San looks out from the front windshield of his car at a normal-looking building, grey bricks that have clear signs of weathering and little to no sound coming from outside. The heat still radiates around him from the air vents, nervous about turning the car off so fast.

This is the place, right?

San pulls out his phone and goes to the notes app where Hongjoong had typed out the address the other day, checking the house number and street, and yes, this is the right place. It just... doesn't look right.

He shoves his phone back into his pocket and turns the car off, tucking his keys into the same pocket while he climbs out of the car.

It'll be fine, it'll be fine, it'll be fine.

San repeats the same mantra in his head with each step he takes up to the solid black door, raising his hand to knock. He's met with silence, the only thing notable would be his thick breath visible in the freezing night air.

Should I just go in...?

San takes a deep, cold breath and turns the knob to open the door. He doesn't expect his ears to be blasted into the next century with music and voices, and the people, god, the people.

It's like he just walked into Mingi's, but worse. So much worse.

San's arm is quickly tugged on, pulling him into the mass of people occupying the large apartment space that separated off into many varying rooms.

"Hey, kid, stop letting the cold as shit air in and come be warm with all of us!"

San looks up at the girl holding onto his wrist, looking to be in her late twenties, and he nods, realizing that he did indeed leave the door open. He was startled by this random girl grabbing onto him, okay? San quickly shuts the door with his foot and as soon as it shuts, the girl smiles, "Come on!" She yells over the music and crowd.

San, to put it short, is pretty freaked out. This is not what he expected from how it looked outside. He would bet on his life that there wasn't a peep coming from the building, but as soon as that door opened, all Hell broke loose and he could swear he saw a ghost fly out.

Maybe that was smoke, but San can't help the silliness of Wooyoung's nature from creeping into him. He's noticed himself adopting a few of Wooyoung's quirks, but he doesn't mind it one bit. It makes him feel more free.

"What are you, a square?" The girl asks San as she's pushing through the people.

"A-A what?" San is overwhelmed already.

"Nahhhh, you can't be! You're here," She giggles, "Hongjoong's friends are the only ones that show up here."

San's eyes widen, "All of these people are Hongjoong's friends...?" He's shocked because he's not sure he's ever even met this many people in his entire life, let alone be friends. San's friend pool has consisted of maybe four people throughout the years, and that's pushing it.

She winks at San, "You knowww," she barely finishes the short sentence as she laughs more, taking a blunt from a random guy's fingers as they pass by, "I'm going to let you meet my friends, they'll love a square like you. Sometimes I think of them to have a corruption kink. Do you know what that is?"

She talks too much for San, and just when he thinks she's about to fall down, she lets go of his wrist and wraps both arms around another woman with a short bob cut.

"Jihyo~ I made a new friend!"

The girl with the bob, Jihyo, turns around to face San and he blushes nervously, unsure of what to do or say, "H-Hello?" His greeting comes out more like a question as his eyes flick around to the different crowds of people, trying to find the guy that asked him to come to this anxiety pit of a party.

Where could Hongjoong be?

"Nayeon, he looks scared to death. What did you do to him?" Jihyo asks, looking much more present than ninety-nine percent of the people crammed into this apartment.

"He's pretty cute," Another girl in the group adds in, along with a second one, "I have something you should try, cutie~"

San is about to attempt a semi-coherent reply when he hears a familiar voice, and with that familiar voice comes a dreadfully familiar nickname.

"Shiiiit, is that really you pretty boy? How is my sexy piece of meat?" Hongjoong comes up to him, surprisingly close, "I could almost take a bite outta 'ya," He smirks and pairs it with a teasing wink, "But Woo wouldn't like that, would he?"

San's face turns crimson red as soon as he looks up to meet Hongjoong's eyes, noticing the black eye shadow smeared heavy-handedly across each of his lids and right below his waterline. His gaze flicks down to see two red solo cups in each of his hands filled nearly to the top with amber liquid, "I-"

Hongjoong holds out one of the cups to him, "Here, you'll need this. I see you've met the loudest of the crowd," He says, presumably about Nayeon, and San can't pinpoint whether his tone was condescending or not.

"Thanks," San drinks it, realizing it's whiskey as soon as it touches his tongue and he hums in satisfaction.

"Y'know, I never thought Woo would find someone, and I'm actually surprised he found a guy, at that," Hongjoong chuckles once he takes another swig of his drink, "At least he's got good taste," a smirk settles on his lips and Nayeon pushes his arm.

"Hey! Where are the drinks at, Joong?" She asks in a whiny voice.

Hongjoong motions behind him and she scurries off, Jihyo already having turned to care for the other two girls that are still checking San out.

San's eyebrows knit together, "What do you mean by that?"

"Mm, never seen the kid in a relationship before," Hongjoong shrugs half-heartedly, "His kid brother 'n Lin have been friends forever, so I've known him basically the same amount of time. There's never been anyone. You must be special," He taps his fingertip on San's nose.

"You two don't seem very... close," San comments, remembering the less-than cheerful words Wooyoung had to say about Hongjoong the other morning when he came to pick Kyelin up. He crosses his arms tightly against himself, still holding onto the cup, but he's starting to feel the regret of coming here setting in.

Hongjoong waves it off, "Anyway, I'm more shocked to see you showed up. I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away," He takes a step closer to San, noticing how he's begun to close in on himself.

"I don't think I'll stay much longer... It doesn't seem like my crowd," San says, his eyes shifting away from Hongjoong as he comes closer to him, feeling his heart start to speed up and the fear starts to hit him.

Hongjoong digs into his pocket and pulls out a small white pill, holding it in front of San's eyes so he can't look away, "You just gotta chill the fuck out, pretty boy. Here, take this."

"What is it?" San's eyes go blurry as he tries to focus on the pill that's held right between his eyes.

"Don't worry about it."

Will it work...? What even is it?

San takes the white pill between his index finger and thumb, able to finally focus on it, contemplating. He looks at it closer, noticing the pill has three notches in it and the letters XANAX written on one side, while the number 2 is on the other.

"It'll calm you down, don't worry, 'kay?"

San doesn't hesitate anymore and uncharacteristically takes the pill, swallowing it down in one dry gulp. He puts down his cup of whiskey on a table next to Jihyo and the other girls after he takes a sip to moisten his mouth, not wanting to drink anymore.

Hongjoong's facial expression twists into something slightly sinister, finding San increasingly amusing, "It won't take too long to kick in, pretty boy," He wraps an arm around his shoulder, "Come on, let's go somewhere else that's not so... intense."

San just nods, feeling kind of weird and slightly out of it, starting to wonder more and more what he's doing here. He could be anywhere else, doing anything else. He didn't want to keep doing this shit, but here he is, and his heart feels like it's on a rollercoaster, split between being panicked and trying to mellow itself out. He wishes he was home in bed talking on the phone with Wooyoung.

Unsure of how long they've been standing around after Hongjoong walked them to a quieter part of the house, San starts to relax, the fear that was festering within him zeroing out. The only notable sensation left would be loopiness, ending up leaning against Hongjoong in order to keep himself upright.

As soon as Hongjoong sits the two of them down on a loveseat in the corner of the room, a buzz! comes from San's phone.

Even though his mind is starting to fuzz up, San pulls out his phone with a hint of excitement, anticipating the text to be from Wooyoung. Hongjoong watches his bright face disappear right when he reads his phone screen, taking his own peek down at the screen to see a message from Seonghwa.

Seonghwa

Hey, Sannie...

While San is reading the message, he accidentally hits the call button, to which Seonghwa immediately picks up. When Hongjoong sees that, he grabs the phone out of San's hands and puts it on speaker just in time to hear Seonghwa from the beginning.

"I didn't expect you to call," Seonghwa coughs nervously, his voice quieter than normal, "I only was texting to, uhm, I wanted to let you know that I was out last weekend and I saw you with Wooyoung... You're seeing him now, right?" His words come out more unsure than he expected, "I just... I saw him and Yunho kiss and I didn't know if you knew," He rambles on further, but Hongjoong just sets his phone face down on the couch without letting San answer, not even bothering to hang up.

"Tch, who is he to ruin our fun," Hongjoong chuckles, "Seonghwa? If it's the same one that I know-"

San narrows his eyes at the phone, wondering the whole time why Seonghwa would message him, let alone answer his call anymore. Even if it were about Wooyoung, he already knows what really happened between Wooyoung and Yunho.

What is Hwa doing?

He doesn't know what to think or feel with all that's running through his system.

When Hongjoong places the phone down, San interrupts him, his curiosity peeking through his clouded mind, "You know Seonghwa?"

"All I know him to be is a stubborn people-pleasing poser that can't handle the hard stuff," Hongjoong rolls his eyes before burning his gaze into San's with a smile, leaning inward to him, "You can handle the hard stuff though, can't you, San? Hmm, pretty boy?"

San's crossfaded mind doesn't know any better so he mumbles an agreement, hoping that his compliance will help him in some way.

"I got some pretty hard shit for you to try," Hongjoong takes San's hand, leading him away from the loveseat where his phone is left disregarded, "Seonghwa woulda never done anything like this."

"I don't want to be like him," San's voice comes out quiet as he's led into a room with a bed in the center and a dresser and desk against the walls. His head lulls to the side when he sits down on the edge of the bed, slumping over a bit in extreme drowsiness, "He... He hurt me."

Hongjoong looks back at San after he got some things out from his dresser, filling up a syringe absent-mindedly before he starts walking over to him, "Hurt you how?"

"R-Right here," San weakly pats the middle of his chest.

"Aww, who would hurt someone as god damn fine as you?" Hongjoong flicks the syringe barrel twice before holding in front of San's eyes, "This might liven up that broken heart of yours."

San takes the syringe, looking at the mysterious liquid in it, "What is this?" It looks strikingly familiar to him, but his slow mind can't place it right now, "What do I do with it?"

Hongjoong's smile only widens as he lifts up San's arm, leaning down close to his face in order to catch his eyes, "Y'know, I don't think Wooyoung is a good match for you, San."

"N-No?" San's breath catches as soon as Hongjoong presses his lips to his, roughly biting his lip when he pulls away with the shake of his head.

"Nah," Hongjoong uses his other hand to hold onto San's hand with the syringe in it and brings it to the bend where the bicep meets his forearm, "Kid ain't suited for people like us."

People like us...?

San watches Hongjoong as he presses the needle part to the crease of his elbow and he starts to realize that maybe he doesn't want to be like this. He doesn't want to be associated with people like Hongjoong, who categorizes himself separately from Wooyoung. Wooyoung is a good person.

Does that mean I'm not a good person...?

"Here, I'll show you how. Press down on this," Hongjoong moves San's fingers to press the plunger down, pushing the needle deep into his skin to release the heroin into San's veins, "Gotta make sure you get the vein."

I don't think I'm bad... I'm trying.

It's just so hard.

"Don't worry, 's not so bad."

End of Chapter Eighteen