Chapter 17-Confessions

*Cat's POV*

"...So, yeh, that's it really..." I say, trailing off, "We are okay again, I think."

"Aw! That's great!" Sally squeals excitedly down the phone.

"Yeh, yeh it is." I say but I know my tone doesn't back up my words, and I know Sally has picked up on this.

"What's wrong?" She asks and I sign; I have been asking myself the same question.

"I don't know, just..." I trail off and sigh again. "Danny thinks there is something between Eoin and me." I say, "And he is...jealous? I don't know...he isn't comfortable, I know that."

"Ah...I see." Sally says, trying to sound serious but I can tell she is secretly rather excited by the cliché-ness of it all. "Well, does he have reason to be?"

"...No...well...no." I say.

"You hesitated..." She says, holding back a giggle.

"Oh shut up." I mutter, flopping down on the sofa. "Look, Eoin is lovely, but..." I trail off as I realise I don't have a 'but'. "Look, it's not important. Anyway, how are you feeling?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Oh, you know, like death, but I'll be fine, honest." She says in her, over-the-top, theatrical, drama queen voice and I laugh.

"Good." I say,

"So, what else have I missed being cooped up with plague?" She asks and I rack my brains for something.

"Umm, Mark and Glen seem fine, oh and Mark sends his love." I say

"Aw, that's sweet." She says and I smile.

"Um, Louise was there, with her brother and his boyfriend." I say,

"Oh, the cute one?" She says and I grin,

"The cute one? Leo? Yes." I say and she laughs,

"Don't pretend you don't think he is cute." She says and I grin,

"Yeh, okay he is sorta cute isn't he?" I say and she laughs.

"Ha! Told you." She says and I shake my head chuckling.

"Oh, but guess who was there!" I say,

"Who?" She asks, excitement in her voice.

"Luke!" I say,

"O'Donoghue?! I didn't know he was back!" She says and I smile to myself; we seem to have fallen into full gossiping mode.

"I know! Been back a few months I think." I say,

"How is he?" She asks and I shrug, even though she can't see me.

"I don't know, I didn't seem him much and when I did he was pretty wasted. Louise is still into him though."

"I don't blame her." Sally says dreamily.

"Hey, Louise was there first!" I say and Sally laughs,

"I know, I know." Sally says, "A long time first...has he actually noticed her existence yet?"

"Hey, he knows she exists...just...no, I don't think he realises no, he seems a bit distracted anyway." I say, trailing off as I think back to the brief times I saw him at Christmas. "Anyway, you coming to rehearsal tomorrow?" I say, smiling as Raisin slips onto my lap, stretching out along my knee like a lion on a rock.

"Yeh, I think so. Oh, by the way have you heard about Erin?" Sally asks and I suddenly stop scratching Raisin's ears at the sound of her name and listen expectantly.

"No." I say and I can practically hear Sally's smile at being the first to pass on the gossip.

"Well, apparently she's in London for an audition for some stupid reality tv show." Sally says and I can't help but smile, scoffing slightly.

"Really? Wow." I say,

"Yeh, oddly I can really imagine her on one of those shows, she wouldn't even need to act, she is that sorta bitch in real life, have you seen how she is with Eoin? I can't believe he doesn't just dump her; he can do so much better than her." Sally says and I nod vaguely,

"Yeh." I say faintly, thinking over what this could mean for him,

"I mean I'm getting my hopes up too much, but still, wouldn't it be great to be finally rid of her!" Sally says and I smile vacantly to myself,

"Yeh, yeh it would." Although something in me is not quite sure. If Erin left, would Eoin go as well? And what if he didn't, what if they broke it off, what would that lead to?

"Anyway, my ma is round soon and Jim has gone and got himself engaged again the stupid bastard so I expect ma will be in full terminator mode." Sally says and I smile,

"Good luck," I say and I hear her scoff slightly,

"I'll need more than luck, if you don't hear from me within 12 hours call the police will ya?" She says and I smile, shaking my head,

"Deal." I say,

"Thanks, you're the best, see ya!" She says,

"Bye." I say as the line buzzes dead. Raisin nuzzles my hand, begging for more attention and I begin rubbing his ears again instinctively, my mind a million miles away, in a possible future, a future that involved no Erin, and a lot of Eoin, and though it scares me, a little bit of me longs for it more than anything.

*Luke's POV*

My knuckles throb as I push against the bandage to reach for the chocolate orange box on the coffee table but I ignore it, knowing the reward is worth the pain. Guy lifts his eyes up from his IPod to watch as I remove the sphere of heaven from its box. I hold it in my hand for a moment before raising it in the air, repairing to hit it off my knee.

"I wou- no, it doesn't matter." Guy says, looking down again and I sigh, lowering the orange.

"What?" I ask and he shrugs.

"Nothing." He says, keeping his eyes low.

"I could smash this off your head you know." I threaten and I see a small smirk curl his lips.

"I was just going to say, I wouldn't do that if I were you." He says and I sigh.

"Wouldn't you? Well, good for you." I say sarcastically, raising the orange again before curiosity gets the better of me. I sigh. "What would you do then?" I ask and Guy puts his IPod into his pocket.

"Well." He says, sitting up, "We are going to need some...tools." He says before getting up and heading over to the kitchen. A moment later he returns with one of those big spoons like things you use to put eggs in boiling water. I furrow my eyebrows at him in confusion but he merely signals for me to follow him out of the flat into the stairwell.

"Now, first, you place your orange into the spoon." He says, handing me the spoon and I place the chocolate sphere inside. "Then, you stand here," He says, standing at the top of the stairs. "And raise the spoon backwards," He says and I follow his instructions. "And now think of the person you hate most," He says, pausing to give me a moment to conger up a thought. Suddenly anger bubbles through me as the face of Fred Thompson comes to mind, his stupid smirk burning into my mind. "And then, three, two, one, fire!" Guy yells and out of instinct my hand shoots forward and I let out a battle cry. The orange flies through the air for a moment, flying down the stairs, before suddenly there is a thud as the orange hits the wall and explodes into thousands of pieces. We stand in silence before suddenly Guy bursts into laughter.

"You- you exploded my orange you bastard!" I yell, however I somehow find myself laughing through my words.

"I didn't do it!" Guy says, raising his hands defensively and I shake my head and jog down the stairs to collect the shattered pieces of chocolate. I find an almost whole segment and grin, popping it into my mouth and groan in pleasure, rolling the taste around my taste buds.

"Give us a bit." Guy says as I climb back up the stairs. I pause for a moment, as if considering, before shaking my head smugly.

"You smash the orange, you don't qualify for chocolate. It's law." I say, walking past him, back into the flat.

"It's not law! Idiot." Guy mumbles as I flop down on the sofa.

"Who has the chocolate orange? Oh, me!" I say, grinning, popping a few smashed segments into my mouth and Guy mutters something before resuming his position on the sofa. It's crazy how something as simple as a chocolate orange can distract us from our feud for a while and turn us into school boys again.

Although, perhaps it is not the orange, as powerful as Terry's wonderful chocolate is. Guy has been acting -I wouldn't say nice exactly- but...more, human. I mean we have had three conversations between Christmas and Boxing Day! Not one of them an argument! That is more than we normally have between Christmases! I am almost beginning to wonder whether I- possibly- misjudged him. I mean we have never seen eye to eye, but maybe that's because we never tried to. He has been through some crap as well, and I never stopped to think about the effect that must have had on him. Before the accident he was fairly normal, he enjoyed a good laugh and, though not to me, he was a friendly, sociable person, and until now I had never given him enough attention to realise when that ended, to realise why it ended. I guess until you experience the horrors for yourself you can never truly see them for other people. And perhaps we aren't as different as I liked to think; perhaps he is the only one who could ever truly understand.

"What you looking at?" He suddenly asks, only a small hint of annoyance in his voice, pulling me out of my thoughts. I blink, quickly looking away and shifting awkwardly.

"Yeh, umm nothing." I stutter and he slowly looks back at his iPod.

As we sit in silence the tin sound of music seeps out of Guy's headphones. I smile slightly as I recognise the tune and can see his lips moving slightly involuntarily to the lyrics. I find myself doing the same and quickly my hand reaches out behind me to where I know one of the many guitars stands - in any O'Donoghue house you can reach out and grab the closest thing to you and 99% of the time it will be a guitar. I begin to play along which catches Guy's attention. He removes a headphone as the chorus starts and I can't help but smile as I start to sing;

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone"

Guy rolls his eyes at me but can't hide the smile on his face.

"You know you want to." I say with a smile and he sighs but when I next start to sing I find I am not alone.

"I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines

Of what's fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a..."

I notice Guy has discarded his IPod and grabbed a guitar of his own and I can't help but smile. I don't think we have ever played together before, not just the two of us, and it's strange, but not bad, the opposite in fact.

"I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk a..."

The song feels so...right. I have never felt more alone than I have these last few months, and Guy has been alone for years, since Annamarie, and a while before her. Somehow though, I think this is the most I have smiled, genuinely smiled, since Jay. And to think it's happening with Guy...it's ridiculous.

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone..."

We end the song in a flurry if fancy riffs, before letting the music ring out into silence again, but my smile stays.

"Getting a bit rusty." Guy says, nodding to the guitar in my hands and for a moment I frown before I see him grin again, shaking his head as he places the guitar back.

It's crazy, if you were to have told me this morning, Guy, my brother, would make me smile, and feel the best I have felt in months, I would have dismissed you, probably laughed in your face.

I guess the best things in life really can come from the most unlikely of places.

*Glen's POV*

The bottle clinks against my teeth as I bring it to my lips once more. I scrunch my nose up in discomfort and run my tongue over them, just to check they are all still there. I sign, shifting my position slightly on the sofa. The movement draws Cassidy's attention and she slowly rises, coming to clamber onto the sofa with me. She lies down onto of me, her head resting on my chest where she signs.

"I know girl, I know." I say, ruffling her fur. "We will go in a minute."

I know she needs a walk but, to be honest, right now, I would rather lie here forever, never moving from the sofa. My bones feel like lead and no matter how hard I try I can't lift them. I feel so...helpless. Helpless that I can't help Dan; helpless I can't help Mark; helpless I can't help Cat; I can do nothing for any of them. All I can do is lie here and wish for the clocks to go back.

Cassidy whines, licking my face and giving me those puppy dog eyes. "I know, you miss it as well don't you?" I say and as if replying she slowly bows her head. "You miss her." I say quietly, my vision quickly shinning with tears. "I miss her too Cassy, but there is nothing I can do." I say, my voice quivering as I shallow hard, blinking away the water from my eyes.

"This is ridiculous." I mutter to myself. I can't just mope around. Autumn wouldn't have wanted this, none of this. I slowly sit up, letting Cassidy slide off me into the spot where I lay. I grab a paper and pen from the crowed coffee table and begin to scrawl down a list, a list entitled: 'What Autumn Would Want' and I decide that from now on I will do everything I can to ensure that this list is completed. Starting with point one: Walk Cassidy.

I tuck the notebook and pen into my pocket before grabbing Cassidy's lead. She springs up at the sight of it and dashes too me, allowing me to attach it. Then we slip out of the door, my mind going over and over the list, and on earth I am to complete it.

*Father Peter Farrell's POV*

I pinch my hand under my arm as I begin to feel it shaking again, cursing as my elbow hits off the wall of the small wooden confession box. I sign, trying to steady my breathing. I need a drink. Hours of listening to people's guilty little consciousness can really wear a man down; listening how nice old Mrs Fillis accidently forgot one of Tibble's strictly timed feeding schedules, or how Jon Park's anger was meant for his thieving brother, but instead resulted in the black eye his wife has been sporting for a week. This was the one part of the job I used to actually enjoy, but now even getting the best coverage on the town gossip has grown tiresome. Jon Park's constant abuse is no longer worrying yet interesting; he is now just one of many voices, all begging my forgiveness, the Lord's forgiveness, a thousand little sins, meaningless little sins that I have to listen to everyday.

I can feel my hand shaking violently now, and the left one slowly but surely beginning to join it. Christ I need a drink. I am just about to open the door to the confessional box when I hear the door on the other side of the wood open and a figure slips in. I sign, leaning back in my seat again. I squint, trying to make out the features of the man on the other side of the hole peppered wood dived between us but I can make out little more than the man's silhouette.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned." Whispers the man and I have to bite back a sigh,

"How long since your last confession my son?" I ask, becoming aware of the dryness in my voice.

"Umm, 5 years." The man says quietly.

"I see, and what sins have you committed?" I ask and he fidgets nervously,

"Lying, deceit, cowardice, desertion-" The man begins and I roll my eyes, your classic adulterer, God save me, once you have heard one of these stories you have heard them all. Suddenly I become aware the man is choking up and my brow furrows- this is new.

"And..." He whispers before looking up at the crucifix on the wall, "God forgive me," He whispers silently and suddenly I find myself interested, "And...murder." He croaks and a small smile creeps onto my lips and all craving for drink is gone; confessions got interesting.

*************************************************************************

Hey! Sorry for the wait again! As i have said i am in exam year now so am so busy! Got mock exams straight after xmas so gotta revise! But just found time to quickly finish off this update for you all!

So, Erin might be leaving! What do u think about that? And Luke and Guy r becomning closer! Glen is out to try and fix everything and who was in that confession box! And what have they done? Let me know what u think down in the comments please! would mean a lot and would love to know your theories!

Oh yeh the song in this chapter was Boluvard of Broken Dreams by Green Day. The song always makes me think of Guy for some reason so put it in! :) (Vid attached)

So yeh, i hope you enjoyed this chapter! probably no more updates for a few more weeks till after my mocks but hey, if u really want one i might, might find time for a short one! :) But yeh, thanks so much for reading, hopfully there are still a few of you left! Please do vote and comment! thanks your all amazing! :)

Jess :)

Btw dont forget KETTLE :) & tell me your theories about the confession box! :) Thanks :)

P.S. Just realised it's almost Xmas and I didn't say Happy Christmas!
So if I don't post again before then Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Hope u all have a great time :)