❝Her salty eyes told me stories,
that made my heart weep.
I wanted to wrap her in a blanket,
and tell her she was safe forever —
and so I did.❞
— ATTICUS —

EVERY day for the next week, we all tried to go up there and talk to Bianca. Sometimes in a group and, other times, individual. However, she wasn't improving, even with the help of medication. If anything, she was worse and more bitter than ever before.

Dr. Reynolds has reassured us that she will get better after another week of the medicine in her system. Everyday, Trevor has went up there to spend some time with her, but they don't talk, he says. They just sit there and watch TV together.

Trevor will report back to me, Candice, and Johnny that the medicine has made her more spaced out, like she's a zombie. Most of the time, she doesn't even realize that he's there. It's sad, but there's nothing that we can do to help her. She's gotta help herself first.

Today, I was on laundry duty while Candice and Johnny were out looking for a new comfort set. They're always trying to get away from me these days. I'm pretty sure that they want me to move out, but they're too nice to say it straight to my face.

If Bianca continues to be gone, I will have to move back into our apartment. Plus, even if I don't want to, I may be the one who ends up taking care of her when she returns home. If not, she may want to do it all by herself.

It was a little past seven o'clock on this lonely Saturday night and I was stuck on laundry, which I had been avoiding to fold these clothes all week. Underneath my thigh, I felt my phone vibrate and, so, I yanked it out and seen what it was about. It was Candice, who texted me.

As much as I would like to interrupt their dinner, not even I could be that cruel. They always felt the need to invite me, but, since they're married, they need to spend their time alone.

I was okay with being alone, I think.

While taking out Johnny's shirt, another fell out with it. I quickly folded Johnny's red signature shirt, placed it to the side, and grabbed the one I dropped from the ground.

I sighed and sat it in my lap, then spread it out and saw what it was. It was Johnny and Tommaso's old #DIY shirt that was completely blue with white-lettering. It has Gargona and Ciampa written across on it and, on the back, it said: NOBODY WILL DO IT FOR YOU.

I instantly crumbled the shirt in my hands and seriously thought about throwing it in the trash, but it wasn't my shirt. It was Johnny's and, even though he had over a hundred and fifty shirts just like this, I wasn't going to throw any of his stuff away. He would see it in the trash later and ask why, before I would hear a lecture of some sorts.

As I folded the shirt and began to place it with Johnny's stack, it slowly began to hit me that being away Tommaso hurts. It hurts more than I have ever thought it would, considering we started off with a one-sided friendship as enemies. How we left things off isn't okay, either, and I felt beyond bad about it.

Before I knew it, a single tear fell down my face and I whispered to myself: "Son-of-a-bitch..."

Everything hurt inside when I even thought about him ever being with anyone, but me. What if, one day, I wake up and find him with another girl in his arms? I would probably jump in front of a truck, but not because it would be over a man, necessarily. It's because I am a fucking idiot for not even giving him a simple chance.

I don't think that I ever expected to fall for somebody, who hated me in the beginning when we didn't know anything about one another. I didn't expect myself to fall his eyes. His blue eyes... They tell a story like no other.

My parents always warned me about how drugs were bad and to never do them, but they never got the chance to tell me about the very addictive drug with blue eyes and a heartbeat.

Then, I found myself thinking: Fuck it. I'm in love with Tommaso.

I tossed the rest of the laundry out of my way before taking my shirt off and replacing it with the #DIY shirt instead. I grabbed my keys and phone, and headed for the door.

I was about to go tell him...

HERE I am. I'm standing in front of his apartment's door, contemplating rather or not that I want to run back to my apartment and hide. Then again, it wouldn't do myself justice because I would still want to talk to him.

So, I leaned forward and knocked on his door. I waited for a while after hearing footsteps inside, but no answer. He looked through the little peep-hole and saw it was me, so he probably decided not to answer.

Nevertheless, I knocked again, but louder this time, just in case. I heard noises, but no answer to the door. I cannot believe him right now...

"Tommaso?" I called out his name and could only hope that he was standing on the other side of the door. "I was scared, okay? I was scared of moving on from Pete. He is the only one that I've ever had. Nobody else."

He still answer, so I decided to talk just a little bit louder and explain in more detail: "I loved Pete. I loved him to death, to the point that I would've stopped breathing if he had told me to. Even after all the times that he cheated on me and I kept taking him back like an idiot, I was in love with him — but only with the person that I met before all the bad started. I didn't let him go until it was too late and the damage was already done. Now..."

I had to pause and took a deep breath before the tears would fall like crazy. I kept calm and tried my best to continued: "Now, I find myself falling in love with someone else, who was somehow always there for me when I needed him. But, I fucked-up when I couldn't let go of the other that was already gone. At the end of the day, I would always choose you over him any day."

I could've said so much more, but my stronger point wasn't with words. So, I decided to keep it at that and, after explaining, the door didn't come open and he never appeared. That was it, then, I guess.

Alas, I sighed and lowered my head. "Okay, then... I'll see you around, I guess," I said just as I began to walk away, the hot tears starting to sting my eyes.

As soon as I was a good enough distance away, I heard a door swing open and, then: "You can't walk away so easily..." My breathing was faint and also very heavy, as I slowly turned around on my heel and faced him. His eyes were full and I couldn't tell if he was upset or not. "I don't ever look at you and think: 'I just want to kiss her.' I look at you and think: 'I really want to make sweet love with her and make her ever forget about that guy who hurt her.' Then, I rethink it because it's stupid. It's not like you would ever want me back."

I slowly begin to walk back towards him and I say, through tear-filled eyes: "I am so sorry, Tommaso. You're my whole heart now. You always were."

Before I could prepare myself for what was next, he placed his right hand on my cheek and leaned in, his lips touching mine. His simple kiss was so precious and it was well worth waiting for. It was just one small kiss, but it was our first.

"I thought you hated me?" I breathed out, letting one tear fall from my eye. He was right where he needed to be.

He took a deep breath and whispered back in my face: "Hated that I couldn't have you..."

We fell back together, allowing ourselves to get consumed into the kiss and, at one point, we began to get carried away. He took ahold of my hand and guided me inside his apartment, all the way until we were in his bedroom.

Once inside and I was where I was before, his lips reconnected with mine and I threw my arms around his neck. I was starting to get lost into his kiss and I felt my legs melting underneath me, like the floor was lava and I was snow.

Slowly, he placed his right hand on the small of my back and guided me down to the bed, his body on top of mine and he being completely in-charged. It could always be like this and I would not mind whatsoever.

He brought his lips to mine and pecked them before placing his forehead on mine and whispering out: "Just for the record... I'm in love with you more."

"If that wasn't obvious," I laughed and he actually laughed along with me, which was a nice change. "For now on until the last day of my life, I just want it to be us for now on."

"Definitely," he agreed and pressed his lips to mine once more. We surrender to the night and what was under the sheets.

• I'M DYING AND... G O N E 😭💕 All the love .xx •