the summer before college. Not great at it, but better."

"What happened with the two of you?"

I shrugged. "I went to UConn, he went to UNC Chapel Hill, I didn't want to do long distance. We had been together since the beginning of sophomore year, and honestly, at that point it just felt like habit. I wasn't too broken up over it."

"He's still in town?"

"North Carolina, now. I think he's engaged."

I watched as Alex processed all the information. "Did your dad ever find out?"

I let out a bark of laughter. "Absolutely not," I told him. "And that's not the only thing he doesn't know about," I said, giving Alex a severe look.

He grinned. "Hey, I'm not about to spill any beans," he said. "I would rather not get fired and/or murdered."

I rolled my eyes. "But yeah, that's the pool table story. It's remained innocent ever since, at least until you came along."

Alex looked oddly proud of that. "What, didn't bring any college boyfriends home to show them the place?" he asked.

And there he was curious about more of my past sex life. I didn't mind talking about it, but it made my heart sink into my stomach that Alex didn't mind hearing about it. "Never had one," I told him. "Evan was the only guy I've ever been in a relationship with."

Alex raised his head slightly. "Really?"

"You seem shocked."

Alex was quiet for a moment, and I could tell he was trying to figure out what to say without offending me.

"I slept with a lot of guys, but that doesn't mean I dated a lot of guys," I said before he could comment. "Didn't think you had a problem with that."

"No, that's not it at all," Alex rushed. "I guess, I don't know, I guess I just assumed people would have wanted to go out with you, is all."

I smirked. "I never said I wasn't asked out."

"Ah, Ana Cassidy, breaker of hearts."

"Pretty much."

With my sex history out of the way and no desire to ask Alex about his, I flopped back on my back, taking my hand off of him and forcing his off of my back.

"Hey, are you good?" Alex had taken my previous position, propping his head on his hand and staring down at me, a frown on his face. "Sorry if I pushed too much."

I shook my head. That wasn't the issue. "If I didn't want to tell you something, I would have just told you to go to hell, don't worry." I hated that he could even tell that there was something wrong. He read me way too well.

"Noted." Alex's face relaxed. "Oh, hey, you were going to say something, what's up?"

"Oh, right." Well, I couldn't continue with my original plan. "Just, you haven't noticed anything weird with my dad lately, have you?" My worries over him had popped back into my head, and the words just came out of my mouth.

The frown was back. "No, not really. Why, is there something wrong?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "It's probably nothing."

"But..." Alex prodded gently.

"But he's been kind of weird lately when I've asked him what he's doing," I said. "I mean, he's a grown man, he doesn't have to tell me everything he does. But he's never hidden anything if it comes up in conversation or I ask him. But there have been a few times lately where he's been super vague in answering those questions. It's not like him."

"What do you think it is?"

"I'm just worried that he's going to see doctors or something." I shook my head. "I know, I know, it's stupid. Nothing is indicating that it has anything to do with his health."

"It's not stupid," Alex said. "I guess I could understand why he wouldn't want to tell you if that was the case."

"But it could also be a million other different things. I shouldn't jump to the worst-case scenario."

"Maybe you shouldn't. But after what happened at the hospital and with your mom, I don't blame you."

I suddenly felt the urge to start crying, and I turned my head, looking away from him. "Well, I don't want to waste the day on this," I said, abruptly changing the subject. I pushed myself off the ground and then offered him my hand. "You coming?"

Alex just took my hand in response, letting me pull him up.

I dropped his hand quickly afterward. I waded into the cool water, trying to let the gentle waves wash away all of my worries.