Dear Ryan,

I don't hate you little Bro,
Ryan, you're not the one I blame.
Please understand what I'm saying,
Don't hide from my name.

I know I keep my distance,
I know I'm never kind.
But you have to know I love you,
I'm sorry I lost my mind.

You were too young to know,
Too young to choose,
I know you had no say in it,
That you weren't able to refuse.

I was only scared, I promise,
And mostly scared for you.
I knew the others would love you,
That much has stayed true,

But I feared for your mental health,
I feared for what you'd wish,
I feared for what you'd think of Dad,
For creating a situation like this.

But brother you must remember,
Child eight of eight, her fourth son,
Mother still remembers your life,
As the final battle she won.

Ry, I'm sorry,
For everything I've done,
I loved you and I love you,
Please stay and have some fun.

I know I crossed the line,
Away from pain I ran.
But now I'm back, I promise,
With no evil plan.

I want to make you smile,
Mother would want that too.
You didn't kill her, no one did,
Please don't feel blue.

She will remain within us,
Of that I am sure.
As long as we keep smiling,
We'll have no civil war.

Please Ryan, I love you x
- Thaddeus, your big brother.