I love you, but you're not mine...so the only thing I can do is cherish you while you're in the hands of another.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

Fuyuko muttered restlessly in her sleep,
which woke her husband, Ryouta, up.

He groggily got up from the bed
and looked over to her, then at the clock.

It's 3 AM...

He told himself,
before shaking Fuyuko lightly.

"Fuyuko,
are you alright?"

No answer.

"Nn."

She mindlessly muttered in her sleep
like a child having nightmares,
turning further away from Ryouta
a small scowl forming on her face.

"Fuyuko?"

Ryouta stared at his wife for a while,
still in a dazed and tired state,
it was 3 in the morning after all.

"R...Ryuu...
forgive me..."

The sentence Fuyuko muttered
caught Ryouta off guard,
abruptly waking him.

He looked to his wife
sympathetically
and gingerly wiped her brow.

My dear Fuyuko,
what have you become?

Would you not remain the monster
you chose to be,
if I had stepped in sooner?

He sighed
and pulled the cover back onto her,
before going back to sleep.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

A tapping sound caused Ryuu's ears to perk up,
he stirred in his sleep, not wanting to wake up.

He was a terribly light sleeper—
even the tiniest of noises woke him up.

He groaned and sat up on the bed
running a hand through his hair groggily.

Instinctively he turned to his right,
and was met by a person waving behind his window.

Startled, Ryuu let out a small yelp
and moved back,
bumping his back on the bed frame.

Looking closer,
he immediately recognized the person,
from the messy blonde hair
and emerald eyes that mischievously shone.

"Shouta?!
Are you nuts, man?
It's 3 AM in the morning, what the hell!"

Ryuu opened his window,
allowing Shouta to climb in,
it was freezing cold outside
and Ryuu wondered how long
Shouta had been standing out there.

"You stalker!
First you call me at midnight,
then you watch me in my sleep at 3 AM.
Get some help, bro."

Ryuu playfully flicked Shouta on the forehead
causing Shouta to grab a pillow and throw it at Ryuu.

"Sorry,
but for someone with a bedhead,
you look absolutely smashing."

Shouta pointed a finger at Ryuu
and took out his phone,
showing Ryuu the picture he'd taken earlier.

In the picture,
it was obvious that Ryuu had just woken up.
He ran his hand through his hair,
causing a chunk of hair to be swept back,
revealing his eyes.
One was open, while the other was closed,
and his teeth were slightly clenched.

Just before Ryuu could hit Shouta,
he stared at the picture,
flustered at how good he looked in it.

"You...
Hey, I don't look too bad there, right?"

"Exactly!
You could be a model or something."

They both laughed at the idea
and took a moment to compose themselves.

"So, about why I came here..."

Shouta paused for a moment
and stared Ryuu in the eyes,
showing how serious the matter he wanted to talk about was.

"It's about Makoto...
and it's been bugging me lately."

He rubbed the back of his neck
and tilted his head,
bashful at what he was going to say next.
Ryuu, on the other hand, was completely clueless
and looked rather worried.

"Makoto?
Did something happen to her?"

Shouta shook his head.

"Actually, I think you'll be
pretty delighted after hearing this—
Makoto, she likes you."

Shouta paused for a moment,
waiting for Ryuu to say something, anything,
and though he didn't want to admit it,
a selfish piece of his heart wanted Ryuu to reject
Makoto's feelings.

He mentally scolded himself,
ashamed at the thought.

It hurts so much...
I don't want to hurt you,
but I'm the one who ends up getting hurt...
Makoto, I've deeply fallen for you.

So, I'll do everything in my power
to bring you happiness,
even if it's at the cost of my own.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

Shouta looked up to see Ryuu's blank stare—
he didn't know how to react to this,
especially after realizing his feelings for Chou.

It would be a douche move to flat out reject her,
but Ryuu didn't want to lead Makoto on out of pity—
it would hurt her even more.

He buried his face in his hand
and sighed—
Ryuu knew the pain that Makoto went through,
he didn't want to add any more to that.

"Shouta,
I—"

"Ryuu,
can I be completely honest with you?"

The question shocked Ryuu,
and he gulped,
fearing he had done something wrong
towards Shouta.

Hesitantly, he nodded.

"I...
envy you, Ryuu.
I guess it's not too obvious,
but I've actually liked Makoto...
for a long, long time... even
before you met her."

Shouta chuckled.

"But somehow...
you understood her more than I ever did...
so,
thank you, Ryuu."

He leaned forward
and patted Ryuu on the shoulder.

"I'm entrusting her to you,
but make no mistake,
I haven't given up on her yet.

That's all."

With a smile and a wave,
Shouta left,
exiting through the window.

Ryuu took a minute to register
everything at had happened in his mind,
he was at a loss for words
and extremely sleep-deprived.

Seeing as he couldn't sleep,
he acted fast and opened the window,
calling out to Shouta.

Shouta turned to Ryuu
with a puzzled expression.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

After putting on a coat, a beanie,
and gloves,
Ryuu left through the window
and silently shut it,
joining Shouta.

"So...
we're going for a walk?"

"Yes."

"Aww,
how romantic~~
My cheeks are heating up~"

Ryuu sweatdropped
and cringed yet again.

"Ew, Shouta.
Stop it, seriously."

"Fine, fine.
But don't you wanna catch some sleep
instead of going for a walk?"

"Nope.
I can't sleep."

"Because of me,
right?~~"

"You're damn right it's because of you,
Shouta! 💢💢"

"Hey, I said I was sorry!"

"A simple 'sorry' won't cut it!
Can your apology get rid of my eyebags?!"

Ryuu comically pointed
at the dark bags forming under his eyes,
causing Shouta to laugh.

"Hey, you look fine.
And besides...
I think Makoto would still like you...
even though you look like a zombie."

Shouta's bright mood gradually faded
as thoughts of Makoto recurred to him.

Why can't I stop think about you,
Makoto?

Shouta looked up to the still dark sky,
and sighed.
Ryuu put a hand on his shoulder
and looked worried.

"Shouta,
this time,
can I be honest with you?"

Ryuu's brows furrowed
as he became serious.

Shouta,
please don't hate me for what I'm about to say.

"I...I can't...
accept Makoto's feelings..."

Ryuu felt like a heavy weight
had been lifted off his shoulders,
but when he looked to Shouta,
he felt like that weight had been dropped on him.

Shouta's expression was a mix of
sorrow, joy, and anger.
His brows furrowed and unforrowed,
his lips quivered,
and tears were beginning to form in his eyes,
his breathing became uneven,
his chest chest rapidly rising and falling.

He covered his eyes with both his hands,
and let out a strangled, broken laugh,
before silently letting the tears flow.

Ryuu spotted a nearby bench
and guided Shouta there,
fearing the worst.

Here it comes,
Shouta's painful words.

He waited for Shouta to scream at him,
to say something that hurt, to punch him,
anything close to that,
but instead Shouta leaned forward
and buried his face in the nook of Ryuu's neck
and grabbed onto his shoulders for support—
something he used to do to his mother
whenever he would burst into tears.

The action took Ryuu by surprise
but he hugged Shouta back.

"W-Why're you crying?
Aren't you supposed to be mad?"

Ryuu asked, genuinely puzzled,
however it wasn't doing to much
seeing Shouta's current lachrymose state.

Ryuu then remembered something
his father used to do back then,
when he would have his episodes.

He stroked Shouta's hair
and whispered reassurances.

After a while, Shouta had calmed down
and he pulled out of the embrace,
wiping his tears with the sleeves of his coat.

"Hey, Shouta."

Shouta looked to Ryuu,
with an eye still closed as he wiped it.

"Hm?"

"No homo,
right?"

Ryuu cracked a smile,
and Shouta did the same,
his smile reaching his eyes.

"No homo."

After taking a moment
to regain his composure,
Shouta finally spoke,
but he was less tense this time.

"I'm not mad at you...
because...I actually hoped for this.
That sounds selfish right?
...What a douche I am."

"I...I'm not really concerned if you sound selfish or not,
because I'm happy that someone as great as you
cares for Makoto, Shouta.
Though you have your flaws, you have a kind heart...
I'm sorry, I've probably caused you a lot of pain haven't I?"

Shouta opened his mouth to object,
but Ryuu continued to speak.

"Don't deny it, Shouta.
It'll only hurt more.

From years of experiencing emotional pain,
I'd rather you accept your pain,
and live with it, because it's the only thing you can do.
You can't fight pain, you can't make it go away.
You may be able to escape it,
but it's always there.

But, I think the strength to go on is what's important,
isn't it?"

Ryuu's words echoed throughout Shouta's mind,
and he smiled.

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me,
actually, I should be apologizing to you,
but sentiments aside, how do I tell Makoto?
And it's her birthday today, right?"

"Let's...
not tell her first.
But the celebration will continue,
regardless of whether your eye bags disappear or not."

Shouta chuckled
and Ryuu huffed,
but deep down they were just glad
that they were able to let their feelings out.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

Ryuu quietly climbed into the window
after parting ways with Shouta.

He slumped on his bed and looked over to the clock—
5:30 AM.
He had more than enough time to get ready for school.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

After taking the last bite of his bread,
he left 20 minutes after,
only to meet Shouta at the entrance of his house.

"You again?!"

"Yup, glad to see me,
Ryuu?"

"You bet I am."

Ryuu said in a sarcastic tone.
Shouta laughed and stretched Ryuu's cheeks.

"Smile!
You'll get older if you keep frowning!"

Ryuu folded his arms
and exasperatedly sighed,
his glare boring into Shouta.

"Saish teh won hoo wash
cwying eawiew!"

Though Ryuu's words were distorted
due to Shouta stretching and squishing his cheeks,
Shouta understood every word of it,
and released his hold on Ryuu's cheeks,
but decided to taunt him by making him repeat it.

"What'd you say?"

"I said :
Says the one who was crying earlier!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Let's go now?"

Ryuu laughed and nodded.

"Let's."
.
.
.
As they made their way to school,
they were both so preoccupied with their thoughts,
they hadn't spoken a word to each other.

Shouta gasped and snapped his fingers,
remembering something very important—
today was Makoto's birthday.

"Ah, Ryuu,
about Makoto's birthday,
we plan to do it by dismissal.
Basically, you have to distract her
when I give you the signal.
Then we order her the pizza
and set up the stuff.
You can get her out of the classroom
or something like that,
and intentionally leave something
so you can go back to the classroom
without her suspecting anything!"

"Okay then.
Well, what's the signal?"

"A wink!~☆"

Shouta proceeded to wink at Ryuu,
who was now frozen in place,
contemplating whether to smack Shouta on the head
or just walk away and wonder why he was even
friends with the idiot.

"Ew.
Will you stop flirting with me already??"

"I'm not flirting with you, Yuyu!
I'm just showing my brotherly love for you~"

I'm just gonna walk away
and pretend I don't know this bozo.

Ryuu walked away
and Shouta rushed after him.

"Hey!
Where're you going without me?"

"To find you a brain."

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

Makoto rhythmically tapped her pencil,
resting her head on her hand,
she looked out the window,
her attention slowly fleeting away.

Just before she could doze off,
a sharp cough coming from
the teacher's direction startled her,
causing her to be the center of attention for a while,
and earn some stares from a few classmates.

She reddened with embarrassment
and mumbled a barely inaudible 'sorry'.

Makoto sensed someone staring at her
and when she looked in front of her
she saw Ryuu smiling at her a few chairs ahead—
sympathetically,
not mockingly,
and Makoto looked away,
heart beating fast.

Just before she could smile back,
the bell rung and a massive crowd of students
fought their way to the back door,
Makoto, however, immediately rushed to Ryuu's side.

The teacher gave them a suspicious look
and chuckled to himself as he opened the door.

"Don't stay too late, okay?"

The teacher kindly reminded them,
and they respectfully nodded their heads.

Shouta and Chou stealthily passed by Ryuu's class,
and Shouta shot Ryuu a wink just as he said,
before disappearing swiftly with Chou to buy the things necessary.

Ryuu remembered what he had to do
and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Hey, Mako,
let's go for a walk...?"

He turned to her and smiled.

"I'd love to."
She smiled back and followed him,
as Ryuu stood up and led the way,
with a spring in her step,
glad that she could spend time with Ryuu.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

Makoto and Ryuu peacefully walked through the corridor,
both taking their sweet time and savoring the moment.

"Y'know,
we have a bad habit of
not telling each other where we're going
when we go for a walk."

Makoto said jokingly,
causing Ryuu to look at her and laugh.

Makoto melted into his laugh—
it was a soothing sound to her ears.

"But that makes it even more exciting,
doesn't it?"

"True,
but I like to think that it's more exciting
because I'm with you."

Makoto lightly blushed
after stating what she wanted to for so long.

Ryuu gulped.

He understood what Makoto meant,
guiltily knowing that he would have to
reject her at one point—
he couldn't hopelessly lead her on with a false lie.

"We must be very good friends then,
right?"

Ryuu strained a smile,
each syllable felt like a stab in the heart,
knowing that it would hurt Makoto,
but he knew he had to do this.

I'm sorry Makoto,
but as of now,
hurting you is the only way I can protect you...
no matter how stupid it sounds.

Makoto looked to the side
and chuckled nervously.

"W-What if I told you..."

Makoto looked up and locked gazes with Ryuu.

"That I never saw you as...
a 'very good friend'."

Though she had been afraid to say it out loud,
to the point that she practiced saying it by herself
countless times, over and over again,
she said it.

She knew the consequences of her actions—
her friendship with Ryuu would be ruined
because she wouldn't be able to deal with the pain of rejection.

But she knew she couldn't keep it bottled up inside.

She held her gaze for a moment,
before dropping it to the floor,
waiting for rejection to fall on her.

Here it comes...
but at least...
I was honest.

Instead of saying anything,
Ryuu pulled her into a tight embrace—
it was the only way he knew how to comfort her,
seeing how it had worked on a bawling Shouta earlier.

"Makoto..."

He started with shaky, uneven breaths,
unsure of what he was supposed to say.

"I'll be straightforward right now,
but just remember this—
I never intended to hurt you,
and I understand the pain you went through,
so I understand if you'll hate me after this,
but I'll still stay by your side
whether you like it or not."

He paused
as he felt a slight action of Makoto nodding
on his chest.

"I...you know I can't accept your feelings...
because...I have someone I actually like."

Makoto thought she would be ready for it, prepared for it,
but when she heard the words from Ryuu himself,
it had felt like a thousand bullets to the heart for her.

She bitterly smiled and bit back her tears,
pulling away from the embrace to face Ryuu.

"It's Chou-san isn't it?
You don't have to answer me.
I noticed it from the start.
I just hoped that I'd actually have a chance."

Her voice cracked by the end of her sentence,
and she bit her tongue to fight back the tears.

"I just didn't want to hurt you."

Ryuu said,
knowing how insincere it had sounded
and mentally scolded himself.

"Ryuu,
you don't have to deny it.
In one way, you did want to hurt me,
so I wouldn't have to be happy with a lie,
right?"

Ryuu guiltily rubbed the back of his neck and looked down,
his silence proving Makoto's deduction to be correct.

Makoto repeatedly wiped her eyes with her handkerchief
but despite her efforts they just became more and more glassy
because of her tears.

"Makoto...
you may not understand this now,
but I'll say it anyway.
I may understand you like we're the same person for now,
and you probably like me because of that,
but I'm not who you really need in the long run."

He bent down so he was level with Makoto
and took his handkerchief, wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry if I didn't live up to your expectations,
I really am."

"You've done more than enough,
Ryuu.
But there's one fact that will never change,
regardless of whether you like me back or not."

Ryuu curiously glanced at Makoto.

"What is it?"

"You're the reason why I'm still alive—
you're the reason why I haven't given up yet,
...and I'll always love you."

Her tone was bittersweet,
but Makoto smiled.

"Your presence alone is enough for me."

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

Still teary-eyed, Makoto walked back to the classroom with Ryuu
because he had forgotten it—
little did she know the surprise waiting for her behind the door.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

Ryuu opened the door
and a fancily decorated classroom
greeted Makoto's puffy eyes.

"W-What's the meaning of this?"

She turned to Ryuu,
genuinely shocked.

"Did you forget?
It's your birthday today,
silly."

Makoto bit back more tears
and forced out a laugh.

Just when did I lose so much regard for myself,
that I even forgot my own birthday?

She entered the room,
sniffling as she marveled at the sight before her.

"Everyone—
Ryuu, Chou, Shouta,
thank you."

She smiled at them.

"Thank you a million times and more."

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

a/n : i know it's been a sob-fest this chapter but it's just because i put together two chapters XD
         so i hope it didn't bore you out too much ಥ_ಥ
         and this is the longest chapter i've written X3