Chapter 10- Iced Buns

*Danny’s POV*

“Cat? Cat, it’s Danny.” I say, listening to the eerie crackle of silence on the other end of the phone as my heart falls. I bite my lip to try and stop it from quivering as I begin to wonder if I should hang up, before she does.

“Yes?” Her voice suddenly croaks through the phone, making my heart freeze with shock. My lip quivers, unable to form the words.

“I-I…”I stutter, words failing me.

“You?” She asks, her own voice seeming to quiver as mine does…or am I just imaging it?

“I…wanted to see how you were.” I say slowly.

“I see, well I am very well thank you.” She says but I can hear the slight bitterness in her voice and I know it is completely justified. “Is that all?” She asks after what feels like a few seconds but must have in truth been a few minutes.

“Umm, no.” I say, slowly summing up the courage. It’s just a few little words! Why do they have to be so hard to say?!

“Well…?” She says impatiently.

“I…” I begin.

Just say it, say you miss her, say you’re sorry, say you want her back, just say it…

“I wanted to…” I say, “Umm…ask if you would come to mum’s Christmas party.”

So close…

“Oh, umm…” She says, trailing off for a moment.

“You can bring Sally, or anyone, just…It wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t there…” I stumble quickly over my words, my heart in my mouth as I wait her reply.

“…yeh, ok then…umm thanks.” She says eventually.

“Great!” I say, sounding slightly too relived. “7:30pm at my mums, Christmas eve.” I say.

“Ok, thanks….I guess I will see you there then.” She says,

“Yeh, defiantly,” I say before hitting my forehead with my palm at my words.

“Ok…goodbye Danny.” She says,

“Bye Cat.” I say quickly as she hangs up.

I take a shaky breath as the phone slips from my fingers and I lay back on the bed. Suddenly, without warning, I begin to cry. I lie there, on my little girl’s bed, sobbing my eyes out. I can’t explain the exact reason for my tears. I think some of it is anger and frustration at myself, for being too much of a coward to tell her the truth, for letting myself lose her in the first place; some of it is fear, the fear of what she will think of me, of what will happen when we meet again; and some of it, some of it is simply sorrow, sorrow for the past, and sorrow for what is surely to come.

I can hear the others outside the door; they sound like they are having a good time. Christmas is drawing ever nearer and I am already feeling the pressure; the pressure to buy presents, to be sociable and happy; and it’s all so tiring. But I am determined to make this Christmas a good one. Last year I was to broken, I couldn’t do anything at all except hide away in my room and shut the world out, and Luke was off fighting somewhere, Guy was just…well…Guy, his usual miserable self, and I know it upset mum, in fact, it upset everyone. I owe it to them to try and make it a good Christmas, so that is exactly what I have to do.

*Sean’s POV*

“Ummmm…I accuse Professor Plum, in the dining room, with the…ummm… candlestick!” I say, positioning the piece on the Cludeo board. I see Glen smile and begin looking through his cards and I sigh.

“I think there is a slight flaw in your theory inspector.” Glen says with a grin before quickly flashing the dining room card at me. I sigh and mark it off on my sheet. Suddenly the sound of a door opening causes me to look up from the game to see Danny enter the room.

“What are you doing?” He asks, walking over.

“Playing Cluedo…do you wanna play?” I ask, “You can take over from Luke.” I say and Danny smiles a little.

“Ok…why isn’t Luke playing?” He asks and I smile, looking over to my brother lying on the sofa.

“He feels sick, apparently.” I say as Danny sits down around the table, joining me, Glen and Mark. Just to confirm what I just said Luke groans loudly and I smile.

“Stop being a drama queen; honestly you sound like Cally when she breaks a nail!” I say, suddenly feeling a pang of sorrow as I think of my little girl. I should have gone home by now…I have abandoned them…but I couldn’t stay there any longer, I felt like a prisoner in my own home. That wasn’t her fault of course, or Adam’s…and I know what I am doing is unfair on them. But they are old enough to understand now, however I know that doesn’t justify what I am putting them through.

Suddenly I am dragged from my thoughts by Danny’s voice. “Hold on, where did all the celebrations go?!” he cries, anger tinting his voice. “And the wine! That bottle was unopened!” He yells.

“Where do you think it went?” Guy says, rolling his eyes.

“Luke!” Danny yells and Luke groans.

“What?!” He mumbles before suddenly crying out in shock as Danny throws the tub full of empty chocolate wrappers at him. “What the fuck was that for?!” Luke yells.

“I don’t believe you!” Danny yells,

“What?!” Luke cries, looking around at us for help but we have all been stunned into silence.  

“Do you any idea how hard I am trying to accommodate you?! All of us?! To make this a good Christmas?! And do I get any help?! No! They were for Christmas Eve and you know it! Would it kill you to try?! To try and make this a good Christmas?! Why does it have to be down to me alone?! Why is it just me?! Why is it down to me?!” Danny yells hysterically. He stands there for a moment, looking so angry and hysterical I think he will cry, before storming out of the room, slamming the door so hard behind him the walls shake.

“Well, it’s someone’s time of the month.” Guy says with a grin and I give me my ‘it’s not the time’ look but he ignores me…or just doesn’t understand the look.

Suddenly, Luke gets to his feet and quickly leaves the room. I sigh, the happy mood of the afternoon ruined.

“Someone should probably go after them…”I say and Glen nods.

“I’ll go check on Dan.” He says, putting down the Cluedo cards and leaving the table.

“I guess I have to go to Luke then.” I say and sigh, getting to my feet and following Luke. As I leave I hear Guy mutter,

“And then there was two.”

I don’t know why but this makes me shiver; we are dropping like flies, all slowly breaking, all for some reason or another, nobody seems to know why, but whatever it is, it’s claiming us all one by one.

*Joey’s POV*

I can’t move. My body is all heavy, but nothing as heavy as what feels like a rock inside my chest. But it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to move. I will just stay here, forever, there is no point in leaving, I have a phone, I can always order in some fish and chips.

Suddenly I hear a door open and try to look up but my neck sticks. “Silly?” A little voice asks and I hear little feet pattering towards me.

“Small.” I whisper with a small smile.

“Why are you sad?” The little girl asks, coming and sitting on my knee and I shrug.

“Dan’s gone.” I say sadly. She sits and looks at me for a moment, her large brown eyes studying my face.

“Like mummy and daddy?” She says, confusing me, “Kara says they are gone.” She says and I nod,

“Yeh, that’s what she said about Dan.” I say sadly. She looks thoughtful for a moment before raising her hand and I see the large iced bun clasped in her small hand.

“Icy buns help sadness.” She says, ripping the fluffy bread in half and putting one half in my hand.

I suddenly have an odd feeling of- what did use to Amber say? D sure voo? ...I think that was it. I look down at the bun in my hand and the little girl in front of me. A little girl has given me an iced bun before...a long time ago...

While I have been staring at the bun little Gale has finished hers and is back to watching me with her huge brown eyes. Suddenly she scraps some of the white icing off the top of my half of the bun with her little, chubby finger and eats it, giggling. I smile at her, taking a bite out of the bun myself. She smiles back at me, showing off a little gap where she is missing a tooth.

Maybe I don't need Dan for my fish and chips...maybe, maybe there are other options...like icing and buns...maybe I am no longer the fish...maybe I am now the bun, and, maybe, I have found my icing.

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Hellooo

Again, sorry for the long wait. i have recently had some personal issues to deal with that didnt leave me in the mood for writing for a bit but its ok now! yay :) lol but yeh im just about to go away over night (with no wifi :( sadly) so i thought i would update quickly before i go! so yeh, Cat's coming to the christmas party....ooh. Danny is, stressing out....and Sean! maybe not quite so happy family as he seemed to make out at the start....and Joey and little Gale! lol btw when Joey said "I suddenly have an odd feeling of-what did use to Amber say? D sure voo? ...I think that was it." He meant Deja Vu lol just incase there was any confusion! anyway i hope u liked this! please do vote and comment! let me know ur still here! lol but thanks so much for reading ur all amazing! :)

Jess :)

Btw just for the record, Cludeo is one of the best board games ever! lol :)