SIX
hollow bone

     THE VISIT WENT BY TOO QUICKLY. Most of her time was spent with Armin, the young boy dragging her around the district and showing her everything she'd missed. She often found herself sitting in the field with her brother and his friends, telling them the more innocent stories of her time in the military.

     Every night she helped her mother make dinner, and she washed the dishes after, just like when she was younger. Her father didn't treat her like he used to; like she was delicate. She was no longer his little girl; she was a soldier, a Scout. She was not delicate, she was dangerous, and she had earned his respect. Her grandfather opened up about his time in the service, though there wasn't much to talk about. He was a Garrison officer for most of his youth, before he had met her grandmother.

     Everything fell back into the same old routine too easily; it was as if she had never left.

     But, like always, time wasn't on Valor's side. Three days passed too quick and before she knew it, she was packing to go back to HQ in Wall Rose. Her mother stood in Valor's doorway, chewing on the inside of her lip. She was smarter than to think there was any chance of convincing her to stay. It didn't mean she didn't want to, though. The last thing she wanted was to send her firstborn into the unknown, wave her goodbye as she went to fight the horrors of the world around them.

     But Valor wasn't a kid any longer. Her husband often reminded her of the fact. She had obligations, a life of her own. She'd made her decision, and all they could do was support her.

     Valor stuffed the last of her things in the green knapsack, tying her cloak around her neck before standing. She grabbed the bag and looked her room over one last time. It felt different this time, not like when she left two years prior. There was a longing feeling, something in her chest whispering to her, begging her not to go.

     She shrugged it off and turned to face her mother, giving her a soft smile and kissing her temple before walking past her. She shook her father's hand as her mother choked back tears, giving her grandfather a warm smile after. The old man clasped her shoulder, nodding to her. He knew he'd see her again before he knew it. Time wouldn't go by so slowly now, he knew. She exited the small house, not knowing it would be the last time she did so.

     Armin waited for her outside, staring down at his feet as she approached him. He promised he'd walk her to the ferry, say goodbye before she went. He was dreading it now. Saying goodbye was hard enough the first time, but it was even harder now.

     "Ready, minnow?" She asked him softly, and he nodded up at her. They walked side by side down the quiet streets, birds chirping above them. It was early, and not many people were awake. It was peaceful, and it made it all the harder to leave. Eren and Mikasa joined them when they got to the village square, Eren blabbing on about how he was going to become a Scout just like Valor when he got older. She sighed internally, looking down at Armin. She never wanted him to follow her like Eren pledged he would. Armin was too soft, too sweet. He didn't need to see the horrors that lay outside the walls. After all, that's the sole reason Valor joined the Scouts; to protect Armin.

     The walk went too quickly and not fifteen minutes later she stood in front of the ferry. The young woman rubbed a hand over her face before turning to Eren ruffling the young boys hair. "Keep out of trouble for me, will you? I won't be here to protect you, and it's not fair to leave it all to Mikasa." She teased, and he narrowed his turquoise eyes.

     "I don't need saving," he grumbled, but his red tipped ears gave him away. Valor laughed softly, smiling down at him. He was the little brother she never asked for, and she wouldn't have it any other way. Next was Mikasa, who she smiled down at fondly. The girl was quiet, but had a heart of gold; Valor couldn't help but have a soft spot for the girl that reminded her so much of herself. The two had grown close in the time Valor had been home, and Mikasa found herself wishing Valor didn't have to leave. She burrowed her soft face into the red scarf wrapped around her neck, and Valor tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

     "Don't let anyone push you around while I'm gone, alright? And let Eren get his ass kicked once in a while- he deserves it." She whispered to the girl, winking. Mikasa smiled softly, reaching out to give the older girl a quick hug. Valor hummed, patting Mikasa's back. "Write to me, yeah? I've grown to like you quite a bit." Valor murmured, meaning every word. Mikasa nodded, pulling back, her face flushed.

     Finally, Valor turned to Armin. Her brother by blood, the most important person in the world to her. He stubbornly gazed at the ground, not wanting to have to say goodbye again. Valor sighed, squatting down to his level. "Do you remember when I said I'd take you to the sea?" She asked suddenly, and he looked up at her. "I haven't forgotten, Min. I'll be back before you know it." She promised him, and he nodded, choking back tears. She reached up to give him a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his. "I love you, little brother. Don't let anyone change you, no matter what." She felt herself getting choked up. She knew goodbyes were hard, but why did this one feel so different?

She took a deep breath, blinking back tears as she stood straight once more. She smiled down at her brother, ruffling his hair before turning her head over her shoulder. "It's time, Min. I'll be back soon." She repeated, and he nodded. He mustered up a smile as she looked at him. There was a heavy silence, and then she turned, heading toward the ship. Eren put a hand on his best friends shoulder, Mikasa staring after the blonde.

She didn't look back once.

The sun was setting as she approached HQ a little over a week later, and Valor felt incredibly drained. Training had been much more taxing since she'd returned from Shiganshina, and obsessing over the empty feeling in her chest didn't help. Leaving her family would never get easier, she knew.

She pushed the door to her room open, shutting the door behind her and slipping her boots off, all of the energy in her body disappearing. She'd had an awful feeling since she stepped foot on the ferry, and it was eating away at her. Her chest was heavy and mind buzzing, body overtaken with a foreign emotion; dread.

     Deep down, she knew only one person could calm her- Levi. But Valor dreaded seeing him, as well. Her heart was filled with conflicting emotions, and the induction of one Petra Ral to Squad Levi had left her less than pleased.

     It had been a little over two weeks since she'd left Shiganshina, and just over a week since Petra Ral had joined Levi Squad. The blonde was nice enough, and listened when given directions, but there was one thing about her that rubbed Valor the wrong way; her obsession with Levi.

     At first, Valor tried convincing herself she was imagining things. There was no way Petra was actually obsessed with Levi. Maybe she just really admired the Captain. Everyone in the Scouting regiment knew Valor did too. But deep down she knew she admired him so much not just because he was the Captain. No, she admired him for the way he took care of those around him, for how strong he was despite the hardships he faced, for his rare smiles and begrudging help with whatever she needed.

     It took her four days to admit to herself she'd fallen for Levi Ackerman.

     Her feelings were confusing, but she knew she wanted him as more than just a friend. Which is why Petra Ral irritated her so.

     Valor felt childish, but it was as if Petra was trying to steal him away. Valor was stubborn, and the last thing she was going to do was get possessive over someone who wasn't even hers.

Which was why she found herself shaking in her boots in her room, waiting for Levi to knock at her door. She told him that they needed to talk and politely asked him to make his way to her room at some point that evening. Valor was a lot of things, but she wasn't a coward. She refused to avoid and tip toe around the Captain because she couldn't face her own feelings.

       Sometimes she wished she was a coward. Sometimes she wished her stubborn and prideful self could learn to muzzle itself, ruminate over her own pitiful feelings silently and never speak a word of them into existence. But she wasn't, and that's exactly what led her to where she was now. Sitting in her room, waiting for her Captain to come up to confess her feelings for him and possibly ruin their whole friendship.

     A soft knock sounded on the door, snapping Valor out of her thoughts. It's now or never. Stop being a little bitch, she sighed to herself, getting up to open the door. Levi stood in front of it, face seemingly emotionless all except for the faint confusion in his eyes. She motioned for him to enter the room, and he did, sitting on the chair at her desk. She closed the door, following after him and sitting on her bed. It took her a moment, taking a deep breath and exhaling before looking up at Levi.

     "Listen, I need to say this, and if it's out of line, just tell me. I don't want it to be awkward afterwards, but I'm not going to keep it to myself. I've only known you for four months, but you've made every month better than the last. The Cadet Corps was awful and I didn't know what life would be like after it, but you made it good. And now I see how Petra looks at you, and I... I don't like it, Levi. I don't like thinking about her having you and not me. I don't like thinking that our training sessions and talks are meaningless. I don't like thinking that someday I'll lose you to someone else and only have you as a friend and as my Captain forever. I want more than that, and I'm sorry, because that isn't something easy to hear, and-" Levi put a hand up, effectively cutting off her rambling. Valor shut her mouth quickly, face flushing red as she waited for him to say something.

     "Valor, I'm not... I'm not an easy person to be around. I'm not open or affectionate, or talkative or fun. I've had one goal since I left the Underground and I've gotten it, and since then I've been on autopilot. But you... You changed that. You've made me feel better, and it's weird. You need to know I'll never be someone like Erwin, or Hange, who would tell every person inside of these godforsaken walls how much they love you. But... I do know how you feel, because I do feel that way, and I haven't said anything because I don't know what to do about it." He said finally, and Valor was speechless. Every way she thought the conversation would go was not anything close to this. She nodded, both of them quiet for a few moments before she spoke again.

     "I've never done this before, Levi, and I know you haven't either. But I need you to know I don't want someone like Erwin, or someone like Hange. I feel this way for you for a reason. And this doesn't have to be anything serious right now, but I think we both know things can't go back to the same way they have been after this. So... Why not try something new?" She offered after a moment, staring down at her hands. Levi was quiet, and when she looked up at him, she saw that he was smiling. She smiled softly, a bit confused, before seeing him nod a bit.

     "I think it is time for something new." His voice was soft, very uncharacteristic for him, but Valor liked it. She liked when he was like this, honest and almost vulnerable. She nodded, smiling at him.

     "I think so too. We don't have to say anything, now. We can just see how things go." She said it almost like a question, and Levi nodded in agreement. They sat together for a few moments more, relishing in the silence and positive energy in the room before they both knew it was time to go. They had an early morning ahead of them, and though neither necessarily wanted the night to end, it had to. Valor walked with Levi to the door, opening it and standing in the entrance as he exited. He turned to look at her before he left to go to his own room, a ghost of a smile on his usually stoic face.

     "Goodnight, Valor." He said after a moment, and Valor smiled.

     "Goodnight, Levi." She said softly, watching as he turned and walked down the hall.

     After he was a long way down the hall, she took a few steps back, shutting her door and sitting back down on her bed. There were many ways she predicted the conversation going, but that was never in any of the possibilities she'd thought of. She was over the moon; everything in her life seemed to be going exactly the way she wanted them to, exactly the way they were supposed to go.

     If only she knew that in just one short week, she'd watch from the top of wall Sina as Wall Maria was overrun with Titans, and her hometown of Shiganshina was completely obliterated.

[ god this feels so rushed and
i really don't like it. i hope you all do.
also, long time no see haha ]