"I found myself thinking of the cars that drove by, and how they had no idea the two of us were uncovering secrets that weren't meant to be brought to light."

"Those boys are known for jumping girls and not letting them go until they've unbuckled their belts."

. . .

My breath caught in my throat at his words, and for a moment I was incapable of speech. My heart beat like a drum in my ears as memories flooded my vision.

Boys in dark allies...

Unbuckling belts...

Maniacal laughter...

Letting myself be gone...

Gone
Gone
Gone...

And pretending it didn't happen...

It didn't happen.

"I want to make sure you're okay, Penny." Sodapop's words broke me out of my trance and I looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes were gentle, and he let his concern seep into his words. "The way Steve describes it...he said they spoke to you like they'd known you before. But no girl knows Dave without a reason. A horrible reason." He paused. "You know you can tell me anything?"

When I didn't respond, fear finally took over his face and his voice shook as he spoke again. "Nothing happened, right? Tell me nothing happened."

I felt hot tears welling in my eyes but I blinked them away. "It was a while ago." My words were barely above a whisper. "I was walking home too late one night. He and his crew caught me taking a short cut through one of the allies. I was fourteen then."

The funny thing was, Soda said Dave had spoken to me like he'd known me, but I doubted he remembered who I was. It was dark and I had barely hit puberty then. I looked different now and I was sure he didn't remember half the girl he went after anyway. We were all just something to do. Someone to fuck.

We had stopped walking at this point, silence settling over us like the cold snow of winter. I found myself thinking of the cars that drove by, and how they had no idea the two of us were uncovering secrets that weren't meant to be brought to light.

"Penny..." Soda's voice was so soft, so gentle, and it folded itself around me like a blanket. I shivered despite the heat, for reasons I was unsure of.

"No," I cut him off. "Don't. It was my own fault." My voice broke and I took a second to recollect myself. "If I hadn't taken that shortcut... Hell, if I hadn't been out that late in the first place, it wouldn't have happened at all."

An arm wrapped around my shoulder and I was suddenly pulled against Soda's chest in a tight hug. "It wasn't your fault," he spoke into my hair, breath tickling my ear. "Nothing like that could ever be your fault."

He had only scratched the surface of my unending brokenness, but only I knew that. I swore to myself then, that this would be the only thing he saw of me that was hurting. He had found a chink in my armor. If he kept digging, it was only a matter of time before he found that there was no one behind the suit of armor in the first place.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of him that made me feel warm and safe. "It doesn't matter now," I said softly. "It's been over a long time."

Soda gave me another tight squeeze before pulling an arms length away from me, keeping his hands on my shoulders. I met his gaze tentatively. "I'm always here for you, Penny. If you ever need someone to talk to, please come to me. I want to be able to help you." He sighed, letting me go, and I got a brief glimpse of how emotionally tired he really was. A wave of guilt washed over me and my heart ached. "Let's go back to my place and see if the guys are back."

I bite my lip, anxiously looking up at him. "Please don't tell the boys, Soda. Not even Steve. They don't need to know."

Soda looked at me for a long moment before sighing once more. "Okay. But if Dave ever bothers you again and you're in danger, I won't hesitate to tell them."

That wasn't very reassuring, but it was the best I was going to get at the moment. "Thanks Soda."

Sodapop lead the way back to his house in a silence that neither of us felt comfortable breaking. At that point, I didn't want to be going to the Curtis's house at all. I just wanted to go home and forget. Forget any of this had ever happened.

We made it back to find everyone but Ponyboy and Johnny sitting in front of the TV watching Mickey Mouse. Steve jumped up when we walked through the door.

"Well you two have been gone a while," he said, flashing his crooked teeth as he smiled cheekily. I had a nagging feeling there was an underlying message to his words, but my heart wasn't into figuring it out. I felt heavy, mentally and physically. I didn't want to be there, knowing I would only bring down the moods of the boys.

"Yeah, we stopped at the park for a bit and I taught her a few things about football." The lie rolled easily off Soda's tongue and he put on a bright smile. It scared me how realistic it was, and I couldn't help but wonder how many times Soda had smiled and not really been okay.

Steve chuckled but turned back to the TV program. "Right. Of course."

When everyone's attention had turned back to the screen, Soda spoke softly to me again. "How about I get you another piece of cake to lift your spirits a bit?" He smiled at me, but this time I could tell it was forced. He was worried and it was showing. Guilt gnawed at my stomach and I knew I wouldn't be able to eat anything.

"No thanks, Soda," I said, forcing a smile onto my face to mirror his. "Let's just go watch some TV, okay?"

He nodded his understanding before leading the way to the already filled couch and taking a seat on the floor, his eyes focusing on the show. But I stayed back, hesitating. I let a minute pass, making sure Soda's attention really was on the TV, before I tiptoed to the door. I quietly slipped out of the house, making sure to close the door gently so no one would hear me go.

Why can't you ever just stay?

. . .

A/N: I bet you thought things were getting better.