Butterfly :: Goodbye
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And he laughed. A soft, almost soundless chuckle that made his features look younger as if he finally looked like his age which Aera assumed to be similar to hers. The skin at the sides of his eyes crinkled up as the corner of his mouth pulled up in a little happy smirk. And his eyes twinkled. Aera, even now, could still remember how his eyes twinkled when he laughed. She wanted that to be something constant in his life, too.
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But the moment was short-lived. Aera and Jungkook stayed like that for an hour or so, just talking and holding each other's hands with an intense familiarity that was uncommon among strangers. But as the night grew deeper and people started to go back home, both of them also felt the pull of normalness bringing them both back to the reality that they should be in.
Jungkook stood reluctantly, fingers still intertwined with Aera's. "We should both go home." He said with a small, wistful smile.
And despite Aera not wanting to leave, the words were out of her mouth before she could stop. "Yes. We should." And she let go of his hand first.
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Aera stood up, chucked her uneaten ice cream cone in the trash can, and smoothed her light coat down. She suddenlt felt cold, and she shivered.
"So, umm. Well, goodbye. It was nice meeting you, Jungkook-ssi." His name felt weird on her tongue, as if she can't quite say it the way she wanted to.
"Yeah. Take care, Aera-ssi. You should go first, I'll stay here." He replied formally, never taking his eyes off her. Jungkook stood there, silent and unmoving, as he watched Aera turn around and take the steps back to her once-comfortable life of routines and constancy.
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Aera turned away first, but to her it felt like Jungkook left her standing there alone as a call for her name never came. She was expecting him to run and call her as he did earlier, but he never did. And she walked, feeling like a fool for possibly liking someone she just met and expecting him to like her back. Just like that.
But as she walked farther, her heart grew heavier and heavier. Like returning to her life wasn't quite right now that she wasn't sure what she needed to be on time for. Now that she's met someone whom she'd very much like to break her routine everyday for.
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And as she was nearing her bus stop, she turned and ran back to that bench under the lamp post, half-expecting Jungkook to still be there. It hasn't been five minutes since she left, and she was hoping that he'd be waiting for her to come back. So she ran. As fast as she could, like she has never done before. As if she was trying to catch the 6:03 bus that she now was glad that she missed. Because she met Jeon Jungkook at the end of it all. And she wouldn't mind going through another one of those bad days if it meant meeting him over and over again.
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But when Aera arrived, Jeon Jungkook was already gone. That while Aera was expecting Jungkook to stay and wait as something constant for a few minutes, Jungkook was also expecting her to immediately turn around and come back, to not go back to her schedule. Because while Aera was having doubts about seizing the moment and going back for Jungkook, Jungkook was a bit too impatient and left without even waiting for her to come back. They were both expecting each other to do things they haven't done in their lives in an impulse. So they missed both of their chances to become the people in each other's lives who they met by chance but stayed.
The scarf he placed on the bench still there - still a bit warm, still remembering the ghost of a man who came quickly and left just as fast. So she sat there, and thought about how quickly he has taught her a lesson in just a few hours. How she wasn't the same Jang Aera who woke up that morning anymore. How she has learned to break her schedules and self-made rules in the search of something that she wanted and maybe, even loved.
And even though she was sad and disappointed that she missed Jungkook, she took his scarf and went home, knowing that the following day, she would be breaking her schedule again. She knew that the next day, and the days after that, she would be breaking other routines to go and just visit places, meet people, and maybe even find Jeon Jungkook - the man who came and went like the unpredictable wind. The man who wanted to feel secure and constant in his world full of surprises and twists and turns. The man who has somehow achieved his goal - has unknowingly made something constant in the mere hours of that chilly autumn evening. The constancy of having Jang Aera waiting and hoping to meet him again. Of having someone who went away but came back for him, even if he already left.
So even until now, Jang Aera still hasn't decided. If it really was a good idea to have bought that ice cream cone on a chilly autumn evening. Because Jeon Jungkook has left such a big but valuable mark on her life, but he disappeared just as quickly as he arrived. Aera would sometimes go to Hongdae just to see if she'd bump into Jungkook again. But she never did. He could be places far from there, singing songs and dancing with people he just met. So Aera still hasn't decided.
But one thing that Jang Aera knows for sure is that some people were meant to pass into her life and leave just as quickly because they would have left a greater mark that way than by staying. And Jeon Jungkook was one of hers.
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My heart hurts.
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