"Okay ka na?" Nginitian ko si Unique at tumango nang bahagya. It's been hours since na-discharge ako sa hospital (which is sobrang nakakabwisit na talaga dahil pakiramdam ko hanggang kamatayan nasa ospital pa rin yata ako from time to time), pero ngayon lang lumapit sa'kin si Unique. Bukas, babiyahe na rin kami paalis, kaya ko naman kahit pa paano, at saka sayang din 'yung oras.

"Sorry," sambit niya at napa-buntonghininga. "Kasalanan ko."

Natawa ako, "Wala kang kasalanan, masiyadong OA lang talaga 'yung reaction ko. Mukhang tanga talaga," sambit ko. "Siguro, hindi ko talaga in-expect. I mean, matagal ko na rin naman na talagang hinihintay na sabihin mo 'yun, kasi siyempre, ayaw ko na rin namang mahirapan ka. Kaso, alam mo 'yun? Ang hirap din pala talagang pakawalan no'ng taong nandiyan lang sa tabi mo no'ng panahong ginagago ka ng mundo."

"Wala ka namang kasalanan. Kasalanan ko na siguro 'to. Na umasa akong kahit iwanan ako ng maraming tao, nandiyan ka pa rin sa tabi ko." Natawa ulit ako nang bahagya habang nakatingin lang sa mga kamay ko. "Tapos, I realized. Tao ka rin nga pala. Napapagod. Minsan tinatanong ko na nga rin ang sarili ko, bakit hindi na lang ikaw? Bakit kailangan ko pang ipagsiksikan 'yung sarili ko sa iba, bakit—"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang bigla akong hilahin ni Unique. Pabilis nang pabilis ang tibok ng puso ko hanggang sa pakiramdam ko ay naubusan na'ko ng hininga.

"Sorry," sambit niya nang maghiwalay ang mga labi namin, nanlalaki pa rin ang mga mata ko habang nakatitig ako sa kan'ya. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng ire-react, it was so sudden but it felt like it lasted for so long. "Sorry, shit, sorry."

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang pumasok sa transient house. Hindi ko na lang napigilan na mapaiyak.

Still, it felt wrong when the only person you think about is not the one who's there by your side.

In my case... I do, I do love Unique. Gusto ko siyang protektahan, it feels so right when I'm with him.

Then, wrong afterwards knowing I can't really love him just as how I love Blaster.

And if I'd choose him... I'd be unfair. He doesn't deserve unfair.

If I could only, I'd give him the whole world because that's what he deserve. Not some half-assed love.

I can't give him that.

Napa-buntonghininga na lang ako at niyakap ang sarili ko habang umiihip ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. December na naman, parang kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat. I'm even surprised na nakaya ko pang mabuhay sa sobrang dami kong rason para mamatay--still, here I am alive--trying to be alive.

I smiled.

"Hindi ka ba matutulog?" Napalingon ako kay Kirs na may face mask sa mukha. "Grabe, 'no? December na naman," natatawang sambit niya habang nag-iinat. "Ang bilis ng panahon."

Ngumiti naman ako, "Palagi namang gano'n, hindi natin napapansin ang paglipas ng panahon," sambit ko.

Napatingala naman si Kirs, tumitig sa kalangitan, bago napadako ulit ang tingin sa akin. A small smile appearing on her face, "Ano'ng wish mo?"

"Happiness," I said. "Unique's happiness."

Because I just know, I'll never be that kind of happiness that he deserves.

***

Baguio was great, idagdag mo pa 'yung malamig na klima habang nagsho-shooting kami para sa mga scenes ng film, medyo na-badtrip lang ako dahil they don't want me to read the script. Sometimes, not even watch the scene on-going. Isang araw tuloy hindi na lang ako lumabas sa hotel, and they were even okay from it.

Pakiramdam ko I was just there to help with the make-up, and suggest emotions. Over-all, there was nothing big already. Masyado yata nila akong binaby dahil sa nangyari.

I could've helped...

I sighed.

"Thank you sa tulong ninyo, guys!" Unique said with a bright smile on his face. "Short film lang naman 'to, so the editing would be quite easy. Next week out na 'to! Text-text na lang?" We all nodded our heads.

Kaunting pag-uusap pa'y nagpaalam na rin kami sa isa't-isa, but I stayed since malapit na lang naman sa area namin 'yung pinag-drop-an naming lahat. I was really tired from the long drive, but I still needed the smell of coffee from this café, and so I stayed to savor the aroma.

"Umuwi ka na," Unique said, a small smile appearing on his face.

"Malapit na lang naman," I said, "I can manage."

"It's 4:57 in the morning, you should get sleep," he said, like insisting that I should really go home. "I can't accompany you, I need to talk to someone."

I smiled, "Ano ba, sure go ahead. I can manage," I said.

"Sure ka?" he asked. I bobbed my head up and down to reassure him. Right on cue, someone entered the shop since the door clicked open and the chimes started to play a tune. Unique was fast to leave me on my seat, and before I could even see the guy—they already left.

I chuckled and shrugged it all off before drinking the remaining coffee from my cup. I stayed for a few minutes to finish the music that was playing before I went out and booked an Uber on the way home.

Pagkauwi ko napasalampak agad ako sa kama, napatitig lang sa kisame.

Such a long ride.

Either way, I'm happy.

***

The next few days were chill. I wasn't still planning to apply to work at a company since I was enjoying in helping indie films, kahit na may nagi-invite sa'kin na companies—maybe I wasn't still ready, siguro ine-enjoy ko muna 'yung freedom ko. Hindi ko alam, or maybe because I find the satisfaction on helping indie films. Yesterday, I came from a film workshop to talk about stuff, and I've never felt so fulfilled before.

Napainat ako ng kamay habang nakaupo sa kama. I checked for my time and it's almost 10 am kaya bumaba na ako para kumain.

"May nanliligaw ba sa'yo, Cass? You keep receiving flowers, ha!" Napakunot ako ng noo. The last time I checked, nakipag-ayos na ako sa kanilang dalawa. I was already happy and contented with me being single.

"Baka naman mali ng address 'yan, ma?" I said. The bouquet was just a small one, more like a round box of flowers from a famous flower shop. Everyday, iba-iba ng arrangement ang pinapadala, but the flowers were still the same.

Plano naman yata nitong gawin akong reseller? I already have 10 boxes and they just keep on coming!

"Ikaw ha, baka may hindi ka sinasabi." I raised both of my hands and shook my head.

"Ma, wala talaga," I said in confusion. "Pati ako naguguluhan na rin."

Natawa naman si mama, "Kung nahihiya ka, you can tell me sooner," she said with a smile bago niya ako iniwan sa sala. At the end, napasalampak na lang tuloy ako sa sofa namin habang nakatitig sa kisame.

I couldn't really think of anything.

I reached for my phone at baka 'yung mga pinupuntahan ko lang na indie film shoots ang nagpapadala, but there weren't any sign or even messages that it were from them. Napa-buntonghininga na lang ako.

And then suddenly, my phone vibrated.

Unique: Good morning! The release of the short film on our Facebook page would be this 12 nn. Don't forget na i-share 'yung video! :)

I was ecstatic for a while, and then, disappointed the whole time. I didn't even do a lot of things to help in filming the short movie! Ni hindi ko nga alam kung saan ba talaga nagre-revolve 'yung buong story.

I was clueless the entire time.

I waited 'til twelve since wala rin naman akong gagawin. When the video was finally posted—nagulat ako dahil naka-tag ako.

Pati si Blaster.

I shrugged it off, maybe they're still tagging people that they know at kami lang 'yung nauna nilang na-tag.

I clicked the video and let it play.

And a voice started to speak, with the background of Mundo.

Cassandra Feliciano... I did a lot of things to hurt you in a lot of way. I was too selfish that all I ever wanted for myself was you.

And I realized I was wrong.

Yet, 'til now... I still love you for the way you are. Your smile still gives butterflies to my stomach, your eyes still show what the universe looks like and your voice, they're still as melodious and beautiful as they've always been.

This is for you...

Napaawang ang labi ko habang pinapanood ko ang video. The scenes were entirely the same from what happened to the both of us—everything that they captured reminded me of the happiest times and the toughest times of him and I.

So that's why they brought me to Baguio—they didn't want me to notice.

The corners of my eyes started to swell, and I let my tears fall down from my eyes like never-ending falls. For a whole span of ten-minutes, it felt like I was just a baby crying.

I was literally watching my whole life being depicted through a film.

And I've never felt so happy before.

Happiness... we've always longed for that. And you... you will always be my happiness.

It's you. It's always been you.

The video ended and I was still crying non-stop. The tears couldn't just stop from falling, until I felt someone's familiar embrace enveloped my whole body. For a second, I froze when I felt the ecstatic feeling of electricity from his skin touching mine.

"I'm sorry I made you cry again," he said, breaking the hug. Suddenly, everyone was already inside our house—even my mother was crying.

I couldn't think straight, pakiramdam ko rin si Blaster lang ang kasama ko sa loob.

"I did a lot of mistakes, Cassandra. You know that," he said. "But I'm willing to change for you. And I'm sorry I told you I was willing to let you go, but it was all part of an act."

A smile appeared on his face, but he, too, was crying, "It's hard to forgive I know... and you are the most wonderful person that I've met."

He closed his eyes for a second, "Will... will you forgive me and spend the rest of your life with me?"

I was obviously shaking from everything that's happening but I smiled.

I've always imagined this happening... but I never imagined that it would come true.

And now it is.

"It's you, it's always been you," I said, mimicking his line. Tears started to fall down from his eyes as he hug me.

"No regrets this time," he said.

I nodded, "No regrets," I said.