For today I promised myself that I'll forget everything.

Even just for today.

Because I'm already with him.

"Saan mo gustong pumunta?" Napatingin ako kay Blaster. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o ano dahil halatang-halata na natataranta siya sa nangyayari. I couldn't help but to hold his hand. Gusto ko pa ngang tumawa dahil muntik pa niyang sapakin si Dane kanina, knowing na alam niya kung ano'ng meron sa amin ni Dane noon. But I was able to calm him down naman.

This feels great.

"Kahit saan," sambit ko. "Just take me away."

"Cass—"

"Blaster, please. Kahit ngayon lang. Gusto ko munang makalimot. Pagod na pagod na ako kaiisip kung ano ba dapat ang gagawin ko. Kung ano pa bang silbi ko. Kung bakit kailangan nating masaktang lahat."

Ngumiti siya.

"Sure, darling." Napangiti ako. Naramdaman ko namang mas hinigpitan niya ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko, habang 'yung isa nakahawak naman sa manibela. I still couldn't help but to wonder—ano'ng nakita niya sa akin? Bakit ako pa? Sa lahat ng tao, bakit ako ang pinili niya?

Hindi ko alam kung nasaan na kami, pero hinayaan ko lang siyang mag-drive. It felt great, but then I suddenly remembered na may gig sila.

Agad akong napatingin sa kaniya, "May gig kayo."

Blaster shrugged his shoulders, his eyes still focused on the road, "Maaga pa naman."

"What if ma-late ka? Kasalanan ko pa. Balik na lang tayo."

Blaster smiled, "Cass. Don't worry."

I sighed, "How can I not be—"

"Priorities. Always," he said. "How can I not ditch a gig when I'm with you? God, I prayed every day for this day to come. I'm sure one gig won't hurt."

I sighed, again, probably for the nth time. Bigla namang kinurot ni Blaster 'yung pisngi ko at natawa nang bahagya, "Malapit lang dito 'yung gig namin. Huwag ka nang mag-alala."

Inirapan ko lang siya, "Bibigyan mo pa ako ng heart attack."

Natawa na naman siya, "That's one thing I'll never do. Disappoint them."

I smiled, "That's why you never disappointed me."

Blaster was right, malapit nga lang ang gig nila rito. Gusto ko na nga siyang sapakin kanina dahil ayaw ko namang gawin niya 'yun. Responsibilities na rin niya 'yun bilang musician, and I don't want to be the reason for people to hate him.

When Blaster pulled off, agad siyang bumaba. He even whined when I was about to open the door, saying na he's responsible raw on doing those things for his girl. Hindi ko na tuloy napigilang kiligin.

God, how I missed this guy.

How I missed the feeling of being genuinely happy just by the thought that I am with him again.

Sabay kaming pumasok sa isang restaurant. Nagulat ako dahil nakita ko kaagad 'yung isang long table na puro management ng IV Of Spades ang nakaupo, nando'n na rin sila Zild at kuya Badjao. Pero, ito namang si Blaster hinila ako palayo roon. No'ng nakita naman nila ako nginitian ko lang sila.

"Loka, ando'n sila tapos dito tayo uupo?" tanong ko kay Blaster pagkaupo namin.

"Bawal bang masolo kita? Isang buwan din 'yun, o," malungkot na sabi niya. Napangiti naman ako nang mapait at pinisil ang pisngi niya.

"Tumataba ka lalo."

"Stress eating," sabi niya at napanguso. 'Di ko tuloy alam kung matatawa ako o malulungkot ako sa reaction niya. "Sobrang hirap, Cass. Pakiramdam ko araw-araw na gumigising ako noon, iniisip na kasama mo lang si Unique sa buong isang buwan na 'yun, parang namamatay ako deep inside."

"Kaya please... huwag mo na akong iiwan." Napansin kong nangingilid na 'yung mga mata niya kaya agad kong hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi niya.

"Ang cute mo."

Ngumiti naman si Blaster at hinawakan ang mga kamay ko habang hindi pa rin tinatanggal sa mga pisngi niya, "Hindi mo na ako iiwan?"

"Promise, hindi na po."

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ni Blaster. Ibinaba naman ni Blaster ang mga kamay namin at ipinatong sa lamesa, mas lalong hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak, "I really didn't know what to do every time I see the both of you together. Sobrang sakit."

I sighed.

"Ako pa rin talaga, Cass?"

I smiled and bobbed my head up and down, "I admit, I'm happy when I'm with him, pero nando'n pa rin 'yung fear, 'yung pain, lahat-lahat na. In short, oo kasama ko siya, pero ikaw ang iniisip ko. I know I was being unfair to him, Blaster. I even promised Julene that I will make him happy, but I can't... I know I'll never make him happy, when it's still you. Ikaw pa rin 'yung happiness ko."

"I don't want to become unfair to him. Kaya if it means being selfish, then I'd do it. Just for him to not feel the uncertainty of us," I said. Pakiramdam ko unti-unting pinupunit ang puso ko habang sinasabi ko ang mga 'yun.

I don't want to hurt Unique.

Pero I realized, whatever my decision will be, masasaktan at masasaktan ko pa rin siya.

Blaster's smile faded, which alarmed me a little bit. Umayos siya nang upo at tinanggal ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko.

"W-why?"

"Answer your phone first, I think it's urgent. Kanina pa nagri-ring, hindi mo yata napapansin." Saka ko lang na-realize na kanina pa nga tumutunog 'yung phone ko kaya agad kong inilabas. It was an unknown number. I usually don't answer calls from anonymous people, but it just felt like something was pushing me to answer the call.

So I did.

I immediately went out of the restaurant and counted three rings before I answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Cassandra you promised me..." I was taken aback upon hearing Julene's voice from the other line, her voice was cracking—I can't deny it, she's crying. "Cassandra, what are these photos? Bakit kayo magkasama ni Blaster? Akala ko ba malinaw na? I even told you I would be honest! I would tell everyone that Unique and I are already over, tapos ito!? What games are you playing, Cass!?"

A tear fell from my eye, and then followed by another one, until it became never-ending. I couldn't control myself from sobbing, as my heart throbs in pain.

I wanted to leave, run and hug Julene and say sorry. Because both of us are victims of our own feelings, we became prisoners that we keep on ending up hurting others—or even hurting ourselves.

I just wanted to be happy.

Pero bakit pakiramdam ko ipinagkakait na sa akin 'yun?

"Cassandra, answer me... please."

I closed my eyes, "Jules, I'm sorry. I can't. I realized I can't, that's why I run away. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Jules. As much as I don't want to hurt Unique, and make him happy because he's special to me, I don't want to make him feel more miserable," I said, tears still falling from my eyes. I couldn't breathe, my chest was tightening and it felt too painful. "Unique is special to me Julene. That's why I don't want him to suffer more. I don't want him to feel that I'm choosing him because I pity him. I want him to feel that I am not worthy of his love, I'll never be."

"Pero ikaw ang mahal ko, Cass." I stopped breathing for a second. It felt like I became a statue after hearing his voice. It felt like a harmonious melody, and then suddenly, it broke. "I can bear the pain. Kaya ko naman. Please... just be mine."

I closed my eyes, "I'm sorry Unique."

He laughed, and then his voice broke, and then he laughed again, "Ano pa bang kulang ko, Cass? Isang buwan. Isang buwan tayo lang ang magkasama, pero bakit siya pa rin? Bakit hindi na lang ako?"

"Hindi kita gustong masaktan, Unique. Pero tinanong mo na ba kung ano'ng nararamdaman ko? Did you ever tried to consider what I was feeling? Kung masaya ba talaga ako, kung okay lang ba ako, kung malungkot ba ako? Hindi. Kasi selfish ka. Kasi gusto mo ikaw lang. Kaya gusto mo akong masaya kasi ayaw mong masaktan. Kaya ipinagdamot mo ako sa kaniya kasi ayaw mong maniwala sa katotohanan, na hindi mo ako makukuha..." Hindi ko rin alam kung ano'ng pumasok sa isip ko at nasabi ko lahat ng iyon.

I just wanted to be happy.

Bakit sobrang daya?

Bakit kailangang may masaktan? Hindi ba pwedeng masaya na lang?

Unique sighed, "Sorry. Sorry kung umasa ako. Sorry kung naging madamot ako. Masiyado lang yata kasi talaga kitang mahal," sambit niya, umiiyak pa rin, "Punta ka pa rin ng con ha? Hihintayin kita. Kahit do'n na lang, Cass."

Ngumiti ako nang bahagya, "See you."