The six hours flight to Illinois was the worst journey Raymond had ever made. He couldn't stop fidgeting, he couldn't keep calm. It felt like a ride to hell and he could feel the anguish of the hot flames on his skin.

He needed a distraction and so he thought of Jasmine. He imagined her in his arms, burying his face in her hair and taking in her intoxicating fragrance. He imagined his lips on hers, tasting the sweetness of her mouth that melted like candy on his tongue.
Thinking about her made him feel relaxed and his nerves calmed.

He drove from the airport to the address his mum had emailed him.
He parked his car by the driveway and switched off the engine.
He glanced towards the house. It was a one story, four bedroom house with precast concrete walls.
The lawn looked freshly mowed. purple and white lilacs, primroses and purple hibiscus grew on the small garden by the porch. A black sedan was parked by the garage and he knew that someone was in the house.

Raymond gripped the wheel hard, his eyes concentrated on the house. His fearful mind persuaded him to leave but he remembered Jasmine's assuring words.
He was there already and there was no going back.

"You can do this Raymond. You can do this." He mumbled and let out a heavy sigh.

He let go of the wheel, got out from the car and walked to the house, taking slow steps. He got to the door and reached for the doorbell but hesitated. He felt cold and sweaty. He wanted to run but he couldn't work his legs. He felt weak on the knees and could feel the sweat building up.

'What if they don't wanna see me?
What if they despise and hate me?
What if I'm making a mistake?
What if.....'

His mind froze as the door opened and his eyes met a woman behind the door. His breath caught in his throat as he stared at the woman without blinking.

The elder woman was dressed in a yellow cardigan and blue jeans. Her brown hair was curled and loosed to her shoulders and her grey eyes looked tired.

She was beautiful and he could see the resemblance. He could see Ella in the woman. His heart thumped hard, sending cold chills hurtling through his veins.

The woman furrowed her brows, glancing at him with questioning eyes. Just when he wanted the ground to swallow him up, her grey eyes lit up in recognition and her jaw dropped as she gasped in shock.

"Ray.. Raymond?" Ella's mum stammered. She couldn't believe who was standing before her. Raymond looked different since she last time she'd seen him but she could never forget such a face.

"Clara." Saying her name choked him hard and it was at that moment he realized how wrong he was for not visiting Ella's family.

"Raymond!" Her eyes went wide in excitement and smiling happily, she let go of the door and embraced him.

He was shocked, surprised, speechless....every emotion that could leave one numb for a moment. He wrapped his arms around her as he held her tight.

She let go of him and cupped his face in her palms. "It's really you!" Her voice held so much joy and relief, one would think she was holding her own son.

"Yes it's me." He nodded.

"After all the years, you're finally here." She sighed deeply, beaming with joy.

He swallowed hard, not knowing what to say.

"Come in." She grabbed his hand as she led him inside the house.
The living room and dining area had vaulted ceilings, faux silk curtains and the walls were white.

Holding his hand, she led him to the red couch and they sat down. "I can't believe you're here. After all these years you're finally here." She said again, holding his hand.

"I'm sorry." He managed to say, his eyes filled with regret and sorrow.

She gave him a warm smile and touched his cheek softly. "There is nothing to be sorry about Raymond. It's okay." She assured him.

He could see the sincerity in her eyes but it baffled him that she was happy to see him. He'd thought she would be angry and kick him out of the house.

"God, look at you! You're all grown up and looking so handsome."

Her words caused him to smile and he let out a chuckle. "You haven't changed Clara. You're still breathtaking and beautiful as always."

She laughed, placing a hand on her chest. "Oh please, you still haven't changed Raymond."

It was strange how she flowed with him as though it'd been eight weeks they'd last seen and not eight years.

"What about Dave and Stephanie?" He questioned, noticing how quiet the house was and no one else had come out. Dave was Ella's father and Stephanie was her older sister.

"Dave went for a walk. I couldn't join him today because I was tired. And Stephanie is in Los Angeles with her family." She told him.

"Wow, Congratulations. That's great news. I'm so happy for you." He smiled.

"Thank you." She chuckled. "You relax and feel at home, I'll go prepare a cup of coffee." She gave his hand a squeeze and let go of his hand, getting up and walked to the kitchen.

Sitting alone, his eyes darted around the room. He got up and walked towards the left side of the room, staring at the portraits on the wall. There were only two portraits of Ella. In the small one, Ella was holding a gold medal she had won in the school race in their 7th grade and the other portrait, she was dressed in her graduation gown laughing at the camera.

He remembered the pictures as he was by her side the day she took them.
He remembered teasing her as he had called her a weasel in the big gown and she had laughed. Her laughter rang in his ear and he let out a shaky breath.

He heard footsteps and turned his gaze towards Ella's mum. She placed a tray of coffee and biscuit on the table and beckoned to him to come over.
He walked to her with a smile and sat down facing her. They talked for a long time and Raymond felt so relaxed and at home.

Why hadn't he visited them since? He thought dazedly. His fear had blinded him, poisoning his mind that Ella's parents hated him for not being by their daughter's side when she needed him. But here he was, talking and laughing with Ella's mum like old friends. Jasmine was right. Maybe, this was the closure he needed in order to let go and move on.

Raymond requested to see more photos of Ella. Her mum went inside and a minute later, came back with an album in her hand.
As Raymond gazed upon each photo of his beloved Ella, memories came flashing back. The joy, the pain and regrets started kicking in. It was hard staring at each picture and not feeling the guilt in his guts.

As he flipped to the next page, an envelope slipped out and fell to the floor. He picked it up and showed it to Ella's mum. When her mum saw the envelope and recognized the floral pattern on it, her eyes went wide in disbelief.

"I'm so sorry Raymond. I should have given you this envelope a long time. I was so sad and grieving deeply that I forgot about it and kept it away." She cried, holding unto his arm tight.

She explained to him that a letter was inside the envelope and it was written by Ella. She had written the letter two months before her death and requested that the letter should be given to Raymond.

When it was time to leave, Raymond hugged Ella's mum tight, promising to keep in touch. She kissed him on both cheeks, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

He walked to his car and got behind the wheels. Staring at the envelope in his hand, Raymond couldn't bring himself to open it. He knew that the letter held words that would pierce his wounded heart.
He was scared that Ella had written the letter to him, letting him know how disappointed and angry she was that he was never by her side. letting him know that she would never forgive him even in her grave.

But if this was her last request then he would read it. He would brace himself and let her hurtful words stab him hard. He deserved it, he told himself.
He took a deep breath and exhaled heavily.

Slowly, he opened the sealed envelope, brought out the letter and unfolded it. Even as Ella's life was coming to an agonizing end, her writing was still bold and beautiful like he remembered it.

My Dearest Raymond,
          I'm scared that before this letter gets to you I might be long gone but still, I'm happy that you'll get to read this.

As you're reading this letter, I'm probably sure that you're feeling alot of pain right now, and I can't blame you for that. I'm sincerely sorry that I never got the courage to tell you about my sickness. I just didn't want you to look at me everyday with pitiful eyes, you know too well that I hate to be pitied. I don't think I can bear to see the sadness in your beautiful eyes whenever you look at me.

But come to think of it, we did have a wonderful life together. So much fun, adventures and moments we shared together. God! I'm literally smiling right now.
From the moment you came into my life the day you saved me from those three bullies, everything changed for me. You remember those boys right? Of course you should. You broke the big ones' nose and then, the little one peed in his pants because he was fucking scared of you. I'm just laughing so hard right now from the memory. seriously, it was so funny.

I know I've said this a thousand times but I still wanna thank you one final time for saving my life and being my friend. You know sometimes, I would lie in bed and dream about us together in our own home with our three beautiful babies.
You took away my pain and hurtful life and turned it into something so beautiful and undescribable. Believe me, dying right now doesn't even hurt at all because I know I'm dying a peaceful death.

In a funny way, I'm a little bit glad that you aren't here to see me this way. I look like a deteriorated vegetable in this big bed and i reek of chemo. Gosh! The smell is even more painful than my failing systems. My only regret is that I'll never get the chance to hold you in my arms again.

Ugh! Now this annoying nurse is here to tell me to stop writing and rest. Though she keeps me company but seriously, I can't continue to listen to her complaining about her cheating boyfriend.

I will have to stop here and go and rest. I feel so tired and weak but writing this to you feels so effortless.
One last thing I want you to know is that I love you Raymond. All these years I've been afraid to say these words to you because I was scared you might reject me. But I don't think I can have peace in my heart till you realize how much you mean to me.

No matter what had happened, what is happening and what will happen, I have always loved you. I still love you and even in my next life ,I'll always love you.
Now go out there and fulfil your dreams. Make yourself happy and make me proud. Live your life with no regret and sorrow and remember, you'll always and forever be my knight in shining armor.
I love you.

                                                          Love,
                                                            Ella.

Hands trembling, the letter slipped from his shaky fingers. It felt like his heart was pulled out from his chest and pushed back in with a mighty force. His breathing was ragged, chest rising and falling heavily. The pain he felt was so fierce that it consumed his entire body and burned him up.
Then it came, a mist of thick cloud covered his eyes and the hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

For eight years, Raymond had never shedded a tear over Ella's death, until now. Reading her words, penetrated and unlocked his heart that was buried deep in the coffin of his grievance. It ripped through him like a wild burning flame that had been tamed and imprisoned in his broken heart.

All these years, he'd thought that Ella resented and hated him for not being by her side on her last moments. With such thought in his mind, his heart was darkened and manipulated by his fear as it triggered those taunting nightmares in his head.

Raymond cried and cried, his sweat flowing with his tears as he hit his fist hard on his chest till he was struggling to breathe. And when no tears could fall again, he felt a heavy burden been lifted off his chest.
Ella never hated him.
She'd loved him and wanted him not to feel sorry, not to grieve anymore but to be happy.

Now, he'd found peace.
Now, he was free.

Writing this chapter was so hard for me. My heart ached with so much pain seeing Raymond this way. So raw, so vulnerable....I cried (´;︵;').

Tell what you think about this chapter.♥️♥️♥️♥️