somebody else - the 1975

Cara

Left, Sway, Right. Left, Sway, Right. Left, Sway, Right. Stop.

Sway, Pose. Sway, Pose. Stop.

Final look. Turn.

I walk back the way I came, my hips swaying the same with every step. Everyone's applause has already begun by the time I reach the beginning of the catwalk, and I let out a breath of relief once I am backstage.

"That's a wrap, everyone!" someone yells. Applause and cheers from both the models and workers proceed, and I contribute, but my thirst for water has me preoccupied. I look around in a desperate search for a bottle anywhere.

"Cara, darling, you're in the front!" Ellen shouts,cutting my search short. I make my way over, smile on my face. "Alright ladies, no one fall now."

I lead everyone out, doing the final rounds and taking the praise before going backstage once again and finally getting hold of a water bottle. My phone buzzes when I take a seat at my assigned vanity and I pick it up from the counter. When I see who it is, I set it down.

"Car, one of the shuttle's for the next show is already here are you coming with?" Lindsey asks. I turn and see the blonde girl inches away.

"Oh I'm not even ready." I tell her. "I'll just take the next one Lins."

"I'll wait for you then." she offers.

"Oh -- no, really. It's okay. Just go. I'll see you in a little while."

"Are you sure?" she asks. It's sweet of her, and nothing new for her to offer, but I need this time to myself. I need to call a certain person back and explain some things.

"Yes. Now go, before you miss the it." she looks hesitant, as if she is not sure it is best to leave me alone.

"Alright. Text me when you leave and arrive." she leans in and plants a kiss on my cheek. I return it at the same time.

"You got it babe." I smile at her before she leaves and slump against the chair. Looking around the room, I see as models and workers walk around and pack up. They all seem to be chipper, up beat. The same would go for me if it wasn't for recent events.

Since leaving the hotel this morning, I have not been able to think of anything but what might have happened last night. All the possibilities that lie... god. I can't believe I let myself get that way.

I can't believe we let ourselves get that way.

Shaking the thoughts from my head, I grab my phone from the counter and begin making my way to the restrooms. I slide my screen open and finally make the overdue call.

I reach the hallway where the restrooms are located and look around the empty area, hearing the phone ring before they finally answer.

"Cara?" I lean against the wall.

"Hey." I respond. Both sides of the call are silent, and I think it might kill me.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"We saw each other yesterday and spoke earlier, Harry. Clingy, much?" I tease, trying to lighten the mood. It doesn't work as I had hoped.

"You know what I mean." he states. And I do. Since our phone call in the morning, he has tried calling me, texting me. I could have answered numerous times while not busy, but I didn't. I don't know what to say, how to act. Talking to him has never felt this... wrong.

"There's a weird tension between us. I don't wan't us to be this way."

"Me either." I whisper.

"Then talk to me. Tell me what has you so bothered, love." he has always used that term of endearment with me.

Numerous times it has comforted me, made me feel good emotions, and even turned me on. But now, it only makes this sense of guilt tumble down on me even harder.

"Harry, you know what has me so bothered." I say, sounding more irritated that I intended to. I sigh, bringing my palm to my forehead. "I'm sorry. I just -- I... I'm in a relationship, Harry. A relationship."

"I know." he cuts in, voice firm.

"Then?" I must sound mad, and I take a look around to make sure no one else is near. Being hysterical won't benefit anyone right now.

"Then you shouldn't worry. Because nothing happened."

"Are you sure about that?" he stays mute, and I feel the anxiousness, worry, and guilt resurface up into my chest.

"No." he finally says.

"Exactly." neither one of us speaks. The silence on either line is thick, and somehow blasting through the speakers. After a few more moments I finally say something before I smash my phone against the wall.

"Harry -- I --" I stop, clearing my head so that what I want to say comes out right. "I think it's best we don't talk for a while. Just until I start gathering things and maybe even start to remember. If I keep talking to you... I don't think this feeling of guilt will go away."

"But Cara--"

"-- I'm sorry." I end the call before I can hear his voice again. And if I hear anything else he has to say, I don't think I will be able to go through with it. Harry is too important for me to lose, but so is Lana. And right now, she comes first.

I shut off my phone and begin making my way back to my vanity, gathering my things once am there. I take my time, seeing that there is still enough time for me to catch the next shuttle for the next show I will be doing. Less people occupy the room now than when I left to make the phone call and I am thankful. I'm not sure I could stand being in a crowded room in this moment.

"You know, she's only here because of her mother and sister right." I hear, and look to the left of me. There I see models gathered in a small huddle, all continuing to eye me as I catch them starring. They speak in a lower tone as I turn back to my bag, and I feel my chest turn in and throat start to grow hoarse.

Talk like that isn't something I am not use to from some models. Neither are nasty looks. However, with everything that is happening right now, it only makes everything worse. But i'll be dammed if I let a few snobby models make me feel like I haven't earned where I am today. I grab the rest of my things and don't bother giving them another glance as I leave to catch the shuttle. They should be so lucky.

authors note // I'm back bitches. Expect the unexpected. Xx.