Chapter 4.5
14th July 1995
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Logan shivered at the memory of cold water, sprinkled on his face to unjustly drag him out of his sleep.
He'd thought that receiving his acceptance letter would make his mother let him be, but she'd only grown worse.
The past three months had been hell for him. He felt like his life a trap. He was running away from his feelings at the same time, dealing with his mother's tantrums.
He'd concluded that nothing he'd ever do would be good enough for her.
With trembling hands, he hugged his jacket for dear life, catching a glimpse of the dark and serene atmosphere from the tree he was hiding under.
After what felt like hours, he finally saw the girl he'd been waiting for.
Cassie alighted from James' car once he'd pulled the door open for her. He put his arms around her waist and kissed her.
Logan sat there, watching them with a frown on his face. He cracked his knuckles with so much force as though he wanted to break a few bones.
Once the couple was done with their unnerving display of affection, James got into his car and zoomed off.
Cassie turned and walked towards her home with a small smile on her face which had inevitably turned to shock and anger on sighting him.
"Hi," he said as he got up and walked even closer to her.
She gasped and shook her head in disbelieve as she attempted to get away.
"Cassie, please..." He trailed off as he got hold of her hand and turned her to face him.
She snatched her hand away from him forcefully, maintaining the scowl on her face.
He'd only noticed that she was a lot thinner yet more beautiful. Her slightly parted plump pink lips were inviting and made him even more desperate.
"Leave," she said behind gritted teeth.
"I'm sorry..."
She closed her eyes and sighed deeply.
"What I did is unforgivable. I know... But I didn't know what else to do."
"Leave," she reiterated with a glare. He could tell that she was doing so much to not explode.
"I'm so sorry."
"For what exactly?" She asked, raising her brows. "Are you sorry for taking advantage of me, or treating me like crap? Or leaving me?" She paused to take a breath.
"I did not mean for anything to happen between us. I tried my best to avoid you. You just showed up and..."
"Are you trying to blame me?" She asked, her brown eyes piercing into his. She was nervous and hurt.
Logan shook his head as he took steps towards her to close the gap. She tried to move away from him but stopped on her track as soon as he ran his hands wrapped around her upper arm.
"Stay away from me. Don't touch me," she whispered between heavy breaths.
He felt tears sting his eyes as his heavy heart beat frantically against his chest. "I tried to stay away. I tried..." Logan moved even closer. He wanted every inch between them gone. Words could not describe how much he'd missed her.
"Cassie, I have spent the last three months loathing myself. I feel incomplete. I can't think. I can't move on. I can't breathe. I hate what I did to you. To James... I'm a terrible person..." He trailed off as a lump formed in his throat and he bowed his head to hide the tears that strolled down his cheek.
Cassie stood still for a while, as though frozen. She took a glance around their surrounding. Hesitatingly, she put her hands behind his neck and let him rest his head on her comforting shoulders.
After a few minutes which he'd rather last forever, Cassie moved back a little and lifted his chin so he could stare at her.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
He sniffed and nodded. "Are you?"
"Yeah," she replied with a small smile. "We made a mistake. People make mistakes." He managed a nod. "It is how we go from here that matters."
"I want you in my life, Cassie. I don't want to lose you again."
Her mouth hung open. "Logan..."
"Please. What happened between us would never happen again. But I don't want to run away anymore. I need you."
She sighed deeply.
"Friends?" He asked with a small smile on his face as he stretched out his hand for a handshake.
She rolled her eyes. "Friends," she replied as she begrudgingly accepted his hands.
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31st August 1995
"I love you." Cassie stared at Logan, google-eyed after the words flew out of his mouth.
He climaxed and fell to her side.
She sat up, pulled the blanket over her exposed chest, and reached for the bottle of alcohol beside the bed.
The most frustrating thing was that she didn't know if it was him or sex talking. But she'd rather it was the latter.
"Do you know that underage drinking can predispose a person to serious brain damage?" Logan asked with a sigh as he sat up beside her. He pulled up his pants with judgemental green eyes fixed on her.
She did not need his lectures right now. After all, he was the reason she was drinking in the first place.
All he did was sit pretty and wreak havoc in her life.
"How is your modeling going? I hope you're getting better acquainted with the girls," he said as she made another attempt to bring the bottle to her lips.
Cassie finally turned to face him. So, preaching was not enough for him, he was trying to guilt-trip her? She put the bottle to her lips and took a large swig to show him she could care less what he thought.
No matter how badly she knew alcohol would only ruin her newfound path in modeling, she could not stop.
Just as much as she could not stop seeing him.
"It's going great." She smiled. "Hope you're doing just fine."
He laughed a little. "Sure. My mom..." He paused as his eyes traveled to the clock. "Shit! She'd be home soon." He reached for his shirt lying on the floor.
"It's good to know this frustrating arrangement is going well for one of us," she replied as she attempted to take another swig but he took the bottle from her.
"Stop."
Cassie rolled her eyes as she tried to reach for it but he moved the bottle away. "Give it back."
"No."
"Why?"
"I hate what you're doing to yourself. I want to protect you."
She scoffed. "No, Logan. We're just two misfits having sex. It's not your duty to protect me."
Logan watched her with his mouth hanging open. "Cassie, this is not just about sex for me and you know it."
"I do?"
"I love you," he said and with a reduced voice continued, "I'm in love with you."
Cassie stared into Logan's eyes as he closed the gap between them and placed a warm kiss on her neck which immediately caused her eyes to fly shut. She moaned softly as he traced his way up her chin and finally to her lips.
She was lost but she knew she had to fight him.
"This is not love," Cassie whispered as she moved away from him slightly and pulled her blouse over her head.
She watched Logan take a glimpse at the clock and sighed in frustration.
These little stolen moments were all they got. In a few minutes, she'd be thrown back into the real world to face real problems.
"I want you to leave James," Logan said out of the blue.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Can I trust you? Will you be there for me?" She asked with her hands folded across her chest.
"Yes."
"And when you go several miles away for college next month?" She frowned at him. He seemed to have gotten carried away by the momentary pleasure.
Logan could only stare at her dumbfounded.
"You don't know what you want and I'm tired of being collateral damage in your screwed-up life." She got up from the bed and pulled up her skirt.
"You're not..." His eyes traveled towards the clock again. Time was completely running out. "Cassie..."
"I can't do this anymore," she said blinking back tears. She picked up her bag and hurried out of his room, knowing well that he'd not chase after her. He had his priorities and she was not one of them.
That was the moment Cassie devised a plan. One that was going to make her forget Logan for good.
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22nd September 1995
"Cassie, the young man has been standing in front of the door for a while. It doesn't look like he's going anywhere," Mrs. Miller announced for the umpteenth time.
Cassie rolled her eyes with a sigh. "I don't want to see him."
"Who is he? Do I need to call the police or something?" Her eyes shone with concern.
"No!" Cassie almost yelled. She jumped down from her bunk bed and felt a little lightheaded.
She couldn't tell if it was the fact that Logan was hell-bent on seeing her. Everything seemed to irritate and make her feel sick these past few days.
"Okay. So?"
"I'll make him leave myself." She sighed as she marched out of her room, ignoring the curious glances of her three foster sisters.
Cassie sighted Logan standing in front of her house fiddling with his fingers. He looked so nervous and sad. She hated that she felt bad for him.
"What are you doing here?"
"Why have you been avoiding me?" He replied.
"You should not be here."
"Cassie, I couldn't just leave without at least saying goodbye." He attempted to get hold of her hands but she moved back.
"I don't need your goodbyes. I'm done with you," she pronounced the words one after another, clear enough for him to get the message.
Logan stared at her with his mouth hung open in disbelieve. "What happened?"
She placed her hands on her forehead, massaging her temples to soothe herself and get rid of the sickening feeling. He must've noticed her distress as he moved towards her and made attempt to put his arms around her.
"No!" Cassie said stepping back, determination evident in her eyes. She was not going to fall back into his trap. Not today. Not ever.
Logan was relentless as he moved towards her again and bore his green eyes into hers, searching for her vulnerabilities so he could use them to his advantage.
"I love you," he whispered as he put his arms around her and leaned in to kiss her.
It was very hard, but Cassie was able to win over her fragile heart and trembling knees. She avoided his kiss yet remained in his arms and whispered back words she knew would hurt him. "I had sex with James."
Logan released her immediately with a frown on his face. "You did what?"
She nodded with a smile on her face. It didn't help that she felt completely disgusted by her actions, but she'd weighed her options. Logan was leaving, she couldn't lose James as well.
She had to start thinking with her brain and not her heart.
"You cheated on me? How could you do that to me, Cassie?" He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
She folded her arms across her chest. "I cheated on you?" She scoffed and turned to move away but he'd hurried after her and got hold of her hands. "Let go!"
She was struggling with him when a car stopped right in front of them and James proceeded out.
Logan and Cassie caught sight of him immediately and all three stood there stunned.
The driver's seat was opened and a tall, slender woman walked out towards them. Cassie immediately recognized her as Logan's mother.
"Logan, I believe it's time to go home," she said with a gentle voice and a smile on her face as though she was immune to the palpable tension.
James shook his head and hurried away with tears in his eyes.
Cassie watched Logan who had his head bowed in shame as he walked towards his mother's car.
She turned and ran into her house, past everyone that anticipated even the least bit of explanation. She got into the bathroom and with her head over the toilet seat, she threw up all the content in her stomach.
Rejected, abandoned, and alone she sat there and wept.
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