He could feel the covers under him when he regained his senses, soft and full of a shy warmth that allowed him to sit there, his mind lost in a silent nothing, his eyes closed in the acid and rather wrong desire to never open them again, to don't bump into reality again, when being there seemed more relaxing than most of the things he had to face in those last weeks.
It was as if he had detached himself from the world, as if his brain, to protect himself from the constant self-destruction, had thrown the mental current into the trash and had simply made his brain empty, light, devoid of that compress killer that hit his chest and that made him feel so in danger that he would not breathe normally even hoping for it with all his heart.
He was therefore willing to stay where he was, in that peace of his, in that calm that did not suggest or directly beat his weakness in his face, his inability to survive without having a panic attack or a shiver of fear every day of its existence.

And yet, whether he wanted it or not, his eyes opened, raising a minimum, enough to receive a ray of light directly against them, a single beam that led him to squeeze his eyes desperately, not yet able to get used to the light when the darkness seemed so welcoming, only realizing to the last ones -Once after moving slightly backwards, escaping the luminous fingers that slipped from the slit of the infirmary door- of the figure sitting not far from him.
Looking at him with vague concern and various questions that revolved in his gray eyes, leaning against a wooden chair that clashed slightly against a wall of the room, the swordsman seemed to have realized his awakening, enough to stand up, his hands resting on the hilt of Sandai Kitetsu - but without the tension that said he would have unsheathed the katana - and a slow advance towards the bed, towards him.
Something in the cautious way in which Zoro proceeded, almost unsure of how to move to support him, left him somewhat perplexed, almost even shocked, but did not expose any comment, feeling his throat too dry to try ... And his lips almost sewn together at times, too heavy to be moved one millimeter.
The only thing he instinctively did to do, after the swordsman was practically against the edge of his bed, was to move his eyes away from those of the other.
The continuous and obsessive look of his rival was making him feel a lump in his throat.

Zoro looked at him again, though, almost indifferent to his behavior and lightly touched his hand, enough to provoke a new clash of glances, as the lack of preparation for contact had once again grabbed the blond, filling him from head to toe and leaving him to shell eyes - or eye, as it was visible -, lips slightly parted.
A moment of silence, two, then the green-haired man sighed with what looked like frustration and a strange vein of ... Sadness? Was he really sad or couldn't Sanji even understand how it was on others, now? Had he blinded himself to such an extent because he was already a failure at the start, even with other people?
-What the hell is wrong with you, cook?- Zoro muttered, frowning, instantly moving the hand that had even just touched the blond's to carry it along his own side, closed in a fist.
-What happened to you? And don't pretend to be okay, saying 'nothing', because no matter how stupid you say I am, even a blind man would realize how strange you are.- he paused, not particularly for long time -You're not yourself right now, and you can't deny it-

Sanji's fingers stirred slightly in a desperate attempt to grab an invisible cigarette, knowing that, if he was there, in the infirmary, Chopper must have probably already taken them from him.
The doctor would never have allowed him to smoke in the infirmary ... In general he didn't really want him to, but on that he couldn't do that much.
Until the blond would be in the 'territory' of the little-big reindeer, he couldn't have done it, even if he had asked someone to bring them to him.
He gritted his teeth, looking deliberately elsewhere, again.
He didn't want to give answers to the Marimo.
He didn't have to give them.
-Why should you be interested? It is my business, you should not be bothered to know- he managed to say, finally escaping from the dryness of his throat, from the effort to move his mouth and therefore formulate a line without mumbling, gasping or swallowing like a dumb people.
-Don't be an idiot, cook- Zoro's voice mingled with a slight growl as he spoke the four words, loud enough to make Sanji's teeth clench once again, knowing that it wouldn't be easy to shake him off, realizing that he probably would not have succeeded at all, but still determined to try.
Sanji knew how to irritate the other, if he had to be petty to avoid any consequences in the case he spit out the truth, he would do it.
-Stop asking questions. You'll cook your brain, Marimo. Plants are not made to think-
From the movement of both Zoro's hands, which opened and closed repetitively, as if wishing to strangle him, he noticed all the nervousness that this comment brought him to the surface, then mixed with a repeated breath to calm down.
-No, you overdone it, cook. You have to stop it. And seriously. I'm just interested, okay? I am your nakama and whether you want it or not,or you'll talk about it, or you'll talk about it anyway. You have no second options. Not after you fainted. Not after all the times I've seen you wake up in the middle of the night. Then spits the toad-
-And if I didn't want to? What is it, would you come to blackmail me? Would you stay here to insist and put that hurt expression, hoping that I'll end up changing my mind? Because if you hope in one of the two options, I'm sorry but you'll be very disappointed-
-I'll talk to the others- the swordsman snapped without thinking twice.
-I'll make sure they get you thrown out. Maybe Nami could do it. And at least you would throw everything out, but of course anyone of the crew in the ship would know about it-

Sanji, at this phrase, found himself literally speechless.
Imagining all the crew aware of what had happened to him squeezed his stomach in such a way that instantly he began to breathe more quickly, trying to calm himself, to restrain the tremors that shook his arms, while his eyes ... .
His eyes seemed to catch fire, not even crossed by lava.
He brought his hands to his hair, grabbing them, pulling them again and again insistently, hoping that the pain in his scalp would erase what was born from Zoro's words, hoping to be able to close his eyes again, to empty himself completely.
A nervous laugh escaped from his mouth, a laugh that didn't really was cheerful.
It was almost hysterical, at times, it sounded sour and came out with that irony that tipped over his head, devouring his brain with images.
Expressions of disgust from the others.
Words of false understanding, apprehensive tones, but covered with a pity mixed with the obvious feeling that he would have said that he was not enough, that he was not worthy of being looked at as always, that ...

-Sanji- the voice of the swordsman sounded in his head, that one word, his name, a name that the other didn't use often, something that had been able to detach him from the net of thoughts that had twisted him in those few moments, but moments that he had never seemed to pass, falling on him with all their weight.
-Listen to me, Sanji- Zoro did it again, speaking those five letters cautiously, almost pondering over them, softening them unnaturally, looking for his eye contact. -I don't want you to talk about it to hurt you. Whatever it is that you bring with you ... It is destroying you. The only thing I want is to be able to help you. But I can't do that if you don't allow me.- he seemed to be looking for something else to say, anything, to proceed in the speech, hinting at a half-smiling expression, a half smile that didn't reach his eyes, a half smile that only knew of frustration, as his hands brushed against the cup, then slid down again, not even dragged by gravity.
-I don't want to see you like that. It bothers me that you keep it all on you, when you could simply trust yourself to ...- he fell silent, closing his eyes and shaking his head, then resumed looking at him -To us ... To any of us. We care about you. You're stupid if you don't think so. Talk to me, talk to Luffy,to Usopp, ti Chopper ... I don't care who. I just want you to go back to be what you've always been before.- one of his hands tried to get close to those of the blonde, but Zoro stopped his wrist before he could touch him, returning therefore where he was before, rousing himself -We all want you to-

The cook was initially silent, not knowing what to say exactly, feeling taken aback by such a confession from the other, while the obviousness of having already worried the whole crew without even realizing it was slammed in his face, almost like a slap.
Everyone understood that something was wrong.
They had covered it very well, since he had continued to believe that he had not given too many signs, he had hoped that it was only Zoro who seemed strangely close to the truth, close to the fact that he was not fine at all , but it was not like this.
He felt so stupid.
Stupid for having truly hoped for it.
Stupid because he still hoped for it, after the Marimo had just said those words to him.
Stupid.

Stupid. Idiot. Useless. Burned. Wrong. Failure. Unable. Different. Weak.

-I don't ...- the cook tried to talk, but the words stopped immediately, leading him to look at his hands insistently -I don't think it's possible-
-Why?- Zoro's tone was obviously bitter and confused at the same time  -What is not possible? To talk about it? -
-To be as before- Sanji blushed slightly, ashamed of how the words slipped from his lips, willy-nilly, almost pulled out from the expression painted on his swordsman's face, chased out by his gaze.
-I don't think ... I don't think it exists anymore. What I am now is all I have left-
In that silver that stared at him, he saw an emotion flicker, then another, then another again, followed by the slight opening of his lips, the words that died on them, this because he silenced himself, urging the other to keep talking.