Sorry this chapter took so long

To say I've been extremely excited about the REQD chapters ever since I started outlining these chapters months ago...would be an extreme understatement

PLEASE READ THIS !!! ITS VERY IMPORTANT !!!

After lots of research, I found out that REQD IS NOT A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP

It's a polyfidelitous relationship or a closed poly relationship

It's still a poly relationship because poly is the umbrella term, but there's so many different types of poly relationships

A polyamorous relationship is an open relationship between large amounts of people with a relationship hierarchy with people having primary and secondary partners, these relationships typically don't live together or get married and they're allowed to have romantic and sexual affairs outside the original group

A polyfidelitous relationship is a closed relationship typically between three or four people where they live together and are all married, there's no relationship hierarchy so they're all each other's primary partners, and they don't have other romantic or sexual affairs outside of their poly relationship

So REQD is a polyfidelitous relationship because :
- it's not an open relationship
- the love and sex is limited to just between the four of them and not anyone else
- they're all each other's primary partners
- they've all agreed they want the relationship to stay as the four of them
- none of them have romantic or sexual affairs outside the relationship and that's a rule they're all okay with
- they're all married to each other and are all living together and share other boring adult things along the lines of practical fidelity (financial and money)

I started researching how polyamorous relationships get married and that's where I ended up

ALSO

May 16th was the one year anniversary of the publication of the first chapter of DLMBG

Happy one year of Don't Let Me Be Gone!!

TRIGGER WARNINGS : goes into a lot of detail about Quinn's trauma, talks about rape and abuse, epilepsy mention

Remus POV
"This is boring,"  I complained, lying face down on Damien's bed. 

"Just because you aren't going to college doesn't mean you can't help the rest of us pack."  Damien told me. 

"I don't see why you three are going,"  I said.  "It's a waste of time and money."

"You need college to get good jobs,"  Quinn mumbled. 

"And I need law school to be a lawyer,"  Damien added. 

"Why don't you actually help instead of stressing Quinn out?"  Evan asked.

I looked up from the bed to where Quinn and Evan were sitting on the floor. Quinn did indeed look a little stressed, his hands shaking. I just can't tell if that's the usual amount of stress and shakiness coming from him.

"I guess I'll help," I sighed, pushing myself up.

We were all packing for college and moving away to Connecticut. This will be my second time moving away for me. I hope this time it will go better. But I think it will go better now that I'm with Evan, Quinn and Damien instead of Issac.

Currently we were at Damien's house packing his things. We packed Quinn's things first since he has so little. Now we're at Damien's and we'll pack Evan's things tomorrow. Than mine the next day. We're moving this Sunday before the semester starts.

The toughest thing was being able to prevent on campus living for freshman year and actually finding a place to live. Quinn wouldn't be able to live with a stranger and I don't want Quinn or Evan living with a stranger anyway. I know Damien feel's the same. We managed to pull that off with help from mom and dad and Damien's money.

But then we had to find an apartment within a good distance of Yale that wasn't too expensive. It also had to be animal friendly for Quinn's cat.  Damien's going to Yale for the law program there. Quinn's going to Yale too but to the Yale School of Art. Evan's going to Yale for the veterinary and biology courses. 

I went to a public college and dropped out after two years. All my boyfriends are going to Yale. Which is one of the most prestigious colleges in the country. It only proves how dumb I am.

"Ooo what's this?" Evan asked, picking a piece of paper up from the back of the bottom drawer in Damien's dresser. "Looks like a bitch certificate."

Damien's eyes widened and he quickly darted over to Evan and snatched the paper from his hands. Quinn and I shared a confused look.

"Can't we see it?" I asked.

"No," He said, trying to hide it.

"Secrets secrets are no fun, tell me now, or else we're done," I recited the rhyme from Roman and I's childhood.

"Why can't we see your birth certificate?" Quinn asked, twisting his hands in the ends of his sweater sleeves. He was interested now too.

"It's not important," Damien whispered, clutching the paper tightly.

"Are you trans or something and just don't want us to know?" Evan questioned.

"Yeah, no," I laughed before Damien could answer. "There's no surgery scars I can see when we fuck."

The two beans rolled their eyes like they always do whenever I bring up Damien and I having sex. Horrendous premarital sex as Evan puts it. He's not against it, he just doesn't want to be apart of it.

"I'm not trans, it just another lie and secret I'd rather not reveal," Damien told us.

"Well now you have to tell us," I said with a shrug. "You promised you'd tell us everything you lied about."

"It's your name isn't it?" Quinn spoke up. "We asked you if Damien was your real name since your dad kept calling you Dee. You said sure and didn't really answer."

Everyone in the room was silent, the three of us looking at Damien expectantly. He looked nervous and embarrassed. But then he sighed and a look of acceptance went over his face.

"Okay fine," Damien sighed, sitting down on his bed. "I guess I can tell you three. But you have to promise you won't tell anyone."

"Promise," We all said almost instantly.

"So my birth name...is..." Damien took a deep breath. "Janus."

We were all silent for a few seconds but then I burst out laughing. Damien glared at me. Evan and Quinn just looked shocked and confused.

"Who are you? A middle aged librarian?" I laughed, rolling over onto my side.

"And that's why I stopped going by that," He sighed, rubbing his temple.

"Janice?" Evan asked, tilting his head. "Like the girl's name."

"No, Janus," He enunciated. "He's the Roman god of endings and beginnings with two faces. My parents named me that thinking it would be a cool name. But the bullies loved it. Eventually I got so fed up with it that I started going by Damien. I just never legally changed my name."

"Janus is kinda a cool name," Quinn mumbled.

"Yeah, sorry, that was rude of me," I apologized. Damien smiled a bit at all of us.

"That still doesn't explain your dad calling you Dee," Evan said.

"People called me Deceit when I was younger and especially at New Dawn because of how much I lied. My dad called me Dee as a way to pick on me and remind me about that time," He sighed.

"Which name would you prefer to be called?" Quinn asked.

"Damien," He answered instantly. "I'm used to that one now."

"Then Damien it is," I shrugged. "Also it's getting late so I'm gonna make coffee."

"It's almost midnight,"  Damien deadpanned. 

"Vodka instead then?"  I joked. 

"No,"  All three of them said at the same time.

"Okay, geez,"  I mumbled, holding my hands up. 

"Why don't you make some chamomile tea so you actually get a full night of sleep,"  Evan suggested, continuing to fold Damien's clothes and pack them even though we had all stopped. 

"A full night of sleep?  For me?"  I asked with a laugh.  "Now that's a laugh and a half."

"You're impossible,"  Damien sighed.  "Can't we just go to sleep.  The three of us have like a week until college starts."

"You guys are boring,"  I sighed, flopping back onto the bed. "I'm making coffee." I stood up and headed to the door, then I turned back to the rest. "Anyone want anything."

"No," Damien answered, Quinn shaking his head 'no'.

"Evan?" I asked. "Join me in drinking coffee so I'm not alone."

"Can't drink coffee," Evan told me. "Caffeine can cause seizures."

"Why don't you tell us this stuff?" Damien asked.

"Have you ever once seen me drink coffee?" Evan retorted. 

"Fair point,"  He sighed. 

"Can we just go to bed?"  Quinn mumbled, cutting into the conversation.  He looked stressed and tired. 

"Agreed,"  Evan mumbled, leaning against Quinn. 

I debated my options.  Make coffee and probably not sleep tonight at all.  Or go to bed now and maybe get a few hours of sleep.  I took into account Evan and Quinn's sleepiness. 

"Let's finish packing my things, besides we're almost done,"  Damien suggested.  "Remus can have his coffee and then we'll go to bed."

The two bottoms whined, obviously tired. I laughed a bit.  I decided against coffee and sat down next to them on the floor.  The four of us worked quickly to pact the rest of Damien's things.  No one questioned me not getting my coffee anymore.

About a half hour later, everything was packed except the sheets, comforter and pillows on Damien's bed.  I'm excited to have our own apartment in a city.  It'll be nice to all live together officially with a place of our own.

"I'm exhausted,"  Quinn mumbled, face down on the floor. 

I picked him up, making him squeak in surprise.  I flopped down on the bed with Quinn in my lap. Evan climbed onto the bed and laid down next to me, Damien then spooning him. We were all already in our pajamas so no one needed to change.

Damien reached over and turned off the light and the pulled the comforter up over the four of us. I rolled over so that Evan and Quinn were between Damien and I.

"Love you all," Evan mumbled. We all responded in kind.

~~~~magical time skip~~~~

Damien POV
After an almost six hour drive, the four of us were standing outside of our new apartment complex. Remus and I took turns driving, Evan and Quinn staying in the back of the car.

Quinn just listened to music and stared out the window the entire trip, Evan read, Remus and I talked the majority of the way there. Mostly about nose as things.

"Who else is terrified to do this?" Quinn mumbled.

"I'm excited!" Evan squealed, pulling Quinn in for a tight hug.

"C'mon, let's go see the inside," Remus suggested, throwing his arms around the two.

We walked down the sidewalk from the parking lot to the front door, bringing all our bags with us. The lobby was pretty boring, just a couple couches, some plants, and the elevator.

"Which floor are we on?"  Remus asked again. 

"The fourth floor,"  I answered. 

The elevator door opened and we stepped inside.  I pressed the button for the fourth floor while Quinn pressed against me in fear.  He hates enclosed spaces and elevators might be the worst type of enclosed space besides maybe caves.

When the door opened again, Quinn was quick to get out of the elevator.  I looked down at the key in my hand and started looking for apartment 202.  It was at the end of the hall which was nice because that meant more windows. 

I opened the door to our new apartment.  Evan went inside first, obviously very excited.  Quinn followed and then Remus let me go inside next. 

The apartment complex was a new build so we were the first people to rent this apartment.  It was difficult exposing why four men were renting a one bedroom apartment to the landowner.  It was an awkward conversation. 

"I love it!"  Evan exclaimed, bouncing around the empty room.  He was clapping, smiling excitedly.

I laughed at his adorableness, looking around myself.  To my left was a small kitchen with a breakfast bar.  It was granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, and grey cabinets.  There was a space for a small table and then the living room space.  The walls were white and the floor was hardwood.  A stone electric fireplace on the left wall with a large tv already installed on the mantle.  Large sliding glass doors led out to the balcony.  On the right wall was two open grey doors.

Evan went to the first door which was the bathroom.  It was a full bath with a small window near the ceiling next to the shower.  The other door led to the bathroom.  Inside it was a wooden bed frame with a California king sized mattress on the wall opposite the door.  Another sliding glass door that led out to the balcony and a window above the bed.

"It's so boring and monochrome,"  Quinn mumbled. 

"You are literally personified monochrome,"  Remus laughed, motioning to Quinn.  Which was true considering his outfit and looks. 

"We can decorate it!"  Evan squealed, going back to the main room. 

I sighed, knowing full well that I was going to be exhausted at this. 

~~~mAgIcAl tImE SkIp~~~

"That fucking sucked,"  Remus complained, collapsed on the couch.  

"Tell me about it,"  I mumbled.  My muscles were sore after all the heavy lifting of moving furniture in all week.  And we're finally done with furnishing and decorating the apartment. 

"You two are fine,"  Evan told us from the kitchen.  Quinn and Evan were making dinner tonight.  Homemade chicken noodle soup. 

"You weren't the one dragging couches around and setting up all that IKEA bullshit!"  Remus exclaimed angrily.

"But it looks nice now," Quinn said.

I looked around the room now and I had to admit, it did look much nicer. The couch was a l-shaped sectional. It was a soft grey color. A white rug was placed on the floor with a small ottoman in the middle. All the pride flags were hanging behind the couch on the wall. A gay flag, a pan flag, a demi flag, and a poly flag.

Framed pictures of us and some of Quinn's more beloved paintings were handing on the walls. There were lots of little potted succulents everywhere along with hanging plants by the balcony door.

There was a bookshelf between the fireplace and exterior wall covered in books and plants. The scrapbook of our relationship was propped up on it.

We bought utensils, other kitchen appliances, and food, of course, for the kitchen. But it basically looked the same. But there was a wooden table for four in the space between the kitchen and living room.

"Dinners done," Evan told us. I sighed and got up but Remus just rolled off the couch and onto the floor.

"C'mon," I told him, grabbing his arms and pulling him up.

Remus groaned but followed me to the kitchen. He grabbed a bowl and dished himself some soup. I did the same after him.

We all ate together, mostly silently. Tomorrow started our first year of college. It didn't effect Remus but I think he's worried about Quinn. To be fair, I am too. He'll be alone the majority of the day now during stressful classes.

Once dinner was over, the sun had finished setting. We quickly cleared the table, and headed to the bedroom. Evan and I decided we all needed a good amount of sleep tonight for the first day of college. Quinn and Remus being the night-owls they are weren't too happy.

"I don't wanna go to bed," Quinn complained, Remus carrying him into the bedroom.

"You need sleep," I told him, giving him a quick kiss.

"Well, I'm tired," Evan assured me. He pulled off his sweater and skirt, looking around for his pajama shirt.

"I still don't see why you guys decided to go to college," Remus said stripping down to his boxers. He jumped on the bed and starfished across it. "It's a waste of time and money."

"But then it means better jobs and more money in the future," I retorted.

Quinn, now just in his boxers and a pajama shirt crawled onto the bed next to Remus. He was in a quiet mood today, probably overthinking and stressing about everything in college. He laid down and curled into Remus's arm.

I stripped to my boxers, throwing my clothes on the floor. The bedroom was nice looking, but the floor was basically just piles of clothes. Evan was the only one that hung up his clothes, but that was just out of worry of his clothes getting wrinkled.

There was a white dresser next to the closet across from the bed. A small tv was set up on top of the dresser. There were four pillows on the bed with lots of blankets. Two bedside tables with lamps on them on both sides of the bed. And of course, more plants.

I picked up Evan and sat him on the bed. I liked picking Evan and Quinn up and carrying them around. Also giving all three of them hickies. Remus says I have a marking kink and I like carrying the other two around to assert my dominance.

I plugged in all our phones and set an alarm for six am. Then I laid down, wrapping my arm around Quinn's waist. But then Evan sat up and we spent probably the next five minutes kissing each other goodnight. It's a long process since there's four of us.

Quinn's cat, Maple, hopped up on the couch. She turned around in a circle and then curled up at the foot of the bed.

"Love you all," Quinn mumbled first, nuzzling into Evan. We all echoed him and I curled up around him. Remus reaches across the bed for my hand.

I turned off the light and then slid my hand into Remus's hand. Which meant Evan and Quinn were now trapped between us.

I laid down and rested my chin on the top of Quinn's head. This is one of my favorite parts of the day. Just all four of us cuddling and nuzzling together while falling asleep.

~~~magical time skip~~~

Quinn POV
I hate art now.  I always loved draining, but now I hate everything I draw.  My art teacher is extremely picky about art.  He criticizes everything I draw since he doesn't like my style. 

Quickly, I threw my sketch pads and colored pencils into my messenger bag.  I just want to go home.  Remus should be picking me up today. 

The sky was cloudy and it was finally nearing the end of the first year of college.  For Evan and I at least.  Damien's courses are much longer.

"Hey emo!" Called my... friend, Willow. I turned towards her slowly, pushing the door open for the both of us.

Willow smiled and flicked her blue hair over her shoulder. Today she was wearing blood red contacts. Her makeup was off but I didn't want to say anything. Her real name is Madison but she made me call her Willow.

"So, whatcha doing tonight?" She asked, fixing her Nightmare Before Christmas beanie.

"Going home, doing homework," I mumbled. I don't talk about my relationship too much since most people don't understand and will judge it even more than if I were to just say I had a boyfriend.

"So not much?" Willow asked. "Nothing important."

"Maybe I'll watch Steven Universe again," I added softly.

"Yeah! The movie! With Spinel..when she does the thing, with her scythe," She said, moving her hands like she was swinging a scythe.

I internally cringed as she tried to act like she knew what she was talking about. But I tried to be a good friend and not point out that she was a fake fan.

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled. I kept my eyes mostly on my feet as we left the building together. It's a good ten minute walk across campus back to the parking lot where Remus should be waiting for me.

"Excuse me," A girl said, walking around us, her heels clicking on the ground. She was wearing short shorts and a crop top. Lots of makeup and short hair. But she was carrying an AP Physics book in her hand along with a sketch pad.

"Fucking slut," Willow hissed. "I'm so glad I'm not like other girls."

"What do you mean?" I asked worriedly. "She's just trying to get to class."

"Probably just daddy's money," She snapped. "She's a dumb blonde. I'm glad I'm not like that. I'm an actual girl. Not covered in makeup with a fake ass."

I just stayed silent in response. I didn't know how to respond to something like that. After a minute or so of walking, Willow turned to me.

"I wanted to ask you a question," Willow told me.

"Okay," I said.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a date tonight?" She asked with an expectant smile.

I froze in my tracks and felt my heart practically jump out of my chest with fear. I quickly started shaking my head 'no'.

"No thank you," I stuttered out, trying to walk away but she grabbed my arm.

"Why not?" She snapped. "We'd be the perfect couple!"

"No," I mumbled, trying to move away again. But then she slipped her arm around mine. I tensed up, my arm feeling like it was burning where she was touching me.

"Oh come on," Willow complained. "It's the perfect trope. We'd be like a romance novel in reality! The happy girl who befriends the closed off, emotional quiet boy and they become best friends and then fall deeply in love."

I stared at her in shock, wishing she stop touching me. In a moment of pure panic, I said the first thing that came to my mind to drive her away.

"I'm gay," I blurted out.

Luna blinked a few times but then burst out laughing. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment. She was still touching me.

"You could be bi or pan and you just didn't know it," She said. "You just needed the right girl to come along."

She pressed herself even closer to me and hugged my arm. I tried to walk away again, managing to almost make it half way across campus.

"That's not how it works," I mumbled when she just stared at me expectantly.

"Well, thats still kinky. Fucking with a gay guy. Kinda like yaoi, that's stuff is the best," She said with a smile. "Have you ever read Killing Stalking? That's a fucking hot comic."

My breath constricted in my chest. Why that comic?! Of all comics she could have mentioned. Why the one about a guy being chained in a basement and being raped.

Remus read it and then tried to get Damien to read it. I read it because I was curious why Remus wanted to share the story with Damien. I cried on the bathroom floor for almost four hours.

Too many memories. I shook my head fiercely.

I pushed away from her and tried to speed walk to the parking lot. Hopefully Remus is there and we can just leave as soon as possible.

"Oh come on!" She sighed. "It's like one of my favorite fanfic tropes. College AUs!"

"Please leave me alone," I begged softly.

"Begging already," Willow purred, trying to run a hand through my hair. "I like that."

"I'm in a relationship," I tried next. At this point I was desperate to get her to stop talking to me about this.

She paused this time and there was an angry look in her eyes. But maybe that's just the blood red contacts.

"No," She hissed. "You're going to be mine and I'm going to live my life like it's an anime. And it will be perfect."

I tried to bolt but she grabbed my arm tightly, digging her acrylic nails into my forearm. She glared at me.

"What's his name?" Willow growled lowly.

"Which one?" I couldn't help but smirk, the tiniest little bit of confidence I had rising.

"I'm sorry, what?" She asked, letting go of my arm.

"Which one?" I asked, turning and walking away. She ran and caught up with me.

"You have multiple boyfriends?" She asked.

"Three to be exact," I answered. "It's a poly relationship."

"Why was I worried then?" Willow asked with a laugh. "You can have multiple partners. We can still date!"

"It's a closed polyfidelitous relationship," I told her. "So no more partners. And I'm gay so I don't want a girlfriend."

"So do you guys have a foursome every time you have sex?" Willow asked. "Could I join? Would that just be an orgy then?"

"Please go away," I tried to ask nicely. I don't want to think about sex. It's none of her business.

"Just one kiss?" She begged grabbing my shoulders.

"No," I chocked out, trying to pull away.

"Come here," She snapped.

I speed walked away, the parking lot finally in view. I was about to let out a sigh of relief, seeing Remus's car up ahead.

This time she grabbed my bag, keeping a tight grip on the strap. I froze, not wanting to lose my work. Especially since the majority of it is for grades.

"I said, come here," Willow growled. She grabbed my arm and it hurt.

I felt like a cornered animal, trying to back away without loosing my work. But she backed me into a wall. Willow let go of my bag and I clutched it to my chest.

The cold stone of the wall dug into my back. I felt either a panic attack or an episode coming on. At this point I couldn't tell.

Willow put her hands on either side of my face and leaned over me. I cowered away in fear, so many memories assaulting my mind.

"C'mon, let me live out my fantasy," Willow told me. "I know you want it."

"Get the fuck off him right now," Growled a new voice. I started shaking in pure relief, recognizing Remus's voice.

Remus stood there, a few feet from us. He looked angry and practically rabid, an almost...territorial look in his eyes. He looked scary considering how angry he looked and his outfit.

He was wearing a leather jacket with silver spikes on the shoulders. A dark green tank top that showed his tattoo and black skinny jeans. Combat boots and decked out with all his piercings, even the fake nose ring.

While Willow was distracted, I darted underneath her arm and ran to Remus. I held shakily onto him, digging my hands into his shirt and burying my face in his chest. He rested an arm around my waist.

"Touch him again and I will tear off your nipples and shove them up your nose," Remus threatened.

With that, he turned and headed back to the car. He kept his hands on my waist and made sure I was in front of him, away from her.

Remus opened the car door for me and pushed me into the car. I was struggling to hold back tears as my mind was assaulted by memories. Remus got in the car and turned to me.

"Quinn, baby, look at me," Remus said, holding his hands out to be.

"I wanna go home," I chocked out, grabbing one of his hands tightly with both my hands.

Remus nodded his head and drove us back to the apartment in silence. I tried to hold back my sobs, hating how one little incident could upset me this much.

Soon we were back at the parking garage outside our apartment. Remus came around to me and picked me up out of the car.

I held tightly to him while he carried me up to our apartment. Once we were inside, he laid me down on the couch. Before he could walk away, I latched onto him.

"What did she do?" Remus asked.

"She asked me out and then wouldn't take no for an answer," I mumbled, shaking and wide eyed.

Remus sat down next to me on the couch and tried to cradled me in his arms. But I didn't want to be touched. I shoved myself into the corner of the couch, feeling as if my skin was burning.

"Why do bad things keep happening me to?" I chocked out. "What did I do to warrant all this? Why can't I just be happy and finally heal?"

"I don't know," Remus sighed. "You're not a bad person and you never did anything wrong."

"Then why do I keep getting hurt?" I asked softly.

"I still don't know," He mumbled. "But you have me, Evan and Damien. The three of us love you. I love you. I'm not going to let you get hurt again."

"Love you too," I whispered.

Then the door opened and Evan and Damien were there. I was surprised considering Damien's classes weren't over till much later this evening.

"What's going on?" Damien asked. "Remus texted saying something happened."

He sat down next to Remus and held a hand to me. Evan went to hug me but Remus quickly pulled them away from me. I just tried to burrow farther into the couch cushion.

"What happened?" Damien asked, sitting down on the couch, Evan sitting between him and Remus.

"Ya know the bitch, Willow, his friend from art class?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," Evan mumbled, Damien nodding along.

"I show up to pick Quinn up and she has him pinned to the wall and trying to kiss him and going on about living out her fantasy," Remus growled angrily.

"I knew she was toxic," Damien sighed. "I should've said something."

"Are you okay?" Evan asked softly, scooting closer to me.

"No touch," I mumbled, pressing myself as close to the corner as possible. "No."

"What else happened?" Damien asked. "Before Remus stepped in."

"She asked me to go out with her, I said no, she kept asking so I told her I was gay. She told me I could be bi or pan and I just didn't know. Then I said I was in a relationship and she got really angry and asked who. I said it's a poly relationship and she said that we could still date then if I can have multiple partners. I told her no again because I'm gay but she ignored me and went on about how it would be kinky to fuck with a gay guy and then she brought up Killing Stalking and said it was hot. She just kept going on about how it would be like a romance novel between this super happy, different girl who befriends the quiet emo boy. She said she wanted to live out her fantasy with me," I rambled, remembering it with wide eyes.

I didn't look at the other three, but I could practically feel the anger radiating from them. I closed my eyes when tears pricked at them. 

Maple hopped up on the couch, startling me.  She started purring and shoving her face against mine and trying to climb into my lap.  I held her tightly, burying my face in her scruff. 

"That was extremely rude of her,"  Evan said in an angry tone.

"Why does Killing Stalking upset you so much?"  Remus asked angrily.  "We know your trauma comes from being stuck in a basement and your dad raping you, but you've never actually talked about it besides that.  Could you talk about that or would that be bad?"

I let out a long sigh.  At this point, why the hell not?  I'm already this far into an episode so why not just make it worse?  There's a lot I haven't talked about when it came to dad and all my trauma.

"There's a lot,"  I mumbled. 

"You won't have to talk about it if you aren't up for that,"  Evan told me gently.

"I don't mind right now,"  I whispered.  With another sigh, I started talking.

~~~SKIP THIS PART IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT QUINN'S BACKSTORY !! THIS SECTION TALKS ABOUT ABUSE AND RAPE IN DETAIL~~~

"I don't really remember when it all started.  Dad was always killing people and bringing home bodies.  Almost every day he'd come home covered in blood.  I think I was barely five when he made me start giving him blowjobs and jerk him off.  I was too young to know what was happening or why it was wrong.  He would hit me a long and he liked snaking beer bottles on me,

"But then it stopped for a while and he picked more on mom.  I started realizing I was gay when I hit puberty, which then caused me to draw a lot of gay shit.  He saw my sketch book and then he actually raped me.  I never had a bed room so for like a day, I just laid in the living room.  By then I knew what he was doing but I was shocked he actually did that, and it hurt anyways,

"It became a daily thing when I'd get home from school.  Some form of sex and then a beating.  I don't know what I did but he started locking me in rooms in the house.  Usually closets and bathrooms.  Whenever I'd stay out after school to avoid him, he'd get mad.  It got to the point where if I wasn't home by a certain time, I would be locked away somewhere until the next morning.  And then he started locking me in the basement after raping me.,

"But then one day when I came home from school, nothing happened.  He actually made me dinner and hugged me and kept smiling.  But when I woke up the next morning, I was chained in the basement.  Just stripped to my underwear and chained by my ankles.  I don't know how long I was down there alone in the dark.  I didn't have food or water and it was scary and night and the only light I had was from the small window in the corner.  Then he started showing up daily to rape me and by then I had gotten used to it.  I would just lay there and dissociate the entire time.  He didn't like it when I didn't scream and beg for him to stop.  So he started holding a gun to my head and making me ride him,

"I remember trying to get to the window, I could see outside, at people just passing by. I tried to scream to them for help but eventually my voice just stopped working. No one ever heard me and no one noticed me missing at school. No one cared anyways,

"I tried to kill myself by hanging myself with the chain. I passed out but it didn't work. Dad made fun of me and threw food at me for doing it. Time started passing quickly. I guess I was malnourished and I kept trying to choke myself to death with the chain anyways. I'd pass out for weeks on end. I don't know how many times he raped me when I was unconscious but I always woke up in pain. I barely had any food and the only thing he'd feed me was soup and water,

"It was worst at night. When the basement was dark and everting was silent. It was just me and my thoughts. It was so cold and the floor was concrete and it hurt. Everything just hurt. I was scared,

~~~YOU CAN READ AGAIN HERE IF YOU WERE SKIPPING QUINN'S BACKSTORY~~~

"I remember when the police finally came. I woke up and heard the sirens outside. I tried to get up but I was so starved and broken that I could barely move. I was so scared they wouldn't check the basement and that I'd be stuck down there forever,

"But then the basement door opened and I heard heavy footsteps and I started crying. I thought it was dad and my mind was just making up sounds. I tried to hide, for some reason not wanting to leave. I just wanted to be left alone,

"It was police and I could tell they were shocked by my state. It took them a while to get the chains off. Then I spent a good half year recovering in a hospital."

For some reason I wasn't crying. I just felt numb. I could hear Evan crying behind me. That's all it is. I'm a product of my trauma. I can't heal.

"Hug?" Evan asked, moving over to me.

I nodded 'yes' and wrapped my arms tightly around him. Evan held me, letting me bury my face against his neck. Remus and Damien joined the hug, the three holding me tightly in the middle.

"Im so sorry you had to go through that," Damien whispered. "You didn't deserve any of that."

"I wish I could go back in the and prevent that from happening," Remus added.

I just took a deep breath, closing my eyes again as tears pricked at my eyes. A few tears rolled down my cheeks but otherwise I wasn't reacting too badly yet.

"You're safe now," Evan told me, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Nobody will hurt you like that again," Remus growled, his grip tightening on me.

"We all love you," Damien said softly, giving me a kiss, Remus and Evan doing the same.

I'll be okay. I can't heal, but at least I can't get any worse. I'm safe and actually loved here. It'll be okay.

~~~to be continued~~~

I am so so so so so so so so sorry to end a chapter like this and that this chapter took almost two weeks to be published

I didn't mean for this to happen, I originally planned to end this chapter with the proposal, but Quinn's backstory was a lot longer than I planned it to be

I really wanted to explain more of what happened to Quinn in this chapter because I've come to realize that there's a lot about my characters that I know, but haven't explained well enough for the people reading this

I would continue this chapter but it's already 6,444 words and I don't want to not update for yet another night

Again, I'm so sorry this chapter sucks and that it took so long