akutagawa, drunk: ya know, dazai-san... i would want to slap you, but i always decide against it.

dazai: why? because you love me too much?

akutagawa, denying discreetly: besides the fact that i know your weird kinks, i wouldn't want to get lube all over my hands.

dazai: ...

dazai: did you just call me a dick