TRIGGER WARNING : cutting, anorexic, talks about abuse, talks about seizures and epilepsy

Logan POV
I walked down the school hallway, making my way to Patton's locker. Our lockers weren't too far apart and he already agreed to meet me after school so I wasn't too worried about him leaving.

Patton was shuffling things in his locker before pulling out his pastel galaxy bookbag. He pulled the sleeves of his hoodie down tightly, balling the ends of the sleeves into his fists.

"Salutations," I said to him, stopping next to his locker.

"Hey Logie,"  Patton said, quickly pasting a smile on his face.

"We greatly need to talk about what's happening,"  I said, trying to remain calm and gentle as to not worry or upset Patton.

"There's nothing to talk about,"  He mumbled, shutting his locker. 

"I may not be good with emotions but I do know a great deal about psychology and mental health problems,"  I told him. 

"There's nothing wrong with me,"  Patton argued, his smile slowly disappearing.

"I never said there was,"  I amended.  "But I can tell that there is something severely bothering you."

"I don't want to talk about it,"  He mumbled. 

"Then we don't have to,"  I said.  "Let's at least spend some time together tonight, just the two of us."

"That would be fun,"  Patton whispered, a soft genuine smile appearing.

I wrapped my hand around his, letting him let go of his hoodie sleeves and intertwine our fingers.  We walked out of school together, giving a quick wave to Remy and Patton.

Patton followed me to my car and got into passenger seat.  I climbed into the car, letting Patton choose the music we listen to.

"Do you want to just go to my house?"  I asked Patton, not even bothering to ask about his own house, already knowing the answer.  "Or would you like to go somewhere?"

"I want some coffee,"  Patton mumbled. 

"From the Coffee Corner, Coffee and Cream, or Starbucks,"  I asked, sighed at the amount of coffee shops we have in our tiny town.

"Um,"  Patton mumbled.  "Coffee Corner."

"Okay,"  I said.  Patton started the music, You Will Be Found from Dear Evan Hansen. 

I drove to the small coffee shop that was just across the street from the park.  After parking the car, the two of us head into the Coffee Corner. 

We entered the coffee shop and walked over to the counter.  I glanced over the menu a bit even though I was already aware of what I wanted.

"What would you like?"  I asked Patton, as we walked up to the counter.  The barista gave us a forced smile. 

"Something as dark as my soul,"  Patton mumbled, crossing his arms.  He's adorable when he tries to act tough and brooding. 

"A medium white chocolate mocha with whipped cream and marshmallows,"  I told the barista, making Patton pout. 

"And for you?"  She asked me, writing down the order on a cup. 

"A medium black coffee with cream,"  I answered.  I didn't give Patton any time to try and pay, quickly getting out my credit card to hand to the barista. 

Patton pouted again.  He's too nice for his own good.  And adorable.

We walked over to where the pick up counter was. Our hands were still joined. Patton was a little shaky, so I gently squeezed his hand in a comforting manner.

"Here's your drinks,"  Another barista said, setting our two cups on the counter, pointing to each one.  "White chocolate mocha and black coffee."

"Thank you,"  Patton and I both said, turning to leave.  We were about to leave when someone called our names.

We turned to see Evan and Remus.  They were sitting in the corner booth, waving us other. 

Patton dragged me over to the two.  Evan hoped into the other side of the booth with Remus, allowing Patton and I to sit down.

"Hey you two,"  Patton said cheerfully. 

"Hey,"  Evan said cheerfully, Remus just giving us a nod. 

Evan was wearing a big white sweater and light blue jeans.  Remus in a tank top and black jeans. 

"Aren't you cold?"  I asked Remus. 

"Nah,"  Remus laughed.  "The cold can come and try me."

I just sighed while Evan and Patton laughed.  Evan took a sip from his hot chocolate, but then Remus stole it from his to take a sip.

"Are you doing okay Evan?"  Patton asked.  "Quinn said you had a seizure."

"Oh, yeah, I'm okay,"  Evan said, waving his hand in a dismissing way.  "I rarely go a week without one so don't worry.  It's nothing I'm not used to and I haven't had a deadly one since I was a kid."

"There's deadly seizures?"  Both Remus and Patton asked at the same time.  Then they started laughing.

"Yeah, they're called tonic clonic seizures or grand nap seizures,"  Evan explained.  "I haven't had one of those in a while."

"What do you usually get?"  I asked him, finding this quite interesting.

"Usually myoclonic seizures and atonic seizures.  I do get petite nap seizures almost everyday but those aren't really like stiffening and shaking, it's kinda just dissociating for a few seconds,"  Evan explained.  "Myoclonic seizures are the one where I'll shake and spasm really badly for a minute or so.  Atonic seizures is where I just kinda fall.  My muscles go limp and those can be dangerous depending on where I'm standing when it happens."

"That's a lot,"  Patton laughed once Evan finished.  Evan blushed in embarrassment but laughed a bit.

"Sorry,"  He giggled.  "It's not something I'm really embarrassed about and I tend to go on rants like that when people ask about them."

"It's cute," Remus flirted with a devilish smirk.

Patton smile suddenly disappeared. Nothing really happened but he got really subdued all the sudden.

"Tonic clonic is fun to say," Remus laughed. "Tonic clonic, tonic clonic, tonic clonic."

"And that got annoying quickly," I sighed. "This was fun, but Patton and I will be on our way now."

I stood up, gently pulling Patton up with me. He waved and forced a smile to Evan and Remus before following me out of the coffee shop.

"Where would you like to go now?"  I asked him once we were outside.

"Can we got over to the park?"  Patton asked.

"Of course," I said.  We walked across the street to the park.  The coffee kept my hand warm considering how it was in the low thirties today, Fahrenheit.

Patton however, dropped my hand and ran over to the swings.  He brushed the little dusting of snow of the swing and sat down. 

I took his coffee from his hand and sat both of our cups on the picnic table next to the swings.  I started pushing Patton on the swings gently.

We stayed in silence for a while. I pushed Patton at a steady pace, not going too high. Then Patton started humming.  Then singing softly.

"Suddenly hot I'm-
Suddenly cold I'm-
Suddenly a genius I'm-
Suddenly a fool I'm-
Suddenly fact but I feel
Stranger than fiction I'm new
But I'm suddenly back
I'm a walking contradiction,

"Doesn't this have a name?
La-da-da-da-da
Doesn't this have a name?
Doesn't this have a name?,

"And isn't it, isn't it, isn't it love?
Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it love?
And isn't it, isn't it, isn't it love?
Isn't it
Isn't it
Isn't it love?"

"You sing very beautifully,"  I complimented him.

"Thanks,"  Patton whispered with a hiccup.  He had started crying. 

"Patton, what's wrong?"  I asked, stopping the swing. 

"I'm sorry,"  He mumbled, quickly trying to dry his tears. 

"Are you okay?"  I asked.  Patton got off the swing and sat down on the picnic table.  I followed him.

Patton was shaking and crying.  His arms were wrapped tightly around his midsection.  He was bent over a bit, just staring at the ground.

"Logan I'm scared,"  He whispered.  "I'm scared I'm failing.  I'm supposed to happy pappy Patton.  But I've felt so broken since my dad hit me.  And I don't know why, it isn't that big a deal.  But I feel useless."

"Patton..."  I said softly.  "I'm not good at comforting others but I do know that you aren't useless."

"You're smart Logan, but you're wrong on this,"  Patton mumbled.

"Patton-"

"Something is wrong with me,"  Patton chocked out.  "I keep hurting myself even though I know it's wrong."

"I'm what ways are you hurting yourself?"  I asked him.

"I don't know.  It's not like I'm purposely starving myself.  But I just don't feel motivated to eat anymore.  I eat dinner and breakfast because Emile's parents make me but otherwise I just don't eat."  He mumbled.

"You need to eat,"  I told him. 

"I know,"  Patton said, calming down a bit. 

"Are you harming yourself?"  I asked softly.

Patton just pulled down his sleeve slightly to show a few red cuts on his wrists before quickly pulling the sleeve back up.

Without even thinking about it, I pulled Patton into a tight hug. I felt tears filling my eyes.

"You don't have to harm yourself," I told him softly.

"I'm sorry," Patton whispered.

"It's okay Patton, I'm not mad. I'm just worried about you. I don't want to loose you." I mumbled, showing more emotion than I meant to.

"You won't," He said.

We stayed hugging each other for a while. Slowly, soft flurries of snow started falling from the sky. We both looked up as the soft snow fell.

We pulled apart a bit but I kept an arm around Patton. I looked over at him. He looked beautiful.

His eyes were wide open, a few tears freezing down his cheeks. His freckles stood out greatly. Tiny snowflakes started littering through Patton's curly soft brown hair.

"I love you Patton," I whispered. "Don't let me loose you."