- I don't ... I don't like it. What I am now, I mean. I'm constantly ... Terrified. By anyone. Even by myself. I'm ashamed for this, really, but ... That's it. I'm afraid and I can't get rid of it. It's so disgusting, like what, so not from the me that I was before. That me was not afraid of too many things ... of course, there were some. But people were not included among them. He lived among pirates, he lived with beatings and with some internal scar that wasn't ... They wasn't that bad. Well, they were, a little bit, bad. Starving is not exactly the most beautiful activity in the world ... but afraid of people? Never. While now, huh ...- Sanji took a short breath, making a grimace, his blue eyes that seemed to freeze, almost dying in some ways, with the disgust that seemed the only readable thing in them -But... I am so pityful, now, that a minimum, physical contact, is enough to make me stiffen. A thought is enough for me to isolate myself from anyone and end up elsewhere. Always there, where I wouldn't want to be. Always ...- his breath stopped and his voice died in his throat, preventing him from proceeding.
Zoro waited, not giving him pressure, sitting on his bed to decrease the distance and make him understand that he would stay, that he would wait even if he had been silent for a whole day.
This made the blonde perceive a strange heat, albeit slight, in the pit of his stomach, with gratitude all around, two emotions that he forced himself to expel quickly, because if he had lingered too long, he probably would have remained silent, so he just found himself the strength to speak again.
-There. With them. Those ... Those bastards - his face, if he had been bent into a grimace before, by now it had become the complete and total representation of his remorse, of his contempt and hatred, even though the tears were not yet willing to fall, trapped between his eyelids.

- When I was young, I thought they had already done too much. That they had already hurt me enough. That they had managed to demolish me, to make me different, to express their worst with me. But apparently I was wrong. They had never reached their peak. No. Because they were children after all. They didn't have this kind of thoughts yet. They did not ... - he bit his lips, clenched them between his teeth until they bled, stopping only when the swordsman's grip squeezed his hand, whispering one -Don't do that - a reproach that seemed more an apprehension and that forced him to nod a little, all before taking the courage to advance, strangely not accepting to let go of Zoro's hand until having succeeded.

-This ... humiliation ... I wish I'd never descover it-
The blond's hands went to rest, without even realizing it, on the fabric of his companion's kimono, tugging at it as if it depended on his life, letting out a sob, a single sob, this before he forced himself to swallow the others, blocking them by force , shaking his head.
-And the thing even more ... More stupid is ... That as much as they destroyed me ... As wrong is what they did to me ... I didn't want them to die when I found out they would had killed us all, at Whole Cake Island. I did not want it to happen. Because a stupid part of me would like to have their affection, even if it makes no sense to want it. He always wanted it, I think. He wanted to be accepted, as theoretically he should be among people of the same family. He really wanted it. And because that part of me insisted that I still have a blood bond with them, he felt he couldn't turn his back on them, he wasn't capable of doing so. And because another part of me told me I deserved it. That I deserved what they did to me. That I still deserve it. That if I suffered it is because I had to suffer, because I am not worthy to be happy. And it's stupid. Very stupid. No one deserves such a thing. But he still continues to tell me that anyway. - a pause, while he met the other's gaze with desperation, with tears starting to fall.

- How sick am I in the head? Why can't I just shut them all up? Why am I so uncertain and insecure? It shouldn't be this way. I should just hate them, not agreeing with the latters. God, I suck so much. I'm so sorry. I really wish I would be back to what I was. I wish it were all a stupid dream, returning to Zou and figuring out from the start how to prevent everything from collapsing in this way. I would still be worthy to be here, with you all, to be ... that me that I want to be. But it's not possible, right? Because it's all true. It's not something I can escape from. So I was just hoping ... That it wasn't so obvious. That I could get over it before you knew it-
- As if it were possible. You were extremely obvious- the swordsman replied, with a slight smile, a momentary expression that changed into a blink of an eye, becoming serious and upset, getting even closer, to the point that Sanji found himself literally locked in a hug.

The gesture at first waved him a little, so much so that he paralyzed himself for the umpteenth time, but for reasons that were not clear even to him, after a few moments he relaxed.
Maybe it was because he knew it was Zoro and, in a sense, he felt deeply that being afraid of him made no sense.
Perhaps it was because the warmth of those arms that held him gave him some confidence.
Perhaps it was because he knew his brothers would never embrace him.
The fact was that, for one reason or another, the blond relaxed enough to feel his hands stopping from shaking, worries ready to fly out of the window and abandon him, a leaving that would not have been unpleasant, indeed, most likely it would have freed him of a burden.
-You are really stupid, cook. - Zoro said, allowing him to hide his head in the crook of his neck and starting to move his hands gently on his back, caressing him in such a way that Sanji could feel the chills on his skin.
-That you didn't go away just because you think that ... Those ...- he could hear the anger amount in his voice, just for a few moments, before he returned to speaking normally - That they took him away and let it be gone forever. He's still here. He's a bit lost, maybe ...-
A half laugh came from Sanji's lips, instinctive -You're the only one to get lost, Marimo-
-Here. Exactly- he made an irritated tone, but he could hear him smile a bit just before he broke his own embrace, taking his face in his hands tenderly in exchange and looking at him in silence.

- He's still there. You just have to free it from some little things, then it will certainly come back with his usual styled entries. Because that's what you did, you do and you'll always will be doing, right? -
Sanji barely nodded, a slight smile forming on his face.
- Never think about things like that again. Not of yourself. There are so many adjectives I could give you, but the ones you listed are a thousand miles away from mine. But above all ... You deserve to be happy. You don't have to doubt it. If there is someone who does not deserve happiness, you can be more than sure that he is not here. And that if I could I would kick him for you. I would do it to all of them. They deserve this. And it would be the minimum-
The blond muttered some incomprehensible words, leaning back to the swordsman, as if to request his warmth again.
It seemed that after having it for the first time, he was not so willing to let it go so easily.
It was pleasant,it gave him a sense of security, of protection and ... He wanted to be lulled by it, at least for about ten minutes, then ... Then he would have allowed himself to think of something else, he would have allowed himself to be found by problems based on his chef's place on the crew - What time was it exactly, how many time he has passed unconscious, whether they had eaten or not, if they wanted something ... Luffy would certainly have asked for something, but he was something else, so automatically he was someone to calculate -

-Thanks- he whispered, letting his smell, his warmth, the solidity of his shoulders and the protection that emerged from Zoro welcoming him among his coils, which tightened on him again, healing him, at least a little, from the wounds of that internal struggle that for the moment had calmed down.
The sinking, for the moment, was no more in his head, there was only an apnea, mild, almost imperceptible, which asked him to go back to the surface and take oxygen, so that his lungs would stop burning from his absence.
Perhaps, he wasn't totally sure, it wouldn't take too long for it, not if he let himself breathe as he should, not if he admitted his need for someone to support him, every now and then.
Maybe his pride would have suffered a little, but he certainly wouldn't have suffered as with the Vinsmoke treatment.
-Don't mention it- Zoro gently rested his chin on his head, giving him a few more light strokes on his back. - Rest now, cook. You have to get back several hours of sleep -
In a sense he wanted to say that he didn't need them, that he had to work, but even before he tried to, the black nothing took him in, making him fall sleep.