serious update at the end, enjoy xx

Butterflies.

That's all I can feel.

Butterflies with claws tearing away at my insides, and they're trying everything they can to escape.  They're even in my brain, throwing around thoughts and making me feel dizzy.

All I can do is sit here and let them flap around.  It's only 8:47, and I'm ready to go.  Apart from emotionally.  I don't think I'll ever be emotionally prepared for tonight.  Some of the thoughts my butterflies are throwing around stick, feeling heavy in my chest.

Just the idea of tonight's details.  That sticks the most.  Drunk Schlatt.  Strip games.  This is so foreign and out of my little bubble, but I'm so fucking excited.  Then, there's a part of me that thinks this might be a bad idea.  I mean, what about the last time Schlatt was wasted?  All of the things he texted me?

I decide that I don't care.

I'm going to go into this without thinking about anything that's happened in the past.  This is a new experience, and I'm going to let loose for once.  I'm going to enjoy myself.  Or try to, at least.

I watch the clock intently.  8:51.

My phone buzzes underneath my anxiously bouncing leg, and I feel a rush of more butterflies when I see the contact name.

Schlatt
might be late, josh is taking forever to come outside :/

That's okay

Schlatt
not for me, i'm excited for tonight

In what way???

Schlatt
don't start with that

What are you gonna do huh? You never got me back for calling you mister booty call

Schlatt
shit you right

So you're all talk hmm?

Schlatt
no i'll still get you back for that

We'll see about that

Schlatt
mess with me tonight, see what happens

Is that a challenge?

Schlatt
perhaps

Bring your worst mister booty call

Schlatt
you're lucky josh just got in, i'll be there in fifteen

Haha okay

8:55.  Just fifteen minutes and he'll be here.  Then, my whole world will be even more upside down than it's already been this past week. It'll only be Schlatt, Charlie, Josh, and me. No Cooper to try and protect me from Schlatt's moves, and no Ted to distract me or comfort me. My stomach hurts.  Do these butterflies ever go away?

Apparently not, I answer myself ten minutes later whilst almost tripping over my own feet.  I've been down these stairs hundreds of times, but  my head's so high in the clouds tonight that I almost fall. I hate that guys can do this to me.

After standing outside for a couple of minutes, I see a car pulling up. My heart picks up the pace again, beating out of my chest. I subconsciously look over my outfit. Blue skinny jeans, white t-shirt, yellow cardigan. Simple. Plain.

Too plain? Does it look lazy? Well, it doesn't matter now. Schlatt's pulling up and waiting for me to get in, and there's nothing I can do if my appearance isn't up to par. So I hop in the passenger side, anxious as ever, and look over to him.

Same Harvard sweatshirt, Yankee cap, and rough stubble. This time, it's all accompanied by his stupid smirk. "You look cute," he simply comments. I only blush and smile in response.

Schlatt's still staring back at me, but the silence is broken by Josh frivolously demanding, "Can we get on with it? We're already late."

Exaggeratedly, Schlatt turns around and huffs back, "And who's fault is that?"

"Shut up!" is all Josh laughs back, making me laugh, too.

"Well, because of you," Schlatt sasses, "Charlie is probably at my apartment, and I'm not even there!"

"Then shut up and drive!" Josh almost screams, all three of us cracking up.

"Okay, okay," Schlatt chuckles, finally turning back to the wheel.

My butterflies feel a bit lighter. This is just going to be some innocent fun, just laughing and screaming at each other and being friends. Or so I hope.

By the time we're at Schlatt's place, it's evident he was right about Charlie waiting. As we walk up the steps together, we all spot him sat cross-legged in front of the apartment door.

"Oh, would you look at the time!" he taunts up at us. "Only 20 minutes after you told me to be here!"

"Shut up," Schlatt merely says, reaching over Charlie to unlock the door.

Charlie continues as he stands up, "Somehow, you manage to be late to your own house. It's crazy that you always find a way to be late."

"It was Josh's fault," Schaltt answers, stepping aside to let everyone else in.

"Ooh, Josh!" Charlie teases, making me giggle.

"Enough chitter-chatter, let's break out the alcohol," Schlatt smirks. That stupid smirk sends shivers down my spine as he disappears into the kitchen, leaving us in the open living and dining room.

"I forgot about that," Josh says. "Can't wait to be falling on my face drunk." And I can't tell if he's serious or not.

Charlie adds, "I don't know about getting that drunk. I'm gonna try to stay tipsy."

"You can try!" I hear Schaltt call from the kitchen with a small grunt. And then he enters the room, trying to balance four six packs of beer, and continues, "But I'm not letting this shit go to waste."

"Oh my God," I can't help but giggle. "Does that mean we all have to drink six beers?"

"Nah," Charlie answers for him. "He can put away a couple six packs himself."

"Oh, don't worry," Schlatt continues once all of the drinks are on the dining table. "There's wine and vodka in the kitchen."

"Oh my God!" I repeat.

"Well, we're getting shitfaced tonight!" Schlatt attempts to justify. "Lots of alcohol, strip games, just the four of us. It'll be good, trust me."

"I don't know, man," is all I say, and it's true. I've only had alcohol once, and that was a glass of wine on my 21st birthday. So I'm definitely a lightweight, and I know Schlatt likes to drink himself close to death. This seems like it could only end badly-

I have to stay positive! This is just going to be me and three of the guys, hanging out, being stupid.

"So, where are we starting?" Schlatt asks, actually seeming more than just monotone. Like he's.. eager. It scares and excites me at the same time.

Josh suggests, "Let's just sit and drink to get going, then we can play beer pong or whatever."

"That's good with me," he shrugs, pulling bottles out of the cardboard, opening them, and handing them out.

I take mine hesitantly, not feeling so sure about this. But I want to have fun tonight, so I force myself to take my first sip.

And God, it's nasty. It tastes so fucking bad. But it's alcohol, so it's not about the taste. It's about how it makes you feel.

I watch as Charlie and Josh sit down on either side of the couch, Schlatt falling down between them. He takes a long swig of his beer before already starting to tease me. "Looks like there's no room for you, Y/n."

"That's just rude," I reply with a smile, shaking my head and walking over to him.

With his stupid smirk, Schlatt goes on, "Well, I guess you'll just have to sit on one of our laps."

I roll my eyes and start explaining the obvious. "You know that I'd have to pick you because I don't know Charlie and Josh well at all."

"You said that, not me."

"Well, just to piss you off, I'm not going to sit down." I take another small sip of the foul drink before crossing my arms.

I see Charlie smile out of the corner of my eye, but Schlatt furrows his eyebrows at me. "You wanna play that game?"

"What g-"

But I'm cut off by him grabbing my arm and forcefully pulling me down into his lap. I can't help but squeal at feeling the beer in my hands sway and splash on me.

"Schlatt!" I whine, looking down at my now speckled t-shirt. "I have beer on my plain white shirt, you dick-hole!"

He laughs and defends, "It was bound to happen. You shouldn't have wore white."

"Oh whatever," I breathe back, taking another sip. It feels so unnatural to force down my throat, but I'm never going to finish it if I don't keep drinking after every sentence.

The room falls quiet, all of us just sitting back and sipping. I notice Charlie giving Schlatt a semi-dirty look, and that makes me realize how this is coming off. What I'm doing. What we're doing. How bad it is.

For a moment, somehow, Schlatt made me completely forget that there's other people in the room. Other people that know I'm seeing Ted and that we can't flirt in front of. So I abruptly stand from Schlatt's lap, whether I want to or not, and opt for sitting on his coffee table. It feels uncomfortably stiff in the room, and I'm not sure if that's my fault.

Thankfully, Charlie chimes in, "Do you even have cards to play poker with?"

Schlatt thinks for a moment before deciding, "I should have a deck somewhere." He takes another big gulp of beer, and I haven't noticed until now that his bottle is nearly empty. I've merely started mine. Charlie and Josh are about halfway done, so I decide to start taking bigger sips.

After a while of light chatting, I've finally finished my beer. Charlie's on his second, and Josh is taking a break after his first. Schaltt, however, is on four. It's concerning how fast he can consume alcohol.

When there's a break in the conversation, Charlie decides, "I'm going to search your kitchen for a snack. Anyone else want anything?"

"Me," I decide, hoping food will keep me sober longer as I keep drinking.

"Okay, let's go," he smiles warmly, standing from the couch.

a/n

hey guys, sorry to slip this in here, i'm not a fan of author's notes.  just figured it's important i say that i haven't written in two or three months and have had all these updates stockpiled, and i'm running out of chapters.

i absolutely do not want to discontinue this book solely because so many people seem to enjoy it, regardless of my growing distaste for it.  with certain things coming up, i might just have to slow down updates a lot, but i promise to keep trying.

thanks for reading and all the support, this book absolutely does not deserve it, cheers xx