alcohol is your only best friend during your crises but can be worst enemy to your consciousness.

i took another bottle and sighed.

my face aching, my vision blurry, my mind in a mess but still thinking of her. this was not love, it was obsession and i was aware of it.

but the way she smile, laughs, always steals my breath away. her gorgeous face reminds me of stars shining brightly in the dark.

stroking brush on the canvas covered completely with her. i took a sip and continue painting her. her picture near me, makes me feel alive. giving me a hope of maybe she could be with me, in my arms, in my bed.

a beautiful morning with her under my bedsheet naked. i closed my eyes and went back to dream. all i can do is to dream.

just a dream of her soft lips on mine, makes me feels something i never did. i gripped her waist and pushed her on the bed, getting on top. Skin smoth like honey and i deep in it.

oh what a beautiful heaven she is. a creation of seductive nymph, beauty of aphrodite. the feeling of her smooth skin and beauty lips pushes me into a serene of desire.

but a sudden push shattered my dream into million pieces. heavy sobs reached my ears, blurry clouds disappeared from my eyes and i looked down.

crying and sobbing on the floor, her tears falling, cloths ripped.

i never dreamed a day to hurt her. she was as sweet as cinnamon, a tender leaf of autumn, like warm summer rays, a garden of sunflowers and beauty of snowflakes.

she should deserve every love of this world. she should deserve my entire love for her. but what should i do if i hurt her, wounded and left a permanent scar on her innocence and purity.

what should i do when my dreams turned into a nightmare. what should i do when my biggest fear of her getting hurt finally comes true. and what should i do when i'm the only one who caused her this throbbing pain.