fLuFfY aNgSt

TRIGGER WARNINGS : talks about cutting

Patton POV
I waved by to everyone with a big smile.  Most everyone yelled 'bye' back or at least waved.  Logan stood at my side in the doorway.

"That was fun,"  I said with a laugh, shutting the door.

"Indeed it was,"  Logan agreed.  "It's a school night, so I'm afraid I won't be able to stay much longer."

"Why can't you just spend the night over?"  I complained. 

"My parents would become extremely angry with me if I didn't follow curfew,"  He reminded me.  "But I'll stay as late as I can."

I sighed but wrapped my arms around his shoulder and brought him down for a kiss. Logan mumbled something in surprise but quickly returned the kiss.

Kissing Logan always makes me feel better. I don't know why. It's like I'm floating. It's the best feeling in the world.

Logan wrapped an arm around me and pulled me back down the hallway and into the living room. He sat down on the couch.

"Are you aware of when your parents will be home?" Logan asked.

"Probably not for a while," I mumbled. "They're still pretty angry about the birthday party thing."

"That happened back in November," He said in confusion. "It's January now."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed. "Don't ask me why, because I don't know why they hold these grudges. I think it just gives them an excuse to stay away."

"Are you even aware of where they are?" He continued.

"Nope," I answered. "And I don't think I care about that anymore." I mumbled the last part. It's something I've been thinking about for a while, but saying it out loud made it solidify in my mind.

"Apologies Patton," Logan mumbled, seeming to catch on that this upset me.

"It's fine,"  I told him.  "I'm going to make some tea."

Without waiting for a response, I headed into the kitchen.  With eased practice, I pulled the kettle out and filled it with water before setting it on the stove.

I grabbed two mugs and sat them on the counter.  Finding a tea box, I pulled out two bags to set in the cups. 

This was the brand that had the little trinkets inside the boxes.  This box came with a little yellow sandcastle.  But that's a common one that I already gave five or so more.

Once the water started boiling, I poured it into the cups.  I stirred them both a bit with a spoon before heading back into the living room.

Logan was sitting on the couch with his book again.  Marigold was trying to sit in Logan's lap but he wasn't too keen on it. 

I laughed a little at his predicament, earning myself a glare.  I sat the two mugs on the coffee table next to the couch. 

"I'd thank you kindly to get your dog off me,"  Logan complained. 

"Oh you love her,"  I teased, sitting in Logan's lap and pulling Marigold into mine.

"I love you,"  Logan said.  "A dog is debatable."  I gasped in offense for Marigold. 

"How dare you Logan!"  I yelled, gently putting my hands over Marigolds ears.  "You're gonna hurt her feelings!"

"Going to,"  He sighed.  "Marigold doesn't understand human languages."

"Just accept that you love her too,"  I told him sternly.

"I'm content here with my tea and a book,"  Logan said.  "And you in my lap.  I guess the dog can stay, but not on top of me.

"Aww Logie,"  I squealed, making a light blush dust his cheeks. 

I placed my hands on the side of his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss.  But I moved to quickly and our glasses clanked together.

Logan laughed a bit when we pulled apart.  I fixed my glasses, placing a kiss to his forehead.  He rested an arm around my waist and picked his book back up.

We fell into a comfortable silence.  Logan reading and sipping his tea.  Me sitting in his lap and drinking my own tea.  Marigold rested her head on my knees, so I was gently petting her head.

Suddenly, Logan dropped the book he was reading.  I looked over in surprise to see that he had fallen asleep.

I laughed while gently pulling off his glasses.  I took the tea and his book and sat them on the coffee table next to his glasses.  I grabbed my phone and sat an alarm clock so we wouldn't miss school. 

Leaning over a bit, I grabbed the ottoman.  I gave it a strong tug and pulled it over to the couch. 

Extremely gently, I moved and pulled Logan down into a laying position.  His back was pressed against the pillows. 

I grabbed the blanket off the ottoman and draped it over us.  Marigold quickly back out from under the blanket.

She curled up on the ottoman next to me.  I gave her some more kisses and pets before laying down next to Logan.

I moved to set my glasses down on the coffee table.  But I paused as I looked at the photo of my parents and I.

We were supposed to be looking happy in that photo.  I could see the forced smiles on everyone's faces.

The picture had been put there so that I could try and act like my parents actually loved me.  That we were a happy family.

But that's not true.  And it probably never way.  My gaze returned to Logan and Marigold.  I looked at the photo once more before laying it face down.

I turned off the lamp and cuddled up to Logan.  In his sleep he slipped his arms around me.  Marigold pressed herself against my back.

This is the family I choose.

~•~

Remy POV
"I love you, I love you, I love you,"  I mumbled between kisses.

"Love you too,"  Emile tried to say back but I was basically attacking him with kisses.

We stumbled up the stairs to his bedroom.  I tried my best to guide Emile since he was going backwards.

But I couldn't help but get lost in the soft feeling of Emile's lips.  The way his hand worked itself into my hair and the other held tightly to my shoulders.   I could feel his soft brown hair against my forehead.  And I loved the way he basically melted into me and let me take control. 

I pushed Emile down the hall and into his room.  I pushed him down into the bed and crawled over him. 

We returned to kissing each other's faces off.  I kept on hand on his hip, slowing snaking up his shirt.  I rested my balance on the forearm of my other arm, digging my hand into the soft curls of his hair.

But than Emile pushed me up a little bit and away from him.  I quickly got off him and gave him a concerned look.

"Can we...not have sex tonight...please,"  Emile asked softly, blushing profusely.

"Of course," I told him. I gently pressed a kiss to his forehead before flopping down next to him.

Emile turned on his side and curled up against me. I smirked down at him, making him blush again.

"What time is it?" I wondered aloud. I checked the clock to see it was almost 11 pm.

"We should be going to bed now, Emile said, getting out of my embrace and off the bed.

"It's too early," I complained. "Let's stay up to midnight."

"Well, unlike you, I don't live off coffee," He laughed. "So I can't stay up and wake up early like you can."

"Fine,"  I sighed.  Emile pulled off his shirt and jeans.  Pulling on one of my shirts before crawling back into bed.

I tossed off my pants and shirt, just staying in my boxers.  I flipped back down next to Emile.  He reached over to turn of the light and than curled up against me.

I pulled him in for a deep love filled kiss.  Not a quick one or one of horniness.  One that I tried to pour all the love I feel for him into the kiss.

"I love you so much Emile,"  I said truthfully, looking him in the eyes. 

Emile smiled his beautiful smile and gave me another kiss.  He mumbled an 'I love you' back before resting his head on my arm.

He was asleep within seconds.  I let out a soft sigh and closed my eyes. But of course I couldn't fall asleep.

A half hour passed by.

Than a hour.

An hour and a half.

Two long hours.

Two long cruel hours of just staring at the ceiling. Silence besides Emile's soft breathing. I let out another sigh.

Stupid fucking insomnia.

I'm constantly changing between sleeping constantly and barely being able to stay awake and finding it impossible to sleep. I don't know why I'm like this.

And of course, the longer I was wake in the dark silence, the louder the bad thoughts got. Reminding me of everything I wanted to forget.

The fact that I'm basically homeless.

That mom hates me and Dad never loved me enough to stay in my life.

I'm about to fail out of high school because I can barely keep up in my studies.

For some reason, Emile seems to actually love me. Which in turn drags him down with me.

What's going to happen when he goes away for college. I'll try to get us an apartment but I don't have a job. How many jobs would I even need to support the two of us.

I've never had to worry about my future before. It was always just waiting for the inevitability of dying young.

And than Emile decided to march his cute little ass into my life and turn it upside down. He made me fall completely head over heels for him and than actually returned those feelings.

I don't think he hates me now. But for how long will he stay happy with me? How long will he put up with being poor like me once we love out? What if he ever wants to break up?

I shook my head a little bit, as if that would dislodge those thoughts. I tried to force myself to think of good things.

Emile, my boyfriend that love me, is sleeping next to me. I haven't gotten drunk since I started dating Emile. I haven't cut since I got kicked out of my house.

Cut.

Fuck. I shouldn't have thought about that.

It was like just the thought of it made the skin on my wrists scream and beg for the blade. To slice open my skin so I just see red and silver. Blood and sharp metal.

"Emile," I chocked out, trying to put a stop to those thoughts.

I pushed myself upwards, shacking slightly. I shook Emile awake, repeating his name a few times.

"Remy...?" Emile mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Whats," He paused to yawn. "Wrong?"

"I can't sleep," I whispered.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"Just past two in the morning," I answered with a sigh. Emile's eyes widened.

"Remy you need to go to sleep," He told me, concern obvious in his eyes.

"I know," I sighed. "I can't."

"Come here," Emile mumbled. He sat up a bit and held his arms out to me.

I laid down, resting my head on the center of his chest. I let out an annoyed sighed. I'm so tired but I can't sleep.

Emile started running his hands gently through my messy hair. Then he placed his pinkie on my forearm and dragged it down the bridge of my nose. I followed his finger in confusion.

"What-"

Emile shushed me quickly before returning to whatever he was doing with his fingers. Than he started signing.

"Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you,

"Oh, shall I stay, would it be a sin
Oh, if I can't help falling in love with you?,

"Like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
Oh, for I can't help falling in love with you,

"Oh, like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be
Oh, take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Oh, for I can't help falling in love with you..."

I barely heard the end of the song. Between the soft melody of Emile's voice and whatever he was doing with his finger, I feel asleep.

Forget mom, Emile is my family now.