I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

Why are people mean

Why are people critical

Why does life suck so fucking much

Why can't I die

It hurts so fucking much

I want to heal

But every time I start to feel fine something always goes fucking wrong

Why the fuck don't people on here understand that actual people with feelings write these stories

It not a big deal I'm just a crybaby bitch that can't handle one little fucking ounce of hate or criticism

I was going to update the novella tonight to but I can't

I fucking can't anymore

TRIGGER WARNINGS : talks about what happened to Virgil

Logan POV
Patton sobbed in the car seat next to me. I looked over at him worriedly, not exactly sure what to do in this situation.

I cursed my little knowledge and understanding of emotions again. Yet another horrible present from having horrible parents.

I'm not even sure of how to comfort my boyfriend. I reached across the arm rests between us and pulled Patton into a hug.

He held tightly to me, now crying into my shoulder. I rubbed his back gently, unsure of what to do again.

We had visited Virgil in the hospital once he woke up. He seems to be doing okay but his leg is going to cause him problems now. This worried Patton a lot.

"Do you think Virgil will get better?" Patton whispered.

"He's getting the help he needs," I told him. "He'll recover eventually."

"What if he never walks again?" He said, his eyes wide with fear and concern.

"The doctors here know what they are doing," I assured him. "Virgil will have a surgery and then physical therapy. In time he'll be able to walk again."

"But what if it doesn't work," He mumbled, breaking into sobs again.

"Patton you must rid your mind if such bad cognitive distortions," I told him. "Virgil is alive and okay. All you're doing is creating a negative impact on your own mental health."

"But Virgil needs help," Patton argued.

"And you need to take care of yourself," I said sternly.

"I know," Patton mumbled, laying his head back on my shoulder.

"What can I do that will make you feel better?" I asked.

"I don't know," He grumbled, pulling away from me. He rested his head on the head rest.

"Would you like to go back to your house?" I suggested. Patton shook his head 'no'.

For a while we sat in silence. I tried to think about how I could help Patton. Something that wasn't too passive. Any activity to take his mind off the current dilemma.

"Can we go to the animal shelter?" Patton asked, his voice extremely soft.

"Why there?" I asked while moving to start my car.

"I used to volunteer there and hang out with the animals. It was lots of fun," He mumbled, obviously feeling nostalgic now.

"Then we can go there,"  I told him, pulling out of the hospital parking lot.

I drove us over to the only shelter in our small town.  It's sadly a kill shelter because of how overrun it gets considering it's the only shelter and veterinarian office around. 

We pulled into the shelter parking lot after about ten minutes.  Patton and I got out of the car and headed towards the front door.

The lady at the desk smiled at us when we entered.  She motioned to the coat rack while welcoming us to the shelter.  I took Patton's coat from him while he asked if we could look at the dogs. 

Patton was wearing a pair of jeans and a big poofy light blue sweater that matched his light blue converse.  He looked adorable.  I wore dark blue jeans, black converse and a dark blue nasa sweatshirt over a blue button up shirt.

I walked back over to Patton but before I could say anything, he quickly bolted over to a cat tower in the corner of the sitting room.

At the top of the cat tower was a grey tabby cat, a new mother.  Her kittens were running around and playing on the cat tower.  They were little black, white and grey tabby kittens.

"Patton no, you're allergic to cats," I remind him.

"Aww but Logan they're so cute," He whined, his hand paused while outstretched towards the kittens.

"Let's just go see the dogs," I said, slipping my hand into his outstretched one.

Patton followed me into the hallway full of the cages of dogs. It was incredibly loud in here and it smelled putrid.

"Oh my goodness there's so many dogs!" Patton exclaimed happily.

I laughed gently, following Patton as he dragged me down the hallway. He stopped at multiple of the cages to pet the dogs.

Farther down the hallway, a vet was pulling a terrified looking golden retriever from its cage.  The poor dog was whimpering and obviously disliked being touched. 

It's front right leg was missing.  This dog also look like it had been severely emaciated before this. 

Patton headed towards this dog almost instantly.  I almost fell over with the force that Patton dragged me. 

"Hello," Patton said, getting the vet's attention.

"Oh hi,"  She huffed out, finally getting the dog from its cage.  "Sorry, we really try not supposed to have patrons back here during these times."

"What's going on?"  I asked.  The dog had pressed itself back against the cage door and was cowering.  The vet stood back up, holding tightly to the dog's lease. 

"Well, this undoubtably is a kill shelter, and sometimes we have to put animals down," She said sympathetically. "As sad as it is, we don't have space for this one anymore."

"Why this dog and not one of the others?" I questioned farther.

"This is Marigold, she's about two years old now. Pure breed golden retriever. But she suffered extreme abuse from her former owner. Starved and beat her. Cut off her leg and then dumped her here. Poor girl is afraid of people now, so she won't be adopted any time soon," She explained. "It's just a choice between the older, sick dogs that don't like people very much, and the newest puppies that everyone likes."

"That's sad," Was all Patton mumble. But then he let go of my hand and knelt down next to Marigold.

Patton held an open hand out to Marigold, who instantly cowered away.  He frowned a bit but didn't move his hand away.

Eventually, Marigold untucked her nose from her paw and gently sniffed Patton's hand.  When Marigold seemed to get Patton's scent, she visibly relaxed.

Patton gently sat a hand on Marigold's head and she didn't shrink away.  I couldn't help but smile a bit.  Of course Patton was able to befriend Marigold.

"Well I'll be damned,"  The vet laughed.  "Marigold hasn't willingly let a human touch her in the months she's been with us."

Patton looked incredibly happy at this.  He was smiling ear to ear.  The happy carefree look was finally back in his eyes. 

"But I'm afraid we have to go,"  She said, tugging on the lease.  "It's time."

She managed to drag Marigold only about a half foot before Marigold launched herself into Patton's arms.  Patton fell backwards onto his butt while Marigold tried to cower into his chest. 

"Can we adopt her?"  Patton asked before turning to me.  "Logan please."

"I'm not so sure Patton,"  I said.  "We just came to look."

"Please,"  Patton begged.  He stood up, holding Marigold in his arms.  They were both giving me puppy dog eyes.

"Is Marigold up for adoption still?"  I asked the vet with a sigh. 

"Well she isn't dead yet and I'd much rather get her adopted than put down,"  The vet said quickly. 

She dropped the lease and headed back down the hallway towards a 'staff only' door.  Patton started squealing happily. 

He gently sat Marigold down before pulling me into a big kiss.  I laughed gently while Patton threw his arms up around my shoulders. 

The vet walked back into the hallway with a couple papers.  She laughed at us while we pulled apart blushing. 

"Follow me,"  She said, hanging Patton Marigold's lease. 

Patton and I walked back hand in hand to the waiting room.  The vet set the papers on the counter before walking behind the counter.

The vet and Patton talked mostly while I just listened in.  But then she said something that made Patton's smile fall.

"Considering that you're under eighteen, you'll need both your parents signatures,"  She explained with a smile.

"Oh,"  Patton mumbled.  We both knew that there was no way that Patton's parents would let him have a dog.

I didn't even have to think about it much.  I grabbed the papers and signed them for Patton. 

"There, I'm eighteen,"  I said.  "I hereby adopt Marigold and I will allow Marigold to live with and be taken care of by Patton."

"Good enough for me,"  She laughed while approving the papers.

Patton squealed again and hugged me tightly.  I hugged back, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Thank you so much Logan,"  He said.  "Thank you, thank you, thank you." 

"You are very welcome,"  I told him with a gentle laugh. 

"Well, there's your new dog,"  She told us.  "It's all approved."

"Thank you so much,"  Patton thanked her. 

I slipped my hand back into Patton's and walked out of the shelter, thanking the vet again.  Marigold hopped along behind us.

Patton helped Marigold into the back seat before hopping into the passenger seat.  I got into the car and was instantly bombarded with hugs and kisses from Patton.

"You're amazing and I love you so much,"  He told me.  "Thank you so much."

"I love you too Patton,"  I told him with a little laugh.

I started the car and headed back towards Patton's house.  Our hands stayed joined between us while Marigold hopped around in the backseat.