Music is blaring ear-shatteringly loud as San shuffles through the crowd of people dancing and drinking, trying to get to the counter where the alcohol is. Ugh, the headache he has is unbearable from all of these loud people. At least, that's what he assumes to be the cause for his throbbing head.

Surely alcohol will help him loosen up more and numb some of this anxiety that's creeping up on him, it always does, after all. San pours himself a hefty cup of the strongest whiskey in the house before Seonghwa comes up and wraps one of his arms around San's waist. San smiles at the familiarity of Seonghwa's warmth around him, his touch on his body sends shivers up his spine.

"Already drinking, I see?" Seonghwa observes, clearly already buzzed from the cheesy smile on his face spreading from ear to ear. His breath smells of the same whiskey San had just poured for himself.

What can he say? They have similar tastes.

"You know I need to have something in me before I can stand being at these things," San replies, taking his drink in full before slamming the cup back down onto the counter, "Damn that's good."

"You know we only keep the good shit here, Sannie," Seonghwa winks and San knows he's not only talking about the alcohol he just downed. Seonghwa rubs his hand up San's back, fluttering over the taut muscles with his long fingers as he speaks, "I just got some more if you wanna come try it. It always helps you loosen up, you know."

San shifts his eyes warily to look back at the party happening around them, people talking and dancing, unafraid of befriending strangers or getting a little too close. Seonghwa has been wanting him to get out of his shell more and actually talk to people, but San doesn't do very well around so many people at once. Seonghwa knows that.

Why does he even go to these parties anyway...? It always seems like a lost cause.

However, San is grateful to Seonghwa for starting to host these parties, as much as he dislikes them, it allows him to not have to think about what month is drawing nearer for one night of the week.

San looks back out at the crowd and doesn't see anyone that piques his interest, as per usual, so he turns back to look at Seonghwa, "Hmm, maybe I'll just come watch..." San answers warily, unsure of what exactly Seonghwa has bought from his dealer this time, and nervous of it being something new.

Seonghwa smirks as he pours them both another drink before leading San to his bedroom at the end of the hallway that, over the years, San has become very familiar with. In fact, every room in this house San is sure that he could draw a perfect picture of.

Seonghwa has been throwing a party every Friday night now, ever since the middle of October. San is getting tired of always having to come, but he feels something in him that pushes him to go. He knows deep down it's because of Seonghwa, but he'll never miss a chance at a good drink or high. Anything that'll keep his intrusive thoughts away, especially as the season is changing into winter. San tries to be cautious about the drugs he does take though, having seen first-hand what they can do to a person.

He doesn't like to think about that though, so he shoves it deep down within, drowning the thoughts with ounces upon ounces of alcohol. He's here to forget about that, not let it take over like it does when he's at home.

Alone.

He's here with Seonghwa, now, his rock, his friend of over seven years that's always stuck by him.

San looks up at the back of Seonghwa's head as they walk down the hallway, admiring the way his black hair still seems to shine under the dull lights. He can smell that cologne he's worn ever since high school radiating off him as he moves, sending a calming sensation through San when he inhales ever so slightly.

Seonghwa unlocks the door to his room, not daring to leave it unlocked and taking the chances of anyone stealing his stash or catching anyone in his own bed at one of his parties. Seonghwa has always been conscious of other people's intentions and the possibilities that can happen, so he remains as vigilant as he can.

Seonghwa goes over to his worn-out wooden dresser, opening it and pulling out a small Ziploc bag from beneath his neatly folded clothes.

San watches Seonghwa swing the plastic bag full of white powder side to side as he goes to sit on his bed with him, it squeaking loudly as he rests his full weight onto it. He takes a few more drinks of his whiskey before setting his cup down and laying back on the bed to close his eyes for a moment.

Seonghwa leans against San with the baggie in one hand and moving his other hand to San's knee, gently rubbing it with a sense of comfort, "Hey, it's only coke. I got it from the same guy, you know Min," Seonghwa reassures, knowing San is likely thinking it could be laced with something. He knows how cautious San can be about the drugs they use.

Seonghwa starts moving his hand up San's thigh, "You feeling okay?" He asks when San doesn't verbally respond.

"Mmm..." San hums as Seonghwa's hand rubs up his thigh, opening his eyes to see Seonghwa now kneeling in front of him and looking down at his face. San knows he should say something or else Seonghwa is going to worry all night, "I'm good, yeah. I just hope this headache goes away soon... I'm sick of constantly feeling like this."

San can feel his heartstrings tugging when he meets Seonghwa's eyes while he's semi-between his legs. He's so mind-achingly handsome with the long pieces of black hair hanging in front of his eyes, his piercing near-black eyes staring straight through him like he's done to him for years, able to see past all the bullshit. But... Seonghwa's touch is San's true weakness. Those pale slender fingers that grip his body in all the right places, teasing the most sensitive parts of him. It makes him quiver just thinking about it.

Why can't Seonghwa just be with me...?

San's heart swirls under the light influence of the whiskey, only breaking his eye contact with Seonghwa to gaze at his glistening lips. He can see the faint wetness from the alcohol still lingering on that enticing bottom lip and he so badly wants to capture them with his own.

He shouldn't do that anymore, he knows it, San condemns himself for still thinking about Seonghwa like that.

He's tried so hard to stop, but it's so fucking hard...

Seonghwa smiles that damning smile that will surely be the death of him one day, lifting his hand from San's thighs to caress San's cheek, "Ah, don't worry, Sannie."

Especially when he still touches him and calls his name so sweetly...

Seonghwa's voice is like San's own personal form of alcohol, the strongest he's ever been blessed enough to taste, getting him drunker and drunker with each word that escapes those intoxicating lips.

San groans, forcing his gaze away until his eyes focus on the little bag Seonghwa is holding next to his face, "You promise it's the same as last time, Hwa?"

Seonghwa nods, "I promise. You know I wouldn't lie to you, Sannie," he says, dragging his nightstand up to them before sitting down next to San again on the bed. The bed makes the same squeak as he sits, music to San's ears that drown out the blatant lies he spews from his mouth. Seonghwa may lie sometimes, but not about something like this, and that's what matters in San's eyes.

Seonghwa clears the nightstand off before pouring a small pile of white powder down onto it, "See?" He smiles down at the pile, but his words are meant for San. Seonghwa then pulls out a piece of paper and cuts the pile into two long lines, one for each of them.

Seonghwa has been trying to keep to only one line whenever he does it, and he's sticking to that tonight. He loves the stuff, but he doesn't want to get addicted. At least... not too heavily dependent on it.

"Can you get the straws?" Seonghwa asks as he makes the lines cleaner for the two of them, not letting any grain stray away.

San complies and gets the pack of straws out from under Seonghwa's bed and pulls out two of them, putting Seonghwa's on the nightstand next to the lines he cut and keeping his in his hand.

Seonghwa's smile turns into a wide smirk as he picks up the straw, instantly going in and snorting up his line of cocaine, making sure he gets every last granule. He inhales deeply afterward and lays back on the bed, "Fuck. Min always gets us the good shit, I swear to god, Sannie..." He lets his eyes close, allowing for the drug to take effect. That's one thing he loves about coke, it hits so damn fast. The only downside is that it fades just the same. Much too quickly for his liking.

It's what makes it such a dangerous drug, after all. As soon as that high hits, it'll be gone and then you just want to keep going and going, buying more and more. That's how addicts are made, always chasing the euphoric feeling of happiness and excitement it gives them.

San snorts his line right after Seonghwa, wiping his nose once he's completed it to avoid any fallout. He always hates the weird numbing sensation that his nostrils get after snorting the wretched stuff. However, this time he doesn't notice it as much.

San looks back at Seonghwa who's laying down, his eyes immediately falling upon the skin of his lower stomach, exposed from his shirt lifting up after flopping back into the covers.

Seonghwa opens an eye, catching San in the act, "You see something you like?" He snickers, closing his eyes back, not seeing how fast San turns his head away, mumbling a denial even though they both know the real answer.

After a few minutes, San begins to feel the effects of the drug taking over, a surge of energy filling his being. The pain from his aching head fades away and a big smile spreads across his face, mirroring Seonghwa's earlier one, "I always forget how good it feels until we do it again," He leans back on his arms behind him, basking in the spirit boost he just got.

Seonghwa laughs heartily, his eyes fluttering back open to look up at San from his lying position, "We've only been doing it for like a month, San," he grabs ahold of San's hand and pulls him down to him, wanting him closer.

San's heart feels like it's going a mile a minute as he's pulled onto Seonghwa, "Hey, don't start something you don't want to finish..." San warns, his eyes turning sultry as he stares down at Seonghwa's incredibly mesmerizing face. He lifts his hand to caress Seonghwa's soft cheek, their skin-to-skin contact feeling almost electric from the increased sensitivity due to the cocaine. San feels the goosebumps prick every inch of his skin as soon as he touches Seonghwa, letting his hand drift to the side of Seonghwa's neck.

Seonghwa breathes heavily with San on top of him, feeling the effects of his touch immediately, "God, the things you do to me, Sannie," he lets out in a more husky tone of voice, his whiskey breath coming out hot on San's face.

There's always been something about San that Seonghwa just can't seem to stay away from. He tries not to let it affect his relationship, but things have been getting increasingly complicated the further it goes on...

San instantly captures Seonghwa's lips, falling into a deep kiss easily. This is a comfortable and common position for the two, always trying and always failing to stay away from one another. San constantly craves Seonghwa's lips and misses when he was able to have them whenever he wanted.

Seonghwa has been seeing a new boy named Yeosang for a few months, and Seonghwa insists to San it's nothing serious... But San can't remember the last time Seonghwa's been with the same person for so long, and he especially can't remember a time when Seonghwa listened to his boyfriend's wishes about San. Because there hasn't been one until now. San still hates the fact of not being able to mark up Seonghwa like he used to.

Whenever Seonghwa and San drink or do drugs together, things always tend to end up like this. They're all over each other. They don't know why, but they always seem to come back to one another. San can't help the incredible sense of loneliness he gets when he's not with Seonghwa since he's always been there. For everything he's been through, Seonghwa was there to help him and make sure he knew it was going to be alright — even when it clearly wasn't.

To San, Seonghwa is his only friend that seems to actually care about him. If San is being honest with himself, Seonghwa is his only friend period. He's the only one he's been with in such an intimate way and it's been like that ever since high school. Seonghwa tries to get San out of his shell and to try and meet new people, but San never finds anyone interesting enough. Everyone he sees at these parties is always the same.

San knows that deep down he's not even actually trying to find anyone interesting, though. He always lets his eyes wander over the crowd without looking too closely before returning his eyes back to their real home.

Seonghwa.

End of Chapter One