Flashback: Sophomore Year of Highschool

San cries out, trying to be quiet, but failing miserably as his back is pressed against the inside of the boy's bathroom stall. San's hands are entangled in Seonghwa's hair, who's currently heavily grinding his body against San's, their hands roughly grasping at each other's backs, pulling on the skin until red marks are left.

"Shh..." Seonghwa whispers into San's ear before maneuvering his hand down to grip onto the hardening bulge in San's jeans. Seonghwa uses his other hand to guide San's hand down to his as well, enjoying the way they're touching each other together.

The situation Seonghwa and San have found themselves in is not an uncommon one, but it is definitely a new venue for their pleasures. They hadn't gone all the way again since San first gave him his virginity at the beginning of this year, San being still quite shy about the whole act of sex. They always ended up fooling around when San would sneak off to Seonghwa's house, and it became their thing.

He still remembers the summer before they went into sophomore year when he ran to Seonghwa's house after coming home to find his parents doing harder drugs than he remembered them doing. They weren't just doing the soft stuff like Seonghwa had him try during freshman year.

San always came over to Seonghwa's house after his parents came home drunk or drugged up and Seonghwa would comfort him. Sometimes... Well, most of the time, actually, that would lead to situations like this.

Seonghwa didn't mind, though. He loved the escape he found within San. He also loved that by San coming and staying with him, he didn't have to deal with his horrible home life. San didn't go into detail about it most of the time, but Seonghwa knew San's parents were starting to get in deep within the drug ring, especially the last few months. It made him want to even ask San if he wanted to come stay with him permanently, but he never did.

San starts to pant heavily as Seonghwa rubs him through his jeans, San clumsily doing the same to Seonghwa, distracted by his own desire. San gasps when Seonghwa removes his hands and instead ventures under San's shirt, pulling it up to kiss down his chest and stomach. Seonghwa always wanted San to know that he thought his body was beautiful, and he would make sure to give every inch of his body plenty of love and attention.

"S-Seonghwa..." San tries to whisper, but he can't seem to contain his voice while being this worked up.

Seonghwa comes up, lowering San's shirt back down and pressing his forehead against San's, "Mmm, didn't I say to be quiet?" Seonghwa gives San a stern look at first, but then chuckles, showing his playful nature.

San runs his hands up and down Seonghwa's back underneath his shirt, smiling and biting his lip in response to him. San presses his body up tightly against Seonghwa, "Shut me up, then."

Seonghwa likes that answer and instantly crashes his lips to San's, having his hand behind San's head when they hit the back of the stall door a bit roughly. Their kiss slowly parts when San starts to drop to his knees, making quick action in undoing Seonghwa's pants and shrugging them down to his ankles. San flutters his eyes shut when Seonghwa's fingers lace through his hair, loving the tight pull he has on him as soon as San wraps his lips around Seonghwa's cock.

Meanwhile, Yunho is coming down the hall towards the boy's bathroom, walking in nervously. As he enters, he hears a noise coming from one of the stalls, "Hello?" Yunho starts, "Seonghwa? San? Are you two in here still? Mrs. Park wanted me to come check on you two since you've been gone so long," Yunho goes on awkwardly, hating that he's the one that had to come.

San moves to pull himself off of Seonghwa when they hear Yunho's voice, but Seonghwa's hand on his head prevents him from moving away.

"Be out in a sec- nng," Seonghwa groans, trying to sound as normal as he can.

"Ah- Okay," Yunho mumbles, standing like a Sims character by the sinks while he fiddles with his fingers.

San's heart rate skyrockets with anxiety, but the thrill of continuing to milk Seonghwa outweighs it. He proceeds to suck the life out of Seonghwa until he feels his cock twitch in his mouth and squirt out the warm liquid he was craving.

They look at each other with panicked faces as soon as Seonghwa allows San to pull off, knowing Yunho can't see them come out of the same stall. San wipes his mouth, a bit of the creamy white liquid having been left behind on his bottom lip.

San holds up a finger, seemingly having an idea and quickly crawls under one of the walls that go to the next stall. Seonghwa covers his mouth from laughter seeing San wriggle on the bathroom floor like that.

Seonghwa comes out first after flushing a toilet full of nothing, "Sorry, man. I've been having some bad diarrhea. I think something we had for lunch messed up my stomach real bad," Seonghwa holds onto his stomach for effect as he goes towards the front of the bathroom where Yunho is to wash his hands.

"O-Oh, I... I hope you feel better," Yunho's ears start to turn red as soon as he sees Seonghwa, his heart beating faster when he notes how messy his silky black hair looks. He's so handsome.

Yunho's about to say something else when San comes out of the stalls too, looking even more disheveled than Seonghwa and his shirt has the first two buttons undone. Yunho doesn't think it was like that back in class, though.

Maybe he got too hot?

San nervously goes to the front of the bathroom where the two boys are and also washes his hands, glancing over at Seonghwa, unable to help himself from the smile that spreads across his lips at the sight of his best friend who he's developed more than just friendly feelings for.

Yunho thought he saw a hickey on San's neck as he passed by him. Was that there before? Yunho doesn't like the thoughts that are coming to his mind as he looks at the two guys washing their hands, almost like they're washing away their bad deeds.

They couldn't have been... right?

Yunho keeps his head down, twiddling his thumbs when Seonghwa turns to him after finishing drying off his hands.

"Come on, let's go back to class, Yun," Seonghwa smiles big and winks at Yunho before brushing past him, walking back to their class without waiting for either boy.

Yunho feels his heart skip a beat at Seonghwa's smile and it just about stops completely when he winks at him. He's had the biggest crush on Seonghwa since the beginning of freshman year, but he's never directly approached him due to San always being there. He wants to talk to Seonghwa when it's just him. Maybe he's jealous, but he doesn't like San being around him all of the time.

Doesn't Seonghwa get tired of him?

Yunho doesn't have anyone to hang out with all the time, but he's sure that if he did, they would get tired of him. He knows that he should probably try to get out more, make some friends, and go to parties. Yunho decides then that he should go to the next one he hears about, maybe it'll do him some good.

San hurries past Yunho too, wordlessly trying to catch up with Seonghwa as they go back into the classroom. Yunho follows closely behind them, bowing at the teacher once he closes the door. He goes back to his seat and can't stop stealing glances towards Seonghwa.

Were him and San really doing stuff back there?

Yunho feels his face heat up at the thought of getting hot and heavy with Seonghwa and he has to look away from him, shaking his head furiously to keep the dirty thoughts at bay.

Seonghwa and San take their seats next to each other, continuing the movie 'Pride and Prejudice' their class was watching. San really enjoyed their film class, but Seonghwa didn't like it very much. He much preferred teasing San in the only class they had together, loving to see San's shocked face when he would do something as small as squeeze his thigh in the middle of class.

They've been fooling around with each other since the end of freshman year and he still gets so flustered. Seonghwa loves it how San is still the same shy boy with him as he was when they first met, even more so after they slept together for the first time not long into this school year.

A few days later, the day after Christmas, Yunho notices that San didn't come to school. It is the first day back, so Yunho brushes it off. Seonghwa seems to be acting the same, which Yunho finds interesting because whenever Seonghwa isn't at school, San looks like a lost puppy walking aimlessly in search of its owner. It almost makes him sad to see the contrast.

Yunho can't stop himself from taking peeks at Seonghwa throughout the day. They've always had most of their classes together, but Yunho was always too nervous to confront him before or after their classes.

Ever since the other day, Yunho has been thinking differently about Seonghwa. He couldn't stop thinking about the hickies he saw on San's neck when they came out from the stalls, or the way they both looked like they just got into a fight -- one where they both came out a winner.

Yunho's mind started wandering into the dirtier side of his brain at night when he would think about Seonghwa. Thinking about how it would be like to kiss him and to touch hi-

"Jeong Yunho, pay attention," The teacher reprimands Yunho after he finds himself staring at the back of Seonghwa's head in the middle of class. Yunho is startled by the sudden announcement of his name and nods, apologizing, and going back to focusing on his classwork the best he can.

Yunho heard Seonghwa's laugh when the teacher called him out and that made him smile, making it even more difficult to focus.

Maybe he should confess to Seonghwa today... Today could be his Christmas wish come true.

Yunho's mind gets so preoccupied while thinking about the possibility of confessing to Seonghwa, that he still doesn't complete his worksheet.

It doesn't have to be turned in today, does it?

Another boy in their class nudges Yunho, "Why do you keep staring at Seonghwa? What are you, gay or something?" He laughs, his friends joining in and mimicking his laughter.

Yunho shakes his head, "I'm not staring, and yeah? So what if I am?" Yunho counters, never having been afraid of his sexuality, but he does surprise himself with how confident his voice sounds saying it.

The boys are about to say something back when the bell rings for lunch. They instead grab their stuff and hurry out the door, not caring as much for messing with Yunho as they care about getting food.

Yunho finishes packing everything into his backpack and sees Seonghwa still sitting at his desk.

Now is his chance, Yunho thinks to himself. He decides to risk it and goes up to him, "Hey, are you going to lunch, Seonghwa?"

Seonghwa calmly looks up at Yunho, "I was going to stay and finish this assignment. I don't really have to go to lunch today."

Yunho wonders if he says that because San isn't at school, knowing they always eat together. Yunho hums as he sits down at the desk next to Seonghwa, "I could go get lunch for you so you can stay here and finish, it's really no problem..." Yunho offers, hoping he doesn't seem too weird or is being too forward.

"Nah, you don't have to. I'll be fine," Seonghwa says and shows a kind smile, but Yunho notices something seems off.

Did something happen to San?

"Would you, uhm... Like some company? I could help you finish the assignment if you need any help," Yunho tries to stay bright, but he knows there's a cloud of awkwardness surrounding them right now as he continues to try and keep the conversation going.

Seonghwa doesn't really want any company right now, but he doesn't get a chance to say anything when Yunho continues speaking.

"I-I know this might not be the right time, but I don't know when else I'll be able to tell you this," Yunho takes a deep breath, trying to let it all out at once. He can't stand his questioning feelings any longer, he needs to see if he has a chance, "I've had a crush on you for a while and I was wondering if maybe we could... Go out sometime? Like- uhm, to the movies? Or dinner? Maybe spend New Years together?"

Seonghwa looks down, listening to Yunho confess to him. Why now? Why him? Seonghwa sighs, looking up at Yunho once he's finished with his confession, trying to muster some compassion on his face. He feels bad for having to do this, "I'm sorry, Yunho, but I'm not looking for a real relationship right now."

Yunho hears Seonghwa turn him down, but he still shows a smile, "It's okay, Seonghwa," Yunho stands back up, keeping his head down, "I understand. I just wanted to let you know how I've been feeling... Thank you for being honest with me."

A real relationship... What does that mean? Does he have fake ones?

Seonghwa watches as Yunho walks out of the classroom, sighing again as he rests his head against his hand, staring down at his still unfinished assignment. He misses San. He never misses school. Seonghwa pulls out his phone and still has no message back from San.

He hasn't replied to him and it's been worrying him a lot. He hates to think it might be because he couldn't spend Christmas with him like he did last year, but he didn't know if he could stand hearing 'I'll Be Home for Christmas' on repeat again. He thought San seemed semi-glad he couldn't go though, remembering him saying that they've been acting strangely for it being Christmas time.

Last year, when he spent the two days off they got from school for Christmas Eve and Christmas at San's, it was odd. Having dinner with them, things were noticeably wrong underneath all of the Christmas happiness. He knew from then on that San's parents were definitely under the influence. He's had more than enough experience with drugs and being around them.

Seonghwa has been distracted all day, waiting for San to message him back. It's just so strange because San can barely go a few hours without talking to him, so for him to not message at all yesterday or today... Something is wrong.

Seonghwa hits his desk and shoves the paper into his backpack. He can't concentrate on this right now. Especially not after what just happened with Yunho. He knew the boy liked him, but he didn't actually expect him to confess, especially now. Seonghwa hates having to turn people down. He hates the look in their eyes when they're trying to not seem hurt.

But he just can't do relationships, not even with San, who he knew genuinely loved him despite not vocalizing it yet. He feared the day he would, knowing he might not be able to say it back with good conscience.

That night when Seonghwa comes back to his house, he finds a fragile San curled up in his bed. He hears faint crying coming from the bed and Seonghwa comes over to him quickly, "San? Why weren't you at school today...? Why haven't you answered my texts?" Seonghwa asks, his voice hinting at fear. He wraps his arms around San's body and notices he feels cold to the touch.

San is shaking while he continues to sob into Seonghwa's arms, happy that he is finally home to hold him. San loves being in Seonghwa's arms, even in a horrible mindset, being in Seonghwa's arms eases San's mind just a bit.

Seonghwa kisses the top of San's head, gently stroking his hair after he goes back to look into San's eyes, "Sannie, talk to me... You know you can talk to me about anything. Did something happen at home?" Seonghwa tries to get San to open up to him, using his other hand to gently stroke his tear-stained face.

San sniffles and his breathing is uneven as he looks back into Seonghwa's eyes, hating the worry he sees within them. San is glad that the room is so dim, hoping that Seonghwa isn't able to see how red the side of San's face is. San presses his forehead against Seonghwa's, basking in the calm breathing of his best friend.

"M-My mom," San starts, his voice incredibly shaky since he doesn't want to have to think about what happened on Christmas morning.

Seonghwa doesn't say anything more, not wanting to pry too much. He wants San to be able to open up by himself, but he does continue stroking San's face and hair. Seonghwa knows how much San has told him he likes when he does that, so he hopes it's bringing him some comfort.

San feels his heart starting to beat faster and he starts panting as he starts thinking about everything again. San's eyes water, "Sh-She overdosed... I... I found her"

San excitedly gets up early on Christmas morning, running to the record player that sets by the twinkling tree in their living room to turn on 'I'll Be Home for Christmas' a favorite of the family for years.

San sees his father coming out of the hall bathroom, holding himself up with the wall, "Dad, did you stay in there all night...?" he asks, knowing that sometimes when his father is especially messed up, he will spend the whole night by the toilet.

His father laughs, gripping his stomach, "Fuck, might have to move in if I keep feeling like this... We did too much last night," His laugh fades out as he coughs, "Go get your mother so we can get this shitshow on the road."

San smiles when his father suggests going to get his mother, knowing that her presence will calm his father's speech for the sake of Christmas.

He runs to his parents room, where he assumes his mother slept like a normal person in bed -- unlike his father -- and slowly opens the door, "Ma, wake up," He says sweetly, "We're going to open presents," He giggles, wanting to savor his probable last day before his parents go back into their normal habits again.

San's mother doesn't respond, so San walks into the room, going up to the bed, "Mom, pleaseee," He whines, "Dad is messed up and you're the only one that can calm him down."

No reply.

No movement.

"Ma...?" San gently touches his mother's shoulder, "M-Mom?" His heart starts to pound as he lifts the covers up a little bit, revealing an empty syringe in one of his mother's open palms.

"D-Dad!" San screams for him through his tears, begging for him to come help wake up his mother, "P-Please don't be-"

Seonghwa is shocked but sadly not surprised when San relays this to him, knowing how San would tell him about how his parents would always come home drunk or drugged up. Seonghwa's heart aches for San though, even though he hated the way he was treated, San couldn't hate his parents. Seonghwa couldn't understand that, but everyone is different. If it were Seonghwa in San's shoes, he would've left and never came back. San loved his parents too much to do that.

Seonghwa whispered soft 'shhh's to San as he wept, his head now in Seonghwa's shoulder.

"D-Dad blamed me for the whole thing and told me to l-leave and n-never come back..." San cries, his voice coming out sloppy and hard to hear, but Seonghwa listens to every word.

"You know you're always welcome here, San. I'm so sorry..." Seonghwa rubs San's back, allowing San to let it all out. They sit there like that for a while, but San settles down eventually, laying back on the bed with Seonghwa, not leaving his embrace.

San is curled up against Seonghwa's chest as they watch a movie that Seonghwa turned on to try and help distract San from his own thoughts, knowing that's what usually helps him.

San looks up at Seonghwa during the movie, admiring him and appreciating him. Seonghwa is always there for him, he seems to know him better than San even knows himself. Seonghwa always takes care of him, always making an effort to make sure he knows he is there for him and that he always has a place to go. San finds himself tearing up while looking at Seonghwa now, realizing how much he's actually fallen in love with him.

Seonghwa looks down, feeling San's eyes on him -- and he's right, San is staring up at him with those pretty brown eyes. Seonghwa gives him a soft smile, leaning down to give him an even softer kiss, "Do you like the movie, Sannie?"

San's heart melts when Seonghwa's lips touch his, wishing he could properly describe the way Seonghwa makes him feel. Having him hold him with such gentleness like he could fall apart at any second, but his arms are keeping him pieced together.

San nods, "I love it..." He says as he continues to gaze into Seonghwa's beautiful brown eyes, wondering if they're the same shade as his own, wanting them to share more connections.

Seonghwa smiles bigger, happy to see San not thinking about how terrible yesterday and all of today was for him. He hates the thought that Christmas time, San's happiest time of the year, will now be tainted with terrible memories, and will likely become the worst part of the year.

"I'm so glad to hear that, Sannie. We can watch them all night if you want to. Tonight is your night," Seonghwa pets San's dark brown hair, liking the way it feels between his fingers.

San's face warms up as he feels Seonghwa's hand going through his hair, the sensation sending tingles all the way up his spine. He leans up and plants another kiss onto Seonghwa's lips, this time for longer. He moves his hand up at the same time to hold the side of Seonghwa's face, kissing him deeper.

Seonghwa smiles widely as San kisses him, happy to have his San back. San loves kisses, always finding an excuse to let their lips meet without regard to time or place. Seonghwa holds onto San's small waist as he climbs up onto his lap, feeling his arms wrapping around his torso tightly, anchoring him.

"I-I love you, Seonghwa," San whispers to Seonghwa when their lips part, his eyes watering from the overwhelming wave of emotions he gets as he holds eye contact with the one he cares for most. San presses their foreheads together again, hoping Seonghwa can feel how much he means his words and that they get through to him. He knows he can't always convey his emotions properly, but he meant every word he just said. San's fallen in love.

Seonghwa's heart drops when he hears San tell him that he loves him, not knowing how to feel. Seonghwa feels his heartbeat start to quicken, not from reciprocating love, but from immense fear. Seonghwa didn't want San to be in love with him. He can't break San's heart right now, not after what he just went through with his parents. Maybe he's confused about his emotions right now after everything, Seonghwa thinks -- he hopes. He knows he's wrong. He's known that San's felt like this for a while, of course, he's known the moment that San gave him his virginity.

"I-" Seonghwa starts, but San just gets that sad, knowing look on his face that Seonghwa hates to see. A similar one to how Yunho looked earlier when he denied his feelings.

"It's okay, Hwa... I know," Is all San says before he lays his head back down on Seonghwa's chest. San knew that Seonghwa didn't feel that way about him, knowing how Seonghwa feels about love from his past, but San had to let Seonghwa know his true feelings. He's okay if Seonghwa doesn't love him like he does, as long as he knows how much he loves him.

They're inseparable, after all.

Seonghwa feels crushed that he's not able to give San the true love that he deserves. He's not sure if he will ever be able to return San's feelings, and it makes him hate himself sometimes.

San listens to Seonghwa's heart beating, noticing how quick it seems and the thought of him feeling bad makes him sigh. San's eyes become heavy after a while, getting sleepier the longer he lays there on Seonghwa's warm chest.

He feels at home.

Seonghwa looks down after a while, seeing that San has fallen asleep. He gently and carefully runs one of his hands through San's hair one last time before falling asleep, himself.

San lived with Seonghwa for the rest of high school before his dad eventually committed suicide during his senior year. San ended up inheriting what little money his dad had left had and got his own apartment, hating having to mooch off of Seonghwa for that long.

Even though he had his own apartment now, San found himself always being with Seonghwa, having gotten even more attached to him after everything that happened. Seonghwa became his rock. He grew attached to him and they spent almost every moment together. San's love for Seonghwa only grew stronger the more time they spent together, the more they slept together, the more they depended on each other.

Of course, everything started to change when Yeosang came into the picture.

End of Flashback: Sophomore Year of Highschool

End of Chapter Ten