Seonghwa finds himself constantly looking around at the crowd of people at his house this Friday night, not seeing San anywhere. It hurts his heart to know San didn't come this week. He hasn't seen him at all this past week and it feels so weird for Seonghwa. Instead of spending all of his time with San like normal, he's been spending that time with Yeosang, and he feels like he's become even closer with him.

Speak of the devil, Yeosang comes up to Seonghwa with their drinks and he smiles happily at him, having already had a few drinks before the ones he's currently holding for them, "Here you go, Hwa," Yeosang says in a sweet voice, it makes him happy that he's been able to spend more time with his love without worry of San coming between them.

Yeosang leans his head against Seonghwa's shoulder, looking up at him as he sips his drink, "Are you looking for him...?" Yeosang asks, knowing he's been looking around at everyone more than usual, and also already knowing the answer. Why does he always ask questions he doesn't want to hear the answer to?

He shouldn't have asked. He doesn't want to hear Seonghwa lie to him.

Seonghwa looks down at Yeosang and gives him a warm smile before kissing his forehead, "I'm only looking at you, Yeosang," he says as he ruffles his hair. Seeing Yeosang does make him feel much better, but the action of ruffling Yeosang's hair brings him back down a bit, it being something he would always do to San. He has to stop letting every little thing remind him of San, but it's hard after spending so much time together.

Nearly every memory of his involves San.

Seonghwa looks down at his drink and back at Yeosang, clinking his cup against his before he chugs all the liquid down. Yeosang doesn't chug his, but he does down it pretty soon after Seonghwa gets done his. Yeosang adores Seonghwa's reply as much as he hates it.

Seonghwa didn't buy any cocaine for tonight, or any type of drug for that matter, having been trying to cut back for Yeosang's sake. He knows that Yeosang used to date Mingi, his friend that deals, so he understands how being around drugs could make him uncomfortable.

However... If he keeps having these damned thoughts about San, he's going to need something more than he thought. He'll have to stop by Mingi's after dropping in the morning before Yeosang wakes up, he thinks to himself, mentally apologizing to Yeosang ahead of time.

"Hwa," Yeosang starts, putting his cup down and grabbing a hold of Seonghwa's loose white shirt, "Kiss me?" He asks in a silky, enchanting voice, wanting Seonghwa's affection badly at this moment. He needs to bring him back to him.

Seonghwa smirks at Yeosang's sudden request, and doesn't hesitate as he connects their lips into a deep kiss. Seonghwa is almost as addicted to the taste of Yeosang's lips as he is to coke, unable to stop himself from pulling Yeosang into his chest as they kiss. Their tongues intertwine, Seonghwa's tongue attacking Yeosang's with a strong passion and need.

Yeosang lets go of Seonghwa's shirt as he's pulled into him, his hand trailing all over Seonghwa's rock hard chest. Yeosang loves when Seonghwa dominates his mouth like this, but he especially loves when Seonghwa lets him go down to his neck and leave his claim on him -- which is exactly what he does right now. Yeosang sucks on Seonghwa's neck roughly, leaving a lot of dark reddish marks to show that Seonghwa is his.

Yeosang absolutely hated it when they first started dating and he would see marks already decorating Seonghwa's neck. He knew they had to be from San.

Later into their relationship, when things got more serious, however, Seonghwa stopped having pre-existing marks. He often wondered if he and San stopped doing that kind of stuff, or if Seonghwa just asked him to stop leaving them.

From what he walked in on last week, he believes it to be the latter.

꘎ ♡ ━ ꘎ ━ ♡ ꘎

Seonghwa wakes up pretty early the next morning, having Yeosang laying over his chest, still asleep and breathing softly from his mouth. He smiles as he looks down at Yeosang on him, gently rubbing his head and moving his hair out of his face so he can see his angelic features. Seonghwa thinks about how much he loves having Yeosang in his life, knowing he shouldn't do what he's about to do.

Seonghwa knows about his addictive personality, Yeosang has told him many times that that's what he thinks he has. It makes sense to him, of course, Seonghwa gets hooked on things very easily. From drugs to alcohol to people, it doesn't matter, he gets addicted. Addicted to the way he feels when taking drugs and drinking alcohol, addicted to the way certain people make him feel.

Seonghwa lets go of Yeosang's head and tries to ease himself out from under him, laying him gently back onto the bed as he gets up from the squeaky piece of shit he calls a bed. Curse the loudness, but Yeosang doesn't budge.

He goes and pulls the blanket up over Yeosang and gives his forehead and warm kiss before going to the closet to get some clothes on. Seonghwa dresses himself and gets his keys before leaving Yeosang to sleep in, locking the door behind him so no one can disturb his boy.

Yeosang sleeps soundly as if Seonghwa were still there, curling up with the blankets and pillows on Seonghwa's bed.

Seonghwa goes out to his car and drives to Mingi's place, mentally apologizing to Yeosang each minute that passes during the drive until he's parked in front of Mingi's place.

Seonghwa goes into the house without knocking and greets a few of the people he knows that are still awake before getting to Mingi's room. He knocks on the door and waits, knowing the guy is probably holed up in bed with Yunho still. Those two have been attached at the hip for a while now, Seonghwa thinks to himself, feeling happy that Yunho could find some sort of happiness. He's always felt bad for Yunho, ever since high school, remembering the rumors that went around about him. He felt even worse about his own actions towards him back then, even before the rumors sprouted.

...

Mingi groggily opens the door and looks up at Seonghwa standing in front of him. Mingi is holding up his sagging sweatpants that he clearly just shrugged on with one hand and rubs his eyes with the other, "Hey, man... What are you doing here so early in the morning?" He yawns halfway through the word 'morning'.

Seonghwa smirks, seeing Yunho sitting up in the bed with messy hair from behind Mingi, "I'm just here to get the usual. I didn't mean to come at such an unusual time."

Mingi ties the string to his sweatpants so they stay up and he waves Seonghwa in, going back into his room and over to his dresser.

Seonghwa follows Mingi, nodding at Yunho with a subtle smile before going to the dresser, keeping his eyes on the prize. This is where Mingi usually keeps most of his drug stash, choosing to store them all in separate locked boxes.

Cocaine is in the white box. How fitting.

Mingi chuckles as he unlocks it, pulling out a baggie, "I see that you don't have San following you around anymore."

Seonghwa scoffs, pulling out his wallet and money, exchanging money for the plastic baggie of cocaine, "What do you mean? You know he doesn't come with me every time."

Mingi locks the box back up and turns to him, "Oh, I know. It's just, he came here on his own for this exact thing," he flicks the baggie in Seonghwa's fingers, the white powder clouding onto the clear plastic, "Seems he's hooked too, haha."

Seonghwa's eyes widen a bit at Mingi's words, unable to believe what he just told him, "San did what?"

"He seemed really desperate for it last night, man. He's always been so on-edge, and he doesn't like to joke around either, apparently," Mingi explains, obviously not caring too much about the situation with how flippantly he speaks of it. He just wants to get back to Yunho. San always felt like Seonghwa's lost puppy dog anyway, always hiding behind him and making these eyes at him whenever they'd look at each other.

Hearing this makes Seonghwa feel upset for some reason, a sort of anger filling him up, "Don't sell any more to San, Mingi. Okay?" Seonghwa says in a surprisingly demanding tone. He doesn't want San to get addicted or go down the same path that his parents had. He couldn't handle seeing San go through that, and he knows San couldn't handle it either, especially with December coming up.

"Don't sell to him? What are you going to do to keep me from it?" Mingi counters, eyes narrowed at his long-time customer that he'd even consider a friend.

Seonghwa pulls out another wad of cash and drops it into Mingi's hands, "I'm serious. I hear about you selling to him again, and you'll regret it, Mingi."

Mingi smirks as he takes the money, shoving it into his sweatpants pocket, "Is that a threat?" He laughs again, "Don't worry, this'll be enough to keep me from selling to him for a while anyway," he pats Seonghwa's shoulder before going back to his bed, crawling back to Yunho, "Now, get out," He mumbles to Seonghwa, busy with his face in Yunho's neck.

Seonghwa hears Yunho let out a whine, having missed Mingi even if he was only gone from his side for maybe five minutes. Seonghwa shakes his head and leaves the room, closing the door behind him, not wanting to be here any longer than he has to be, especially after that interaction.

Why would San come here alone?

Seonghwa knows how much San hates big crowds like the ones that are always at Mingi's parties, they're two or even three times bigger than his.

Seonghwa confusedly walks back out to his car, laying back against his seat as he thinks. San shouldn't be coming here to get drugs, he should be doing them with Seonghwa who can monitor his intake. Seonghwa knows how cautious San usually is with his usage, given his past, so he fears that San might already have a slight addiction to the drug he got him into.

Seonghwa slams his hand against the steering wheel, letting out a string of curses, angry at himself that he can't contact San or be with him like he used to be. He tries to tell himself that it's for the best, which he really thought it was, but after hearing that he went to get his own coke, he's not so sure anymore.

He fears that it might be getting bad again. December is only weeks away at this point.

He told Yeosang he was going to try and stay away from San, and he wasn't going to break that promise to Yeosang so soon. Seonghwa wants Yeosang to be able to trust him. He wants Yeosang to feel safe and secure in their relationship. It always hurt him how insecure Yeosang would get when Seonghwa was hanging out with San. Seonghwa knows Yeosang had a legitimate reason for getting upset and feeling insecure... He and San were still sleeping together. It was just something so normal for the two of them that it hardly crossed Seonghwa's mind that he shouldn't be doing that.

Not when he would be with San that night and then be with Yeosang the next morning.

The whole thing came to the forefront when he and Yeosang became more committed to one another. Yeosang explained his feelings about Seonghwa and San's relationship to him, telling Seonghwa that he wants him to be with him and only him. It made Seonghwa wonder how long Yeosang's known there was more than just a simple friendship between him and San.

Seonghwa does want to stay loyal to Yeosang, he really does. He doesn't want to see the look he saw in Yeosang's eyes that night when he caught him and San together ever again. It broke his heart in two to see how hurt Yeosang was. He was so afraid that he would leave him right at that moment, and to be honest, he knows he should have. Just thinking about it makes Seonghwa want to rush back home to Yeosang right now.

When he really thinks about it, he remembers that something similar happened back in high school.

Seonghwa knew that how Yeosang felt when he walked in on him and San together was the same feeling that San felt when he walked in on him and Yunho together.

꘎ ♡ ━ ꘎ ━ ♡ ꘎

San used all of the cocaine he bought from Mingi much faster throughout this week than he thought he would. It's starting to get to the point where right after San's high wears off, he wants to immediately go and snort some more. It's getting messier and messier every time he uses, too. He'll snort it off any surface he's around whenever he gets a craving for it, not caring how sanitary or unsanitary said surface is.

San can't get that night on the phone with Wooyoung out of his head every time he gets high. Whenever he's in that headspace, he can't help but want to see him or hear his voice whispering in his ear again. He hasn't talked to Wooyoung since that night, but he stares at his number for a while whenever he's high wondering if he should call.

He's starting to not remember much of what happens during his high. San knows he probably shouldn't drink while also snorting coke, but he does, the crossfaded feeling encapsulating him.

When San isn't high from the cocaine or drunk from the alcohol, he's thinking of Seonghwa. Seonghwa hasn't even tried to contact San, and it pains him to think about it. San and Seonghwa had spent so much time together, only for Yeosang to come in and tear them apart, ripping their relationship to shreds until it became what it is now.

Nothing.

San can't help but be jealous of Yeosang. He has what San has always wanted, after all...

Seonghwa's true love.

Seonghwa never strayed so far before, so what's different now? What makes Yeosang so special that he would do anything to please him? Is Yeosang better than him? San hates when the floodgates open and the endless questions pour through his mind, torturing him for hours.

San has been laying in bed the past few days, unable to get up and do anything productive. He just wants to lay in bed and wallow in whatever emotion he's feeling -- at this point, he can barely tell what he's feeling. His head has been hurting like crazy all week and it won't go away with normal medicines, he's tried them all, but the aching doesn't cease. If he's honest, it only gets worse.

Currently, he's craving cocaine, but he doesn't want to get up and go to Mingi's, so he settles on texting him.

San

Hey, do you think you could drop by my house to give me some of the stuff? I'll pay you extra for it.

San hopes that Mingi will do it. He seems like the type where there's not much he wouldn't do for money. He believes that's the whole reason he got into the dealing business in the first place -- it brings in a lot of cold, hard cash.

Mingi

Haha, I won't be selling to you anymore, actually.

San's eyes go into a squint when he reads Mingi's text back to him.

What the fuck?

What does he mean he won't be selling to him anymore?

San

Uh, what? Wtf? Why? I'll pay you extra.

Mingi

That's top secret information ;) No can do.

San just about launches his phone across the room, but he manages to hold himself back. He doesn't want to have to get up to get it if he were to do that. Instead, he squeezes it extremely hard, leaving two red lines of imprints the phone made in his palm.

San

Listen, Mingi. I'll literally do anything. Please.

A few minutes pass and there's still no response, so San tries again.

San

Mingi, answer me dammit!

San is just about in tears when he realizes he won't be getting anything to ease his headache or get him high. San feels miserable as he lay curled up in his bed, his brain feeling like it's about to pound right out of his skull. The pain is excruciating and San doesn't know how much more he can take, physically.

San tries to think of why Mingi is refusing to bring him any cocaine. He said he would pay extra, so what the hell? San frowns to himself as he wonders if Seonghwa said anything to Mingi about it.

Why would he?

He doesn't know anything about his life anymore, anyway.

Not like he'd even care.

End of Chapter Seven