"JUST WHACK HIS PIOUS HEAD," Nona said to Burny, "then we'll dump him into the truck."

     The Sunday mass was over hours ago and they expected to be the only two people, apart from the sexton snoring on the back pew, when they entered St. Raphael church. Then they saw an overweight young woman murmuring her sins at the confessional box.

     "We wait until she's done?" Burny pointed at the woman with the bloodstained Smith & Wesson 38 Special he held with his deformed burn-scarred left hand.

     "Burny, will bank robbers wait for customers to finish their thing before scooping up the money?"

     "No."

     "This is pretty much the same thing."

     As Burny hobbled across the church, his burn-injured right foot scratched the floor with every other step. He glanced back to check on the sexton. His soulful dark eyes glowed in the artificial lights, highlighted by his ashen complexion. He had a disarming enigmatic charm, unaware of the naive inexplicable handsomeness that peeked from his scarred nineteen-year-old body.

     It was early evening, the California summer air damp but cool, and darkness was setting in under the stony gazes of the statues above, as they got closer to the confessional.

     "Easy with the gun," Nona said, "we don't want another person to die today."

     A bastard brood of bane crept over Burny's face. His voice cracked. "My mother is dead."

     "We'll talk later."

     "People heard the gunshots," Burny said, distracted.

     Nona turned and glared at Burny. "Shut the fuck up. We're here to snatch a priest. Stay fuckin' focused."

     "Language, Nona," Burny spoke out of habit, without even thinking. "You're in church."

     "Fuck it, okay?" Nona fixed the hipster beanie hat roofing her dark hair that added to the incongruence of her confused boho-punk fashion and strode ahead of Burny to the door of the center compartment of the box. She cracked her hands and placed them on her waist, waiting for Burny.

     Burny considered Nona a dark and gritty version of his mother Carma. A fine-looking woman lurking beneath a tough icy demeanor. Except Nona was his age, an atheist, street-smart, crazy, an overbearing have-it-my-way-or-no-way reckless know-it-all. And she was Burny's best friend.

     When Burny was in high school, a pack of senior bullies stripped him naked and live-streamed their Snapchat videos tracing his burn scars with markers.

     He walked away from them.

     He hated fights.

     But when Nona learned of the incident, she embarked on a "crusade" to make them pay.

     —She tracked the bullies one by one.

     —Clobbered them with a baseball bat.

     —And tied the ringleader to a tree and burned his hair.

     She left a warning: You mess with Burny Madden again; you'd wish you were dead.

     It got Burny expelled from school. Embarrassed and brought so much troubles to his parents. But no one dared to pick on him again.

     Wild, tough, and down-and-dirty.

     Nona.

     Now she believed a demon had possessed Burny, messing up his mind and burning him little by little to death. And she must abduct a priest to exorcise it.

     Burny got to the door, and he realized he was trembling.

     "Ready?" Nona's mouth formed the words without letting out a sound.

     Burny nodded, a deep disquiet in his widening eyes.

     Nona pushed the door open, revealing a priest wearing white long-sleeved linen surplice, a purple stole, and dark glasses, hearing the loud confession:

     "...Father, I committed the sin of vanity when I let my hair down over my boobs and thought I looked like a playboy model..." the woman's voice from behind the latticed screen said.

     Burny pointed the gun at the priest's head, his shaking hands almost dropping it.

     Father Jessup didn't react.

     "...I recently had a wild spring break and I got drunk on margaritas and, and..."

     Burny turned to Nona and gestured, "He is blind."

     Nona motioned back, "Go ahead, let him have it over the head," pointing where to hit the priest.

     Burny shook his head. I can't do it.

     Nona spread her hands, questioning. What's going on?

     Burny gave Nona the gun. You do it. Nona sighed, rolled her eyes at Burny. Do I have to do everything around here?

     "...and I pole danced topless in a bar..."

     Nona took a deep breath and swung the gun and landed a calculated blow with its butt on Father Jessup's head. The priest let out an abbreviated groan and fell forward into Burny's arms, his glasses dropping and breaking on the floor.

     "Father? Sorry if that shocked you but the next sin I'm going to confess is even more awful..."

     Burny left his body and watched the kidnapping from a distance. He was a boy watching his grown-up self and Nona as if they were in a movie.

     He saw himself rotating Father Jessup's chest against his back, and Nona putting the priest's arms over his shoulders. He held Father Jessup's bent legs, tipped forward and carried him like a backpack.

     Nona acted as the lookout, making sure there were no witnesses.

     The sexton was still sawing logs on the pew.

     The woman was still too engrossed in her litany of sins to notice the abduction.

     "...I'm in a sexless relationship but I always get on all fours and practice doggie style, uh, it's a sex position, Father, I practice in front of a mirror wishing I'd do it for real soon..."

     Nona motioned for Burny to stop.

     Burny stopped, holding on to the church's main door.

     Nona, gun in hand, strutted to Burny's beat-up red 1995 Toyota Tacoma pickup truck parked in front of the church. She looked around for a few moments and opened the truck bed's tailgate. She nodded at Burny. It's safe.

     Burny trudged to the truck and laid Father Jessup on his back on the bed as gently as he could. Nona tucked the gun in her waist and climbed to the truck. She lifted the priest's hands above the head, grasping him by the elbows, and dragged him to the middle of the bed.

     "No need to tie him up," Nona said, "I'll watch him. He makes trouble, I'll whack him again."

     Burny nodded and closed the tailgate; his mind joined his sweating, heavily breathing body. He looked at Nona as if he just had a ghastly realization.

     "Nona, we really kidnapped a priest."

     "That's the easy part," Nona said. "Now drive and take us to Africa."