I felt the sunlight on my face but didn't want to open my eyes. I knew it was late; it had to be late. Alex had kept me up for half the night, and I was exhausted by the end of it.

With my head resting on his shoulder and my arm wrapped around his stomach, I let myself fall back into the memories of the previous night.

I had had rough sex before. And I always enjoyed it. But just like everything else, with Alex, it became a thousand times better.

When Alex said he wanted to worship my body, he did exactly that. He kissed, licked, sucked, and fucked me into climax after climax, to a point of pleasure that I didn't even know my body was capable of reaching. My hands were handcuffed to the bedframe the entire time, but eventually, the fact that I had no control didn't matter. Nothing mattered, except for whatever it was that Alex was doing to me at the time.

As great as the night was, what made the entire night so special was what happened after. As Alex undid the restraints and brought my arms back down to my sides, he left featherlight kisses across my wrists and the faint red marks left by the handcuffs. He brushed the same kisses across my face and neck. I literally couldn't move, but I could feel the tenderness in his touch, a stark contrast to the commanding moves he had been making just a few moments earlier.

Then he left, and I could hear the tap for the bathtub turn on. Alex came back and wrapped my arms around his neck and carried me across the room, and then carefully set me down in the warm water. He had brushed my hair out of my face as he crouched down next to me. I had asked him to stay, but he just smiled, kissed my forehead, and told me he would be back in a moment.

I had let my eyes rest as I felt the bathtub filling up, but then opened up halfway when I felt Alex nudge me forward so he could slip in behind me, the tub more than big enough for the both of us. He had wrapped his arms around me and I leaned back against him, feeling the steam create tiny water droplets on my face and Alex's hands caressing my arms.

"Are you okay?" he had whispered to me.

And that was it. I probably had been for a lot longer, but that was the moment I knew I was in love with him.

"I'm perfect," I whispered back. "That was perfect."

His lips had gone back to my neck, so light and soft that I almost thought I was imagining them.

We had gone to bed together, me curled up into his side, and that's how I was still positioned now. Safe, warm, and absolutely, completely in love with the person I was lying with. It was a type of euphoria I had never experienced before, lightness filling my entire body until it felt like I could just float away.

I finally opened my eyes and leaned my head back to look up at him. Alex was already awake, staring down at me. I shifted up so I could kiss him.

I settled back in his arms and we stayed like that for a while, complete, comfortable silence filling the room. My hand slowly ran up and down the arm he had around my shoulders, tracing the tattoos, as I examined each one.

"I was born on March 22," Alex said, breaking the silence.

My hand was tracing over the dice he had on his forearm. They were both face up on two.

"And Violet was born on December 22."

My fingers stilled. "And this one?" Just above the crease of his elbow was 'V.C.' "Violet Castellan?"

"Yeah."

I sat up and turned around so I could face him, drawing my knees up to my chest. He pushed himself up to lean against the headboard.

"I went with her when she turned eighteen," he told me. "She wanted to get matching ones."

"A.C.?" I guessed.

Alex nodded.

I reached over and traced the thin scar that ran down his forehead. "And this?"

Alex chuckled. "Violet again. We were kids, I think I was eight, so she was still really young. She nearly took my eye out with a knife."

I laughed. "What did you do?"

"Why do you assume I was the one who did something?" Alex asked in fake outrage. But he just joined in with my laughter. "I stole her favorite toy," he admitted. "And apparently her solution was to chase me around with a kitchen knife."

"Resourceful four-year-old," I mused.

Alex chuckled. "Yeah."

He played with my hands for a moment. "I'm really glad you're here, Ana." He gazed at me, his green eyes bright in the morning sunlight.

I felt my cheeks heat, slightly astonished at how easily he could still make me blush. "I kinda got that from last night," I teased.

Alex laughed. "Ana," he said, and then reached over and pulled me into his lap. "Seriously. Thank you for being here. I don't know if I would have been able to make it through this weekend without you."

I brushed a piece of hair out of his eyes. "I'm glad I'm here, too." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close.

But the moment couldn't last forever. "Ana, it's after eleven o'clock, we should probably get out of bed sometime soon," he eventually said.

I groaned and rolled off of him, flopping back down on the bed. "Why are you so logical?"

Alex leaned down and kissed me. "One of us has to be," he said, and then I watched him disappear into the bathroom.

Half an hour later we were both showered, dressed, and eating the best bagels I had ever tasted. "We really need to get some of these in Delphine," I mumbled through a mouthful of bread. "Because I don't think I'm ever going to be able to eat basic ass bagels ever again."

Alex laughed. "No one ever can."

But the morning continued to pass into early afternoon, and Alex made no mention of what we would actually be doing that day. I didn't expect it to be anything particularly fun. Despite everyone back in Delphine telling us to do so, that's not what this trip was turning out to be about.

"I kind of need to do something today," Alex finally said. "You don't have to come if you don't want to, but—"

"Alex," I said firmly, cutting him off. "When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I'm here for you, and I want to be here for you? So if you're headed somewhere and you want me with you, I'm there."

That's how we found ourselves on the subway, headed into Brooklyn. Alex never confirmed where we were going, but based on how quiet he had gotten, I had a feeling I knew what our destination was.

That suspicion was confirmed as we got off the subway and walked a few short blocks, ending at the gates of a cemetery. Alex gripped my hand and we walked in silence, weaving our way amongst the headstones.

Violet Castellan.

Her grave was in a central location, big and new. Dried but not quite dead flowers lay on top of the earth. Violets.

"She would have hated that," Alex said, staring at the flower, his voice thick with emotions. "She never understood why her favorite flowers had to be violets just because of her name."

"What did she like?" I asked softly.

"Daffodils."

I made a mental note. I hoped one day we would be able to bring some.

"I did wonder if this is why they never picked up my calls."

I turned to look at him. Alex stared blankly at his sister's grave, his shoulders hunched over, his eyes glassy. I ran my hand up his forearm, but he didn't move.

"I mean, I missed the funeral of my own sister. Who does that?"

"Hey," I whispered. "Everyone deals with grief in their own ways."

"Who fucking does that?" Alex repeated. Then he shook his head. "Maybe that's why they never picked up my calls."

There wasn't anything I could say. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. But right now, it's what he believed.

"It must have been fucking terrible for them."

I nodded slowly. "I imagine it was."

A pause. Then, "I don't know how to forgive myself, Ana."

Something else that I couldn't say anything in response to. While I desperately wanted to support him in that, it was something he would have to find for himself.

"Do you mind if I have a minute alone?"

I kissed the back of his hand. "Of course."

I wandered the rows of headstones, staring at the names and various items left by family members as Alex knelt down to take a moment with his sister. I didn't want to obviously stare at him, but I couldn't help but keep him in the corner of my eye as I wandered.

My eyes skimmed past the names and dates, but eventually, my mind wandered to my mom. It didn't happen often anymore, but there were still times that I felt the ache of raw grief from the loss. Time never really lessened it, but I had learned how to deal with it.

God, I missed her.

I saw Alex standing back up, and I slowly made my way over to him. Despite the heat, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me toward him.

"I think I've had enough," he said quietly.

I just nodded and we turned around, heading back toward the entrance.

We hadn't made it very far, though, when I stopped. "Actually," I said to him, "can you give me a second?"

Alex nodded and I quickly made my way back to Violet. I knelt down.

"Hi, Violet," I said, making sure to keep my voice low. "My name's Ana. I really wished we could have met." I took in a deep, slightly shaky breath. "I know how much you cared about your brother, and how much he cared about you. And I wanted to let you know that he's not alone in all of this, even if he might feel like it at times. I'm guessing you would have wanted him to be happy in his life, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that happens."

I touched the top of the stone. "I love him, Violet. And I swear to you, I'm going to make sure he feels that love."

I stood up and brushed off my hands, and then rejoined Alex. He didn't ask any questions, just continued walking.

"Do you visit your mom often?"

I blinked in surprise at the question, although it was a fair one. "We cremated her," I told him. "So not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"We scattered her ashes in the ocean." I closed my mind at the memory, clutching my dad's hand on the boat as he tipped the urn over the gray water. "So I don't really have one specific place to go to. But at the same time, it feels like anytime I'm near the ocean, any ocean, really, she's there."

Alex's arm curled around me again, and I leaned into him.