There was no going back I decided.

“It gets a bit complicated,” I warned after a moment of silence.

“And I’m not going anywhere,” he said pushing back on his chair.

“I suppose I believed in God once, when I was about four. Doesn’t every kid? We get taken to church and preached at. But then I’d be sitting inside the house watching the other kids playing outside and just enjoying life. And there was me...”

I could feel the old resentment, the anger bubbling as I continued. “I couldn’t even walk across the kitchen without it feeling like I was stepping on knives. It just wasn’t fair. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep.  All I could think was, ‘why me?’.  No one, not my parents, the doctors could give me any sort of answer...”

I had to stop to catch my breath.   Anger always made me cough. My hands instinctively went to the gastrostomy opening, supporting it, until I could breathe normally again. Daniel leant forward all concern.

“I’ll be okay, just give me a sec,” I managed.  My voice was a bit hoarse, but I was determined to finish this. “I did pray every day, every stupid, damned day. I would pray he’d just make me normal, stop it hurting. Mom kept telling me he would listen, all I needed was faith. So I stayed in that church for hours at a time and... well when things became unbearable, I started praying he’d end my life... Give me death so at least there would be no more pain.”

I saw the flash of horror in his expression but it was quickly gone.

“So that’s me.  I tried so hard to have faith — to find something of God that I could believe in, but for me, the truth is there is no God...”

“I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have gone through,” he said. His frothy latte sat between us hardly touched. 

“Aren’t you going to finish that?” I asked trying to lighten the mood just a little.

He swallowed the cooling liquid in two gulps, leaving behind a thick moustache of foam above his lip.

“I definitely need to get to know you more,” he said.

“And why’s that?” I asked pointedly.

“Because you’re special, different from all the others...  Getting to know you would be an honour.”
I must have blushed because the skin over my cheekbones burned.

“I think you need to take me home,” I said doing my best not to squirm.

He glanced at his wrist and winced. “You are so right. I’m out well past curfew.  Any chance you or your Mom could sign a letter to mine? It’s to say I was helping you out?"

His eyes were dancing again. He smiled and his whole face lit up.

“Are you being serious? What’s with the curfew, it can’t be more than seven?”

“Too long and boring,” he said. “But I’ve got a slip in the car you can sign. You can sort one out there...”

I was intrigued but kept my thoughts to myself as he drove through the quiet streets.  He pulled smoothly up outside my front door, as different from the wild-rider who’d driven me earlier, as it was possible to be.

“Until next time,” he called as I walked up the driveway.

“Only if your driving has improved," I called back. I was smiling. My cheeks were hurting with effort. I hadn’t smiled so much at anyone, ever. Those big brown eyes were so dreamy and when he laughed...

I waved at the car until it had disappeared around the corner. Get a grip girl, I thought, romance was never going to be an option.

The door had hardly swung closed behind me when I was enveloped into my mother’s arms. 

“Where were you? I’ve been so afraid,” she was weeping.

“Mom, I sent you a message. I had to go to the doctor... I’d cut my hand.”

She let me go and I could see the doubt in her eyes.  I pulled out my mobile checking my messages. 

"No!" I groaned and showed her the screen. There was the message alright, sitting in the pending box. I’d forgotten to set up the data connection. 

“I am so sorry,” I said.  “I should have double-checked, phoned to say everything was okay.”

She dried her eyes even managed a small smile, “It’s okay, but you shouldn’t be out on your own, not for so long.”

“But I wasn’t. I met this boy, Daniel Waters in the library. He even took me to the hospital...”

It was worth the slice in the hand just to see the expression on my Mom’s face, it was priceless.

“Did he now?" was all she managed.

“I’ll tell you all about it later...but first I need to change...”

Leaving my mother open-mouthed, I silently climbed the stairs to my room, to change my dress for a pair of baggy, oversized pyjamas.

When I made it back down to the kitchen that night, my mother was waiting.

“Tell me all about it. Tell me every single thing,” she said, attaching the feeding tube, her eyes glittering with excitement.

Edited by lindajonesAuthor

A/N What's your impression of Daniel? Was Phoebe right in suppressing her feelings?

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