The sign of a
Beautiful
Person is that they always see
Beauty
In others.

| 28 |

Past

Months later did February finally arrive. It was before lunch when my English teacher had assigned partners, and the boy in the pajamas popped back in to my life, introducing himself as Ronin Ender, my english partner.

For the first ten minutes it was awkward silence, and he shifted uncomfortably like a black sheep.

"Your friends with Jack and them.." He began, after the teacher dismissed us to work on the project.

My neutral expression dropped, I didn't know what to say. I was hoping he wouldn't remember me, or if he did, maybe he could have pretended we'd never met.

Of course, I could have been a better person back in October. "About that..." My hands shook as I opened up the English text book.

"I'm so sorry, they're jerks.. I was a jerk. I shouldn't have let them destroy your crops."

"They would have done it anyways..." the boy cut in. "I uh, I have a question." A notebook was slid over to me, and I raised an eyebrow at him. Ronin reached over and flipped it open, "this is yours?"

My eyes widened at the familiarity of the handwriting, as well as the intricate scarlet leather bound covering. "It's my notebook." I shuddered, how did he get a hold of it?

"That's mine. Where did you find it?" I reached out, shutting the journal with slight anguish.

"It was left on my porch." Ronin spoke in a dull voice. "Some kind of prank i'm guessing, because I caught a glimpse of Jack Ryder's bright blue chevy truck. That idiot..."

I shook my head, "why would they do this to me?" Sliding the notebook into my worn backpack, I faced Ronin. "You didn't read it, did you?"

Judging by his good kinship so far, I expected an immediate, "No, no, of course not!" However, Ronin gave me a sheepish look and I just knew.

"Ronin... no." I groaned, hanging my head shamefully. There was a lot of personal information contained between the faded lines of that journal. A lot. My face was burning, and I was sure it was evident.

"To be fair, I had to figure out what it was by reading it! Your name just so happened to be at the bottom of one of the pages, but I had read about 3 pages before getting the hint. Oops.." Ronin finished his rant, and I was about to die. This whole situation was so awkward.

"Don't worry" Ronin cut in. "we can get them back. I'll help you."

| 29 |

I thought our story had ended. I didn't think I would ever see those mischief filled eyes ever again. I especially didn't see this cafe scenery coming either, but after he was held in for observation over night, we ran into each other in the cafe.

"Maybe a banana nut muffin and a cappuccino?" Ronin leaned against the glass, glancing over at me to say something.

When I didn't respond, the brunette pursed his lips, casting his glance to the ground. "Come on, say something."

It's not that easy, though. Ronin knows that, so why is he bothering with this? "It doesn't matter.." I cleared my throat, "If I say something, it won't change anything."

Ronin glanced at me from his spot against the glass. "I don't know what happened after that day, to you I mean. I'm sorry for what happened before, though."

I shook my head, "I was arrested, Ronin. You were bailed out, but nobody could do the same for me." Ronin winced, and I knew he felt bad. I couldn't feel anything though, so I kept going.

"And then there was that day I found your stash of cigarettes, and I was hooked after the second one. It was so effed up, Ronin. You didn't know, but your world was a bulldozer for me. It tainted my image of the world, while luring me in."

"I'm sorry Paris-

"The best part is when you left, Ronin. I began to wonder why I needed you so much. Over all, I was so insecure. I wouldn't eat. I would feel sick all the time, all because I formed this twisted idea in my head that maybe if I could be prettier- I would deserve you?"

I began sobbing by now, mostly because I knew I was hurting him. I couldn't stop, though. There was a strong urge to face my past, but at the same time I knew it sounded like I was blaming him when it was never his fault.

"Please don't feel bad." I glanced over at Ronin, who flinched at my change of character. "It's not your fault, you didn't want to leave.. right?"

The clock ticked mockingly in the back, but I payed no mind.

Ronin lifted his head, his eyes red and his hair a wild mess. "Are you kidding?" His voice was low, "You shouldn't be insecure, Paris. I'd never leave you because of something so shallow. You sure as hell shouldn't feel the need to starve to be with me. I'd never... do that to you."

"I missed you Ronin.." I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to, I just had to tell someone. I thought I was better but the truth is- i'm not okay. I still hate looking in the mirrors, and I have to constantly remind myself why eating what's on my plate isn't a bad thing."

Ronin sighed, pushing himself off the glass display to stand up. He wasn't very much taller than me, and never was, I remembered.

"I- I should go." I swung my arms animatedly, trying my best to ignore the drama I just stirred up. Why does drama follow me around wherever I go?

I didn't wait for Ronin to say anything, snatching up the bag of goods for my mother, I left the cafe with a hesitance I had to knife down in order to leave.