I woke up with a graceless stretch and a giant yawn like an old cat. My first thought was the ache between my thighs. Had last night really happened? Had I actually been intimate with Dex? It seemed impossible. We were friends. Sure, he was attractive, but up until recently there had been nothing more complex between us. But he was there, snoring softly beside me with one arm draped over his eyes. I could see his bare chest rising with each breath.

This man couldn't be the same person who held my arms behind my back and took me from behind. There hadn't been an ounce of sweetness in him when he cracked a hand down on my ass or shoved my face into the mattress when I got too loud. I couldn't remember everything, but I could remember my legs trembling and whimpers pouring out of my mouth more often than they had with any other man.

It seemed that Dexter was not the man I had always known him to be. Beneath all of that laughter and all of the kindness, there was a sexual fire that scorched anyone willing to get close enough.

Unfortunately, it would also seem that I was late for my morning session with Alistair.

I climbed out of the bed and dug through my suitcase, not sure if I needed to wear leggings and pull my hair into a ponytail or if I should slip into a skirt and swipe on lip gloss.

"Hey," Dex murmured, blinking sleepily at me from the bed.

"Hi."

"You're up early."

"I have training with Alistair."

"Doing what?"

"God only knows."

"Well, do you want to talk about last night?" he prompted. I had heard the same line fall from multiple men's mouths. It never came out so starkly as it did then. Though, I knew Dex was not the type to mince words.

"What is there to talk about? We had sex," I said tightly. I found a pair of nice jeans. They were stretchy enough to be comfortable and flexible, but still looked somewhat professional if need be.

"We have never had sex before," he pressed.

"Well, not together but neither of us are saints by any stretch and you certainly weren't out of practice. We are adults, Dex. It was just sex." Sex that made my legs quiver and my eyes roll back. But even with all of that, part of me wondered if it had been a mistake. He was my stability, my comfort. It was better to squash any change than to allow our relationship to turn into something I couldn't maintain. I mean, after all these years of casual hook-ups it was clear that commitment was not for me. and once I became a full agent, things would only get worse.

"So that's it?"

I rolled my eyes as I wrestled my way into a bra. Anyone who envied the ample-chested had clearly never worn a real bra that constricted the ribs. "Do you want a song and dance?"

"No."

"Good."

Dexter got out of bed and began tugging on last night's clothes while I finished prepping myself for another day in hell with a Kingsley cousin. We both left without sparing another word to each other. In that moment, I was comfortable and confident with the silence. He wasn't much of a talker and if he had nothing to say, it meant that our issues were resolved.

I had no idea how wrong I really was.

But my attention was consumed with Alistair.

He was the softer of the two, which seemed strange now. I remembered Alistair being the snotty kid, the know-it-all while Jasper had been the more hands-on type. Both had been raised to be agents, there was no secret there, but everyone thought Jasper had been born for it. Optimistic and malleable. He was ready for everything. But when he returned after living through horror, there wasn't a single glimmer of the kid he used to be.

Alistair suddenly became my favorite after that.

"Morning London," he greeted when I entered the underground garage that housed all of the royal cars.

"Morning."

His eyes didn't even flicker to the Rolex on his wrist. "Only thirteen minutes late. Not bad considering all the alcohol you took back to your room with you."

My stride stiffened as I approached. "How do you know about that?"

He just flashed me a cocky grin and pointed to himself. "Agent."

I rolled my eyes but got in the car with him. Soon after my safe outfit no longer felt so reasonable when I found out that we were working on 'body awareness' which apparently meant testing my poor grip strength on a rock-climbing wall. Everyone that was sane stared blatantly at my lace trimmed button back shirt as I heaved my body up the side of the stupid wall, cursing Alistair the whole way, but also myself. I should have avoided the booze last night. I should have made time for breakfast. I should have at least slammed a coffee. But here I was confronting my fear of heights and my lack of upper body power while queasy.

By the time I made it to the bottom, I was exhausted, frustrated, and sweating through the thin material of my shirt.

"How do you feel?" Alistair asked with his typical lightness.

"Like a dumpster."

"I mean, do you understand how today was supposed to help you?"

"No, I sincerely doubt that I will ever encounter any assignment in my life that will require me to scale a boulder," I snapped, yanking myself out of the harness. Right now, I just wanted to be back home with Inkwell in my lap, melting into my couch, but commandeering a plane was no small feat.

To his credit, Alistair let me fume on my own while we wrapped up our excursion. He was polite to the staff on my behalf and even purchased a muffin for me from a little bakery before we got back to our borrowed car. My first reaction was to be relieved; we were off to the race track to see Dex. But then I remembered last night and my mood soured even more. Even if things did go back to the way they were, it would take weeks to undo the damage that one night has done.

"So," Alistair began from the driver seat, "what's been eating at you?"

I blinked once, a little surprised that he was brave enough to talk to me while I was like this. "You could have told me to wear leggings."

"I could have, but I know you. You are a prepper if I ever met one. I'm trying to get you used to the unexpected."

"Right, while you're doing that, Jasper is getting me used to being torn into every night."

My cousin took a moment then, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. Even deep in thought, his driving was perfection and I knew that, as an agent, his mind was working far beyond what the road and this conversation had to offer.

"Jasper is looking out for you in his own way."

"He's a dick."

The corner of his mouth turned up in a small grin. "Camila felt the same way when she met him. Granted, he has been a rougher human being since the South America assignment, but when I was attacked, he was there for my wife. He was the person who held her hand when I couldn't be there for her, he was the one who took care of her when I was in my coma."

"So, you're saying that I should go into a coma?"

He snorted a laugh. "No, London. What I'm saying is that he is a good guy to have in your corner. If you ever really need him, he'll be there, no questions asked. And I need you to know that I'm here too. Yeah, we're going to push you. We want you to be the best you can be. The world is brutal and this job is hell fire. It's not all glamor. Camila was my assignment and it worked out that she was into dancing and art galleries, but we don't get to choose those things. If she wanted to do sky diving, I would have to suck it up and get through it just the same."

"I know that," I said, but in part, I needed the reminder. One cousin had ended up marrying a literal queen through his role, the other had fallen in love with a successful woman who loved the finer things in life. My mom always wore her best suits because her assignments mostly involved high profile criminals with more cash than they knew what to do with. That was not the reality of an entry level associate.

"What I'm really trying to get at is that I've been through this. So has Jasper. We might harp on you and make you uncomfortable, but we're trying to give you the best chance at this life. This isn't a career where failure means you get fired."

Failure here was a death sentence.

But right now, all I could think was that Alistair didn't know what I was going through. He had been accepted at an exceptionally young age. Jasper had already returned from his life-changing assignment by the time he was my age. And just him getting out alive was enough to make him one of the most sought-after agents in the world.

And here I was, screwing up and blowing up at every corner. 

~~~Question of the Day~~~

If you had a band, what would it be called?